Why Can't We All Just Get Along?!

[WishingWell]

Hi Everyone!

This has been my feeling regarding ALL for a while now. I joined this Forum close to two years ago to meet people that are lonely, need acquaintances or to even make new friends, with hope that I would. It is the best Forum I have ever been on.

For a while now, however, I have seen threads with so much negativity towards others in the form of arguing, and even name calling in posts, that it makes me wonder if I really want to be here.

Some of you may be thinking--"Then leave Wishing Well!" I don't give up easily, though, SORRY!

I just wanted to express my opinion and say that, as most of us know, that there are ways to disagree with someone besides trash talking and name calling, which even causes people to get banned by the Moderators. Their job must be hard enough without adding being a referee to it.

COME ON, EVERONE, PLEASE LET'S TRY HARDER TO GET ALONG!

 

[JasonM]

Hippy! Why don't you just go kick around one of those beanbag things.

 

[HumanZ]

In my experience of other forums (mostly Finnish) the atmosphere here is smoothly pretty good.

 

[JasonM]

In my experience of other forums (mostly Finnish) the atmosphere here is smoothly pretty good.

I would have to concur. I've been on some pretty vicious forums in comparison to this one. You people are just ripe for a hostile takeover.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I think generally its ok at the moment to be honest Wishing Well, you'll get the odd spat here and there but for the most part people are getting along I think?. Depends on what the topic is, if its highly emotive you might get a disagreement but the mods normally cut it short before it gets too daft.

 

[Lilianna]

I like it here, this is one of the most well behaved forum's I've been too.

Some people do get really Angry and rage sometimes, but it doesn't happen to often, and most people are just joking around.

And how I think of it when someone does lose it is; (well it is a place for us lonely people, and maybe that's why they are lonely?) then I have some empathy.

 

[WishingWell]

Thank you for your really nice comments. I stand corrected if I am wrong, but all of you seem to disagree with me and are doing so with a nice civil tongue!

 

[JasonM]

Thank you for your really nice comments. I stand corrected if I am wrong, but all of you seem to disagree with me and are doing so with a nice civil tongue!

It's all relative. I've seen blowups here, hell I've been in some of them, but anywhere you have the debate of opinions you are going to have heated conflict from time to time. After all we all think our opinions are the right ones; we just tend to forget that they are only the 'right' opinions for each of us. There is no correct blanket answer.

 

[Walley]

Thank you for your really nice comments. I stand corrected if I am wrong, but all of you seem to disagree with me and are doing so with a nice civil tongue!

we don't all disagree with you.. I for one was waiting to see some of the other responses first.
it is disheartening that on a forum with members that are looking for acceptence, peace and friendship.. that people are still setting the bar to the low standards of "other" non related sites.
take a look around. read some of the off-handed comments as if you were struggling with those issues, and imagine how you would feel?
why can we not stop. proof read your posts for a moment before you click submit, and check for more than just spelling mistakes.

this is not a debate forum. sure it has a debate section so we can discuss current topics. but do we really have to act like kids?
i have spent enough time in debate forums to know that you can never hope to change someone elses mind. the point of debate is to state your case as clearly and calmly as possible with 0 agression.
infact, the debate forum here is far from proper debate rules you will find elsewhere. if I was a moderator in that section.. I would be deleting posts and warning people here daily.
I already see a post in this very thread that is pointless and bordering on insulting if the OP took it that way.
sure maybe it was a joke to the one who posted it, but it deminishes the subject right off the start in a thread that wasnt meant to be humorus.

but hey, if no one has a problem with scarying away well meaning good people from this site. just keep at it.. a few have left volentarily this past week due to what they percieved as ignorant attitudes.
so if that is the game you are trying to win in those threads.. congrats!

 

[EveWasFramed]

Thank you for your really nice comments. I stand corrected if I am wrong, but all of you seem to disagree with me and are doing so with a nice civil tongue!

we don't all disagree with you.. I for one was waiting to see some of the other responses first.
it is disheartening that on a forum with members that are looking for acceptence, peace and friendship.. that people are still setting the bar to the low standards of "other" non related sites.
take a look around. read some of the off-handed comments as if you were struggling with those issues, and imagine how you would feel?
why can we not stop. proof read your posts for a moment before you click submit, and check for more than just spelling mistakes.

this is not a debate forum. sure it has a debate section so we can discuss current topics. but do we really have to act like kids?
i have spent enough time in debate forums to know that you can never hope to change someone elses mind. the point of debate is to state your case as clearly and calmly as possible with 0 agression.
infact, the debate forum here is far from proper debate rules you will find elsewhere. if I was a moderator in that section.. I would be deleting posts and warning people here daily.
I already see a post in this very thread that is pointless and bordering on insulting if the OP took it that way.
sure maybe it was a joke to the one who posted it, but it deminishes the subject right off the start in a thread that wasnt meant to be humorus.

but hey, if no one has a problem with scarying away well meaning good people from this site. just keep at it.. a few have left volentarily this past week due to what they percieved as ignorant attitudes.
so if that is the game you are trying to win in those threads.. congrats!

