MisterLonely
Well-known member
"Hey there, long time since I last saw you, whats new in your life?"
.... absolutely nothing, as always.
.... absolutely nothing, as always.
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
constant stranger
Well-known member
Why are you looking so glum? Have you gotten some bad news?
......well actually I haven't had much to smile about for 40 years or so, but what gives you the right to ask me personal questions anyway?
......well actually I haven't had much to smile about for 40 years or so, but what gives you the right to ask me personal questions anyway?
niceguysfinishlast
Well-known member
- Joined
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"Do you have any plans for this weekend"?
- My parents thinking I get to do anything social or fun but I never get to. :/
- My parents thinking I get to do anything social or fun but I never get to. :/
ardour
Well known loser
constant stranger said:
I find this attitude strange coming from someone describing themselves as lonely.
It's very rare for people to ask questions about my life. Most can't be bothered. Life is pretty lonely as an ugly straight male; just the ability to occasionally say something outside of the usual bland small talk is welcome.
But go ahead be all offended about innocuous questions I guess.
Hoarse Whisperer
You like me and I, like you, like me.
Similar to Jen's comment about her ex, I hate when my extended family asks about my former fiance. There are people I would want to talk about less than her, but not very many.
After a while of answering a few questions someone asks, you kinda feel weird when they don't answer any of yours, just avoid them.
Hey, if you gonna know what I'm up to, can't I know what's up in your life? Guess not then. (Not exactly the subject of the post, I know.)
Hey, if you gonna know what I'm up to, can't I know what's up in your life? Guess not then. (Not exactly the subject of the post, I know.)
kamya
Well-known member
Meaw said:
Yup. It does tend to create an imbalance when only one person is willing to share answers to those kinds of questions.
reynard_muldrake
Well-known member
ardour said:
Those questions can be a nuisance. Some people jump to conclusions and assume someone else is "glum" simply because of a neutral resting face or reserved manner. You can be inwardly cheerful and not show it on the outside. And even if someone really was glum, that line of questioning doesn't always help.
constant stranger
Well-known member
I probably do look glum and I usually don't have that much to smile about and that line of questioning isn't always helpful and sometimes not innocuous either and I'm a relatively private person, something I've accepted about myself. So yeah, I can be a little offended by some peoples' assuming the right to ask personal questions that seem a bit intrusive to me. That's my business and my prerogative.reynard_muldrake said:
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
constant stranger said:
Personally, I feel that if you don't think you have much to smile about, you need to start looking at life differently. I know this is going to sound cheesy as hell and most wouldn't expect it coming from me, but there is so much in the world to be thankful for, to be happy about, to look forward to. So, if you can't find those things, if you can't see them, you just need to get a new outlook, look at things that you wouldn't normally, help more people, do something good for yourself and the world, even if it's just picking up some trash or helping a neighbor or older person.
Just to clarify, this isn't directed at just you, it's directed at everyone.
constant stranger
Well-known member
You make some good points there, Callie! I keep telling myself all the time that I should look at things differently.....actually I do have lots to be thankful for....hasn't improved my enjoyment of life quotient quite as much as I'd like though. Not yet, but on some issues things have improved for me in the last couple of years.
Nice to read some positive feedback directed at me and everyone else....thank you!
Nice to read some positive feedback directed at me and everyone else....thank you!
reynard_muldrake
Well-known member
I used to hate variations of "When are you going back to school?", but that line of questioning has stopped for the time being. Sometimes I don't like "What's going on?" or "What's new with you?", but that depends on whether I'm in the mood to discuss my personal life.
ardour
Well known loser
"So yeah, I can be a little offended by some peoples' assuming the right to ask personal questions that seem a bit intrusive to me. That's my business and my prerogative."
No-one is suggesting it isn't. It's merely an observation that you can't take offence at questions as relatively harmless as that then expect anything other than the same kind of aloofness from others.
No-one is suggesting it isn't. It's merely an observation that you can't take offence at questions as relatively harmless as that then expect anything other than the same kind of aloofness from others.
Hoarse Whisperer
You like me and I, like you, like me.
ardour said:
Most introverted people (not all) would rather not have penetrating questions asked (such as updates on a life that never changes), except maybe from the most intimate of relationship partners.
When you really think about it, the concept of asking "what's new, how's school, how's so-and-so" are really social niceties; small talk that we use, almost by default, in order to talk with people that we wouldn't otherwise have as much to converse with. Most of the time, your answer doesn't REALLY matter, but the common sentiment, on here, seems to be a feeling of inadequacy- not having a meaningful answer, but getting asked every time, anyways. Regardless of our reason for being lonely (or not at all, in some cases), there seems to be a common theme of introverted privacy desires.
constant stranger
Well-known member
Hoarse Whisperer said:
That comes pretty close to it for me, HW......my daily life is single handedly coping with the decline and the sooner rather than later death of a very difficult mother.......that isn't a subject for small talk and niceties; it also isn't appropriate for explaining to casual acquaintances. So do I get "a little offended" when people who don't know me too well say I "look glum"? Yeah I guess I do and I pretty much try to keep that to myself by the way.....It's possible some of these people who feel free enough to voice their judgments of my facial expressions might notice I'm not very grateful for their comments and respond with their own "aloofness" or something.....I'm not losing any sleep over that, I've got tougher issues to manage.
Actually this whole cycle of "why do you look glum?"; "what gives you the right to ask?"; "oh, then aloofness back to you"......it all seems so unnecessary. If an amiably intended comment in the social nicety category hits a sensitive nerve, would it not be the appropriate response to quietly back off and respect the person's feelings?
ardour
Well known loser
So you're going through a lot at the moment and don't appreciate it... fair enough.
P
pinocio
Guest
"Aren't you little young for that ?"
yes sucker I am but it's not mean I can't do it by myself
yes sucker I am but it's not mean I can't do it by myself
W
wallflower79
Guest
About my health problems. It's just awkward for me and I don't want to go into too much detail. Like too many intimate details about why I lost my job last August. Also questions along the line of - what are you doing with your life? "Are you going to school or-" always seems to come after, and since I'm the "or" it's annoying for me to explain. If you want to know if I go to school, just ask "Do you go to school?"
P
pinocio
Guest
Why are you skinny ?
Well of course ! I don't eat well because of this depression so if you don't see then don't ask again ..ever....
Well of course ! I don't eat well because of this depression so if you don't see then don't ask again ..ever....
