Treat them mean, keep them keen.

[Sigma]

Here we go again.

 

[EveWasFramed]

What? I can't post my thoughts here?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Do you honestly believe that children who steal and commit crimes will be better when they become adults?

I didn't see anyone suggesting that.

I'm not suggesting that every child who steals, say, candy will become a hardened criminal. All I'm saying is, you need to look to the child, and the influences on the child, to realize where that is coming from. And you need to correct that behavior, before it becomes a million times worse. They need to know what they did was wrong.

You might think you have enough experience with children from the limited experience with your sister's children, but I can assure you that a child's behavior is not 100 attributed to parental influence.

Jeffrey Dahmer was killing animals and decomposing them in his father's garage at the age of 8. Maybe if he had been caught then, he wouldn't have done his crimes later? And you have to put some of the blame on the parents, because they mistreated and abandoned him, and as a result, Dahmer felt angry and alone. He used his anger to commit murder.

You're using an EXTREME example that applies to very few. You can't really compare a misfit kid to a serial killer.

My mom is a child psychologist, who has dealt with thousands of children in abusive situations. She also has counseled children who have trouble at home or school.

Many of these children have ended up leading productive lives after getting out of high school, because of her influence.

But I do know what I'm talking about. I just asked her about this today, and she agreed with me on everything I said, because she has repeated this information to countless parents and social workers. And I also grew up secretly reading her textbooks around her office, because I am interested in psychology.

This is a work in progress, so please don't respond yet. I'm still trying to state things properly...

I was making an extreme example, to prove a point. I know that misfit kids don't become serial killers. But I'm trying to argue that behavior in children does echo what kind of adult they will become. I was socially awkward as a child, I became a socially awkward adult with social anxiety. Many children with depression grow up to become dependent on drugs or alcohol.

 

[ardour]

Cruelty to animals is a sign of a severe personality disorder, but petty crime isn't.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Cruelty to animals is a sign of a severe personality disorder, but petty crime isn't.

Depends on the crime.

Stealing $60 bucks in cash, and writing checks that don't belong to you (and filling out the amount), is different from shoplifting. Both are crimes, but one is more callous than the other.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Are you a social worker, Eve?

No, Are you?

I just asked her about this today, and she agreed with me on everything I said...

How convenient for you.

you can't possibly tell me that I can't be angry at the way those children treated me.

[/quote]

I never said that. Where the hell did you see me say that I said you can't be angry at the way you were treated? I think you're reading things into what I say - as usual. Because I sure as hell never said that.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Eve, I removed that because I misread what you wrote. You respond so quick, maybe I need to respond less quick. I have trouble misinterpreting things.

I think it was Vanilla who said that I should let it go. I'm sorry, I can't just let it go. They really hurt me, and I've been hurt enough.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Eve, I removed that because I misread what you wrote. You respond so quick, maybe I need to respond less quick. I have trouble misinterpreting things.

I think it was Vanilla who said that I should let it go. I'm sorry, I can't just let it go. They really hurt me, and I've been hurt enough. I probably should become a rock, and just become separate from my emotions, because being nice to people makes them think they can walk all over me and mistreat me.

I know that things children do can hurt deeply. As a mom, I've experienced it plenty of times from my own child.
It's difficult, but you have to keep reminding yourself that children just don't "get" how their behavior can make an adult feel. The majority of them don't mean to hurt anyone.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Eve, I removed that because I misread what you wrote. You respond so quick, maybe I need to respond less quick. I have trouble misinterpreting things.

I think it was Vanilla who said that I should let it go. I'm sorry, I can't just let it go. They really hurt me, and I've been hurt enough. I probably should become a rock, and just become separate from my emotions, because being nice to people makes them think they can walk all over me and mistreat me.

I know that things children do can hurt deeply. As a mom, I've experienced it plenty of times from my own child.
It's difficult, but you have to keep reminding yourself that children just don't "get" how their behavior can make an adult feel. The majority of them don't mean to hurt anyone.

This hit really close to home. Thank you, Eve, for understanding.

I probably need to go back to therapy. In fact, my mom has encouraged it. She said she needs therapy as well, because they have hurt her, too.

And the worst thing is that my sister doesn't realize how she, herself, has hurt us. I think she understands the children, because she has fought with the 8 year old's mental issues, and now the 13 year old is having behavioral issues (she needs therapy, but my sister refuses to get it for her.) She doesn't understand that she could have relieved the pressure that me and my mom felt, simply by acting like a mother, and less like a child herself. It was a bonding experience for the kids, because they had a friend, but it made everyone else in her life not respect her.

Most children don't bother me. I don't care if some random child points at me and laughs, because I don't have any emotional attachment to them. But I was a replacement dad in so many ways for my sister's kids, because she had four baby daddies and none of them wanted anything to do with her kids...as a result, I stepped in to try to be a positive influence. Maybe it was a mistake, because I deal with my own issues, but it has contributed to my depression. I formed an attachment and a bond, almost like a father would feel for them.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Most children don't bother me. I don't care if some random child points at me and laughs, because I don't have any emotional attachment to them.

The people you are closest to are the ones who can hurt you the most.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Most children don't bother me. I don't care if some random child points at me and laughs, because I don't have any emotional attachment to them.

The people you are closest to are the ones who can hurt you the most.

Isn't that so true?

+1

 

[ladyforsaken]

It's difficult, but you have to keep reminding yourself that children just don't "get" how their behavior can make an adult feel. The majority of them don't mean to hurt anyone.

This. Just this. It's sad.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Do you honestly believe that children who steal and commit crimes will be better when they become adults?

Do you honestly believe that no kid will do something wrong? Show me the perfect, never-do-anything-wrong-or-bad-kid, and I'll show you a unicorn with wings and silver blood that will make you immortal if you drink it.

Seriously... Did you never do anything wrong or bad as a kid? Nothing? At all?

It's difficult, but you have to keep reminding yourself that children just don't "get" how their behavior can make an adult feel. The majority of them don't mean to hurt anyone.

This. Just this. It's sad.

And agree with this as well.

 

[African_weasel]

What happened to all the talk about the players?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Vanilla, I'm done discussing it. Let it end.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Please stop the nit picking at each other.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Please stop the nit picking at each other.

BUT.....can I get one of those unicorns she mentions?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Best I can do, I'm sure it's blood is silver since Unicorns are magical

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Unicorns are awesome.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I love unicorns. That is a beautiful magical-looking unicorn. I long for the day when I'd actually see one. But.. I think I've found my own special unicorn.