Thinking about online dating

[BeyondShy]

If intellect worked like physical looks, I'd have women lined up at my door....ROFL. I actually had someone I was talking to via OLD a few years ago stop talking to be when she found out I had a PhD in computer science.

What's OLD?

 

[Solivagant]

What's OLD?

I think it stands for "Online Dating".

If intellect worked like physical looks, I'd have women lined up at my door....ROFL.

I'm pretty sure physical looks don't work like that either. At least I haven't seen any lines at anyone's door lately.

 

[Batman55]

You continue to fill this site with *********gery. I hate to be the kind of person that makes a point about ignoring someone, but at least it keeps my blood pressure down if I do.

How then do you explain men with your curse of "poor mental hygiene" doing something you say is impossible?

I've seen it. Many times.

 

[Serenia]

Whether people want to admit it or not, being able to date requires consent from society, or else a pairing will face legal action, social ostracism, or worse. If someone believes that each woman or man they meet is an isolated instance, they are fooling themselves and setting themselves up to fail, in one way or another.

Not really. I know autistic men and learning disabled men who acquired attractive girlfriends. These are men who do NOT have "good mental hygiene" according to you.

You continue to fill this site with negativity.

You continue to fill this site with *********gery. I hate to be the kind of person that makes a point about ignoring someone, but at least it keeps my blood pressure down if I do.

But go ahead, keep running in circles and lying to yourself and others. I've seen this song and dance for about a decade on the internets, and ten years later many of those people are still trapped in the same cycles. I can't claim to be much better, but unlike me, most of those people did have hopes and dreams, and they wasted their energy and time bashing their heads against some of the realities I mentioned. I on the other hand started at pretty much rock bottom, and when I stopped being afraid to believe the truth and trust my own judgement, at least I can live with myself a little better.

The reality of social engineering might be unpleasant, and there is a lot of lies and garbage out there (i.e., the social Darwinist redpillers). I'm not demanding people believe what I say, but I know I'm right on these things.

I don't believe he is filling the site in the way you so crudely described. It seems clear to me that you are the one going round in circles. Circles of negativity, and negativity is poison.

I find negativity as such an unattractive quality, and it shows in peoples features even if they are smiling in a photograph. No one else is responsible for your life but you and same goes for everyone. If negativity is what is being put out there that is what you will get back.

How do you know you are right? There are countless people out there living lives contradicting what you say.

 

[ladyforsaken]

There's no gender that has it easier here by any means.

So all things being equal, you don't think it would be easier for a woman to chat up a guy in a bar than it would be if the roles are reversed? I'd wager most men would talk to most any woman that tried to initiate a conversation. Not so the other way around.

No I don't think it would be easier for any particular gender. The only problem I see is whether one (of either gender, really) has the confidence to chat up another person and also accept the possibility of being rejected/ditched as well as their individual beliefs of whether they'd easily talk to a stranger or not. There are men and women alike who face these challenges and have such beliefs.

 

[Sci-Fi]

No name calling or insulting other members.

Dating is only difficult for those who want to make it difficult. If you aren't the type of person who can take rejection well then it isn't for you. It isn't more difficult for one gender or the other, it is only the stereotype people want to believe in.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

No name calling or insulting other members.

Dating is only difficult for those who want to make it difficult. If you aren't the type of person who can take rejection well then it isn't for you. It isn't more difficult for one gender or the other, it is only the stereotype people want to believe in.

So you don't think that a person's physical appearance has ANYTHING to do with their luck in the dating world? Especially in OLD, which is what this discussion is (mostly) about? You must be one of the "pretty ones".

 

[blackdot]

No name calling or insulting other members.

Dating is only difficult for those who want to make it difficult.

Or for those of us that weren't taught how dating works.

 

[Triple Bogey]

No name calling or insulting other members.

Dating is only difficult for those who want to make it difficult. If you aren't the type of person who can take rejection well then it isn't for you. It isn't more difficult for one gender or the other, it is only the stereotype people want to believe in.

I don't agree with that. Looks matter with both men and women. It's the same. It's not a gender issue at all. Unattractive people find it harder to get a date. Fact. End of.

 

[bender22]

I don't believe he is filling the site in the way you so crudely described. It seems clear to me that you are the one going round in circles. Circles of negativity, and negativity is poison.

I find negativity as such an unattractive quality, and it shows in peoples features even if they are smiling in a photograph. No one else is responsible for your life but you and same goes for everyone. If negativity is what is being put out there that is what you will get back.

How do you know you are right? There are countless people out there living lives contradicting what you say.

Well said!

Or for those of us that weren't taught how dating works.

What is that supposed to mean? There are dating sites SHOWERING you with great free dating advice. Anyone with an internet connection can learn how dating works. It's easier to learn how dating works now than any other time in the history of mankind.

I don't agree with that. Looks matter with both men and women. It's the same. It's not a gender issue at all. Unattractive people find it harder to get a date. Fact. End of.

It might be more challenging for unattractive people to get a date but plenty of unattractive people still manage to do it. If any male or female can't get a date, it's their fault unless they have some sort of physical disability.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

What is that supposed to mean? There are dating sites SHOWERING you with great free dating advice. Anyone with an internet connection can learn how dating works. It's easier to learn how dating works now than any other time in the history of mankind.

It might be more challenging for unattractive people to get a date but plenty of unattractive people still manage to do it. If any male or female can't get a date, it's their fault unless they have some sort of physical disability.

