something i have just noticed

[Limlim]

You were better? In this situation you didn't cheat on anyone to be bad and you didn't destroy something that actually existed

Silly, silly idealism. You don't do that and there's good chances you're still a virgin at 30, and as women here have said, "I will feel too guilty destroying his innocence" lol.

But whatever floats your boat, dude.

I wouldn't really call it idealism. Just a general sense of not wanting to **** someone else over. Believe it or not, people can find ways to work **** out with each other when it looks like a relationship is hanging by a thread. Maybe not having that last final nudge could have saved it? Who knows. But I wouldn't really feel great about doing it.

Also, incidentally I am exactly 30 years old and had my own share of relationships (and a few relationshits) and didn't have to once screw someone else over to do it. I'm not particularly attractive or wealthy or whatever, so it's not something impossible to do. I see all sorts of threads on ALL blaming women for leaving men lonely, but in reality I'd say it's more us guys who have no qualms about making it easy to do because we don't give a **** about one another. Ideals? No, I just don't want to ******* live that way, plain and simple.

 

[blackdot]

You don't do that and there's good chances you're still a virgin at 30

no, I'm a virgin at the age of 39.

I don't care about sex. I'm looking for a relationship. I ain't getting that with a married woman.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

lol at this whole thread

 

[Badjedidude]

If she hits on you like crazy, invites herself for dinner and comes wearing a skirt with no panties... you are still destroying her life?

It's not about her. It's about being complicit in assisting in destroying the marriage; it's about hurting her husband. If she wants to break her marriage vows, that's fine for her -- but I'm not going to be a part of it. It's that simple.

people leave each other all the time, they split up and find someone else. maybe some of these women were already seperated ?

So if a married woman fell in love with you, you would walk away and do nothing ?

I would talk to her and ask her what she wants. Surely any guy would at least do that ?

Obviously I wouldn't mess around with a woman behind some guy's back. I would never do that !

I wasn't really talking about separation and divorce. Obviously, if a woman is divorced, then she's not married -- and I would have no problem being with her. I wouldn't necessarily want to be with a woman that was currently married but separated, mostly because I just wouldn't want to be entangled in that sort of situation.

It's a lot easier when both parties in the relationship are open and clear of any other relationships.

 

[perfanoff]

You were better? In this situation you didn't cheat on anyone to be bad and you didn't destroy something that actually existed

Silly, silly idealism. You don't do that and there's good chances you're still a virgin at 30, and as women here have said, "I will feel too guilty destroying his innocence" lol.

But whatever floats your boat, dude.

I wouldn't really call it idealism. Just a general sense of not wanting to **** someone else over. Believe it or not, people can find ways to work **** out with each other when it looks like a relationship is hanging by a thread. Maybe not having that last final nudge could have saved it? Who knows. But I wouldn't really feel great about doing it.

Also, incidentally I am exactly 30 years old and had my own share of relationships (and a few relationshits) and didn't have to once screw someone else over to do it. I'm not particularly attractive or wealthy or whatever, so it's not something impossible to do. I see all sorts of threads on ALL blaming women for leaving men lonely, but in reality I'd say it's more us guys who have no qualms about making it easy to do because we don't give a **** about one another. Ideals? No, I just don't want to ******* live that way, plain and simple.

I can see the detestment seeping through so let me make it straight for you: I have never so much as hugged another woman while I'm in a relationship. And I'm not responsible for ANYONE's conscious and deliberate actions. The only person I will ever control is my kid if I ever get to that point.

You're the good Samaritan, and it works for you. Well I'm jolly glad for you. My most miserable days was when I was trying to make or manipulate other people to my ideals in ways like this. I haven't been let down after forgiving a cheater once or twice. I know better. They don't change. They don't want to hear and don't care, they will just be themselves. So keep fooling yourself you will prevent people from getting what THEY want. You will not.

 

[EveWasFramed]

So keep fooling yourself you will prevent people from getting what THEY want. You will not.

I don't think that his show of morals is an attetmpt to keep someone else from getting something they want. I think he wants to be able to look at himself in the mirror and know he's a man of good character.

Kudos to Lim and Steve for their responses in this thread.
+1 for each of them!

 

[LonelyLola]

I've been the other woman, with no desire to break up the relationship, as well as cheated on (I've never actually cheated on my own partner, tho). At this point in my life, I wouldn't be with someone in a relationship because I want a relationship and to do it would be counterproductive. However when I was young, I had experiences with a couple people who were cheating on their partner. It didn't break them up, and I'm not ashamed of it. It was just choices I made in my past.

 

[Limlim]

I can see the detestment seeping through so let me make it straight for you: I have never so much as hugged another woman while I'm in a relationship. And I'm not responsible for ANYONE's conscious and deliberate actions. The only person I will ever control is my kid if I ever get to that point.

You're the good Samaritan, and it works for you. Well I'm jolly glad for you. My most miserable days was when I was trying to make or manipulate other people to my ideals in ways like this. I haven't been let down after forgiving a cheater once or twice. I know better. They don't change. They don't want to hear and don't care, they will just be themselves. So keep fooling yourself you will prevent people from getting what THEY want. You will not.

