Why not, it's morning and the family is still sleeping off their late night TV. So, two cents' worth...
I cannot ever remember my dad letting me down. He probably did somewhere along the line but I forget stuff. Everybody we ever know, including ourselves, will at some point let us down. Always. Big or small, simple or difficult, mean and harsh or unintentional. Whenever we put trust in another person, or ourselves, there are times our expectations exceed what is possible by that person (and ourselves).
The key to relationships is to regulate our expectations, "know when to hold'em and when to fold'em," and the great, magic word so rarely heard: forgiveness. Many times forgiveness is easy, for a close friend, a family member, a significant other. For people of less direct importance to us, not always so much. Grudges are horrible, destructive things. Blaming people for being fallible and being who they are is not fair. That does not mean one should be a doormat or put aside criminal, hateful and cruel actions, just that when someone lets us down or "wrongs" us in some short way we should step back and see what is behind the circumstances.
I've always believed those words I just wrote but find it harder and harder to follow them. I've always put too much trust and set my expectations too high. I've been let down and disappointed by everybody. My bad, for excessive trust and for not recognizing people will be who they are. But sometimes I still do it. In general I expect most people to react at the very least indifferent, if not rude or hostile. It's the way I cope with this world and a life that has so gone to ****. I am, then, surprised and delighted when people are kind, thoughtful, etc..
Equinox said:
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Close friends usually let me down; the closer the friend, the harder the let-down. I've given up on having a "best friend", because those are the worst. I sometimes think that these former friends is one of the reasons I keep avoiding relationships; if being dumped by just a friend hurts this much, I can't imagine how it will be when a guy I love does the same. (However, I have one friend who to this date, after 10 years of friendship, has not dumped me, or let me down, and just keeps on supporting me and helping me in whichever way he can. He's amazing.)
Most of all, though, I think I let myself down. I'm never as good as I want to be.
"Best friend" friendships just kind'of happen, I think. They're quirks. We can't make them happen. Whether we're a party animal with friends a'plenty or a lone wolf, sometimes a person comes along that "gets it" with us. Those may come and go, depending on where we or they wind up in life, but those are the least likely to let us down. But they will. Little things we forgive. Sometimes big things, or little things to one of us that are big things to them, destroy relationships. Been there, done that. It hurts like hell. But we just have to keep going and leave the door open just enough... otherwise all we have is pain without ever the possibility of someone else coming along to help ease it.
When it comes to true love, that "one and only," and it's a truly mutual thing there will still be some nasty moments when we're devastated. But if the relationship is real and the love is there, I've discovered that having the courage and taking the time to approach that other person with humility, on their terms, to work the problems out is quite effective. My wife and I disagree on a boatload of things. We piss each other off. We disappoint each other. But I've never let a disagreement cloud how I feel nor gone to sleep with bad feelings that were not worked out. This has kept us together for 34 years in a world where divorce is as common as burger joints.
Maybe that was five cents' worth? Hmm....
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