Questions for the Men

[bleed_the_freak]

Garrett was a tool. He should've known better. He literally set himself up for failure and public embarrassment of the highest order. It's like the guy who proposes at the football game on the "Jumbotron" and gets rejected. What a total dipshit.

---

I'm still a huge fan of Shari's Berries though!!!

 

[lobomcmc33]

HE is shy and waits for you to say nothing and you...? ans start maybe conversation about to know if you interested in what he is doing way to tell you what he is interesting and if you are...? maybe you can say watching movie or going to mall..? just an idea but if he ask is because interested, at least I would since you look very interesting young lady anyway, 
Ricardo nice to meet you

 

[TheSkaFish]

Garrett was a tool. He should've known better.
...
What a total dipshit.

I feel like it's worth pointing out that people like Garret probably wouldn't know better because there isn't anyone around him that would know what to tell him.  People don't become like this because they want to - why would anyone want to be what doesn't work and leads to indefinite singledom?  And they don't become like this because they are inherently inferior.  They become like this because they don't know what to do and nobody they do know, knows either. He's doing what he's been taught, and has had no reason to doubt yet.  You could tell him to be more observant but that probably won't do much good if he doesn't know what to look for or why certain interests, behaviors, and personalities work better than others.  Not only that, but we also get a lot of confusing and misleading messages from society like "just be yourself" and "don't worry about fitting in/being 'cool'" and "there's someone for everyone" and "it will happen eventually/when you stop looking/when you least expect it".  Sometimes people can even say these things in a well-meaning way, but they don't realize that these things are out of touch with modern attitudes.

It's frustrating to see people instead just default to kicking the guy when he's down, because they can.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

You're right, Ska.

I actually agree with what you said.

The problem is you are hoping for a post-animalistic non-darwinian society in terms of mating.

Sadly, people are not that far evolved from their animal brethren.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You're right, Ska.

I actually agree with what you said.

The problem is you are hoping for a post-animalistic non-darwinian society in terms of mating.

Sadly, people are not that far evolved from their animal brethren.

Thanks.  But yeah, I'd always hoped that as we got older, social interactions would get less Darwinian.  I felt that knowing that we have other choices besides behaving in a Darwinistic manner, and choosing them, was at least part of what it meant to be civilized. That's one reason I never wanted to be that way, myself - in addition to just not being able to do it, I also felt that behaving that way was primitive, undignified, and I knew better. I wasn't that angry back in school, because I thought this social status stuff would end with it and I just had to wait.  It was very disappointing to find out that even though we have the ability to choose a kinder, gentler world, people still choose the old, brutal, miserable way.

 

[ardour]

You're right, Ska.

I actually agree with what you said.

The problem is you are hoping for a post-animalistic non-darwinian society in terms of mating.

Sadly, people are not that far evolved from their animal brethren.

Thanks.  But yeah, I'd always hoped that as we got older, social interactions would get less Darwinian. 

They do get that way... once people get into middle age that is.

 

[alphacompton]

Garrett was a tool. He should've known better.
...
What a total dipshit.

I feel like it's worth pointing out that people like Garret probably wouldn't know better because there isn't anyone around him that would know what to tell him.  People don't become like this because they want to - why would anyone want to be what doesn't work and leads to indefinite singledom?  And they don't become like this because they are inherently inferior.  They become like this because they don't know what to do and nobody they do know, knows either.  He's doing what he's been taught, and has had no reason to doubt yet.  You could tell him to be more observant but that probably won't do much good if he doesn't know what to look for or why certain interests, behaviors, and personalities work better than others.  Not only that, but we also get a lot of confusing and misleading messages from society like "just be yourself" and "don't worry about fitting in/being 'cool'" and "there's someone for everyone" and "it will happen eventually/when you stop looking/when you least expect it".  Sometimes people can even say these things in a well-meaning way, but they don't realize that these things are out of touch with modern attitudes.

