I should stop saying anything. The more I try to avoid something and over compensate for it, the more I inadvertently invite it to happen. The more I try to make someone else feel better and open up to me, the more I invite cynicism or the opposite. Then, it leaves opportunity for gaps to be filled and things about me to be assumed. I just don't belong and I'm too much of an anomaly. And to be frank, I'm hard to be taken seriously with all my insecurities, long rants, and over ******* thinking. I really hate myself sometimes. Am I actually growing or am I in fact just getting worse. And yes, I'm editing/adding because I continuously have honeysuckle on my mind and I want to make sure I say it right or change myself for the betterment when I know I really shouldn't give a honeysuckle and leave it be. But, I suppose that's a flag to some, that I'm trying hard to be something I'm not, doesn't it? Or I'm hiding again. I'm going ******* insane with this brain of mine. I need to relax and stop trying to prove my worth and sincerity to people...