Virginity . . . My private shame

[TooMuchAnxiety]

I was thirty before I finally lost my virginity. I can relate to how you feel, but I admire the fact that you actually opened up to someone about it. I kept that fact a secret (well, I never told anyone, my guess is my friends probably knew).

As others have said, it's really nothing we should be ashamed of. You're not hurting anyone, it doesn't impact anyone else's life, and it's not like you're a criminal. Keep your head up and try to stay positive. I know that's easier said than done, but believe me you are not alone.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

I´d like to say something about this. It may not be so encouraging as what most of you people say, and it may be even hurtful. But its my input on the theme.

What most of you people seem to perceive with virginity, is sex only. Yes, you add the emotional attachment to it, but thats not really the point I´m talking about.
I´m talking about what does "I´m a virgin" say to one that is.
It says you are not normal. Everyone is having sex, having relationships and so on, and why not me? It must mean that I´m undesirable, I´m weird, I´m a less of a man. The whole thing of not being able to do what is one of the most integral parts of human nature (no matter how intellectual we try to be, the fact is, that as a human beings we are not relieved of the rules of the nature. Thus, our sexual needs.) is isolating a person in his own eyes in from the society, because, "It seems I´m not a part of it".
The feeling of being of less value as a man (some biologist should have an input here, about the evolutionary need for men to be MEN) is the most devastating fact about it.
No matter if its true or not, this, I believe, is what our mind tells us. No matter how much we want to ignore the fact of others living lives that that we desire, we are still uncountiously reminded of this. Thus the reason for many virgins having self esteem issues.

I know that what I wrote may be quite hurtful, but I do believe that this is true. In one way, not that its the right one, virginity does matter. At least for the one who is the virgin.
I´m sorry I dont have any advice. I wish you the best, calm mind, or whatever you desire. And I wish that for all of you who are being held by this.

 

[Cucuboth]

I´d like to say something about this. It may not be so encouraging as what most of you people say, and it may be even hurtful. But its my input on the theme.

What most of you people seem to perceive with virginity, is sex only. Yes, you add the emotional attachment to it, but thats not really the point I´m talking about.
I´m talking about what does "I´m a virgin" say to one that is.
It says you are not normal. Everyone is having sex, having relationships and so on, and why not me? It must mean that I´m undesirable, I´m weird, I´m a less of a man. The whole thing of not being able to do what is one of the most integral parts of human nature (no matter how intellectual we try to be, the fact is, that as a human beings we are not relieved of the rules of the nature. Thus, our sexual needs.) is isolating a person in his own eyes in from the society, because, "It seems I´m not a part of it".
The feeling of being of less value as a man (some biologist should have an input here, about the evolutionary need for men to be MEN) is the most devastating fact about it.
No matter if its true or not, this, I believe, is what our mind tells us. No matter how much we want to ignore the fact of others living lives that that we desire, we are still uncountiously reminded of this. Thus the reason for many virgins having self esteem issues.

I know that what I wrote may be quite hurtful, but I do believe that this is true. In one way, not that its the right one, virginity does matter. At least for the one who is the virgin.
I´m sorry I dont have any advice. I wish you the best, calm mind, or whatever you desire. And I wish that for all of you who are being held by this.

THIS. Sums it all up quite well I think.

It does effect self-esteem. I'm 38, and still a virgin. And not by choice. OK, some would say that it is by choice, because if I really wanted to loose it, I could go and pay for it. But that's what I've been told pretty much all my life. That the only chance of intimate physical contact I'll ever have is to pay for it. And rightly or wrongly, that hits self-esteem as well. All I really want is to share the experience with someone who wants to share it with me too. There doesn't have to be love, just .... to feel that someone cares about me, in that way .... to feel that someone isn't afraid to touch me, or be touched by me ....

Being a virgin at this age, does make me feel out of place with the world. It adds to the feeling of not fitting in. Not belonging. I hear that it's a normal, natural human desire ... but for everyone else, it seems. It feels like anything to do with sex, and me, is disgusting and revolting to everyone else. Therefore, I must be disgusting and revolting too ....

Being told that you shouldn't be ashamed of it, sort of actually adds to the feeling that, at least for me, that I am. Because I don't want to be a virgin. But ... I guess it feels like everyone else wants me to be, and I don't understand why.

Sorry this probably doesn't make much sense, Huh, I've even found that therapists don't understand it, and they just trot out the lines of going to pay for it. It makes me feel more isolated. That you are all human ... but I am some kind of monster ...

 

[Triple Bogey]

I lost mine at 21. Turned out a few weeks later that the girl thought our relationship was a "just for fun" thing and ended it. Yay me. Four of my good friends are still virgin, the oldest being 30 now. They are cool people and their lives are turning out pretty awesome imo. It doesn't really change anything so don't worry about it too much. There are other more important things to worry about.

Yeah dude, what you said. Right on brother.

But on the other hand, if being a virgin is really that bothersome to think about, is it worth it save up and hire an escort?

Or would it be degrading to some folks? I am actually kind of curious.
I myself dont think its degrading at all, I actually think its totally worth it. You can easily blow the same amount or more on other crappy hobbies or getting wasted.... But I have never gone through it either... (sorry for the thread hijack - I am interested in OP's opinion)

The 'paying for it' argument has been discussed on here before.
My own opinion is I don't see nothing wrong with it, as long as it's in a safe environment.

 

[Annie Bodie]

Never mind, someone already asked it.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I lost my virginity when I was 19 years old and I simply regret it. Deep down I strongly thought this person loved me and would be with me but I was completely wrong in the matter. Through out my whole life I've chosen a lot of horrible men who treated me like I was nothing. Sex isn't something you should rush into. Sometimes I wish I could have waited but I lost it already and I know I can't change what has happened already. Don't focus too much on what other people will think of you, focus more on what you think is right for you. If you don't lose you're virginity until your older than that's when it'll happen. In my opinion people rush sex rather quickly, I enjoy getting to know the person better before I do anything sexual. My ways have changed after what I've experienced in my past. Do what's right for you, don't pay no mind to what others may think of you. Their opinion doesn't matter. ~hug~