ladyforsaken
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Financial issues.
Why Do You Think That So Many Marriages Fail These Days?
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ardour
Well known loser
Limlim said:
In the long term probably yes, because they had someone there for them, someone they could trust. "For as long as you're both happy" just doesn't have that nice a ring to it. Maybe I'm too idealistic but I don't think many people like the idea of that.
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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Okay, a serious, in depth answer.
I think a failure to communicate is the main reason. We are living in a society currently that is pretty vapid and stale. People don't talk out their problems or issues anymore, they prefer to just "throw away the old and start with the new."
Think about it...when you get a new smartphone, even if the old one still works, do you junk it or still use it? I've still got an iPod Classic that is from 2006, and it still works and I still use it. I have an iPhone 4, switched to Android and still use the iPhone as a backup and as an accessory for what the Android can't do. Etc.
People think, "Oh, it's just a bad relationship, I should just end it", instead of talking through the bad and getting back to the good. Not every bad relationship can be saved, and sometimes it's harmful to even try, but sometimes it's harmful NOT to try.
I think a failure to communicate is the main reason. We are living in a society currently that is pretty vapid and stale. People don't talk out their problems or issues anymore, they prefer to just "throw away the old and start with the new."
Think about it...when you get a new smartphone, even if the old one still works, do you junk it or still use it? I've still got an iPod Classic that is from 2006, and it still works and I still use it. I have an iPhone 4, switched to Android and still use the iPhone as a backup and as an accessory for what the Android can't do. Etc.
People think, "Oh, it's just a bad relationship, I should just end it", instead of talking through the bad and getting back to the good. Not every bad relationship can be saved, and sometimes it's harmful to even try, but sometimes it's harmful NOT to try.
Scotsman
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We live in societies riddled with personal self doubt, doubt about being good enough, attractive enough. I think this makes people latch on to others because then at least they have someone. 'You like me enough to make me like you'. - there's a small element of that in there, for some.
One reason is that women are more "independent" these days and "don't need a man". In the old days, the man worked and the woman stay home and raised the kids.
I'm not saying that that is how things are supposed to be but that that made a lot of marriages stay together. People needed each other. These days that is not the case so people don't stay together.
Another is that people date the types of people that they don't want to marry. Since they marry who they date, they start off destined to fail.
I've noticed also that these days as everyone has moved to cell phones/texting, people are very short term in thinking and want everything now. There is no long term planning or sticking around if things don't happen instantly. There is a lot of constant change as people switch what they are doing constantly.
I'm not saying that that is how things are supposed to be but that that made a lot of marriages stay together. People needed each other. These days that is not the case so people don't stay together.
Another is that people date the types of people that they don't want to marry. Since they marry who they date, they start off destined to fail.
I've noticed also that these days as everyone has moved to cell phones/texting, people are very short term in thinking and want everything now. There is no long term planning or sticking around if things don't happen instantly. There is a lot of constant change as people switch what they are doing constantly.
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
Id doesn't matter how much YOU want your relationship to work...the other person has to be just as committed to making things work or it's pointless.
EveWasFramed said:
so true. that's one of the toughest things about it. It's not like most things where you buy it and you own it. With relationships you have to find someone you like and at the same time you have to hope they like you too.
B
Bones
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This has been the story of my life, unfortunately. 
EveWasFramed said:
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
Bones said:This has been the story of my life, unfortunately.
EveWasFramed said:
(((((Bones)))))
B
Bones
Guest
^^^Thank you, Eve - you have no idea how much i needed to crack a small smile and needed a hug - if someone was in my mind right now, it would probably scare them - so, thanks again for at least one smile on my face today.
Hmmm... My break down of why marriages are either in peril, or end.
1. Children. "We HAVE to make this work, for them." Many people live in fear that the person they are with will ditch them because they are pregnant, or the idea of someone coming into the home and heart who may not treat them and their children right.
2. "It's the right thing to do". Many marriages feel forced, due to "have to" ideas. You don't HAVE to. I know someone who has a spouse... For 15 years... Never married. They aren't married. They don't feel the need to. Just because someone says "Well your family is a part of ________ religion, you should do it for them." Are you marrying them? Uh... no. No you are not.
3. Communication. It's like, omg lol txt u xoxo crap. (I'm 20) my generation and the next have/will grow up in the technology age where face to face is not needed. We do need social interaction to make things work. Texting/typing does not vent out, or explain as well as a face to face talk does. Why? Because of tone. I CAN TEXT LIKE THIS AND PEOPLE WILL BE OFFENDED. (Or won't read pages of CAPITAL LOCKS!!!). In person, that TEXT MESSAGE is better "read" with your body signals, and your tone.
4. Beating around the bush. Goes hand in hand with communication. I understand I do it too... So do you! Want something done? Ask. Don't play "you can totally read my mind" crap. I would not want to be a mind reader. I am pretty sure I'd have laid some good fists into faces if I did. -.-
5. Stress. Face it. We cannot handle stress. Money, children, pets, community, travel, transportation, sex or lack of, communication or lack of, etc. Without communicating, stress becomes unbearable and things are said or done that were not meant and should not have happened!
6. Dark secrets. Secrets are okay. I mean, we all have them. We don't tell each other things we do or don't do for every step of our day. Why would we? Do you really care if your spouse farts in the bath tub (when alone preferably...)? Probably not But certain secrets, especially those we hold back from ourselves, or that still cause us haunting grief/memories... You need a support system. Let them be there. Someone hurt you, or you did something bad... It eats away at you. If they love you, they will make sure whatever happened won't happen, and that they are there for you. Understand certain things (rape, or pedophile behavior in the past) may cause issues, but if you are willing to seek help, and let them support you in the choice of advancing in your life to seek that help - all the power to you.