It's frustrating to see people instead just default to kicking the guy when he's down, because they can.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

I like what you said. I feel like I'm going through that right now. I don't know what to look for. It just feels hopeless. I started losing a lot of weight this year so I'm hoping I can continue to lose weight and get in shape but I don't know how to talk to women, I've always been avoided as a potential dating partner my entire life. I'm 32 and have only had one partner in a 5 year relationship out of highschool. I had a lot of help from mutual friends getting this one girl to date me and I don't have any support like that anymore. I hate when people give stupid advice like "be yourself" or "it will just happen" , it's basically just avoiding the topic because it's convenient. That person knows something is different or off and doesn't want to confront it and makes things worse. I think we need to be told, something is fundamentally different about us, vs normal young people who can just find dates whenever they feel like it. These people aren't movie stars or millionaires they are normal people who are attracted to (and can be attractive to ) other normal people. I'm not saying we're destined to be incels or something like that but I think I needed to hear earlier in my life "Hey you, something is wrong with you, do your best to fix it". To at least acknowledge there is a problem would have helped my teen years(and beyond) I think. 

 

[Paraiyar]

Everyone is acting like Garret failed because she rejected him but I kind of think he's setting himself out to be a winner by getting into the habit of going for it at an early age.

 

[wallflower79]

Garrett was a tool. He should've known better.
...
What a total dipshit.

I feel like it's worth pointing out that people like Garret probably wouldn't know better because there isn't anyone around him that would know what to tell him.  People don't become like this because they want to - why would anyone want to be what doesn't work and leads to indefinite singledom?  And they don't become like this because they are inherently inferior.  They become like this because they don't know what to do and nobody they do know, knows either.  He's doing what he's been taught, and has had no reason to doubt yet.  You could tell him to be more observant but that probably won't do much good if he doesn't know what to look for or why certain interests, behaviors, and personalities work better than others.  Not only that, but we also get a lot of confusing and misleading messages from society like "just be yourself" and "don't worry about fitting in/being 'cool'" and "there's someone for everyone" and "it will happen eventually/when you stop looking/when you least expect it".  Sometimes people can even say these things in a well-meaning way, but they don't realize that these things are out of touch with modern attitudes.

It's frustrating to see people instead just default to kicking the guy when he's down, because they can.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

I like what you said. I feel like I'm going through that right now. I don't know what to look for. It just feels hopeless. I started losing a lot of weight this year so I'm hoping I can continue to lose weight and get in shape but I don't know how to talk to women, I've always been avoided as a potential dating partner my entire life. I'm 32 and have only had one partner in a 5 year relationship out of highschool. I had a lot of help from mutual friends getting this one girl to date me and I don't have any support like that anymore. I hate when people give stupid advice like "be yourself" or "it will just happen" , it's basically just avoiding the topic because it's convenient. That person knows something is different or off and doesn't want to confront it and makes things worse. I think we need to be told, something is fundamentally different about us, vs normal young people who can just find dates whenever they feel like it. These people aren't movie stars or millionaires they are normal people who are attracted to (and can be attractive to ) other normal people. I'm not saying we're destined to be incels or something like that but I think I needed to hear earlier in my life "Hey you, something is wrong with you, do your best to fix it". To at least acknowledge there is a problem would have helped my teen years(and beyond) I think. 

I think that it makes sense to give young people more realistic expectations of the future. It's nice to reach for the stars, and all, but if you can't focus on the little, consistent steps it takes to get there, you will find it a lot harder to achieve what you are capable of and get what you want out of life. I remember the thing that was constantly told me in church when I was growing up was "you'll be married before you know it." Well I am now 31 years old and single, and I certainly know it. I think from things like the adults in my life giving advice, the movies I watched, the books that I read, and the success my peers had with the opposite gender all certainly contributed to me having unrealistic expectations of dating, relationships, and romance. Society  seems to tell women to be entitled to claim it all, when in fact that is not the reality of how life works.  Well, I guess I need to continue working on myself until somebody truly wants me for me *sigh*

Everyone is acting like Garret failed because she rejected him but I kind of think he's setting himself out to be a winner by getting into the habit of going for it at an early age.

I agree, Paraiyar. I think that while he may not have achieved his immediate goal of "getting the girl," he certainly has learned to put himself out there and take social risks in order to achieve something, which is definitely a commendable thing at such an early age and will contribute to things like growing a thicker skin and acquiring more social intelligence. AndI still like the video.

 

[MikeyLE80]

I would ask that on dating sites just to try to break the ice. You know to try to learn about them and maybe get a conversation started. Well it was more like "Do you have anything nice planned for the weekend."

This was usually after commenting on something about their profile.

No responses.

I hate dating sites.

 

[ardour]

^You would need to be more original. Something like that would just fade in the ether. And it's still probably a waste of time: https://www.wired.com/2015/05/tinder-users-not-single/

 

[MikeyLE80]

That's why I hate dating sites. If I have to be a poet to get any response, this is not an environment I want to be in.