The very nature of this forum dictates that some members will be emotional in their responses. "Balance" is the best that can be done here.

 

[monkeysox]

There is huge difference between emotion and offence.

Not so long ago I read a post that basically said people of a certain age are the left overs that no one else wants

All I will say is I am glad I did not read that last June when I was very depressed and starting to contemplate suicidal thoughts.

It was the empathy of this forum that helped me. But while offence is being allowed and dismissed as debate we are not protecting those who are most vulnerable.

I am not making waves because I care about this forum - enough to see that which is damaging.

Neither am I trying to take control of it by stating my points or trying to raise such concerns.

Please listen, its not about being right - its about doing what is best.

I appreciate that with a forum with so many members it is hard to moderate all comments - impossible.

But if you back a call of respect perhaps these situation wouldn't arise.

This is not criticism of moderation as stands, So please do not see it as such.

I do respect the work the mods do - just hope together we can work on this.

 

[EveWasFramed]

There is huge difference between emotion and offence.


But if you back a call of respect perhaps these situation wouldn't arise.

Yes, and emotional responses will many times lead to being offensive to some or many.
These situations will ALWAYS arise because the people here are human.
There will NEVER be a forum where someone isn't annoying/offending/pissing off someone else. This forum is no different from real life - when you have so many different people in one place, these things WILL happen.
To think otherwise isn't being very realistic. Also, in the five or so years I've been around here, there has NEVER been a time when everyone has agreed with the way the forum is moderated. There will always be disagreements on what is "right" and what is "wrong."
Luckily, the mods we have now try their best to make the "right" or "best" decisions. And no, I'm not saying this thread is an attack on the mods - far from it, as we know that we do the best we can and make the best decisions we can.
Also, threads like this one generally devolve into fighting. Don't ask why,because I don't know. However, if you search long enough, you can find similar threads that have ended up in the "closed discussion" section.

The reason that everyone here can't just get along is the same reason that people in real life can't just get along. The only difference is that we have moderators here who try to find balance and keep the peace.

 

[PyramidHead]

Conflict is, where opinions clash. So unless you brainwash everyone or kill everything, there will never be anything like a conflict-free world.

But I will always offer you a hug. =)

 

[EveWasFramed]

Conflict is, where opinions clash. So unless you brainwash everyone or kill everything, there will never be anything like a conflict-free world.

But I will always offer you a hug. =)

lol, awesome post.

 

[mintymint]

There is huge difference between emotion and offence.


But if you back a call of respect perhaps these situation wouldn't arise.

Yes, and emotional responses will many times lead to being offensive to some or many.
These situations will ALWAYS arise because the people here are human.
There will NEVER be a forum where someone isn't annoying/offending/pissing off someone else. This forum is no different from real life - when you have so many different people in one place, these things WILL happen.
To think otherwise isn't being very realistic. Also, in the five or so years I've been around here, there has NEVER been a time when everyone has agreed with the way the forum is moderated. There will always be disagreements on what is "right" and what is "wrong."
Luckily, the mods we have now try their best to make the "right" or "best" decisions. And no, I'm not saying this thread is an attack on the mods - far from it, as we know that we do the best we can and make the best decisions we can.
Also, threads like this one generally devolve into fighting. Don't ask why,because I don't know. However, if you search long enough, you can find similar threads that have ended up in the "closed discussion" section.

The reason that everyone here can't just get along is the same reason that people in real life can't just get along. The only difference is that we have moderators here who try to find balance and keep the peace.

Excellent post, Eve. I agree with everything you said.

 

[monkeysox]

I am being realistic, there will alway be heat , but while you continue to endorse the very offensive comments and defend them and yourself

Accept my resignation from this forum, if you cared about others you would have sat and thought about it for everyones sake.

Sorry I am not a coward and not the only person to feel like this because I did not put up this thread.

I can see what is what now

Bye folks

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

There is huge difference between emotion and offence.


But if you back a call of respect perhaps these situation wouldn't arise.

