What are you thinking right now?

[Oldyoung]

Something, give me resolve to get started with all this stuff.

 

[user 115627]

No, that's fine. Sometimes its better to have a looking-in-from-the-outside perspective because that way you see both sides.

Hey, I know how I acted before. I was very cautious when I first got here even though I was joining a community that I thought had people that felt the same way I do about things and that meant how you felt about yourself and how you interacted with others. And in a sense I feel I found the right place.

But even though I felt I should have been "one of them" so to speak they never made me feel that way. People didn't ask me jackshit about myself but I saw them do it with others and right or wrong that got me more defensive.

You say people in here don't forget so easily? That's another thing I got in common with them because I have one hell of a memory. I don't know if that is a blessing or a curse.

Well, there is being cautious and then there's excessive awareness bordering on paranoia. And at the very start you did jump on a lot of people's throats - including mine - for no good reason. You know I and others didn't take kindly to this behavior. Whether you were born this way or made into it by trauma and past experiences is your own problem foremost. You were new here and that means casting away some of the bad experiences and going in with an open mind. I don't remember when exactly things started going downhill for you...just that it happened rather quickly once the ball got rolling.

Since I'm not conventionally lonely I suppose I never really bothered being one of them - whoever this includes at the end of the day. When I got in here first I just put everything out there that could give a solid impression of me - a basis to either relate to me or dismiss me. I didn't mind people not asking questions unless they actually related. Some are just more accessible than others and I'm more of a venter/isolationist than a conversation starter anyway.

There is a lot of phony niceness in here Rodent. I don't know if you have seen it or not but something tells me you have. I have never learned to play that game properly. If you are not nice to me or you have just pretended to be nice to me like some people have I won't act like I don't know what is going on. Those people that have been decent with me I make sure to be that way back to them. I think that's the only way to be.

I don't think I'm in a position to judge this. I don't know if it's actual phoniness or if it's just my disconnection from normal social individuals that makes me have thoughts along the lines of: "Why are you saying this now? You don't even know me...why do you bother all of a sudden?" These kinda thoughts are actually just putting myself down. My general mercilessness plays a huge role too. I cannot understand why people who butted heads at some point would show concern on another - even if time passed inbetween.

Maybe I'm thinking too logical about this. I'm pretty **** dismissive myself, so when somebody made a seriously ruinous impression of him/herself, it usually sticks with me. Mostly I just do and say what I deem necessary in the spur of the moment to maintain balance. As a rule of thumb, I don't really care about others from the bottom of my heart, but I will treat everyone equally until they prove themselves worthy or unworthy by my standards.

 

[Paraiyar]

That person with the stubbed toe is probably not out to bite people who wish them well.

Gee, thanks.

BeyondShy no one is out to get you but the fact that you think everyone wants to ends up turning people against you. Just try and relax on here and things will go better for you.

Triple Bogey and Amy were both trying to help you right now and you responded with hostility to both of them. My advice is don't ever do that, it will just end up hurting you and no one else.

 

[BeyondShy]

You were new here and that means casting away some of the bad experiences and going in with an open mind. I don't remember when exactly things started going downhill for you...just that it happened rather quickly once the ball got rolling.

I think I had as much an open mind about people here as they did about me. Although you may be right, I did not cast aside my bad experiences. I just saw them happening again when they took zero interest in me.

When I got in here first I just put everything out there that could give a solid impression of me - a basis to either relate to me or dismiss me. I didn't mind people not asking questions unless they actually related. Some are just more accessible than others and I'm more of a venter/isolationist than a conversation starter anyway.

I will say I did not do that. But I did say some things and no one gave a ****. When that happened I retreat and keep going.

BeyondShy no one is out to get you but the fact that you think everyone wants to ends up turning people against you. Just try and relax on here and things will go better for you.

I am afraid to answer you because I may be accused of being hostile.

Triple Bogey and Amy were both trying to help you right now and you responded with hostility to both of them. My advice is don't ever do that, it will just end up hurting you and no one else.

How in the fresia was my response to her hostile? TELL ME. I really want to know. All I said to her was "Gee, thanks." Something wrong with that? Or is it because I said it that you all want to make a big deal about it?

But Bogey said this to me: "You are a dick, sir !" I don't see anywhere where you are saying he wasn't being hostile to me. Is that how you see it? People can say whatever the hell they want to me and that's fine but if I say "Gee thanks" to someone I am going to be accused of being hostile? I am very anxious to read how you explain this one.

