Unattractive

[Rohini]

than your dishonest or ignorant opinion.

How can an opinion be "ignorant or dishonest"?
An opinion is subjective.

 

[ardour]

It's very unrealistic to think that appearances aren't going to matter to girls around the OP's age. Looks are essentially a 'foot in the door.' Without a minimum of physical attraction other qualities won't get to count. Working on it makes sense and it is relatively simple when it comes to losing weight, dressing better, grooming and so on.

 

[Punisher]

How can an opinion be "ignorant or dishonest"?
An opinion is subjective.

You formed an opinion without facts or knowledge, so you are either being dishonest or ignorant. Is that better?

 

[TheRealCallie]

You formed an opinion without facts or knowledge, so you are either being dishonest or ignorant. Is that better?

How did she? Is she not a woman? Is she not attracted to men? Does she not know other women? If the answers to those questions are yes, she has both facts and knowledge. She never said looks didn't matter at all.
Not every woman on this earth is shallow and/or superficial....regardless of age.

 

[Punisher]

Sorry @threejewels @TheRealCallie I haven't been myself lately, and I'm arguing about things I don't care about. I will stop now.

 

[LeeG]

@SpectraApocalypse I see several things in what your saying that I want to mention

So your a 21 year old guy. I don't believe your that ugly first of all. Maybe you are overweight but you can fix that, I was overweight and I lost a ton weight by doing simple things like drinking water instead of soda, watching the portion size of everything I ate, cutting out fast food (which saves you money). Also I increased my exercise without a lot of effort, I worked on the third floor so I always took the stairs instead of the elevator,, I always parked far away from where I was going just make changes in your routine and you would be surprised. I did it and it wasn't that difficult, because I'm somebody who's lazy and likes to eat a lot. The older I get the harder it is to meet women, but I was your age I got plenty of attention for both guys and girls. Everyone was interested back then.

As far as attracting girls, there are plenty of girls out there who aren't that attractive themselves, and they feel the same types of insecurities we do, nobody likes me. I can always go for someone with a good personality over someone who's very attractive, those super attractive women normally aren't that nice anyway. Sometimes women who are overweight are very kind . I just saying this because I believe it can be true, it's been true for me before. And I'm kind of in the same boat you are in BTW too, so maybe don't listen to me, but I do get offers sometimes even now.

Women usually like passion and confidence in guys. Try to be passionate about your work or studies, whatever it is, and talk about that. Or music or video games, have something to talk to them about. Also try to find common interests with them,, and cheat sometimes, if you find out they like something learn more about and discuss it. Don't let on that you are bored, try to be funny if that is possible, even if you make fun of yourself some, self deprecation can be the best kind of humor, Rodney Dangerfield made millions off of it.

I know how the whole experience can make you feel so down on yourself, but try your best not to let it. They to make the best of things and enjoy the things you enjoy. If it's smoking weed you like enjoy that, get some really good stuff and like smoking it. Your so young you have all the time ahead of you, try to enjoy every part of it you can. I hope something someone said can help you feel a little better anyway.

 

[Rohini]

How did she? Is she not a woman? Is she not attracted to men? Does she not know other women? If the answers to those questions are yes, she has both facts and knowledge. She never said looks didn't matter at all.
Not every woman on this earth is shallow and/or superficial....regardless of age.

Thank you...Holy ****...someone who gets it!
I had a long reply ready for him, too. lol.

 

[ardour]

How did she? Is she not a woman? ....

It's not as if that gives her perfect insight into how other women think. And an older woman’s perspective (no offense threejewels) is going to de different than that of the average 21 year old girl. OP should focus on changing his appearance first.

 

[LeeG]

of course people at drawn to people who are attractive, it's almost a natural reaction, we like somebody we want to have sex with. Then if the natural inclination to that isn't enough western culture teaches us to be that way. Most of the celebrities and musicians have to be attractive. Studies show attractive people tend to get better jobs, make more money, because they are naturally well liked by everyone, it's just how it works. I've seen a million times in business that someone stupid but pretty goes further faster then someone smart and not so attractive.

But it doesn't have to be a competition with everyone that looks better than you. It doesn't that you can't find someone that makes you happy. I think you can find it if you look hard enough.

 

[Rohini]

And an older woman’s perspective (no offense threejewels)

None taken, I'm still younger than you

Also, majority of 21 year olds don't know their ******* from a hole in the ground, just saying.

 

[user 164061]

None taken, I'm still younger than you

Also, majority of 21 year olds don't know their ******* from a hole in the ground, just saying.

Zing

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's not as if that gives her perfect insight into how other women think. And an older woman’s perspective (no offense threejewels) is going to de different than that of the average 21 year old girl. OP should focus on changing his appearance first.

It's not as if there IS a perfect insight for this topic. Every woman is different, regardless of age, regardless of anything and everything. And I'm fairly certain both her and I and Claudia have all said that the appearance thing can and should be worked on.