 

[user 139760]

I have a question for the men in here, something I've been pondering these last few months.

What is your definition of a man? What makes a man, a man, in context of the non-binary complicated (to me, at least) multiple sexes being discovered in the last few years? Do you identify as men, or as some other sex? Is this something you think about, or not really?

 

[user 115627]

Nitpick, but there are no multiple sexes being discovered from what I know. It's male, female and intersex - if you want to consider all the possible mutations and variations a category of its own. You mean genders (gender identity, gender expression, etc.).

Taking all of that into account: I don't know what's a sanctioned way of thinking anymore. I've often wondered how many of the gender labels are genuine/useful to an individual or the respective groups and how many are just variations on the personality spectrum. In any case, I don't think they needed to be discovered. They just started getting narrowed down, were consequently labeled for proper categorization by the people that expressed themselves in one way or another. Some consider that explosion a method of eliminating gender roles/norms.

I'm on the other side, I think it's futile because the people that do stick to the strict binary do not care for your self-appointed label. They're interested in the sex, the genitals and the inner plumbing that produces sperm or eggs and they will categorize a person according to that. For the most part, I think it's more of an issue of perception than self-identification anyway. Just because you tell another person what you think you are/should be, doesn't mean they will act accordingly.

I have realized a problem. Whatever you may call a man/manhood will always be placed in opposition to women/womanhood. If it's not in opposition, it would have to be a property shared by men and women which makes the prior categorization meaningless. You see, if I were to consider stoicism and rationality a part of manhood it would either be countered by someone saying that women can be stoic and rational too or by someone accusing me of thinking womanhood has to be hedonistic and irrational. Unless those values are actually perceived as negative and toxic, then I can either have them and be judged for it or I will be asked to surrender them.

I think I have to stop, I have just created my own Kafka trap and I can't get out of it.

 

[ardour]

Agree with Rodent, there doesn't seem to be a positive way of defining masculinity any more that would be considered inclusive enough without making it meaningless.

Masculinity/manhood isn't allowed any value, and especially not if it's tied to biological sex. That would be gender essentialism...and that's Thoughtcrime. Try and argue for certain virtues as masculine virtues, as in found more in men than women, and you'll be accused of old fashioned chauvinism or more likely labeled fascist/far right.

Did you catch Terry Crews comments on fatherhood? Notice the shitstorm, how quickly he lost his #metoo cred  after suggesting fathers have a unique role as parents. That wouldn't have registered as controversial 10 years ago. Now it's waay too offensive to single mums and gay/non binary/trans couples apparently. Again, if you tried to argue that men are better suited to certain jobs, that's not acceptable either. This doesn't really leave much in the way of specific roles for men.

Anyone trying to openly define it at this point usually has some agenda. If it's not conservatives or pick up artist idiots shaming men for not manning up, it's feminists/SJWs blaming everything on toxic masculine traits and cis-het white male privilege.

I don't really think about it in relation to my own life now as it's mostly irrelevant. As a father you'd have a better idea.

 

[user 139760]

Well, as a father I'd probably get tossed into the chauvinist lot. I have to admit most of that stuff goes about 10 feet over my head. Don't really understand most of it. That's what kinda fascinates me, because I read about this stuff online, or in the papers, but in my run of the mill everyday life, none of that ever comes to bear. Even in the way girls or guys I know talk. Which makes me wonder sometimes if it ain't just something philosophers or whatnot in schools thought up to have something new to talk about. Mind me just me being naive. Or too old. Or desensitized. Probably a bit of all of the above.

 

[Bored]

Question for the men. What is your opinion on female body hair? I’m not saying she looks like Chewbacca, but she’s not waxing either. Is that a dealbreaker?

 

[ardour]

Wouldn't even know what women's body hair looked or felt like irl. It's pretty fine though compared to men, so I guess as long as I'm not losing my phone or my watch it'd be fine.

 

[LostintheBardo]

Question for the men. What is your opinion on female body hair? I’m not saying she looks like Chewbacca, but she’s not waxing either. Is that a dealbreaker?

I personally really don't like body hair on women,  wish I didn't care but there you go. I know a lot of guys don't care though.

 

[user 139760]

I dislike it in some areas. Others not as much, as long as it's kept trimmed. But I have to admit I'd feel akwarddating someone with more armpit hair or a bigger stache than mine. And I've met some.