Reasons

[Adamridge79]

Incrementally day by day...I feel so much more normal...I truly and honestly thank all involved...really...thank you all

 

[Adamridge79]

Not necessarily the present ones...the others that reside here for so many hours...thank you

 

[Adamridge79]

I'm like a mosquitoe....I drive people away and inside

 

[Adamridge79]

I look through the older threads, boredom mostly. I'll occasionally find an older one and answer/reply/respond. And every time I do, I remember this meth addict in one of my in patient addiction treatments, also my roommate, and he liked the phrase, 'the bees knees'. He would fit it in whenever, and very proudly, rather loudly exclaim right after, 'I'm bringing it back, baby!' And I hear that in my head when I make said responses. He's probably dead or worse, but he was funny for the three weeks I knew him

 

[Adamridge79]

Always go silently Into that dark ni66

 

[Adamridge79]

Night

 

[Adamridge79]

Eh

 

[Adamridge79]

I'm bored, so I'm going to be playing most the games

 

[Adamridge79]

Fun fact..or not. Minus the one that replies, there's another three...never contribute...sit there aloof..now, I was under restricted reading..but I was able to find enough dystopia literature to grasp...those 4...hold themselves higher. Just a little heads up

 

[Adamridge79]

****...they added one

 

[Adamridge79]

I'll never get it...i..just don't have words

 

[Adamridge79]

I do have to sleep, don't manipulate those that don't need that ********

 

[Adamridge79]

C'mon...most the shadow people showed up...utilize it

 

[Adamridge79]

I really want to know who the one who is hiding. Jump in

 

[Adamridge79]

All of you that...appeared...I salute you

 

[Adamridge79]

Being right isn't always great

 

[Adamridge79]

Wow, I missed a day to assail you with my stupid *** ****? I'm dropping the ball here. So what do you hate about summer and why? Most will say 'But I love summer!' Until that unbearable hot and humid day, where the pavement melts your shoes and gives your poor dog 2nd degree blisters on their poor little paws. Until those kids who needed cards in the spokes of their bikes because they craved any attention since they never received any at home now have loudass motorcycles. Or mufflers on little rice burners. Or, speakers and woofers and shake your broke *** car to pieces sound systems. Many things.

 

[Adamridge79]

Know clue if I've marshaled my thoughts enough for this to be coherent. But, let's see.

I'm generally a cynical, jaded, cold person. Not sure if thats really all that great in the great scheme of things, but occasionally it bears fruit. However. I'll be watching some show or movie, and in a three minute segment, **** re breaks. Now, I'm not alone in this, I'm no better or worse than anyone here. We all have our problems we deal with, and everyones is as valid as any other. But, I was/kinda am shattered. Years of work have been beneficial. Like, putting the pieces back together with the care and precision of a professional archeological glue person, not some 6 year old gluing a vase with Elmers. Then, some rather benign sequence happens, a piece shifts, and I ******* tear up. Hmm...more a statement. Well, I do that occasionally I guess.

 

[Adamridge79]

I wanna adapt a whatever locale British accent to change ******* hell to fookin ell...it sounds way more lowbrow

 

[Adamridge79]

So, I'm more and more often really trying to find any content that provokes a strong emotional response. Particularly one that makes me cry. I know I have a lot of stored up sadness, and I was raised in the before time. Boys don't cry, and men especially. But I'm so angry lately, and I only kind of know why. These...I dunno...micro episodes of a few minutes crying seem to release some pressure. And, no, it's not the last few years. The pandemic didn't upset my life at all. No one I know got sick, I didn't. The only change in my life was wearing a mask. That was annoying, but I've dealt with exponentially worse. No, this is new. I don't know why it seems to help, only that it does. Maybe I'm just getting old.