To me: You are a dick, sir ! That's ok!!!!! Attaway Bogey!
I say: Gee thanks. Oh my God Beyond Shy you said something hostile again.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I didn't take it as hostile. No worries.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Let's not get the biggest thread on the forum closed, please (wary)

 

[Paraiyar]

I thought the "Shouldn't you be taking more photos?" line kind of sounded that way but because the "you sir are a dick" line got misquoted, I kind of thought it came from you. My bad. He probably shouldn't have said that but you did kind of start it and the response to Amy sounded sarcastic to me but if she's fine with it then fine.

Wasn't saying any of this to have a go at you.

 

[user 130057]

Shitbox.

 

[BeyondShy]

I thought the "Shouldn't you be taking more photos?" line kind of sounded that way but because the "you sir are a dick" line got misquoted, I kind of thought it came from you. My bad. He probably shouldn't have said that but you did kind of start it and the response to Amy sounded sarcastic to me but if she's fine with it then fine.

I'm sorry but that's not good enough. No where did you say you were sorry for assuming I said that. It was easy for you to accuse me of this so it should be just as easy to say to me you're sorry.

Wasn't saying any of this to have a go at you.

Could have fooled me.

I didn't take it as hostile. No worries.

I wasn't worried. Not for one second. That is until I was being accused.

Let's not get the biggest thread on the forum closed, please (wary)

Yes Ma'am.

 

[beautiful loser]

Please tell me that you are really a 15 year old girl and it will ALL Make Sense to me!

 

[BeyondShy]

Please tell me that you are really a 15 year old girl and it will ALL Make Sense to me!

<sigh> Another member of the clique shows up. Take another shot at me, no one will think it's hostile.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm thinking (yeah, the topic of the thread, go figure), that I don't want to work any more tonight, but I will keep going because it's a busy busy week.

 

[Paraiyar]

Alright then, BeyondShy, I'll leave you be.

 

[BeyondShy]

Alright then, BeyondShy, I'll leave you be.

So that's what I said? All I said was you had no problem at all saying I said something hostile. You should have had no problem apologizing. Or don't I matter?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sigh.....

 

[kamya]

I like eggs.

 

[Aisha]

I really did make an attempt to not say anything this time. If it's not my business I don't usually comment unless I'm asked for my opinion. But if you sit me down to talk about something like that I'm going to be plain about what I think. I'll say exactly what I'm thinking especially if the topic is in relation to me, and you know that. That's not a part of me I can shut off. You know exactly how I am and you still initiate these discussions and then get annoyed by my bluntness. Please do not insist on telling me how and what to think. I understand that every cloud has a silver lining and I am grateful for all the experiences I've gone through in my life. But a negative experience will remain so, no matter what positive spin you put on it in hindsight, whether there have been lessons learnt from it or not. I know you had good intentions, but in the end it's the real world experiences or lack thereof that it translated to that matters.

 

[SlayGuy138]

Do you any know what an ouroboros is? It's this ancient symbol of a snake eating its own tail. It implies something that's cyclic and goes on forever. I'd say my life is an ouroboros, a consistent exercise in futility, with torment never truly ending, and any pleasure only being around for moments. I want to break free. I want to become my own person. I owe it to myself to become the god of my own life. But any effort I ever try and make toward commandeering the runaway train that is my life is thwarted. Even if I did somehow manage to gain controls, I'd probably just crash it anyway.

 

[Serenia]

I know people mean well, but it is so annoying at the moment, where I am so busy I can't remember things. People think why don't you just? Why don't you do it then? Most days lately are filled from 6.30 a.m. until 11ish at night and I manage to eat while doing other things. If I could just do I would, if I could just fit it in I would. I always try and think what someone is coping with when I speak, but I am not afforded with the same courtesey. Even typing this while eating some lunch. Then is another mass of other jobs and errands and other people to sort out.

On a rant now, and since when has it been ok to comment on me wearing no make up and my hair in a ponytail, just because I literally only had time for that this morning while making sure the people in two homes are well cared for. Just feel like throwing them my keys and saying well you do it then.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

3 hours of migraine and weakness...2 hours of sleep. Don't let anyone buy your sleeping drugs for you.