However, that said.....and I mean no offense...I really don't understand why men who say these things would take the advice of other men in similar positions as opposed to women who actually interact, flirt with, are attracted to, and have dated all types of men. Fairly certain, all the women posting in this thread have said on this forum that we have dated all types of men. So my question is....do you guys want advice from women who date men or do you just want people agreeing with you so you get some kind of justification or excuse to stop trying and blame someone else for your issues?

 

[Rohini]

.I really don't understand why men who say these things would take the advice of other men in similar positions as opposed to women who actually interact, flirt with, are attracted to, and have dated all types of men

BINGO!
all we are hearing from them is "yeah you're a liar"or "yeah what do you know?"

First and foremost, women are not attracted to mopey-pricks. Ok, I don't know what other way to put it. If you are constantly down on yourself, adopting the sad-sack mentality chances are no woman will want you... it's not the most admirable of traits to constantly be down on yourself and looking for others approval. all that to say - work on your inner before you become ultra fixated on the outer.

If you don't like something about yourself, change it. Work on it. don't just wallow in your misery. and come up with 98485858 excuses as to why it is the way that it is.

I still like what SkaFish said about building your confidence through being good at something.... this is logical, but no one seems to want to hear rationality.

/end rant

 

[Blue Bob]

I like what ardour said about being healthy, that is a MAJOR factor, and also what Claudia said about being clean and groomed. Other factors to consider are posture and disposition.

If you think ugly guys can't get women, go to Walmart and have a look at all the ugly guys with girls.

 

[LeeG]

I agree with @threejewels if you are down on yourself, then nobody will find that attractive or say very few people. Confidence in something is. attractive at least to me. And being well versed in a subject whether it's your studies, job, or even a hobby can be attractive, as long as it's not overkill. You never want to be a onenote if you like someone it's smart sometimes to learn what they like and try to learn something about it.

Sometimes you see guys with girls and you wonder how did he get that girl,, what does she like about him, you don't understand the physical attraction part of it. Sometimes it's not obvious. But it happens, but I would never count on it. It's almost like lightening striking sometimes.

 

[Rohini]

But it doesn't have to be a competition with everyone that looks better than you.

True, Lee...

You will always lose by comparison, always. It's one of the principles in Buddhism that always rang out to me:

"Equal I am, or better, of less degree": All such idle fancies lead to strife" Equal to, better or less than... all forms of conceit

There will always be someone out there better than you in whatever way - better looking, better job, has more money etc etc etc - All anyone can do is to accept that, try to be the best version of whoever you are. .
and live your life.

 

[LeeG]

@SpectraApocalypse you are such a young guy, don't give up. You can make even subtle appearance changes that will make a difference. If you don't like your hair color it, straighten or curl it, grow it or cut it off. As guys we can get away with anything pretty much in that department.

When I was your age I didn't have your problem meeting people, I was kind of considered hot back then. But I always wanted what I couldn't have. I wanted people that didn't want me, and in the end I wound up alone, so don't make that mistake. If someone like other people better than me that really turned me on. And along the way I got a lot of good offers that I turned down, and I hurt some people too. i felt like if somebody was after me there must be something wrong with them. I was also in a 15 year relationship with someone I would say was more physically attractive than me, but not so much on the inside, and that also didn't end well. When you get older everything changes, looks fade, and you no longer have the opportunities you once had.

It's so weird sometimes you have to not look to find someone, sometimes they end up approaching you, you never know but there are people out there, and I am sure that if you look, it will happen for you. Look for the underdog.

 

[SpectraApocalypse]

So firstly the serious reply:
Feeling unattractive is a horrible thing, I have a number of medical conditons that effects the way I look, I have a curved spine, one arm massively bigger than the other and a conditon that effects my eyes so the outer me is far from what I would say is attractive. It relies on someone looking past all that and seeing the inner me.

I try not to worry about the outer me (far far easier said that done) as there is very little that I can do to change it, but what is more important is the inner me. Partly why I haven't set a profile picture on here as yet, you all get to know me because of the things that I say, not what I look like and if you like and accept me for that, then I know the inner me is all and I can be happy with the person I am on the inside, then hopefully it's just a matter of time before I find someone willing to look past the outer me and seeing the me on the inside which you are all seeing. Yes it might take a long time, (I'm more than twice your age) but I am sure that it will happen one day. Question is, are you happy with the inner you?

Ok, not so serious answer:
If you really think that way about Love, then maybe you should become a Wedding Singer:


Love doesn't stink by the way, and your statement "**** love is all I gotta say." you don't really mean that or you wouldn't be so bothered about it.

To answer your question, I am not happy withy inner self

 

[Claudia1794]

That’s pretty obvious by the way you describe yourself. What is 1 thing you like about yourself. Start with 1 and go from there. So, what is 1 thing you like about yourself?

 

[SpectraApocalypse]

I know how the whole experience can make you feel so down on yourself, but try your best not to let it. They to make the best of things and enjoy the things you enjoy. If it's smoking weed you like enjoy that, get some really good stuff and like smoking it.

Thank you for being the first person not to tell me to stop smoking. Also I do smoke good weed.