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I don't feel anything. I hope I can forget everything. I think it's time for me to go to sleep. I can't remember anything and I don't want to.
 
Hope my insides are normal by tomorrow, **** that shitty food.
 
I remember when my job was an awesome place to work, the TLS and managers were way better than the shitty ones we have now. I also miss some people who have moved on, either quit or fired but they were awesome. We used to have prank wars and even the TL would get on on it from time to time. Things have changed so much here, it's so depressing to come to work. By the end of the week I'm so burnt and counting till my weekend starts. I have to take it one day at a time because the thought of coming back next week to this miserable place is overwhelming.
 
I'M DONE. Not done, done. Just done. Tired and bored of having to do that all the time. 4 weeks to go but no more seminars, thank goodness. After that it's time to hustle back across the country. And then switch countries. But right now I want to sit back for a couple of hours. Where is the joy in hurriedly consumed meals?

I wonder what bitterness and hatred must feel like, especially that level of it. I hope I never find out. There's too much going on in the world to devote any time or energy to such feelings. Indifference does a better job anyway.
 
I virtually stalk one person I have a crush on and I know it's not normal and it makes me feel like I'm crazy person... There, I said it. Now I need to stop doing that. I will. This was the first step. Please don't judge me...:/
 
Nely Lo said:
I virtually stalk one person I have a crush on and I know it's not normal and it makes me feel like I'm crazy person... There, I said it. Now I need to stop doing that. I will. This was the first step. Please don't judge me...:/

I've been there too. It's unhealthy but not that uncommon. Good on you to try and change your behavior, good luck!
 
Volt said:
Nely Lo said:
I virtually stalk one person I have a crush on and I know it's not normal and it makes me feel like I'm crazy person... There, I said it. Now I need to stop doing that. I will. This was the first step. Please don't judge me...:/

I've been there too. It's unhealthy but not that uncommon. Good on you to try and change your behavior, good luck!

I've stalked so many people online. I'm like a virtual nosey neighbour. I don't have facebook anymore so I guess no more stalking for me. Haha
 
Nely Lo said:
I virtually stalk one person I have a crush on and I know it's not normal and it makes me feel like I'm crazy person... There, I said it. Now I need to stop doing that. I will. This was the first step. Please don't judge me...:/

On the contrary, it IS normal; that is to say that many people actually do this.

If you like someone why hide the fact that you're curious about them, though it would be better to speak to them lol.
 
Thank you guys, I feel better after reading your comments... because I failed after that first step... Glad to see that I'm not alone :)

9006 said:
If you like someone why hide the fact that you're curious about them, though it would be better to speak to them lol.
That would be smart, but it's (as Ralph Wiggum said) unpossible. :D I would rather die. ( yes, I'm adult person :D)
And I think he knows... Time will cure me, I guess. :)
 
I feel like nowhere is safe for me. Everywhere I go, murderers and rapists follow.

I have no hope. Any time I did it was murdered, or realized long enough only for it to be crushed.

I'm thinking about how everyone has stabbed me in the back and laughed at my misery while they did so.

I remember how things were when I was a child, how I was ignorant and full of love. I remember how this was what caused me to be taken advantage of; ultimately, it was my own compassion that caused me to become as hateful as I am today.
 
I am being too strong, I am doing all the things that I need to do like a robot, and yet I haven't spoken with one (friendly) person in 10 days, and I am afraid that this is it, this is my life, just fighting alone, and I fear that one day I will just stop as I have nothing, no one to fight for.
 
Nely Lo said:
I virtually stalk one person I have a crush on and I know it's not normal and it makes me feel like I'm crazy person... There, I said it. Now I need to stop doing that. I will. This was the first step. Please don't judge me...:/

Stalking involves harassment ie. contact with the person. Sure they would probably be creeped out if they knew about it, but obsessive snooping isn't in itself stalking.
 
Every festival day, Thanksgiving, Christmas etc., I'm full of remembrance for years past and how things were back then.

I've lived through some really grim years and come out the other side, more in control, more prosperous and certainly less desperate than I have been in the past. Happier? Not really. Contented? Intermittently. But oh gosh, how I miss the feeling of belonging that enveloped me with a secure knowing of how I fit in to my childhood home city, the British colony of Hong Kong in the 1960's.

It's a lost place and time, I'm different and H.K. is too and all my old friends are scattered around the world.
 
Not sure how to deal with this. Not even sure how to process it. Don't quite understand why it has to be that way either.

It's gotta be everyone against me, eventually. Even when I didn't exactly change or do anything.

Maybe it's my fault that I can never be as selfish as everyone else out there. So I always end up being that person.

Not sure what or how to feel right now but a huge lump of sad sits at the bottom of my heart and how it weighs everything down with it. Tears won't even describe how I actually feel right now.

It all seems absolutely pointless at this point. Why bother, right? It's not like I am anything at all.

At times like this, sometimes I wish cancer would just remove me instead of just dragging me along like this (what do you really want from me, cancer? You're just so selfish too.). It saves people from having my presence around and saves me from going through all the pain and heartache in life. I try not to think like this and be grateful but hey, I'm human and I have feelings too whether people like it or not. Whether people care or not. Oh well.

So sick of this. I just want to disappear.
 
How music, art and the company of others is often an antidote to the feeling of living a meaningless life.
 

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