A website can walk you through brain surgery. Would you trust someone who had learned it from an online course?

And those of us who have been doing OLD for a LONG time and have had no responses to emails or our ad, it can't be personality since the only thing people have to go by is a picture. And one girl who did talk to me decide this week she didn't want to pursue it because she wasn't physically attracted to me. When someone tells you that, you can't really take it any other way than to acknowledge that you are handicapped by lack of looks.

 

[BeyondShy]

It might be more challenging for unattractive people to get a date but plenty of unattractive people still manage to do it. If any male or female can't get a date, it's their fault unless they have some sort of physical disability.

I hate to say it but you are probably right. No one's said I was unattractive but because I have no self-confidence in myself I see myself as unattractive and that right there proves your point. It's my fault.

 

[ladyforsaken]

And one girl who did talk to me decide this week she didn't want to pursue it because she wasn't physically attracted to me. When someone tells you that, you can't really take it any other way than to acknowledge that you are handicapped by lack of looks.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I do have to also say that that girl does not represent the whole community of the female gender. Just cos she doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean another girl won't either. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, as they say. Stop looking down on yourself so much. Maybe that might help attract some ladies who likes a guy who's comfortable in his own skin and looks and don't judge other people as such. (Not implying you do that here, just saying in general.)

 

[BeyondShy]

Ladyforsaken........nope, nope. No way. I'm not going to say what I feel about your comment. No way. Take care now!

 

[Batman55]

I hate to say it but you are probably right. No one's said I was unattractive but because I have no self-confidence in myself I see myself as unattractive and that right there proves your point. It's my fault.

This. Too many people don't understand how far confidence, and all the other little things added up, will take you. With a lot of shy/awkward folks, those other "little things" make a difference: for instance working on conversational skills, looking your best, adjusting a stiff posture--but in most cases nobody is "too far gone" that they should just sit in a corner and claim Darwinism chose them to be forever dateless, or something.

 

[BeyondShy]

I hate to say it but you are probably right. No one's said I was unattractive but because I have no self-confidence in myself I see myself as unattractive and that right there proves your point. It's my fault.

This. Too many people don't understand how far confidence, and all the other little things added up, will take you. With a lot of shy/awkward folks, those other "little things" make a difference: for instance working on conversational skills, looking your best, adjusting a stiff posture--but in most cases nobody is "too far gone" that they should just sit in a corner and claim Darwinism chose them to be forever dateless, or something.

No. I do not claim that it is my fate or destiny or that it is written in the stars that I am dateless. I don't accept it for one second. I'm furious about it and I think I should have just as many dates as the next person. I've really had it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Ladyforsaken........nope, nope. No way. I'm not going to say what I feel about your comment. No way. Take care now!

Was it something you disagreed with? It's okay to say so.. and if you prefer to let me know through PM that's fine too. I'm cool with either.

 

[bender22]

A website can walk you through brain surgery. Would you trust someone who had learned it from an online course?

And those of us who have been doing OLD for a LONG time and have had no responses to emails or our ad, it can't be personality since the only thing people have to go by is a picture. And one girl who did talk to me decide this week she didn't want to pursue it because she wasn't physically attracted to me. When someone tells you that, you can't really take it any other way than to acknowledge that you are handicapped by lack of looks.

Then take the online advice with a grain of salt and go out and test what works and what doesn't yourself. Or do you just want a magic pill that is going to give you instant success with women without having to put in any work?

If online dating isn't working for you then try other ways of meeting women. When was the last time you went out and cold approached a bunch of girls face to face? If you're not attractive, you are handicapped with online dating. I'll admit that. It's difficult for anyone to convey their personality through text, so naturally you're going to get judged by your looks a lot more on dating sites. Women will place a lot more emphasis on your personality and sub-communications when they meet you in person.

No. I do not claim that it is my fate or destiny or that it is written in the stars that I am dateless. I don't accept it for one second. I'm furious about it and I think I should have just as many dates as the next person. I've really had it.

Sounds like you're frustrated. Perfect! Now take that frustration and use it to drive change in your life! Good luck.

 

[blackdot]

It's difficult for anyone to convey their personality through text, so naturally you're going to get judged by your looks a lot more on dating sites. Women will place a lot more emphasis on your personality and sub-communications when they meet you in person.

It's actually easy to convey personality in e-mail. The problem is women aren't into e-mail these days since they moved on to texting where you can't have an actual conversation.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

And one girl who did talk to me decide this week she didn't want to pursue it because she wasn't physically attracted to me. When someone tells you that, you can't really take it any other way than to acknowledge that you are handicapped by lack of looks.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I do have to also say that that girl does not represent the whole community of the female gender. Just cos she doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean another girl won't either. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, as they say.

Thanks. However, this one incident is more of a confirmation of what my issue is. A few months ago I actually put up a fake profile with a friend's pic (with his consent) with the same EXACT profile wording of my true profile.... Hobbies, likes, etc. I got numerous responses to that profile. The only difference? The pictures. I think that's pretty good empirical evidence.

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When was the last time you went out and cold approached a bunch of girls face to face?

Hmmm....never? I dated the same girl throughout HS and college, so I never really developed those type of social skills. I'd have no clue how to act, what to say, and wouldn't have the nerve to anyway because of my preconceived notion that they'd be laughing inside (or maybe to my face) thinking "WTF does he think he's doing?"

And even in those situations, people will make a snap judgement based on looks, so the beauty-challenged of us are still at a significant disadvantage.