some people have real problems

[eris]

I keep saying this to myself, "some people have real problems." There are people starving to death. There are orphans dying on the streets of Calcutta. Hell, I have it better off than most people in the world. And I really feel lucky. Or, I force myself to feel lucky. I really force myself to do most things. I have to force myself to smile at the waitress, or even answer the phone. I really, really dont want to talk to almost anyone anymore in my "real life".

I just try not to think about how unhappy I am, but I guess this isnt "healthy". Ive been seeing a therapist recently, and she really has a lot to say "I do not live up to to my potential." She wants me to tutor math at the high school. for free. yeah, Im not going to do that. She also told me that Im a sex addict. Ok, this is probably true. Its not like the idea hasnt occured to me before. I just dont know what I want to do about it, if anything. I dont really see it as a bad thing. Some of the things I think about are really really strange and anti-social...but Im not so sure that is a bad thing, either. Im trying to give myself the acceptance I never felt from anyone else, but Im just fooling myself

so, to sum things up,
I have no idea how to make myself happy
and I know nothing about life.
I have absolutly no idea what I am talking about, ever.
I know nothing about what I want or who I am
and I am so goddamned depressed
I cant ******* stand it anymore.​

I dont want to ignore things anymore, and I want to change things, I just dont know what i can DO about anything

I really ******* hate my town really I only live here because of my husbands job I hope this place gets bombed

I need to get to at least Pittsburgh, but where I really want to go is Las Vegas. And i really really want to go to graduate school. And I want to see the ocean, and I want to go to India. I want to be a part of the world.


But I cant do any of these things. There are just certain FACTS about my life that will forever leave me unfulfilled

I feel like a dog on a really short leash.

Im not a part of the world right now. im just a shadow. I dont even know if anyone even cares what I say, or what I write, or what I think. I dont even know if Im annoying or not. Sometimes I even think I shouldnt even post on ALL because im afraid too many people dont like me. But I HOPE people in this **** town dont like me, because I dont like them, either

Some people have real problems, and here I am just wasting space. In most respects I have a great life. I have money in the bank. I have someone who loves me, and all I can think about is how goddamned bored I am with everything



.

 

[Calm]

Ah **** I know how this feels when you want to do something but just could not because of some certain situations. I want to be a part of the world too. Most of my friends have travelled, my gf is touring South-American jungle right now and I sit at home reading forums every day.

I don't want to get too personal, but is it the money or your husband and normal routine life with him that is holding you back? You have never seen the ocean? What do you want to do in Las Vegas? There are probably heaps of annoying people there who can even make you jelaous, at least for me it seems to be so.

Have you ever pointed out to yourself those certain facts that hold you back? Have you ever pointed out the possibilities you could take to avoid these facts? Are those facts real facts or excuses to stay in your secure but boring enviornment?



About this "people have bigger problems", so ******* what? People have heaps of money and still they spend it on themselves, instead of helping someone. Why can not I whine about my life then?

 

[lomojojo]

Eris
I have had similar episodes in my life and I think you feel this need of change when you are maturing. We are creatures of habit and eventhough we feel the need of change it is incredibly difficult, that's when we feel so "unhappy" with ourselves.

 

[SophiaGrace]

So why don't you go tutor the kids? You have something to give, knowledge, from your college degree (which not many people get). You'd be helping to better the world through its future (children).

It might even make you feel good about yourself.

Sometimes jobs aren't about getting paid or not. Some jobs are a labor of love...

 

[discolemonade]

Eris, why cant you be part of the world? Why cant you visit the ocean, or graduate from school?

Honestly, I would love it if you tutored me in math. Why? Your apperance. You look awesome. ANd I'm saying this stuff from a high schooler's point of view. I would personally love to be taught something from someone like you. You look kick ass, you have a great personality, and your fun. I dunno, maybe you'll feel good about yourself if you helped someone my age struggling with something.

