Questions for the Men

[Adamridge79]

******* manifestos

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's simple. They like it at first because, like you were saying - these guys don't get a lot of attention from women, if any at all. So then you start talking to them - maybe even about their interests at that. And that's like, can this be real? A woman is, one - talking to them, and two - they actually have something in common? Of course they like it at first, and of course they get hopeful. And of course they get depressed when they start to realize that it's never going to happen because a woman with common interests with them, is probably something they've dreamed of their whole lives - especially when it seems like you see something in them, when no one else ever did. To them it must seem like you "like them for them", like society says is the way it's supposed to be. I imagine it is crushing when it turns out that way, and it confirms that any attention from women is too good to be true, and that they were right to be cynical and pessimistic about it.



See, this is exactly what I'm afraid of unwittingly falling into, and exactly what I want to avoid, because even though I'm (mostly) not crushing on the same women I was when I got to this site, there still aren't a lot of people I'm interested in getting to know, so every chance still counts and I can't afford to **** up my impression and get categorized as an orbiter, forever limited and held at a distance, just being used for an ego boost and not even considered a real, meaningful connection. I'd hate to be used as an orbiter. It would make me feel insulted, and like such a loser. I'd rather be nothing at all to someone than that, because I feel like being an orbiter is less than nothing. It's like...when you orbit a woman, she's looking down on you, looking at you with contempt - which makes me feel like to most women, being seen as weak/a loser/inferior, is worse than being seen as evil, because evil might still be strong and worthy of respect. But weakness isn't.

I hate all this survival of the fittest stuff, because it's like, being "right" for someone depends totally on random chance, being born as the right person, just like being born into nobility. I can't stand things that are predetermined by birth, cause it's like, your life is won or lost before you were even born, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to help yourself. You have to hope that you were lucky enough, and if you're not, you're just screwed and there's no hope. But I can't deny that it happens at least sometimes.

I kind of think if you told those guys to piss off, it might be the best thing for them. They'd get to be on their way to somewhere at least. And would you really miss them if they were gone? I'm guessing no. They're not going to get anywhere with you so they're wasting their time getting their hopes up for nothing. They should stop being orbiters and reclaim some pride.

I would say don't use these poor guys for an ego boost, because, even if you didn't mean it to be harmful, it is still using, and it is still harmful. If you need a pep talk, I'd say talk to your girl best friends instead - the people you see as equals. That way, everyone's on the same page, and no one's being used.

Omg Ska, this is what makes my world spin around. Just someone willing to get deep with me … I love it!

Okay so the thats the thing, I feel like I’ve been on the outs and as a girl it was sooo different for me, I liked having people to rap about life with, talk rubbish with and about my secret obsessions and commonalities. With guys i know… they can only tolerate this for so long… like there are some guys i teased on purpose fine thats true hands up my fault. But there are some guys I tried soooo hard to be friends with and they just saw me as more. I even asked this one guy, why cant you just be my friend, we are so good as friends and he said he cant. I miss that guy everyday, he blocked and unblocked me a few times and explained the hurt I made him feel for not wanting more and well I never spoke to him again as he couldnt even bring himself to never talk to me again.

The idea of an orbiter is new to me, this concept is so interesting. See the thing is, if my guy friend got dumped I’d be on his side giving him an ego boost like ugh who is she anyway? You can do wayyy better… forget her lalala but I wouldnt see it as like this negative thing I just see it as something friends do, and my girls do it to it works both ways. I guess I look at things differently but I like some of my guy friends as much as my girls, it just sucks that they struggle in love. I couldnt say I wouldnt miss them if they were gone just because I wouldnt sleep with them, but I’m honest enough to say i’d never be with them romantically… ever or even kiss them.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Awh guys im sorry I never knew my questions were upsetting people, that was the lassstttt thing I wanted.

They don't upset me at all.
Some people to crosswords in the morning, some do word searches, I respond to your questions.
It's actually quite enjoyable. ^_^

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm not upset. I appreciate your honesty, it's refreshing. Better than lies, no matter how well-intentioned - all that gets you is to stay stuck in confusion, or to keep going off in the wrong direction.

