Questions for the Women

[freckles]

I LIKE someone to behave like a gent... its all to rare these days!

A bit of flirty banter is okay but when he makes it blatantly obvious that hes wondering how soon he can get you into bed.... big turn off!!

 

[MisterLonely]

I LIKE someone to behave like a gent... its all to rare these days!

A bit of flirty banter is okay but when he makes it blatantly obvious that hes wondering how soon he can get you into bed.... big turn off!!

Aaah yes, the gents of olden days!, Slap a girl on the behind and tell her go get a cold one

Kidding ofcourse, but gentlemen are a thing off all ages, usually ridiculed by other men and their peers, I myself messed up twice with the same girl by moving too slowly, guess I need a shy girl, those are also all to rare these days

 

[Northern Lights]

I LIKE someone to behave like a gent... its all to rare these days!

A bit of flirty banter is okay but when he makes it blatantly obvious that hes wondering how soon he can get you into bed.... big turn off!!

Aaah yes, the gents of olden days!, Slap a girl on the behind and tell her go get a cold one

Kidding ofcourse, but gentlemen are a thing off all ages, usually ridiculed by other men and their peers, I myself messed up twice with the same girl by moving too slowly, guess I need a shy girl, those are also all to rare these days

MisterLonely, how about trying a third time? Third time's the charm they say...

 

[MisterLonely]

I LIKE someone to behave like a gent... its all to rare these days!

A bit of flirty banter is okay but when he makes it blatantly obvious that hes wondering how soon he can get you into bed.... big turn off!!

Aaah yes, the gents of olden days!, Slap a girl on the behind and tell her go get a cold one

Kidding ofcourse, but gentlemen are a thing off all ages, usually ridiculed by other men and their peers, I myself messed up twice with the same girl by moving too slowly, guess I need a shy girl, those are also all to rare these days

MisterLonely, how about trying a third time? Third time's the charm they say...

I'd like to say I would tell her to go suck a lemon if she ever contacts me again, but I know myself, I probably will fall for her all over again in no time...

 

[MisterLonely]

I LIKE someone to behave like a gent... its all to rare these days!

A bit of flirty banter is okay but when he makes it blatantly obvious that hes wondering how soon he can get you into bed.... big turn off!!

Aaah yes, the gents of olden days!, Slap a girl on the behind and tell her go get a cold one

Kidding ofcourse, but gentlemen are a thing off all ages, usually ridiculed by other men and their peers, I myself messed up twice with the same girl by moving too slowly, guess I need a shy girl, those are also all to rare these days

MisterLonely, how about trying a third time? Third time's the charm they say...

I'd like to say I would tell her to go suck a lemon if she ever contacts me again, but I know myself, I probably will fall for her all over again in no time...

Reguarding the last thing I said.... I'd like to recant my statement, she can go suck a lemon!

 

[Azariah]

why do women like making the guy they like feel jealous?

i don't get that.

i would never make the girl i like feel jealous.

 

[ladyforsaken]

why do women like making the guy they like feel jealous?

i don't get that.

i would never make the girl i like feel jealous.

Perhaps they're feeling insecure about the relationship they have with the guy and making them feel jealous sort of validates how much the guy feels for the girl.

I don't know if this is exactly how it is for most of those who do that - I personally don't think it's right to do so.

 

[Xpendable]

Have you ever put effort in telling a man why aren't you interested or attracted to him instead of being really vague?
So he can know what to improve?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Attraction has nothing to do with what your interests are. There's not always things to improve just because a girl doesn't like you.

---

Also, it's not MY job to tell someone what their problems are. Especially if I don't know them. If I don't want someone in my life (or to date them), the answer is no. I see no reason to expand on that. Figure your own problems out, based on what countless people tell you. (Everyone has people telling them their problems, so don't even try to say I'm targeting you or something)

And on top of that, just because one girl doesn't like you for whatever reason, doesn't mean the next one won't. Stop expecting others to tell you your problems and figure them out for yourself.

 

[Xpendable]

You will never figure out your own.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Not with that attitude, no.

 

[SofiasMami]

Have you ever put effort in telling a man why aren't you interested or attracted to him instead of being really vague?
So he can know what to improve?

In an ideal world, people would be honest and transparent with one another. I suppose that it's easier, however, to be vague so you don't hurt the other's feelings, especially if it's something like "I don't like your personality" or "You wear weird shoes".
But, yeah, at the very least with a relationship that goes down in flames, I agree that it would be nice to know exactly what happened - even if it hurts - so maybe you can improve and avoid the same mistakes in the future.

---

---

Also, it's not MY job to tell someone what their problems are.  Especially if I don't know them.  If I don't want someone in my life (or to date them), the answer is no.  

---

That makes no sense. If you don't know someone, how do you know you don't want them in your life or to date them? 
For anyone who wants to be honest with the people they encounter, Xpendable's question is legit.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It does make sense.  First impressions mean a lot to some people.  Some people don't need more than one encounter to know if they would like a person or not.  Some people can tell if they are attracted to some based on said first impression.  
Rarely are people that honest, to give you that much information on why they don't want you.