 

[alonewanderer]

Eris join my murderous swashbuckling pirate crew, a'yargh! We sail the 7 seas in my mighty fleet of "borrowed" spanish yachts and we loot and pillage from babies and leave a wake of crying children in our stead! After plundering candy , we redistribute the candy after soaking it in rum to recruit more children to operate our mighty viking oars that are uncharacteristically attached to our fleet of yachts. The only requirements are : an eyepatch, a parrot, a small monkey or a wooden limb. Health benefits, aka rum is dispatched from our corporate sister company, bacardi, must also know how to sing " a pirates life" and "im on a boat"

 

[eris]

I don't want to get too personal, but is it the money or your husband and normal routine life with him that is holding you back? You have never seen the ocean? What do you want to do in Las Vegas? There are probably heaps of annoying people there who can even make you jelaous, at least for me it seems to be so.

Have you ever pointed out to yourself those certain facts that hold you back? Have you ever pointed out the possibilities you could take to avoid these facts? Are those facts real facts or excuses to stay in your secure but boring enviornment?

thanks *hugs*

It is really my fault, it is things I have let happen. I agreed to move to this town in order to keep my relationship. That was 4 years ago I really do not expect my husband to want to move. He has his dream job, teaching high school art at the exact school that he has always wanted to teach at. And all of his family are in this town.

but I hate it here. I ******* want it to burn. there is really nothing here.

no, I have never seen the ocean... I AM going to do something about that next summer. And if I could I think I would like to spend a month or more in India just soaking up all of the culture and knowledge.

Las Vegas this is just a dream I really think I would find a lot of people like me in Las Vegas ! haha. I would like to work behind the scenes in the alternative sex industy. ( not in front of the camera) I think I would be happy doing anything in this line of work, but maybe I can do something good and be an advocate for the women. Perhaps work as a prostitutes civil righrs activist. lol. I sound like I am joking but I am NOT joking, I want to do this !!!!

Of course I could not do this while married. He wouldnt agree with me working there or agree to us moving there. I do not want to get a divorce. I love my husband more than anyone I have ever loved in my life

but do i really have to give everything up ?

Eris
I have had similar episodes in my life and I think you feel this need of change when you are maturing.

thanks for your response I have been feeling like this more and more approaching 30. I just turned 30 a few months ago, and I feel like I NEED TO REALLY HURRY UP

So why don't you go tutor the kids? You have something to give, knowledge, from your college degree (which not many people get). You'd be helping to better the world through its future (children).

I can see your point, I am just unsure I will be ABLE to do it. I have never tried to teach anyone anything.

Eris, why cant you be part of the world? Why cant you visit the ocean, or graduate from school?

Honestly, I would love it if you tutored me in math. Why? Your apperance. You look awesome. ANd I'm saying this stuff from a high schooler's point of view. I would personally love to be taught something from someone like you. You look kick ass, you have a great personality, and your fun. I dunno, maybe you'll feel good about yourself if you helped someone my age struggling with something.

aww *hugs*

maybe I should do this it is certainly a "good thing"

People your age seem like like my appearance and my attitide about life, but people MY age or older sometimes really do not like it.

It is like this... ok, I have blue hair, I am covered in tattoos, I have alternative interests, I even like some really kinky ****.

but this is not a fascination. Im not 14, I am 30

this is just the way I am​

I know you get this, disco, you are cool I just feel the need to rant sometimes

Eris join my murderous swashbuckling pirate crew, a'yargh!

that would be so awesome I would def join your crew. I honestly think being a pirate, even a modern pirate, would surely be a thousand times more intersting that...this

 

[SofiasMami]

She wants me to tutor math at the high school. for free. yeah, Im not going to do that.

I dont even know if anyone even cares what I say, or what I write, or what I think. I dont even know if Im annoying or not.

Warning: Bluntness ahead (in a loving way)
Why did your counselor suggest you tutor math students? Are you good at math? Why the hell won't you do it? Your thread title says some people have real problems; a math student in danger of failing their class has a real problem. What are you going to do about it? Maybe you can't help homeless orphans in Calcutta but you can help a kid down the street. Or you can volunteer for some other cause. The people you help won't give a sh*t if you're a sex addict or if you have tats. They'll just be glad you helped. Try it, you might like it. What do you have to lose?

