user 139760
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Remember the Alamo.
TheSkaFish said:Feeling sad.
Missing different people, for different reasons.
Missing times when things were different, and I still felt hopeful. It's been pretty hard to feel that way these days.
Tealeaf said:Every time I leave the city to go home I just feel kind of depressed. I hate this small town. It's like purgatory -- where people go when there's no more hope, no ambition, nothing left.
In an actual city, anything I could ever want is within walking distance of each other. Upscale coffee shops, book stores, book clubs, fast food, open-walled Jamaican bars, grocery stores that are also cafes serving you Thai peanut tofu wraps, parks, churches, comic book stores, tattoo shops, psychics, furniture stores, daycares.
I visited a small coffee shop, an actual nonchain coffee shop and wanted to take some pictures. One of the baristas jokingly posed for me and said he should try being a male model. I love just having these little interactions, and having somewhere to go where I can get them.
Everywhere there's people living out interconnected lives elbow to elbow. Garbage and noise and music and phone calls on every corner. A biker stops at a traffic light and you can hear his songs on an old-fashioned boombox. Snatches of conversation from people walking by. Dogs.
Houses in brick and stone and wood in a hundred different colors in a thousand states of disrepair. Plants and flowers and vines springing up under your feet and art sprayed on walls. You look down a street of houses and it's a tunnel of green and stone filled with flowers like something from a Miyazaki film.
Festival there today, too. Streets closed for people to walk down.
I hate that I only have enough time to make the trip into the cities on weekends, and the rest of the time I have to sit here rotting in a town where the most interesting thing is a Qdoba and some second-rate gardens. I got home today and just cried a bit.
Hazed said:^ Why doesnt he?
Tealeaf said:At this point, I feel like it's almost more trouble than it's worth to be dating. All I can think about is the last few people who didn't stick with me through our first fight, prioritized other things in life, couldn't even set aside a few hours a week to talk without video games or phones in the way...
I realize I really can't gauge people very well. And I have no idea how to approach a relationship now.
How often should we even talk as a couple?
We didn't do anything special for Valentine's Day because we both wanted to rest from work. Is this a sign of us being non-material, or a sign that he doesn't value me because he didn't offer something big?
Should we even be having sex this early? Will he get bored if I give it to him too much and once he's seen all there is to see?
Sounds crazy to even wonder if someone would value me more if I did things differently. I never liked games or people who play them. But they're not the ones who have trouble keeping someone interested once things aren't convenient or novel anymore, I am.
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