Yes, and emotional responses will many times lead to being offensive to some or many.
These situations will ALWAYS arise because the people here are human.
There will NEVER be a forum where someone isn't annoying/offending/pissing off someone else. This forum is no different from real life - when you have so many different people in one place, these things WILL happen.
To think otherwise isn't being very realistic. Also, in the five or so years I've been around here, there has NEVER been a time when everyone has agreed with the way the forum is moderated. There will always be disagreements on what is "right" and what is "wrong."
Luckily, the mods we have now try their best to make the "right" or "best" decisions. And no, I'm not saying this thread is an attack on the mods - far from it, as we know that we do the best we can and make the best decisions we can.
Also, threads like this one generally devolve into fighting. Don't ask why,because I don't know. However, if you search long enough, you can find similar threads that have ended up in the "closed discussion" section.

The reason that everyone here can't just get along is the same reason that people in real life can't just get along. The only difference is that we have moderators here who try to find balance and keep the peace.

+1

Also, I'd like to add that if a person finds a response to his or her opinion offensive, that person has every right and ability to back out of the conversation, too. It's not just the one who "engages" who's at fault when things get heated. It takes two to argue. If you choose, however, to defend your opinion to the bitter end, then you need to accept all that comes with it.

But, again, as Deb said, we're humans. We're not going to just be perfectly civil beings all the time. And just because one is being civil does not mean another person can't take offense to what they've said nonetheless. Simply, there is no way to predict or control the outcome of a discussion when this is a forum dedicated to some very emotional, personal, and controversial topics. Things can devolve in the blink of an eye. I don't think the mods ever had the delusion that they wouldn't be playing referee at some point.

Also, as some others have mentioned here, the atmosphere here is extremely mild compared to other forums of similar nature. Moreover, it's often honest. We have to understand that not everyone is going to feel a way about a topic that translates to "civil discussion" each and every time. Sure, unadulterated rudeness, name calling, and slurs would be an unhealthy extreme, but I think a person should be able to otherwise make it known that he or she is upset or in disagreement in the best way he or she knows how. I personally appreciate the presence of such diverse tones and personalities here, even the ones I don't like and bitch about.

However, WishingWell, the way each individual here chooses to express their thoughts doesn't and shouldn't stop you from enjoying the forum for what it's worth and treating others with whatever kindness or respect you see fit. If you feel disagreements should be discussed in a calmer and more civil manner, then just do it, even if only for yourself. Maybe others will respond to you in the same way.

 

[ardour]

we don't all disagree with you.. I for one was waiting to see some of the other responses first.
it is disheartening that on a forum with members that are looking for acceptence, peace and friendship.. that people are still setting the bar to the low standards of "other" non related sites.
take a look around. read some of the off-handed comments as if you were struggling with those issues, and imagine how you would feel?
why can we not stop. proof read your posts for a moment before you click submit, and check for more than just spelling mistakes.

this is not a debate forum. sure it has a debate section so we can discuss current topics. but do we really have to act like kids?
i have spent enough time in debate forums to know that you can never hope to change someone elses mind. the point of debate is to state your case as clearly and calmly as possible with 0 agression.
infact, the debate forum here is far from proper debate rules you will find elsewhere. if I was a moderator in that section.. I would be deleting posts and warning people here daily.
I already see a post in this very thread that is pointless and bordering on insulting if the OP took it that way.
sure maybe it was a joke to the one who posted it, but it deminishes the subject right off the start in a thread that wasnt meant to be humorus.

but hey, if no one has a problem with scarying away well meaning good people from this site. just keep at it.. a few have left volentarily this past week due to what they percieved as ignorant attitudes.
so if that is the game you are trying to win in those threads.. congrats!

I'm just going to wade in here... get over yourselves. Debate topics are there for debate and most of the other threads usually involve the OP making some contentious statement (including this one.) I don't see most of the alleged insults as insults in some of these threads and the post you are referring to here was obviously a joke and need not be taken as anything else. How ridiculous.

Who are you and mokeysox to define the boundaries of discussion? This is for the mods.

If I were to be cynical I'd say that these faux offense claims are a way of implying that those with differing opinions to the 'offended' are irrational haters. In other words an underhand for the offended parties to 'win' an argument. That isn't very mature either.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I am being realistic, there will alway be heat , but while you continue to endorse the very offensive comments and defend them and yourself

Accept my resignation from this forum, if you cared about others you would have sat and thought about it for everyones sake.

Sorry I am not a coward and not the only person to feel like this because I did not put up this thread.

I can see what is what now

Bye folks

I've endorsed NOTHING and I don't need to "defend" myself, as I've done nothing that needs defending.
THIS is why threads like these are pointless.
Thank you for proving my point.

Edit:
If I cared about others, I'd have sat and thought about it?
How judgmental. You know nothing of the time, effort and support I've given to this forum and the people on it.

 

[LoneKiller]

None of all this matters. The end of the world is on Friday.