Haven't posted for some weeks. Never had any real thoughts to post since starting this medication weeks ago. It was a relief to not have anything to think, just a blank slate in my brain. I was happier feeling blank, robotic...than the 20+ yrs of overwhelming emotions I constantly felt.
He's back, so now my thoughts are all over the place. I don't want to let him back into my life, my thoughts, my future. I am happier, well not happier but...I was better off accepting being alone for the rest of my life. I really, really accepted that. To just be on my own, selfish, & focus on only myself. Now that he's trying to creep back into being with me just threw a damn wrench into my gears. I want to scream NO! at him. But now thoughts are creeping back into my mind to try again w him. I hate being codependent & having abandonment issues. Thinking I need to go back to damn therapy. I need to grow the hell up & say NO to sh*t that will only hurt me in the end.