Funny you mention the "detestment", this morning when I was typing it out, it felt like just casually answering the question, then when I read it I noticed it was full of swearing and was like "**** I hope that doesn't come off as confrontational". If it helps that's just casual conversational swearing rather than intentional swearing with bite. I'm just one of those people who drops an F bomb all the time due to their poor vocabulary.

Anyway I'm not really telling you how to live your life or pushing any ideals on you. I'm just telling you how I live, what works for me and why I do it. Like I said above, even though I decide to step aside and it's almost certain someone else will just take my place in the home wrecking, it is on a personal level that I don't want to do it. If others are going to play a different way from me, that's their decision.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Lim, that may be the most serious post I've ever seen from you.

Bad form.

 

[duff]

both my ex girlfriends were cheating on me, seeing other men. No idea why they did it ? No idea why they kept with me ?

Once I found out that was it. It was no loss either of them.

 

[perfanoff]

I can see the detestment seeping through so let me make it straight for you: I have never so much as hugged another woman while I'm in a relationship. And I'm not responsible for ANYONE's conscious and deliberate actions. The only person I will ever control is my kid if I ever get to that point.

You're the good Samaritan, and it works for you. Well I'm jolly glad for you. My most miserable days was when I was trying to make or manipulate other people to my ideals in ways like this. I haven't been let down after forgiving a cheater once or twice. I know better. They don't change. They don't want to hear and don't care, they will just be themselves. So keep fooling yourself you will prevent people from getting what THEY want. You will not.

Funny you mention the "detestment", this morning when I was typing it out, it felt like just casually answering the question, then when I read it I noticed it was full of swearing and was like "**** I hope that doesn't come off as confrontational". If it helps that's just casual conversational swearing rather than intentional swearing with bite. I'm just one of those people who drops an F bomb all the time due to their poor vocabulary.

Anyway I'm not really telling you how to live your life or pushing any ideals on you. I'm just telling you how I live, what works for me and why I do it. Like I said above, even though I decide to step aside and it's almost certain someone else will just take my place in the home wrecking, it is on a personal level that I don't want to do it. If others are going to play a different way from me, that's their decision.

Alright.

 

[Limlim]

^^^Lim, that may be the most serious post I've ever seen from you.

Bad form.

Yeah... I'm not really sure what came over me. I'd better go back to trolling!

 

[EveWasFramed]

^^^Lim, that may be the most serious post I've ever seen from you.

Bad form.

Yeah... I'm not really sure what came over me. I'd better go back to trolling!

But.....the wimmins like Serious Lim sometimes too. lol

 

[ardour]

Simple; they are trying to be nice, while knowing that they won't have to deal with any unwanted interest as a result.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Simole; they are trying to be nice, while knowing that they won't have to deal with any unwanted interest as a result.

Well, how would they know that? Plenty of married people, or engaged people, or people in relationships go outside of their relationship and find someone. Not saying that the intention is either or, but something could possibly come from it. And I'm also sure that some of those people were single. There's also plenty of married, engaged, or involved people who don't say anything to him.

 

[ardour]

Simole; they are trying to be nice, while knowing that they won't have to deal with any unwanted interest as a result.

Well, how would they know that? Plenty of married people, or engaged people, or people in relationships go outside of their relationship and find someone. Not saying that the intention is either or, but something could possibly come from it. And I'm also sure that some of those people were single. There's also plenty of married, engaged, or involved people who don't say anything to him.

It's possible, but not likely. He said the people giving the compliments were unavailable, he could be mistaken but I think it's fair to assume that they were.

It seems pretty obvious; someone else said the same thing (I should have read back a bit.)

It seems like it's easier for people to give compliments when they're socially absolved from the possibility of following up on those compliments. Thus, women in relationships can compliment men more often and more openly because they don't need to justify why they won't actually date the guy they're complimenting.

If someone who was single (male or female) gave compliments like that, it'd almost certainly be seen as them being interested in dating the person they're complementing.

---

your missing out, if they want it. Why not ?

Because it could potentially assist in destroying others' lives.

Do you have any honor or self-respect? Why would you be involved in an activity that could potentially harm someone else's relationship?

I don't play around with married women either -- not because I respect marriage, but because I respect any romantic relationship of that sort. If a woman's taken, I'm not going to allow myself to be a party to assisting in destroying a relationship.

Whoa there, that almost sounds like a morality based value-judgement.

Fascist!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Although I understand the point of view in stating that some people may compliment because they don't see it going any further than that, I can't completely agree with it. And personally for me, it goes against my logic. Because, for me, I'm in a relationship, so I don't see a point in complimenting anymore. Doesn't mean I think every dude is horrible, or that I put my dude on a pedestal. But, my mind doesn't even think about it anymore.

Also, if all he ever talks to are married or involved people, that's all he'll get. It's like always talking to tall people, then wondering why short people don't have conversations with you. If it's a problem, he could possibly steer clear of married or involved peoples. Or try to anyway.

 

[Drew88]

SO hard for woman to say to words to a guy, "wanna talk?"

 

[Regumika]

I saw a cartoon strip yesterday.

Girl: I wish there was someone like you to go out with.
Boy: Just like me?
Girl: Yeah, just like you.
Boy: How about go out with me?
Girl: Someone just like you, but not you.

sad day for the dudes, because it think it's too true too often =(

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

They are looking to swing.