7. Sexual. Relationships alone are shoddy, when all there is is sex. nothing in common. Girl would love a dance partner, guy wants to game all day. Does it work? Probably not. He may be content. She may not be! Or vice versa. Or both feel something lacking! Know the person... Not just the insides.
8. No spark. No real connection. Sometimes it feels like a friendship, nothing more. No love, no feeling.
9. Attitude. Some men (and women) stress themselves with "what if". What if they leave? What if they are not satisfied? What if this marriage does not work? What if? If you let yourself become negative... You drag everyone down.
10. My favorite: Cheating. Probably has to do with one or more of the other 9 things (cannot believe I thought of 9 things) I mentioned. Seeking something elsewhere, ending up in a situation that should not have happened. Feeling enticed by another individual. Somehow, something free and unowned seems so much more appealing?
With all these, it really comes down to commitment. Without working things out beforehand, you cannot actually commit. Why would you? You're angry or frustrated, stressed and tired... Add marriage (especially the wedding and planning...) into that, you send yourself down a spiral of doom.
1. Children. "We HAVE to make this work, for them." Many people live in fear that the person they are with will ditch them because they are pregnant, or the idea of someone coming into the home and heart who may not treat them and their children right.
2. "It's the right thing to do". Many marriages feel forced, due to "have to" ideas. You don't HAVE to. I know someone who has a spouse... For 15 years... Never married. They aren't married. They don't feel the need to. Just because someone says "Well your family is a part of ________ religion, you should do it for them." Are you marrying them? Uh... no. No you are not.
3. Communication. It's like, omg lol txt u xoxo crap. (I'm 20) my generation and the next have/will grow up in the technology age where face to face is not needed. We do need social interaction to make things work. Texting/typing does not vent out, or explain as well as a face to face talk does. Why? Because of tone. I CAN TEXT LIKE THIS AND PEOPLE WILL BE OFFENDED. (Or won't read pages of CAPITAL LOCKS!!!). In person, that TEXT MESSAGE is better "read" with your body signals, and your tone.
4. Beating around the bush. Goes hand in hand with communication. I understand I do it too... So do you!
Want something done? Ask. Don't play "you can totally read my mind" crap. I would not want to be a mind reader. I am pretty sure I'd have laid some good fists into faces if I did. -.-5. Stress. Face it. We cannot handle stress. Money, children, pets, community, travel, transportation, sex or lack of, communication or lack of, etc. Without communicating, stress becomes unbearable and things are said or done that were not meant and should not have happened!
6. Dark secrets. Secrets are okay. I mean, we all have them. We don't tell each other things we do or don't do for every step of our day. Why would we? Do you really care if your spouse farts in the bath tub (when alone preferably...)? Probably not
But certain secrets, especially those we hold back from ourselves, or that still cause us haunting grief/memories... You need a support system. Let them be there. Someone hurt you, or you did something bad... It eats away at you. If they love you, they will make sure whatever happened won't happen, and that they are there for you. Understand certain things (rape, or pedophile behavior in the past) may cause issues, but if you are willing to seek help, and let them support you in the choice of advancing in your life to seek that help - all the power to you.7. Sexual. Relationships alone are shoddy, when all there is is sex. nothing in common. Girl would love a dance partner, guy wants to game all day. Does it work? Probably not. He may be content. She may not be! Or vice versa. Or both feel something lacking! Know the person... Not just the insides.
8. No spark. No real connection. Sometimes it feels like a friendship, nothing more. No love, no feeling.
9. Attitude. Some men (and women) stress themselves with "what if". What if they leave? What if they are not satisfied? What if this marriage does not work? What if? If you let yourself become negative... You drag everyone down.
10. My favorite: Cheating. Probably has to do with one or more of the other 9 things (cannot believe I thought of 9 things) I mentioned. Seeking something elsewhere, ending up in a situation that should not have happened. Feeling enticed by another individual. Somehow, something free and unowned seems so much more appealing?
With all these, it really comes down to commitment. Without working things out beforehand, you cannot actually commit. Why would you? You're angry or frustrated, stressed and tired... Add marriage (especially the wedding and planning...) into that, you send yourself down a spiral of doom.
Alienated
Well-known member
ONE WORD:
SELFISHNESS
SELFISHNESS
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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People simply don't want to love one another.
EveWasFramed
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Im curious....how many of you who recently posted on this thread have ever been married? Ever had a failed marriage?
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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Deleted, let me not start this.
To your corners you two, please don't start arguing.
Group hug? Just keep the hands above the waist.
Group hug? Just keep the hands above the waist.
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
What the hell? I just asked a question and not aimed at anyone in particular - just the people who had posted recently (as several of the old posters don't come around anymore or are gone). The title of thread is "Why Do You Think That So Many Marriages Fail These Days?" Im wondering if there is a correlation between experience versus non-experience, as to how people see the issue. Why is that something bad to ask?
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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Sorry, Eve. I was in a pissy mood, and jumped all over you. It wasn't you, it's completely me.
To answer your question...
Probably yes, and probably no.
People that have been in good marriages and relationships are more likely to defend marriage. People that are jaded from bad relationships and marriages, or those who are jaded for other reasons, are more likely to be disparaging towards marriage in general.
It's basically opinions, not facts. What you're getting here are people's opinions, and they can vary from "marriage is good" (for those who have been in good situations), to "marriage is bad" (for those who are, again, biased.)
To answer your question...
Probably yes, and probably no.
People that have been in good marriages and relationships are more likely to defend marriage. People that are jaded from bad relationships and marriages, or those who are jaded for other reasons, are more likely to be disparaging towards marriage in general.
It's basically opinions, not facts. What you're getting here are people's opinions, and they can vary from "marriage is good" (for those who have been in good situations), to "marriage is bad" (for those who are, again, biased.)
