What you need to know about Online Dating

[painter's radio]

It's not so difficult to see why so many men will become bitter and scournful about the whole thing, is it. Aside from all the wars and killing and **** we do, online dating really is the scummiest representation of humanity and our interactions with each other; a misanthrope's nightmare, or wet dream, depending on how much they love to hate.

Of course it can be difficult to form a fair opinion on whether a guy's opening message was decent or not without actually seeing what he wrote, and yes, I'm venturing into the radars of new-age-hypocrite-lesbian-american-faux-feminists here with my "entitlement", but ******* yes, yes times one million I expect a reply if I go out of my way to message your arrogant, narcissist ***. I don't give a **** how many creepy/lengthy/boring/amazing messages you get, if someone goes out of their way to talk to you out of all the other people there are on the site, then you'd better ******* reply to them out of common decency, or, sorry to say it, but you're a **** person.
Yes, putting yourself out there like that is a gamble and it's a person's right not to reply if they can't be bothered, just like it's my right not to hold a door open for another person or give up my seat on the bus for a pregnant woman or elderly person, but I do because that's the done thing.

It's like opening a stall that sells lemonade, then refusing to sell any of it. Of course the person wanting to buy the lemonade is going to be curious as to why the **** you've opened a lemonade stand and are refusing to serve it to them. Some will ask you why, some will go and look for another lemonade stand without care, and some will (quite rightfully so) call you an ******* for it.
There are of course different levels of entitlement, with some being totally not OK (expecting sex) and some being basic human courtesy (replying when someone talks to you).
Do these people just completely ignore anyone who's face they don't like who speaks to them in their day-to-day life? Seriously, how rude is that?

But the idiotic stupidity of people doesn't surprise me, though it is interesting to observe.

A person posts a bunch of zoomed-in, obvious cleavage shots, then complains in her profile that people comment on her ****. Are you a ******* moron? (You are). Like really, if I were to post pictures of my **** all over the place, would I not expect to... well, I'd get banned from everywhere, but I don't think I need to finish this analogy for you to understand the point (some people are stupid).

It's actually kind of refreshing to hear that the woman in My War's example bothered to write a 3 paragraph reply explaining why his message was ****. Well, depending on the tact she used, of course. But damn man you got a 3 paragraph reply? That's high 5 worthy **** right there!

I read a great profile a couple of months back, had many similar interests and tastes, views of the world. Her profile encouraged anyone with these views to message her. So I did, with my own, non-controversial or conflicting views on said subject, leaving a couple of thoughts that could have easily been open for discussion, and a mild-but-not-***-kissing compliment on how well her profile was written and how it was a pleasure to read.
A couple of weeks pass and I get no reply so assume she's busy or doesn't give a ****. No bother, really. But then she pops up again in the "******** in your area" thing and I remember that I messaged her so I go to stalk her profile and there is some passive-aggressive ******** in it now about how tired she is of people messaging her about a subject that she herfuckingself put in her profile!
OH EM ******* GEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

Now sure I can be a **** when pissing around on a forum but I know how to talk to people, especially in text.

I have had a few pleasant exchanges on dating sites too, so some people are cool, but it's not really fun to rant about the good things, is it

All in all I find dating sites to be a turgid clusterfuck of dumbfuck men and dumbfuck women all being disgusting and **** human beings, much like facebook and other social networking sites, you can really peer into the mind of a person, see how they react to things, see how they think in social situations, their inner monologues and unspoken thoughts. And often, you really wish you'd never peered.

"Eww".

 

[My War]

It's not so difficult to see why so many men will become bitter and scournful about the whole thing, is it. Aside from all the wars and killing and **** we do, online dating really is the scummiest representation of humanity and our interactions with each other; a misanthrope's nightmare, or wet dream, depending on how much they love to hate.

Online dating can be a really nasty place I agree, in my opinion it shouldn't and doesn't have to be though, it should be a place where you can talk to strangers and as long as you are reasonably sensible get to converse with a range of people you don't normally get to chat with.

Of course it can be difficult to form a fair opinion on whether a guy's opening message was decent or not without actually seeing what he wrote, and yes, I'm venturing into the radars of new-age-hypocrite-lesbian-american-faux-feminists here with my "entitlement", but ******* yes, yes times one million I expect a reply if I go out of my way to message your arrogant, narcissist ***.