They don't upset me at all.
Some people to crosswords in the morning, some do word searches, I respond to your questions.
It's actually quite enjoyable. ^_^

Thanks guyssss I genuinely mean no harm though Im just asking silly questions if I put something and it offends ya then well … just tell me i’ll rephrase it This site gets hostile wayyy too quickly.

 

[TheSkaFish]

okay so if thats the “friendzone” what is the zone when guys only see you as a sexual option? Like you’ll never be girlfriend material?

I'll answer your other question later since it's more in-depth - I'm tired and it's really late over here. But this one is quick and easy.

What's the "only a sexual option" zone, but never a girlfriend? To me, that would just be someone I find hot, but not someone I find interesting, or care about/feel affection for, or who makes me feel good, or who inspires me. Someone who just has looks, and that's it - I'm either lukewarm about their personality, or might even actively disagree with or dislike it. This would probably be like, some super-wild girl whose values I don't agree with, and all that, where I don't agree or fit in - that, or like a sorority/cheerleader type that I have nothing in common with because we might as well come from different planets - but is just that hot.

Someone like this would only ever be theoretical for me, because I feel like I'd need to be macho to attract someone like this (which I'm not) and I'd need to have "game"/charisma/charm/air of casual superiority/smooth talk/teasing and bantering, and I don't do that stuff, I'm not a fan and it's just not natural to me. I just don't think that way, or respond to things that way. It's hard for me to act like I'm better than anyone else when I don't feel like I'm better than anyone at anything, or have any natural strong traits. I've never had anything to brag about. Also like I said, I don't do the hookup scene because it's more work than it's worth. I'm tired of spinning my wheels, I'm only interested in a relationship or nothing.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Thanks guyssss I genuinely mean no harm though Im just asking silly questions if I put something and it offends ya then well … just tell me i’ll rephrase it This site gets hostile wayyy too quickly.

It's no problem at all. I may not be a huge fan of how attraction works in a general sense (cause like I said, a lot seems predetermined to me by genetics, and I don't like predetermination or feeling limited - I like thinking I can control my life, even as I'm afraid I can't), but I'm not offended by your thoughts and opinions.

BTW - how did you do that? Quote posts from multiple pages at once? I used to know how to do that on the old format of the site but haven't been able to figure it out in the new version.

That's why I've been bombarding you with responses, otherwise I'd have done it all in one go, lol.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

BTW - how did you do that? Quote posts from multiple pages at once? I used to know how to do that on the old format of the site but haven't been able to figure it out in the new version.

That's why I've been bombarding you with responses, otherwise I'd have done it all in one go, lol.

Lool i dont knowww how to actually do it i just copied yours then replied to N/A

 

[TheSkaFish]

Lool i dont knowww how to actually do it i just copied yours then replied to N/A

Hmm I'll have to figure it out tomorrow if I can. Til then it's sleepytime

 

[ardour]

Ha... the only people you're pissing off (I'm guessing) aren't here.

 

[Minus]

how did you do that? Quote posts from multiple pages at once?

Hmm I'll have to figure it out tomorrow if I can.

Highlight what you are responding to and hit 'reply'.

It will dump them into one post.

OK, so I'm not a man but, sometimes I would like to know what you guys think Soooo here is the thread to do it in.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ha... the only people you're pissing off (I'm guessing) aren't here.

Oh please Ardour we both know I piss you off on the daily darling, but thats just our chemistry

 

[TheRealCallie]

Oh please Ardour we both know I piss you off on the daily darling, but thats just our chemistry

I assume you are also putting me in that category? I don't get pissed off.... not by some stranger on the internet that I don't even know. That would require me putting more effort into a complete stranger than I care to, so yeah, not pissed off by you, never have been. What you are seeing is simply me disagreeing with you and expressing that. If you perceive that as me being "pissed off," that's on you, because I'm not.
Also, I don't dislike you. I can't say I could ever see us being friends, but I don't dislike you.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I assume you are also putting me in that category? I don't get pissed off.... not by some stranger on the internet that I don't even know. That would require me putting more effort into a complete stranger than I care to, so yeah, not pissed off by you, never have been. What you are seeing is simply me disagreeing with you and expressing that. If you perceive that as me being "pissed off," that's on you, because I'm not.
Also, I don't dislike you. I can't say I could ever see us being friends, but I don't dislike you.