Teresa

 

[eris]

you know, youre so right I really could do a lot of good. I guess I am pretty good at math, that is why she asked. Good for high school, lol Also, I live right next to the high school. I can see it out my window....

I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, and I could help someone

im kind of scared to, I guess. i never thought I would teach anyone and Im not sure how I would do it.

im not used to being an "autority" on something, when it came to "work" I would just be a "yes boss" kind of person

 

[Nitramici]

I'm not gonna lie, tutoring is hard, it's scary, and you don't always succeed, but it's totally worth it! 4/5 times you'll tutor someone who WANTS to be here, which makes it a much more pleasant experience.

Also, math is a great subject to tutor. Much better than writing, argh, that was hard (or atleast it was hard in French, my main language..."why is this written like this?" Um...because the rules each have 5000 exceptions!)

And you don't have to act like an authority when tutoring math, you can solve the problems WITH the person, correcting him/her along the path. Heck, sometimes I'm the one who got corrected by the one I was tutoring while we work on a question, which isn't a bad thing at all.

As for the topic, your problems are as real as anyone else's, and ignoring them on the basis that others are worse off is unproductive, because it would NOT solve other people's problems anyway. I understand this line of thinking, I always tell myself how lucky I am compared to so many people...But we've got every right to try to better our lives, as long as it doesn't involve hurting anyone else's. Atleast, that's what I think.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

As for the topic, your problems are as real as anyone else's, and ignoring them on the basis that others are worse off is unproductive, because it would NOT solve other people's problems anyway. I understand this line of thinking, I always tell myself how lucky I am compared to so many people...But we've got every right to try to better our lives, as long as it doesn't involve hurting anyone else's. Atleast, that's what I think.

Absolutely right. I used to think that I was pretty much an ass for thinking my problems were even a little bit important as compared to others, but everyone here helped me realize that not only are my problems very real and legitimate, my suffering won't help anyone with worse problems either.
Eris, there is nothing wrong with being unhappy with the way things are now. Being unhappy with them means there's something wrong. If there's something wrong, it needs to be fixed. Being bored with life is a perfectly good reason to want to change things.

I remember when I went to my therapist. She asked me, "Now you are totally free of your familial responsibilities. What do you want to do?" My answer? "I don't know." I felt like a slave, having known only of my responsibilities, suddenly let free. I didn't know what I wanted. Only what I was supposed to want.
I imagine you feel a similar way (correct me if I'm wrong). You have no idea how to make your life more interesting, and you feel like things are "well enough" by normal standards. Why should you complain?

Some people are not meant for some lives. I can't tell you what you should do to change your life except go on a whim. Experience everything you find interesting, even if it seems silly. Stop forcing yourself to think everything's okay. And if you don't want to smile at the waitress, then ******* don't. YOU'RE the one fueling HER paycheck, so she's just going to have to pull up her panties and DEAL with it. You need to be true to your emotions. I don't think you're being unreasonable or greedy. It's not a need of something "more," but something "different."

Speaking of which, perhaps it's time for a different therapist. Who says there's such a thing as too much sex?
(Besides, the ones who accuse others of being sex addicts are usually not getting laid themselves--shh!)

 

[Sean]

So why don't you go tutor the kids? You have something to give, knowledge, from your college degree (which not many people get). You'd be helping to better the world through its future (children).

It might even make you feel good about yourself.

Sometimes jobs aren't about getting paid or not. Some jobs are a labor of love...

I agree with Sophia,

Sure . . tutoring math isn't the most enjoyable past time . . but at least it gets you out of your house .
And who knows, you may really enjoy it.
You won't know unless you try .

Maybe get a dog? It will keep you company, get you out of the house . . go on walks together.

Oh, maybe try volunteering elsewhere . . if you don't enjoy tutoring.