It's one of those "In the eye of the beholder" things really isn't it. And this is where it comes down to how much they like your photos and/or the rest of your profile, sending simply "Hi" or similar will either work or not depending on how much she likes your photo or how new or un-jaded she is by online dating itself.

I also agree, if someone sends you a message than regardless of how lame (as opposed to offensive or sexual) they are trying to make a connection with you, is that really so offensive?

I sent a woman a message saying she was beautiful, she came back with a full on Feminist assault, so if you can't flirt on a dating site, where can you flirt?

I don't give a **** how many creepy/lengthy/boring/amazing messages you get, if someone goes out of their way to talk to you out of all the other people there are on the site, then you'd better ******* reply to them out of common decency, or, sorry to say it, but you're a **** person.
Yes, putting yourself out there like that is a gamble and it's a person's right not to reply if they can't be bothered, just like it's my right not to hold a door open for another person or give up my seat on the bus for a pregnant woman or elderly person, but I do because that's the done thing.

I agree again, if the biggest problem you have is too many wanting to chat to you then really you are one lucky ***** or ******* and to complain about it makes you sound rather nasty.

It's like opening a stall that sells lemonade, then refusing to sell any of it. Of course the person wanting to buy the lemonade is going to be curious as to why the **** you've opened a lemonade stand and are refusing to serve it to them. Some will ask you why, some will go and look for another lemonade stand without care, and some will (quite rightfully so) call you an ******* for it.
There are of course different levels of entitlement, with some being totally not OK (expecting sex) and some being basic human courtesy (replying when someone talks to you).
Do these people just completely ignore anyone who's face they don't like who speaks to them in their day-to-day life? Seriously, how rude is that?

But the idiotic stupidity of people doesn't surprise me, though it is interesting to observe.

Yes that is exactly what it is like, and some women will complain about men in their profiles and yet when they get a nice one they still don't want to chat or meet up or anything else. SO why are you there??

And yes idiocy is fascinating.

A person posts a bunch of zoomed-in, obvious cleavage shots, then complains in her profile that people comment on her ****. Are you a ******* moron? (You are). Like really, if I were to post pictures of my **** all over the place, would I not expect to... well, I'd get banned from everywhere, but I don't think I need to finish this analogy for you to understand the point (some people are stupid).

This made me laugh and think about some photos I have seen, cleavage, short skirts even dressed up as a playboy bunny etc and then a big warning "No Casual sex, no hook ups!" Ok ladies you can wear what you want that is fine, really it is, but you have to take into account that what you wear sends signals, on a dating site this is amplified, what am I supposed to think when I see your cleavage thrust to the front of the camera? Am I meant to be thinking "Hmm I wonder if she wants to go to the zoo?"

As you said with your **** shot comment, some women think that because men like to see ****s it is ok to post those pics yet if a man were to show a **** shot it makes him creepy ie the male version of slutty.

A comedian has a great joke, he talks about how women dress slutty and then claim that doesn't make them sluts. He then says what if he were to walk around in a police man's uniform and someone were to come up to him for help, what if he said "Sorry ma'am I know I look like a Police man, but I am just dressed as one".

Confusion is never great lets face it.

It's actually kind of refreshing to hear that the woman in My War's example bothered to write a 3 paragraph reply explaining why his message was ****. Well, depending on the tact she used, of course. But damn man you got a 3 paragraph reply? That's high 5 worthy **** right there!

My message to her was polite and simple "Hi, I would love to chat to you" yes lame, dull but polite nonetheless. Her response came across as condescending, telling me that I could have asked her this that or something else, it's going back to your lemonade stand idea and you refuse to sell to people because they ask in the wrong way.

I was trying to make a connection and rather than ignore me or just say hi or even go away she came back with a long response thinking she was helping me as if I had some sort of serious mental issue.

I guess what made it worse was all the other stupid and offensive responses I also got just for simply saying hi.

So, sorry Miss if I showed interest in you in the wrong way! Also what really struck me as odd about it was she write 3 paragraphs which didn't say very much content wise just so she could brush me off, to me that is kind of like waking up early just so you can see that person on the train you don't like so you can ignore them. A lot of effort to be kind of nasty in my opinion.

I took her advice on the next message I sent though and I still didn't get a response!

