S
Siku
Guest
I think everything that's been going on with me lately makes it way more easier to suddenly change moods. I feel so ******* bi-polar. It's always triggered though and never random.
I suppose I'm expressing myself either too strongly or on a different wave length than most people these days. I'm feeling lost, invisible, and like some kind of outcast again after feeling found, seen, and included not even 24 hours ago...
This is precisely why I sometimes have to limit myself (which I hate since I always advocate the opposite with people...), or else I won't stop or I'll come on too strong for some people to handle and it turns them off with how long I want to continue to engage. My mental highs last a long time and for it to suddenly end abruptly when I thought it was wanted, I will question what I did wrong and my insecurities come right back with vengeance.
I just don't do well alone... I will continue to think the worst whenever I'm left alone for too long. Yet I want to be alone at times. Like right now, I just want to lay in bed, ignore everyone, and not do **** but dwell in my own self-pity. All because ironically, I am actually over-thinking **** again.
So, it's time I try turning off my brain by putting myself into a stronger state of depression. More thinking and remembering only gives the potential of having even worse feelings. So, sometimes I'd rather be numb or distract myself with self-pity inside my own miserable bubble instead.
I suppose I'm expressing myself either too strongly or on a different wave length than most people these days. I'm feeling lost, invisible, and like some kind of outcast again after feeling found, seen, and included not even 24 hours ago...
This is precisely why I sometimes have to limit myself (which I hate since I always advocate the opposite with people...), or else I won't stop or I'll come on too strong for some people to handle and it turns them off with how long I want to continue to engage. My mental highs last a long time and for it to suddenly end abruptly when I thought it was wanted, I will question what I did wrong and my insecurities come right back with vengeance.
I just don't do well alone... I will continue to think the worst whenever I'm left alone for too long. Yet I want to be alone at times. Like right now, I just want to lay in bed, ignore everyone, and not do **** but dwell in my own self-pity. All because ironically, I am actually over-thinking **** again.
So, it's time I try turning off my brain by putting myself into a stronger state of depression. More thinking and remembering only gives the potential of having even worse feelings. So, sometimes I'd rather be numb or distract myself with self-pity inside my own miserable bubble instead.
It's going to be a good day.
