What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[Siku]

That feeling of not knowing what I want to feel.

 

[nibbysaurus]

Heartbroken. Her ashes came home today. I'm not ready

 

[humourless]

Im thinking how lucky all the members are here to have me back.  The forum is blessed because of me.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I've invested a lot of my energy on tensing myself up for conflict lately. And because of that, it's caused me to neglect my connections, which are what's really important.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Aaaand we're back to cold weather again. It just never wants to give up around here. Feeling a little sick and trying to soothe my sore throat with some tea. Haven't had a cold in a long time, figures I'd get one now...ugh.

Other than that, I watched the second LEGO movie the other day. I really like the messages of those movies, and the nostalgia feel of my own time playing with LEGOs with my brothers. I wish I had thought outside the box more, combined themes more often, and we had more time to come up with ideas together.

 

[windowtothesky]

Don't be surprised when worse than you imagined happens.

 

[windowtothesky]

If I don't waken up the world will be a safer place.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Feeling angry but also enjoying the irony of a certain kind of person.  It's funny how they will tell you all day and night to be happy with less, lower your expectations, settle, just accept your fate.  But then when it happens to them, when life denies them good things and heaps problems on them, they get all mad and sad just like anyone.  And when others tell these people the same things they say, they don't like it.  They say that their complaining and unhappiness is somehow different and more justified, but it really isn't.  You would think they would do as they say and take it on the chin, like they tell others to do, but no.  They defend survival of the fittest as long as they think they are the fittest.  But when life turns on them, when it turns out the game is not their friend, they change their tune.  

Oh, so you're having a hard time?  Oh, but somewhere down the line you may have said or done some good things once?  You're struggling, you're unhappy, you feel hopeless?  You're in pain?  Good.  Then you can see how it feels.  You only like the game when you're winning.  **** you, you smug, self-righteous pricks. Shitheads.  Hypocrites.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Still angry.

How dare you talk down to me, saying I'm not worth anything. How about you take your attitude and shove it up your ass. ******.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Hope you're okay there, Ska.

What am I feeling, thinking, hoping, remembering? I'm just thinking of him and the situation he's in. I'm kinda feeling numbed, I'm not excited about any of his plans. I don't know how to be when so much resentment lies within. I'm being nice, I'm trying to be supportive and I just don't want him to disturb my life anymore. I don't recall him contributing any good for me or for my benefit. All I can remember of him since I was a kid, are all negative things and I hate that at this age, he is still bothering me with his ****.

I've never bothered him with mine.

Why can't you just leave me alone and understand that where I am today is partly because of your selfishness thus I don't really want to have anything to do with you anymore. I'm sad to feel this way but, it's the truth.

 

[constant stranger]

I tended my mother's grave again today, four and a half months after she died.  The frozen clods of earth thawed out and then the loosened soil was washed down into the grave by our springtime torrential rains this year, leaving a sinkhole like effect.  So I've filled in the hole myself with good topsoil.  It was an odd experience shoveling earth into her grave out there in that little cemetery, surrounded by miles of farm fields bisected by tree rows, the mid west USA prairie spread out like a quilt beneath the sky.  I've seeded the bare earth rectangle with buffalograss seed....a practical turfgrass for this area.

Like any veteran of a long conflict I visit the dead.  Mom was a really difficult person and our family was a slow motion train wreck.  It's important to me that our grave and our acreage that I still live on look nice and well tended.....I think every day how our lives could have been so different.  Like making a recipe in the kitchen, just a few changes would make such a change:  oven not so hot, a pinch less salt, a bit more oregano......Well I can't change the past: I wish I'd been happier, more cheerful, less obsessed with how awful mom, dad and my brothers were, how I was left to clean up their mistakes with no one to help and then to have to think ahead for the next time they blunder.
But given what I had to work with I should  be satisfied with what I did do.  And now?  With three dead out of the original five I feel the wish to....atone?  No....to finish somehow, to render us in death a good looking family and in life, these next twenty or so years I have left, to perform well, live contentedly  and  also give something back to my community.  Rather than being a servant and fix-it guy for family fumbles how about I engage in some proactive tasks? 
I'll report more later sometime.

 

[humourless]

I tended my mother's grave again today, four and a half months after she died.  The frozen clods of earth thawed out and then the loosened soil was washed down into the grave by our springtime torrential rains this year, leaving a sinkhole like effect.  So I've filled in the hole myself with good topsoil.  It was an odd experience shoveling earth into her grave out there in that little cemetery, surrounded by miles of farm fields bisected by tree rows, the mid west USA prairie spread out like a quilt beneath the sky.  I've seeded the bare earth rectangle with buffalograss seed....a practical turfgrass for this area.

Like any veteran of a long conflict I visit the dead.  Mom was a really difficult person and our family was a slow motion train wreck.  It's important to me that our grave and our acreage that I still live on look nice and well tended.....I think every day how our lives could have been so different.  Like making a recipe in the kitchen, just a few changes would make such a change:  oven not so hot, a pinch less salt, a bit more oregano......Well I can't change the past: I wish I'd been happier, more cheerful, less obsessed with how awful mom, dad and my brothers were, how I was left to clean up their mistakes with no one to help and then to  have to think ahead for the next time they blunder.
But given what I had to work with I should  be satisfied with what I did do.  And now?  With three dead out of the original five I feel the wish to....atone?  No....to finish somehow, to render us in death a good looking family and in life, these next twenty or so years I have left, to perform well, live contentedly  and  also give something back to my community.  Rather than being a servant and fix-it guy for family  fumbles how about I engage in some proactive tasks? 
I'll report more later sometime.

well written in my opinion. that was a good . very honest and realistic. hope life turns out well  for you

 

[TheSkaFish]

^Hope you're okay there, Ska.

Yeah, just some little pissant got on my nerves, probably more than I should have allowed them to but I felt I needed to vent to get it off my chest.  I felt better shortly afterwards.  It's nothing, I'm OK.  As OK as I can be.  Thanks, Lady, for asking, as always.  And just being nice to me in general.

How are you?  I've noticed your posts lately, and it sounds like you're having a hard time.  Even though I can be a slow responder myself, I'm always open to talk/can try to make some time if you feel like it.

 

[MissBehave]

Thinking that this life can be so difficult sometimes. I’m hanging on but.. it hurts.

 

[MissBehave]

Seeing some great changes in a cat. Our first meeting was him hiding under the sofa, ears flat on his head and constantly licking his mouth, so scared that i had to literally spend 30 minutes to even get him to sniff my hand. He is so beautiful, tiger stripes in gray, brown and black.
Today he greeted me at the door with mjauing () and as soon as I sat down he jumped up on my lap so he could demand some cuddles.
Wish I could take him home with me.

 

[nibbysaurus]

If we wanted you to know our business, we would have included you in it directly

 

[ladyforsaken]

Not sure how to feel about all that's happening right now. All I know is, I'm not agreeable with a lot of things but as usual, I don't have much say.

Feels like life is just passing by and I'm wasting time.

 

[ahsatan]

everything is ****

 

[Siku]

Time to curl up and want to die. Again. That's what I get for letting my emotions get the better of me again.

 

[Phantimos]

So many feelings and conflicting emotions ramming up against one another. The end result is nothing. I feel empty and neutral.