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I'm feeling angry and frustrated with myself, and with my body. Things will change. Things have to change. There are so many things I want to do and achieve, and I do not want these limitations- physical and otherwise- to hold me back from realizing my aspirations.
 
I would love a kitten. Unhappily, my husband is allergic to cats, so I have learned to appreciate the birdsong from my window. The more I listen, the more I hear the varied noises and calls they make. It's very interesting and pleasant to listen to.
 
Whenever (this happens very rarely) I tell someone I am not feeling ok and they ask me why and if I want to talk about it, I always make some excuse or say it will get better or I'm just overreacting or I'll get get over it or something along those lines. So the person drops it. And then that upsets me even more :( This probably the wrong thread to post this but I didn't wanna create a new one.....
 
I feel like I'm stuck in a mental loop. I know what I should be doing, I know what to do to get out of it, but sometimes I just don't. I let it happen, even though I know I'll be upset. I was told not to suppress these things and to allow myself to feel them, but it's exhausting and repetitive.
 
I should just take that as a reminder to only trust information I've acquired at first-hand...or rather with my own eyes and ears.
 
People can think what they want of me. I just need to keep reminding myself that I just have to stay true to myself and to others I talk to. Nothing else matters. If people think what I do or how I am is bad, or that it's not good enough, I gotta try to tell myself that they're wrong and that I shouldn't listen to them.



... that's not working out so well right now, honestly.
 
That felt great. I think I did okay, even if I did occasionally switch languages. I didn't feel any anxiety at all. Maybe because even if it was several hundred people, it was mainly adolescents. Practice makes perfect. The kids I went with did awesome.
The only smudge on the whole thing was the unwarranted lecture on 'get married now or you'll become old and unwanted' that came out of nowhere after the session. I didn't know why he chose to single me out, but now that I know he's been married 4 times before and has that reaction to most women, it makes a little more sense.
 
I don't mind gay people, except when I discover they are after I got interested in them.

:/
 
You really haven't thought through the possible consequences of your actions. It may seem like a throwaway remark; just showing off in front of your friends, but one day you're going to run into someone that takes offence and decides to bury a claw hammer in your skull...
 
Im thinking about the cake that I ate yesterday. I want another piece but my bed has finally accepted me as one of its own and now im forced to stay
 
I know I shouldn't eventhough I'm tempted to. I know it isn't going to lead anywhere, in fact, you've probably moved on already. I can't be selfish and keep doing this to you. Eventhough I miss you terribly and I wish I could hear your voice again.

No. Vent it out. And hopefully I won't do something stupid.
 
Walk out sweaty, unwashed, and in workout clothes, thinking it's fine, it's not like I'm not going to meet anyone I know.. and then run into four people within half an hour. Great.
*

Let it rain,
Let it rain,
Friday morning, let it rain.
Desperate words of despair,
Let it rain.

Seriously. I'll do the damn rain dance if I have to.
 
Feeling utterly helpless. Behind closed doors is easier to handle and deal with, but in public with all those f#&king ignorant people judging, tutting as he does his thing, whispering and being outright hostile. It is hard enough to manage without people telling me I should be ashamed of myself for raising "that thing". Shame you can't see why because his brain doesn't work like yours. He has different needs than you do, sometimes the mass of anxiety shows in a physical sense, anything to make him feel safe. Why because YOU don't understand why waste your breath on making me feel bad when all I am doing is my best. My best when no one listens, my best when it is turned on me for hours at a time. Well f@$k you.
 
I feel lost. I can't find myself anymore. I seem to be driving people away. I am so involved with these family matters I am so tired all the time. My depression feels worse than ever and I don't know what to do anymore I have exhausted all the routes available to me, anything else would cause problems for my family. Feeling like this drains my energy and I don't know what to say to my friends. My best friend checks on me everyday, she came and sat with me the other and I knew I didn't need to talk, she just made us a warm drink and sat with me. I have two other friends one local one further away I hear from and that means the world to me. But I have two other friends and they just disappear when I feel like this, and they say I haven't heard from you, I am just at a loss for words. Oh and for here I am sorry if I haven't wrote back to anyone, I am just not there. And that lovely man who liked me and wanted me, made laugh. What an idiot.
 

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