Reasons

[user 188685]

I have been thinking of life lately,and have been under a lot of stress.

 

[Adamridge79]

I do, apparently have an edit to my last post. I realized this morning, as I was setting up my dosages, that I didn't take my afternoon one. It explained so much about why my emotions were so in flux..No issues today. I'm so embarrassed that my routine being altered ****** me up so bad. And, since this whole post is basically me typing at myself, it has little to no bearing on a ******* thing.

 

[user 188685]

I do, apparently have an edit to my last post. I realized this morning, as I was setting up my dosages, that I didn't take my afternoon one. It explained so much about why my emotions were so in flux..No issues today. I'm so embarrassed that my routine being altered messed me up so bad. And, since this whole post is basically me typing at myself, it has little to no bearing on a ******* thing.

I'm so sorry, I hope your ok.

 

[Adamridge79]

Sun rises, sun sets, I still breathe...I win

 

[Adamridge79]

Holy ****..9 for 9...someone take a pic

 

[Adamridge79]

Oh...did I break the fourth wall?

 

[Adamridge79]

Oh my godish...we..damn, this could be epic. It wont...but it could. Everyone make a ******* statement (you probably won't, but it would be so ******* awesome)

 

[Adamridge79]

Big Me

 

[Adamridge79]

Not a laugh...but, clarity

 

[Adamridge79]

Three...what is that comfort?....I mean you can't risk a response

 

[Adamridge79]

Oh ****.you're our betters

 

[Adamridge79]

Nah...diddle yourselves. I was only a joke

 

[Adamridge79]

Jesus I write weird ****.

 

[Adamridge79]

There's such a lack of conviction...

 

[Adamridge79]

So I've found a more difficult avenue to pursue. Laughing. Crying is easier than finding something that literally makes me laugh. People around me don't do the fake half-hearted laughs, they're genuine. I don't laugh often. The depth of dark cynicism and jaded outlook are probably the cause. So I search, and search, and what makes me laugh is generally damn dark. I find some occasionally. But that's my next windmill.

 

[Incognita]

I googled a lonely life and , I think, this is the first that poped up and Experience Project was the second but its gone now

 

[Adamridge79]

I googled a lonely life and , I think, this is the first that poped up and Experience Project was the second but its gone now

Stay here, we are probably way more unhinged

 

[Adamridge79]

I'm not one who's big on coincidence. Sure, it can happen, otherwise there wouldn't be a word for it. But, if it happens to be of the non coincidental nature. Damn, that's what made me smile today. For that thread post

 

[Adamridge79]

I lost my work friend today. Really the only person I've had more than the usual superficial banter with. Almost three years. But, she's moving on to what I hope is a better life. She has her doubts, it's a big decision. And she's going to actually miss me. And yes, I her. I really stayed positive (for me) and optimistic (for me). We thankfully didn't cry at our goodbye, but only because, well, its work. I know she was close to being emotional, but I'm cold, so I pulled it together nicely. I didn't really realize I could be ******* normal. I should really use this as a teachable moment. Should, but I know I won't. Cause...well, there are ample examples here.

 

[Adamridge79]

I love typing basically to myself. It is weirdly cathartic, knowing someone could read it, but not likely to add to it. I have found my anger isn't dwindling. It's not horrible, but it's present. And I know why. I mean, I can have a back and forth with myself about the futility of it. Doesn't change. So I come here, basically rant at myself, and it does seem to balance things. So, I'll keep doing this, and...yeah, just that.