I read a great profile a couple of months back, had many similar interests and tastes, views of the world. Her profile encouraged anyone with these views to message her. So I did, with my own, non-controversial or conflicting views on said subject, leaving a couple of thoughts that could have easily been open for discussion, and a mild-but-not-***-kissing compliment on how well her profile was written and how it was a pleasure to read.
A couple of weeks pass and I get no reply so assume she's busy or doesn't give a ****. No bother, really. But then she pops up again in the "******** in your area" thing and I remember that I messaged her so I go to stalk her profile and there is some passive-aggressive ******** in it now about how tired she is of people messaging her about a subject that she herfuckingself put in her profile!
OH EM ******* GEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

Yep. One time I got to be on the other end, a woman messaged me with a greeting. So after I got up off the floor after falling over due to this event I read her profile and found she certainly seemed obsessed with sex, the site was OkCupid and her questions were also very sex obsessed. I responded that I felt that we weren't a good match and that I am rather sapiosexual and she seemed to really like the physical act of sex a lot, which is fine but not the be all and all for me.

She came back a little hurt and started to try and convince me that she wasn't really like that at all. So has she misrepresented herself on purpose just to get guys in, is she lying to me? Moral of the story - be yourself at all times.

Now sure I can be a **** when pissing around on a forum but I know how to talk to people, especially in text.

I have had a few pleasant exchanges on dating sites too, so some people are cool, but it's not really fun to rant about the good things, is it

I've had some great experiences as well but no one wants to hear how I chatted with one woman in New York for 10 hours straight over yahoo messenger I agree.

All in all I find dating sites to be a turgid clusterfuck of dumbfuck men and dumbfuck women all being disgusting and **** human beings, much like facebook and other social networking sites, you can really peer into the mind of a person, see how they react to things, see how they think in social situations, their inner monologues and unspoken thoughts. And often, you really wish you'd never peered.

"Eww".

How do you really feel though, you were a little shy there? ;-)

Seriously though I find that women (and maybe men?) seek this fairy tale immediate connection, this "spark" and they will never have to date again. It doesn't work like that though, immediate sparks are rare, usually you have to invest some time, get to know someone, I like to chat a while on line before even thinking about meeting, I want to know if there is going to be an awkward moment that it happens online rather than in person.

The fact is you would probably have to have a few meetings with someone to establish if there is any "spark" or not, but everyone is in a rush even though they have nothing else to do and so if they don't get that spark straight off they don't want to know.

The whole thing has turned into a game and a place where guys just try their luck and women sit back and enjoy the attention.

 

[Anahita]

If dating sites are so awful, why not just go and and, you know, meet people? In the real work, kind of thing.

A revolutionary idea perhaps, but just think, it will give some of you a new source of something to post long complaints about...

 

[My War]

If dating sites are so awful, why not just go and and, you know, meet people? In the real work, kind of thing.

A revolutionary idea perhaps, but just think, it will give some of you a new source of something to post long complaints about...

I don't see it as complaining, I have an interest in human behavior and thus see it as comparing notes.

I also do enjoy chatting with people online so once again it is interesting to compare experiences.

Oh, I'm only new here, I have heaps of other stuff to rant about don't worry.

 

[painter's radio]

If dating sites are so awful, why not just go and and, you know, meet people? In the real work, kind of thing.

A revolutionary idea perhaps, but just think, it will give some of you a new source of something to post long complaints about...

People have different living circumstances. For all you know I have Agoraphobia, no legs and live in the middle of nowhere. Excuse me if I don't find it so easy to "just go out and meet people". I would have thought you'd understand this, seeing as you're on a forum for lonely people.

And if people didn't do these things and write their long complaints about it, then what would you complain about?

 

[ardour]

It's like opening a stall that sells lemonade, then refusing to sell any of it. Of course the person wanting to buy the lemonade is going to be curious as to why the **** you've opened a lemonade stand and are refusing to serve it to them. Some will ask you why, some will go and look for another lemonade stand without care, and some will (quite rightfully so) call you an ******* for it.

Looking for attention while simultaneously complaining about all the unwanted attention from the loser guys who think they're entitled to my body etc.

..best never to message someone with a revealing profile picture (for various reasons)

 

[Triple Bogey]

online dating is for normal people, it's not for people like us.
Waste of time and money.

