Why Do You Think That So Many Marriages Fail These Days?

[petrovchanka]

People are afraid of being alone...People would rather be in a blah relationship than try to hang out alone for a bit...If not that, then they are afraid that people will talk if they don't get married by a certain age.

I just had a woman at work tell me that she got married ONLY because she wanted kids. She hates the man she was married to for 9 years and is now raising her children by herself.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

Divorce is easy and there is no social stigma around divorce, settlements in law look for parity for both parties, the religious aspect is now virtually negligible. So there is less of a barrier to initiating it, with this in mind and knowing there is always the option to get out of a marriage people don't have the feeling of well i'm stuck with this decision so I may as well try and make the most of it.

Life is also more complicated now, fast paced, we're constantly being told we should want more, expect more live more, the perfect life is being rammed down out throat 24/7 people therefore feel they are missing out some how, sexual liberation means its ok to express and flaunt sexuality and to want it and plenty of it, puts peoples head in a spin. Communication has also increased exponentially, 30 years ago it was much harder to cultivate extra-marital relationships with others, we didn't have the means to grow closer to others outside of a relationship, now with smart phones, social media, email we have the means to get to know people a little too well, far to easily.. you get attracted you star wanting out of the situation you're in. Everyone's doing it so why shouldn't I??

You could go on with other reasons, life has just changed massively in the last 30 years, probably far faster than any other time in history, technologically, morally.. So much to do and see so little time, marriage just seems so old hat. True slow burning contentment seems so hard these days in the face of the constant search for the next instant thrill.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Marriages fail because PEOPLE fail.

 

[9006]

Age/Immaturity and communication/commitment failure.

 

[Wherefore]

It's said that having a successful marriage requires falling in and out of love with the same person over and over again. While you're initially drawn to your partner by attraction for a variety of reasons, you will surely find yourself bored and/or annoyed with them at a certain point. Though I have never been married, it seems (as many have pointed out) that a sense of loyalty and the willingness to commit through all of the hard times is what makes a marriage last. While society still imposes some rules on the individual, we are extremely lax in comparison to previous eras. There's also the fact that women can make enough money to support themselves without a husband. Men and women are still raised with traditional gender roles that do not translate to our new world. This creates a lot of confusion-for now. I think we delude ourselves when we view marriage as a fairy tale that should require minimal effort, which is so far from reality. Just as having children has its purpose, so does marriage.

 

[Revengineer]

The vast majority of Indian marriages are arranged by the families. The individuals get little to no say in the matter, and the stigma of getting a divorce is very high, especially towards women. The divorce rate in India? Less than 3%. Is this better than the state of affairs in our culture? Many would disagree (I personally wouldn't be able to stand it). But the pressure to stay together is clearly a huge motivation for couples to avoid divorce, and the result is more stable marriages. Interpret that whichever way you want.

Western cultures have become more accepting of divorce, and at the same time there's a lot of pressure to get married for the wrong reasons. We also don't really know what makes a couple suitable for the long term. We THINK we know, but the data shows that despite our society's enlightened attitudes towards love, we fare little better than a coin toss. Human relationships are just messy and illogical like that.

 

[*Sammy*]

Going through a trail separation at the moment with my marriage on the line i could comment but blah....

There are so many reasons why and i could sit here all day talking about it but tonight my simple thought at least on my own is,

Not enough communication.

 

[Mike413]

Wow. There are probably a whole bunch of reasons.

Aside from the obvious infidelity or money issues I'd say that people have really high expectations and when a spouse doesn't meet those expectations of fulfill them later on they get kicked to the curb.

 

[painter's radio]

Besides the obvious people are ****/people change/too much arguing/want different things eventually etc etc, I'd put forth the notion that as humans we're not actually supposed to be around the same person for a great length of time. Just like your parents irritate the **** out of you after you've lived with them too long and you move out to make your own way in life... why is it really any different, besides intimacy and generation? It's just a theory I once heard someone say, I'm not sure if I agree with it or not. Sometimes I do (usually when I look back at my failed relationships!), but it sounds so negative and giving up-like. Maybe, maybe we just aren't meant to be with one person for so long.

I'm sure I'm maturing backwards. I was in long and intense relationships in my early teens (even when I was 8 actually, just didn't have sex ofc), grew out of parties and getting wicked drunk bro by 21, loved 60's music and hated, absolutely hated Dubstep. I was old before my time but the older I get the more ****** stoopid I become, with thought like the one above which seems to be leaning towards the typical attitude to relationships of that of a 17 year old boy. One night stands and dates are a ridiculous concept for me - that's not what I want at all, I'm just tired of relationships always failing so it seems this theory would sometimes fit.

Makes me wonder about undiagnosed mental illnesses, how many of us are actually aware of certain things happening around us that affect us in everyday life... ignorance is bliss kind of thing. Like there's just a part of content people's brains missing or something, the part that screams at them how god damn annoying other people are. It's probably like a person finding religion because they can't accept the thought of eternal nothingness after death, I'm calling everyone who is happy mentally ill or completely unaware of life...