 

[eris]

Thank you everyone for your responses

I am going to consider tutoring math, but it really really is not going to make me happy. I need to do something a little more drastic to do that

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nitramici - thank you for the advice I could solve the problem with the student.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

doub the rabbit you said something interesting

I imagine you feel a similar way (correct me if I'm wrong). You have no idea how to make your life more interesting, and you feel like things are "well enough" by normal standards. Why should you complain?

Some people are not meant for some lives. I can't tell you what you should do to change your life except go on a whim. Experience everything you find interesting, even if it seems silly. Stop forcing yourself to think everything's okay.

this is so true I just dont know what to ....do. I mean tutoring, I know, I dont know if that will do anything at all.

i MUST move out of this ********. i MUST

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

sean - ooh, i hate dogs but I have a few kittehs

I tried to volunteer at this vets office, they looked at me like I was a criminal or something.

Often people do not take me seriously because if the way I look, and looking only 20 years old really does not help the situation.

but it is what I choose, and im still glad I do it

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

doubt the rabbit you said something interesting

I imagine you feel a similar way (correct me if I'm wrong). You have no idea how to make your life more interesting, and you feel like things are "well enough" by normal standards. Why should you complain?

Some people are not meant for some lives. I can't tell you what you should do to change your life except go on a whim. Experience everything you find interesting, even if it seems silly. Stop forcing yourself to think everything's okay.

this is so true I just dont know what to ....do. I mean tutoring, I know, I dont know if that will do anything at all.

i MUST move out of this ********. i MUST

People used to tell me all the time to tutor too! In fact, everyone swore I would be some kind of teacher or doctor or scientist because I was really good in maths and science when I was in middle school. Originally I thought I should be whatever job paid the most, but I realized that even with financial security I wouldn't be happy being a doctor. I realized that even though I wasn't good at it, I REALLY loved art and literature. I just kept at it and learned a new skill

I think that people spend too much time just working with what they're naturally good at because it's easier to go from there. It's difficult trying to build abilities that you at first just don't have. Also, people seem to believe that your worth comes from what you can do for everyone else. While it's good to do for others, it's also good to do for yourself (yeah I know look who's talking xD). If you want to tutor or volunteer in some way, then you should! However, if tutoring is not your cup of tea or if you think it just won't help, then perhaps you should find another activity that you're interested in. After all, if you don't put your heart into something, it won't turn out well--this is absolute truth. At the very least, you can try tutoring. But if you just can't seem to get yourself into it, then just move on. There's nothing wrong with that!

And I think you should visit your dream place, be it vegas or the bermuda triangle. You sound like a totally freakin' kickass person (I read your rant to disco ) so you belong in a totally freakin' kickass place. Go there, damnit! Even if it's just a vacation (or extended one, heheh) you're just stifling yourself staying in a town of nothing.

Anyway, tell ya what, you're the coolest 30 year old I've ever seen. I wish I had the confidence to express myself like you in person instead of just online. I wear frumpy "normal" clothes and my skin is clean. I like kinky **** but I don't look like it and I'd never say it outside of the internet. I wish I had the balls to dye my hair purple (besides spray dye) and get the gecko tattoo I wanted and pierce something besides my ears and show up at the gay pride festival with all my rainbow swag on. If people can't appreciate the fact that you know who you are and you're not afraid of it, then they can take it up their collective *****.

P.S. You can totally tutor me anytime

 

[eris]

If you want to tutor or volunteer in some way, then you should! However, if tutoring is not your cup of tea or if you think it just won't help, then perhaps you should find another activity that you're interested in.

yeah, I dont know if i would "like it". This is like a really really bad school. I know, that probably means I could do MORE good. I think maybe I should....try?

I wish I had the confidence to express myself like you in person instead of just online. I wear frumpy "normal" clothes and my skin is clean. I like kinky **** but I don't look like it and I'd never say it outside of the internet. I wish I had the balls to dye my hair purple (besides spray dye) and get the gecko tattoo I wanted and pierce something besides my ears and show up at the gay pride festival with all my rainbow swag on. If people can't appreciate the fact that you know who you are and you're not afraid of it, then they can take it up their collective *****.