 

[ringwood]

online dating is for normal people, it's not for people like us.
Waste of time and money.

'People like us' - clarify TB, as you are perfectly normal in my book...that is, if you're insinuating that you are somehow 'not normal'.

As for dating sites, I would pretty much have to agree with the oh-so-eloquent words of Painter's Radio further back in this post, especially the last paragraph, haha...

 

[Triple Bogey]

online dating is for normal people, it's not for people like us.
Waste of time and money.

'People like us' - clarify TB, as you are perfectly normal in my book...that is, if you're insinuating that you are somehow 'not normal'.

As for dating sites, I would pretty much have to agree with the oh-so-eloquent words of Painter's Radio further back in this post, especially the last paragraph, haha...

lonely people, people who struggle to attract, or connect or meet other people. Shy and socially awkward.

The old dating sites were for lonely people. Pre internet. The ones were you paid your money and got a catalogue of people with little descriptions. I remember joining one and getting excited when I exchanged letters with this lass. Of course she chose someone else.

Obviously I think I am normal. Do other people though ?

 

[Batman55]

Of course it can be difficult to form a fair opinion on whether a guy's opening message was decent or not without actually seeing what he wrote, and yes, I'm venturing into the radars of new-age-hypocrite-lesbian-american-faux-feminists here with my "entitlement", but ******* yes, yes times one million I expect a reply if I go out of my way to message your arrogant, narcissist ***. I don't give a **** how many creepy/lengthy/boring/amazing messages you get, if someone goes out of their way to talk to you out of all the other people there are on the site, then you'd better ******* reply to them out of common decency, or, sorry to say it, but you're a **** person.

You really hit the nail on the head there!

If I just say "yo what's up" or something like that, I sure as hell am betting you won't reply and I don't blame you.. that just makes it sound like I don't give a crap.

But if I write a nice, polite, and well thought-out message, I would think you can at least write a simple response... even if you're only looking for a guy who achieves things, socializes well, and hammers that into their profile to make sure he stands out.

I'd suggest being more respectful would be a good thing for these ultra-selective types to learn, but of course, nothing will change.

 

[Triple Bogey]

my only experience of online dating is getting scammed by this Russian woman
happened 2 years ago. I lost quite a lot of money.
I told everybody, family and people at work
pissed about setting things up and arranging things for her visit
of course she wanted more money
I wasn't that stupid, never heard from her again

I would walk home from work with both sets of fingers crossed hoping she hadn't forgotten about me
like all the other women do. I would look forward to her email so much.
the thought of somebody who actually liked me - I couldn't get my head around it
of course it was a con. I half thought it would me. I wasn't that stupid.
Just thought they may be a chance she was genuine.
complete joke, the whole thing.

Now I just expect women to suddenly lose interest in me. I expect it, I know it's going to happen
I know the signs. I wave my hand and say 'bye bye'

 

[TheRealCallie]

online dating is for normal people, it's not for people like us.
Waste of time and money.

No one is "normal."

lonely people, people who struggle to attract, or connect or meet other people. Shy and socially awkward.

People who struggle to attract or connect with others are not meeting the right people, aren't giving off the vibe they think they are, are sabotaging themselves in some way or any other matter of things.
Shy and socially awkward people can still do well on dating sites. It's not about being shy or even awkward, it's how you put yourself out there. You don't have to be the best looking or be the best mannered or have the best career. But you do have to have confidence and patience. (Just my opinion, of course)

 

[ardour]

^Confidence is exactly what a shy, awkward person lacks.

The medium favours quick, superficial assessments based on what can be fit into a profile so of course the attractive, the extroverted, the already successful are going to have some advantages.

 

[TheRealCallie]

^Confidence is exactly what a shy, awkward person lacks.

The medium favours quick, superficial assessments based on what can be fit into a profile so of course the attractive, the extroverted, the already successful are going to have some advantages.

Shyness and awkwardness is something that anyone can overcome. I'm not saying it's always easy, but it can be done. Confidence, especially online is easier to find than people might think. Sometimes all it takes is one little compliment to get yourself on the right track. Even if that confidence only lasts for a minute, you had it and you can have it again. It's all in how you think and how you let yourself feel.