...which is stupid. I'm not saying that at all actually. I thought it for a moment there but realised how silly it sounded. I'll post it anyway but any comments on that part in particular have been disclaimed already by this what that you have gone done reading now!

I am sad that I have lost so much and it still hurts.

edit:

I also wanted to say about the war and stuff. Our parent's/grandparent's generations were a lot more romantic than ours, and I think wars had a lot to do with it. Being sent away with no choice, food rations, no Skype or webcams just letters of poems and love and the fear of them dying. Adds to the bond imo. Of course many people cheated on their wives or husbands during this time but I think it's a big part of why so many couples in the generations above ours stayed together for 60 years or so. Different times, different attitudes, not as much mental illness in the collective consciousness

 

[Okiedokes]

I think a lot of the replies are correct.

When people aren't happy or thankful for what they have and think it will be better with someone else. They only really care about their own wants and needs.

 

[Wherefore]

I think a lot of the replies are correct.

When people aren't happy or thankful for what they have and think it will be better with someone else. They only really care about their own wants and needs.

I think your comment relates to the strength of arranged marriages. If you know you have to do something for the rest of your life, without question, you adapt and make lemonade.

Also, as you age, your priorities typically change. In my youth I wanted everything in a partner. When your wise family members select a mate for you, they usually focus on a reasonable set of qualities.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

I think a lot of the replies are correct.

When people aren't happy or thankful for what they have and think it will be better with someone else. They only really care about their own wants and needs.

I think your comment relates to the strength of arranged marriages. If you know you have to do something for the rest of your life, without question, you adapt and make lemonade.

Also, as you age, your priorities typically change. In my youth I wanted everything in a partner. When your wise family members select a mate for you, they usually focus on a reasonable set of qualities.

Wealth and social standing for the families involved?

I know a lot of young people, men and women who would prefer to be allowed to make their own decision, many feel forced into accepting a chosen partner if they run out of time to choose their own, that's the best case, I know of others who were physically forced into marriage. I wouldn't want someone else playing Russian roulette with my future, they're my mistakes to make.

 

[Bones]

Some people want instant gratification instead of working for it?

Some people not being appreciative with what they have instead of what they don't have?

Some people not developing a solid foundation first?

It would be nice if everything were peaches and cream, but it takes constant work, understanding, letting go of unimportant things, due diligence, and listening to one another.

 

[Wherefore]

I think a lot of the replies are correct.

When people aren't happy or thankful for what they have and think it will be better with someone else. They only really care about their own wants and needs.

I think your comment relates to the strength of arranged marriages. If you know you have to do something for the rest of your life, without question, you adapt and make lemonade.

Also, as you age, your priorities typically change. In my youth I wanted everything in a partner. When your wise family members select a mate for you, they usually focus on a reasonable set of qualities.

Wealth and social standing for the families involved?

I know a lot of young people, men and women who would prefer to be allowed to make their own decision, many feel forced into accepting a chosen partner if they run out of time to choose their own, that's the best case, I know of others who were physically forced into marriage. I wouldn't want someone else playing Russian roulette with my future, they're my mistakes to make.

I was only speaking of wise family members and a reasonable set of qualities.

Families make bad choices for arranged marriages. We make bad choices with free will. I am not saying I believe arranged marriages should be the norm-just thinking of some reasons why arranged marriages work as a way to explore the original topic.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Because people don't know what they want, and they make poor choices.

 

[Wherefore]

I think a lot of the replies are correct.

When people aren't happy or thankful for what they have and think it will be better with someone else. They only really care about their own wants and needs.

Guilty! I was so focused on protecting my feelings that I left my guy out. I just thought that he was fine and didn't need that support from me. When he was trying to reach out, I didn't dig deeper and now I regret it. Hindsight is 20/20, but it doesn't even matter anymore. Though, if I get the chance to speak with him again, I will apologize for my role in our demise.

At the end of the day, we enter a new relationship with the same issues, unless we are willing to acknowledge our need for change/growth when the first relationship ends. Maybe we can grow before the curtains close.

Hell, patience is another quality that is rare these days. Who has time to wait for progress anymore?

 

[ardour]

People get tired of one another and aren't prepared to work on the marriage. In other words selfishness.

 

[EveWasFramed]

People get tired of one another and aren't prepared to work on the marriage. In other words selfishness.

^^ This was true of my ex.

 

[ardour]

Some people want instant gratification instead of working for it?

Some people not being appreciative with what they have instead of what they don't have?

Some people not developing a solid foundation first?

It would be nice if everything were peaches and cream, but it takes constant work, understanding, letting go of unimportant things, due diligence, and listening to one another.

You covered it.

I'll sound like an old fart but a lot of that has to be a result of the sexual revolution. My grandparents would never have divorced just because they were sick of each other's company. Yeah divorce was more restricted in their time but it was more than that.

 

[Limlim]

That said, the good that came from the sexual revolution outweighs the bad. I wonder if we're looking at the old days with rose colored glasses. Sure people were stuck with their marriages but we're they as happy as they would be by abandoning it?