I think a lot of this has to do with me being 14 years old in 1994 I have alwys been "alternative", but the older I gues the more alternative I want to get. I recently just got a tattoo on my neck. I guess I cant really hide THAT one I mean in action, not just in "the way I look"

I mean, lately, Ive been thinking about being a squatter, or a porn star, and just SMASHING everything I own to bits and just live in a ****** up dirty house with trash everywhere and **** written all over the walls. And some of the fetishes that i like are not just weird, but kind of anti-social (nothing illegal)

what I mean to say, is that the older I get, the wilder I am becoming.

i know ,that makes no sense. heh. im not making a lot of sense to MYSELF these days

EDT: oh, I dont have anything pierced Im allergic to the metal, and it will not heal properly and it just gets an infection. So, I cant have piercings.....maybe a good thing, cause I would be COVERED

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

I think a lot of this has to do with me being 14 years old in 1994 I have alwys been "alternative", but the older I gues the more alternative I want to get. I recently just got a tattoo on my neck. I guess I cant really hide THAT one I mean in action, not just in "the way I look"

I mean, lately, Ive been thinking about being a squatter, or a porn star, and just SMASHING everything I own to bits and just live in a ****** up dirty house with trash everywhere and **** written all over the walls. And some of the fetishes that i like are not just weird, but kind of anti-social (nothing illegal)

what I mean to say, is that the older I get, the wilder I am becoming.

i know ,that makes no sense. heh. im not making a lot of sense to MYSELF these days

Hey! If it ain't illegal, no one can stop you
Other than that, it's not anyone's business what you do. Hell, even I have wanted to be a porn star at one point, and I might actually try being in a porn movie one day. I don't see why not
Plus, you're in your prime now. If you can't at least enjoy this time in your life, when can you?

 

[eris]

I AM in my prime That is kind of why I want to...change things...so badly.

I seem to be drifting so far away from my husband when it comes to "life interests"

I mean, he likes some strange things, and is certainly "alternative", but the things I like are a bit farther than strange.

He really likes "stuff" and "security" and "home"

I love him to death, really, i love him more than anything and I WILL do what he wants

maybe if I just break a few dishes everyday I will feel better

and shoplifting helps

I really like exploring abandoned or condemned buildings. This is one of the only things I do I really "enjoy"

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

You can make it a game to nudge him out of his comfort zone every once in a while It's healthy anyway!
Just pick random dates to go explore some weird place or do something totally off the wall. He might like it and it makes a good compromise. Dare him to shoplift something weird like shaving cream or tampons Or spend the night in a condemned house--I've always wanted to do that! But I'm too big of a wuss.

 

[eris]

oh, he loves to shoplift haha, he even wrote a "guide to shoplifting"

he will come home, and start pulling random things out of his pockets, and i dont even ask anymore where it came from

We dont go "big ticket" items or anything like that, and we would NEVER steal off an individual or a "mom and pop shop" but if my husband wants something, he takes it, lol.

And we can afford to buy it, too. that is not "the point".

i would like to LIVE in a condemned house, but my husband doesnt, lol ...but I spend a lot of time in them I cant wait to get a new digital camera, so I can post pics of these trash heaps

just yesterday, he stole this little wooden stand from a hardware store

I asked him, "that cost less than a dollar, why did you steal that ? " ... he said "why shouldnt I steal it"

I love that man

.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
I've lived and worked in your general neck of the woods and being there can definitely suck the life out of you. I'm probably spoiled from living here in northern California. People here seem to be much more forgiving of quirks and foibles.
(Well, I just heard a car crash outside my window down the street, I hope they're ok )
So when do you start volunteering? I'm definitely not the "teacher type" but I did tutor a woman in an adult literacy program a few years back. She wound up dropping out of the program after a year or two but she did make progress and I hope I helped her at least a little bit.

Teresa

PS. I can hear the emergency services on the way...