Anyone can write a decent profile...or even have someone do it for them. When writing a profile, it is important to be yourself and not lie, but you also have to remind yourself that if you are shy or awkward or whatever, that you may not what to put down what you feel about YOURSELF. It might be a better idea to put down what OTHERS think about you...the good things, of course.

 

[Wanderer145]

Even if you're shy, the internet has some defence against some of that. You will most likely never meet a person who ignores your message or outright rejects you. Don't think too much about the person you message initially until they actually message you back. As said before its about casting out a net not using a fishing rod and hoping for a bite. You really have to put yourself out there and fire away the messages. Get nothing back? Then that person isn't concerned in the slightest and neither should you. So even for the shy people you can start to go at it and not worry about setbacks. I've had a limited success in that one site I got one message but on another I got many more. Online dating can be soulless, with people on huge ego trips vying for attention. Don't give it to them it's as simple as that, go for the people who may seem interesting enough to have a conversation with.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Even if you're shy, the internet has some defence against some of that. You will most likely never meet a person who ignores your message or outright rejects you. Don't think too much about the person you message initially until they actually message you back. As said before its about casting out a net not using a fishing rod and hoping for a bite. You really have to put yourself out there and fire away the messages. Get nothing back? Then that person isn't concerned in the slightest and neither should you. So even for the shy people you can start to go at it and not worry about setbacks. I've had a limited success in that one site I got one message but on another I got many more. Online dating can be soulless, with people on huge ego trips vying for attention. Don't give it to them it's as simple as that, go for the people who may seem interesting enough to have a conversation with.

I don't see any point in writing 100's of messages just in case I might get a couple of replies. After that what ? A few more messages which dwindle to bugger all. And I am paying for this crap. Not for me.

 

[Littlesecret]

I'm considering trying online dating again, I did it a few years ago when I was more confident and it was I got a lot of messages from perverts. Before you ask, no my **** weren't out and none of my pictures were suggestive in my opinion!
I was also put off when I was receiving messages with subject lines such as 'Dear black beauty'(I'm not a horse), Hello sexy ebony lady (your not searching for ****), something chocolate, something Nubian e.t.c. I just found it really disheartening that most of the guys that messaged me led with my race or something superficial only a few would write about the info on my profile but it was more of a ruse just to lead on to some sexual innuendos.
I know I have to get back out there because at the moment there is really no-one I'm interested in or that is interested in me (not counting the 50 year old man with no teeth, that remembered me when I was child - gross) , I don't go out much so online dating is my only resource, I think.

 

[bender22]

Has anyone else tried Tinder? I just downloaded it yesterday. Not sure if I love it or hate it yet. There's definitely advantages over other dating sites, you don't have to write a big long profile, due to it's popularity there seems to be a lot more attractive girls than other dating sites, you can only message people who have liked you so you waste less time messaging people who have absolutely no interest in you. But the whole concept is very superficial.

 

[My War]

wouldn't let me delete post

 

[Batman55]

So even for the shy people you can start to go at it and not worry about setbacks. I've had a limited success in that one site I got one message but on another I got many more. Online dating can be soulless, with people on huge ego trips vying for attention. Don't give it to them it's as simple as that, go for the people who may seem interesting enough to have a conversation with.

That's just it though. Even though getting ANY kind of reply is, of course, the important first step (I have talked to a few poor souls here who have a lifetime count of ZERO replies, hard to believe but that's what they say)... the pattern I observed is I'd get one or two, and then bam, they're done talking or if you get to 3-4, I'd ask to email and then it's "I'd rather not." Then naturally, I'm left thinking if they were just in it for random small talk or just doing it to increase their "reply rating."

I was there for a very short time, but I'm pretty sure I'm never going back. The frustration, the insane narcissism of SO many profiles, the reassessment of self-worth when you get nowhere.. not for me. Dating sites are sickening and reflect very badly on the human race, IMHO.

---

Has anyone else tried Tinder? I just downloaded it yesterday. Not sure if I love it or hate it yet. There's definitely advantages over other dating sites, you don't have to write a big long profile, due to it's popularity there seems to be a lot more attractive girls than other dating sites, you can only message people who have liked you so you waste less time messaging people who have absolutely no interest in you. But the whole concept is very superficial.

I know about Tinder. If it's possible there could be a site that encourages shallowness and selectivity more than actual dating sites, that's the one.