Callie… im guessing you havent read this, I dont blame you… its long lol but I havent put anyone into any category what you are responding to is just a joke between Ardour and me nothing more, you havent been mentioned or anything like that.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Callie… im guessing you havent read this, I dont blame you… its long lol but I havent put anyone into any category what you are responding to is just a joke between Ardour and me nothing more, you havent been mentioned or anything like that.

No, I haven't read what's been posted in the last few days because I've been busy. My comment goes back to **** said a few days ago.

Also, is ardour in on the joke?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No, I haven't read what's been posted in the last few days because I've been busy. My comment goes back to **** said a few days ago.

Also, is ardour in on the joke?

I have nooo idea what your comment is about I havent put anyone in any categories but why squabble over something so trivial? welcome back and well I hope so we have become friends since your last visit if not im sure he’ll message and let me know.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Highlight what you are responding to and hit 'reply'.

It will dump them into one post.

I'm not sure what problem I was having before, where I couldn't do it. But I just tested it now, and what you said to do, seems to work fine. Thanks again!

 

[Xpendable]

Men wonder HOW they can get a gf, women wonder WHEN. A woman could live in a bunker and still get a man. This girl I know has depression, taking pills, has been in her house the entire lockdown, and more; can`t go out outside due to social anxiety and still has a bf, who of course has to deal with her condition. While a completely functional male could very easily stay alone forever unless he tries really hard to find a chance.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Men wonder HOW they can get a gf, women wonder WHEN. A woman could live in a bunker and still get a man. This girl I know has depression, taking pills, has been in her house the entire lockdown, and more; can`t go out outside due to social anxiety and still has a bf, who of course has to deal with her condition. While a completely functional male could very easily stay alone forever unless he tries really hard to find a chance.

Sadly, I feel this. They say "just be yourself!" but then you do just that, and nothing happens. You just keep "being yourself", and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

And all the while, that smile starts feeling more and more forced.

So then you start to feel like no, don't be yourself, be whatever you think they find impressive and interesting. But that's easier said than done, especially when you don't even know what that is in the first place.

Some days I don't even know what "myself" is anymore. I thought I knew who I was as a kid, but that didn't work. All I know is that whatever "myself" was, was never impressive or interesting enough, I guess - otherwise I never would have found myself here in the first place.

I don't know what to be. "Not me", cause it's not impressive or interesting enough. That's all I know. But it's like, what else do I add then? If acting the way I act isn't good enough, how should I act differently then? How should I think and feel differently?

Some days I feel like it's like training myself to see a whole new spectrum of colors that don't even have names and I don't even know what they're supposed to look like. I feel like I have to change everything about me, and just hope/wish/pray that I've managed to guess the right combination of traits, skills, thoughts and ideas, feelings, opinions, mannerisms, talking style, topics, stories and experiences, lifestyle, approach to life, and overall character/feel/vibe that some woman just so happens to randomly be looking for.

Or it's like picking a combination lock. Instead of guessing the right numbers, it's like guessing traits.

And then it's like, when that doesn't work, should I just throw it all out and start over with some other combination? Should I change my subculture, tastes, personality, beliefs, mannerisms, etc. like I change my underwear and socks? I thought you were supposed to "be yourself"?

I don't know man

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So lads, humour me?

It’s 4pm on a thursday afternoon and you and your gf are in a heated argument. You decide you’re gonna take some “get away from crazy time”, she misreads it like you’re going forever and she panics and blurts out a lie… she says shes pregnant, could you forgive this?

 

[Finished]

So lads, humour me?

It’s 4pm on a thursday afternoon and you and your gf are in a heated argument. You decide you’re gonna take some “get away from crazy time”, she misreads it like you’re going forever and she panics and blurts out a lie… she says shes pregnant, could you forgive this?

Yes.