 

[Xpendable]

It does make sense.  First impressions mean a lot to some people.  Some people don't need more than one encounter to know if they would like a person or not.  Some people can tell if they are attracted to some based on said first impression.  
Rarely are people that honest, to give you that much information on why they don't want you.

I would argue that people also don't know how to explain why are they attracted to a person. That's also problematic to the issue of delivering information.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It does make sense.  First impressions mean a lot to some people.  Some people don't need more than one encounter to know if they would like a person or not.  Some people can tell if they are attracted to some based on said first impression.  
Rarely are people that honest, to give you that much information on why they don't want you.

I would argue that people also don't know how to explain why are they attracted to a person. That's also problematic to the issue of delivering information.

Indeed

 

[TheSkaFish]

Have you ever put effort in telling a man why aren't you interested or attracted to him instead of being really vague?
So he can know what to improve?

In an ideal world, people would be honest and transparent with one another. I suppose that it's easier, however, to be vague so you don't hurt the other's feelings, especially if it's something like "I don't like your personality" or "You wear weird shoes".

I too wish people would be more honest too.  I think that in dating especially, people don't want to own up to the fact that they think they are too "cool" for others, they think they are members of a higher social class.  People don't want to admit their own ugly feelings. 

The problem is, just like with money - what if I'm not attracted to people in my social class? What if I don't agree with them, or particularly enjoy their company? Then I'm stuck. I'm not good enough for what I want, but not content with where I am. That's pretty much how I feel.

---

 If you don't know someone, how do you know you don't want them in your life or to date them? 

That's something I struggle with.  I feel like I could be a more attractive person than the person I've been, and I feel like I was that way not because I just suck, but because I just didn't know any better.  I feel like there are lots of people who don't really know me, because I'm still trying to figure out who I am without my old feelings about myself.  They think they know me and all I could be and they think that I come up short.  They think I am my problems, shortcomings, and weaknesses because that's most of what they've seen, that's the vibe I was putting out there at the time.  But I wonder who I am without my problems, shortcomings, and weaknesses.  I wonder who I could be if I felt strong instead of weak.  I wonder who I could be if I had better self-image, if I believed in my ability to do well in life instead of how I was, low self-image and feeling like all I could do in life is lose because my abilities and qualities were stuck.  If I felt better about myself and lived my life accordingly, I wonder how differently things could go.  I really do feel like there's a way that I could be something that they like, and I like.  But I don't know how to be that yet.  I'm trying to get somewhere, but I just don't know the way.

 

[ardour]

It does make sense.  First impressions mean a lot to some people.  Some people don't need more than one encounter to know if they would like a person or not.  Some people can tell if they are attracted to some based on said first impression.  

That is really the main issue, first impressions. Men want specifics as to why they're rejected since they are usually the ones experiencing rejection. Women have to deal with unwanted attention or attention that could become unwanted, so they tend to go by initial gut feeling rather than take any more chances by getting to know someone the don't immediately click with better. To the socially awkward male this can seem arbitrary, unfair and superficial, but then we can't expect much sympathy since only entitled angry losers would ever question it...

FWIW I don't recommend asking for an explanation from someone as it could be taken as harassment and land a person in trouble.

 

[user 115627]

Not being able (or willing) to tell another person why they have been rejected is clearly a sad state of affairs for the inquiring individual, sending many people off into neverending quests of aimless self-improvement. I have no solutions to offer. You're at least supposed to just move on to the next potential mate, hoping that they will accept you the way you are. Cause even if the previous one had enlightened you about the particular area in which you are failing, there is no guarantee that the next person even cares about it and won't reject you for yet another arbitrary reason. Even in the scenario that you actually do have all of the general areas in your own life well under control already.

 

[kamya]

I too wish people would be more honest too.  I think that in dating especially, people don't want to own up to the fact that they think they are too "cool" for others, they think they are members of a higher social class.  People don't want to admit their own ugly feelings. 
The problem is, just like with money - what if I'm not attracted to people in my social class?  What if I don't agree with them, or particularly enjoy their company?  Then I'm stuck.  I'm not good enough for what I want, but not content with where I am.  That's pretty much how I feel.

You do this. This is why you feel others do it. 

When people make blanket statements about other people in groups that they are a part of they are really only telling you about themselves and their own truth. 

I personally dont think I'm "too cool" for others or look down on people while pretending I like them. You only think others are doing it because its what you do.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You do this. This is why you feel others do it. 

When people make blanket statements about other people in groups that they are a part of they are really only telling you about themselves and their own truth. 

I personally dont think I'm "too cool" for others or look down on people while pretending I like them. You only think others are doing it because its what you do.

I don't think that's the case.  When I say I like someone, I mean it.  There is something I like about the person.  I don't pretend to like people.

I think others do this though, because when you look around, that kind of thinking is everywhere.  I don't really want to get in an argument about it, it's just what I've observed.