Why is everyone always so ready to ghost me?

[user 188522]

I can relate to your story in so many ways. However, yours was crueler than I have ever experienced. Now I avoid people, including family. I have many pets, and I find them comforting. This forum is my only interaction with the outside world. Welcome. I wish I had some advice, but sadly I have none. I have given you a gift of a month of ALonelyLife Supporting Member. I hope this cheers you and wish to read a happier post from you in the future.
Sincerely, Lady Grey

 

[Hereward87]

I am often brushed off by people even when I do try to reach out to people.

 

[user 164061]

Because of my current situation i can only meet people online and i've been ghosted a lot. At first it used to irritate me, then i just came to realise that they know it's just the internet and they'll disappear without saying a word. So they can basically afford to leave without giving any reasons at all because it's on the internet. I think they get bored as well to be honest.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I've been here a while, and... I've never really understood the mentality of, "everyone (out there), is just users, looking to use me."

I've given money to people who didn't pay me back. I've put up with ********, lies, damned lies, dishonesty, you name it.

A best friend I've known for half of my life now, recently told me, "I wish you were a real friend," because I couldn't drop everything and move in with him during a very difficult period of his life.

I think it's a perspective thing.

The simple Truth, is that we are human. Humans can be really awful, nasty creatures. I think some times, an event, series of events, or circumstances, can really break us down, or mutate us into something totally different than we've known ourselves to be; as a consequence, the lens of which we view the world becomes warped...

You moved, so now your distance is an inconvenience to family. You attended an event, of which, there may have been a very established (exclusive) group of people. It's really hard to get a foot in the door, when you are the newbie in a very established set of social circumstances, if it's possible at all.

I imagine, even if you are in heaven, if you don't look up once in a while, you may begin to think that everything is hell. heh...

And I do think, some times, The Universe itself, conspires against us, to deliver a sea of unending troubles, difficult circumstances, and impossibilities...

People are good, but they are also ignorant, weak, and selfish...

That person who told you to get out of the photo, was probably afraid. A stranger in a photo would possibly bring questions up, like, "who is that person?" Then that person would have to answer, and possibly lose their place as a person of keen interest amongst a, 'who's who.'

I would wager that person, like the spider, was more afraid of you, then you had to be of them...

When you smile the whole world smiles with you. When you're blue, everyone is singin' the blues...

Anywho... Just my thoughts...

 

[Normski]

I am new here, wanting to talk to people with similar problems. I moved a couple of weeks ago and I decided that instead of reaching out to people, which I always have to do if I want to talk to anybody, I would just stop calling, stop texting and everybody and see what happens. Well it's exactly what I expected, zero calls, zero text messages, nobody asks if I like my new place, or how I'm going, absolutely nothing. I've found in my life people are so ready and happy for me to go away and they don't have to talk to me anymore. What is about me that makes people act that way, am I really that ugly, and I just dull. I don't tell them about my problems and my loneliness, I try to be positive, I don't want to be the debbie downer around other people. When I was younger I had a lot of relationships, a lot of sex, so I never felt I was considered unattractive, now that I am older that has changed of course, but still am I that horribly ugly now that nobody can stand the sight of me. I went to this group from meetup last week, something I had never done before, it was actually drag queen bingo and I was having a good time, I was talking to some really nice people, then something happened. There were about 10 people table and one girl (who was at the other end of the table and I wasn't talking to) stood up and said "It's picture time". So everybody gets up, and I get up (I assumed she wanted a group picture),, and poses for the picture. So I get up, and she looks at me and says "I just want this to be the friends in the group". so of course I had to sit back down at the table all by myself (as usual), and I just felt so awkward and embarrassed. I am an awkward weirdo anyway. Anyway I had never used meetup before and I will never try it again. Sorry to go on and on but does anyone feel the same way maybe? Please let me know.

Your not alone, been there, seen teh film , and got the shirt . I just move on, I don't their sorry attitude get to me.

 

[JC ROC]

I am new here, wanting to talk to people with similar problems. I moved a couple of weeks ago and I decided that instead of reaching out to people, which I always have to do if I want to talk to anybody, I would just stop calling, stop texting and everybody and see what happens. Well it's exactly what I expected, zero calls, zero text messages, nobody asks if I like my new place, or how I'm going, absolutely nothing. I've found in my life people are so ready and happy for me to go away and they don't have to talk to me anymore. What is about me that makes people act that way, am I really that ugly, and I just dull. I don't tell them about my problems and my loneliness, I try to be positive, I don't want to be the debbie downer around other people. When I was younger I had a lot of relationships, a lot of sex, so I never felt I was considered unattractive, now that I am older that has changed of course, but still am I that horribly ugly now that nobody can stand the sight of me. I went to this group from meetup last week, something I had never done before, it was actually drag queen bingo and I was having a good time, I was talking to some really nice people, then something happened. There were about 10 people table and one girl (who was at the other end of the table and I wasn't talking to) stood up and said "It's picture time". So everybody gets up, and I get up (I assumed she wanted a group picture),, and poses for the picture. So I get up, and she looks at me and says "I just want this to be the friends in the group". so of course I had to sit back down at the table all by myself (as usual), and I just felt so awkward and embarrassed. I am an awkward weirdo anyway. Anyway I had never used meetup before and I will never try it again. Sorry to go on and on but does anyone feel the same way maybe? Please let me know.

Absolutely nothing wrong with you. Sorry that you are feeling disconnected from some. I am not sure honestly why connections come so much easier for some than others but clearly by the very existence of sites like this, you are not alone in this pain you feel. Be you. I have learned finding friends is truly finding people that match up to you best. People who choose other friends over you is not because those others are better they just may fit that person better. Look for and trust appropriate caring friends for YOU are in store.

 

[user 188685]

@sunflowergirl1306

The main one I keep in contact with that way is my bestie

That's good,I'm glad to hear that

 

[WanderingInTheWoods]

I'm sorry you experienced this, I myself can relate with you. Things have changed as I got older. I've always been an introvert but now I'm picky when it comes to friendships and rather communicate with people who I fully trust and only have a few close friends in my life. I got back to communicating with my family again. Before I suffered with Depression a little bit and Low Self Esteem. I'm building myself up again and working on my self esteem and now that I'm older I realized how much people has changed. It can be hard to keep in touch with others and people seem to grow apart sadly, but I can understand where your coming from. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you though. If you ever like to talk to anyone, feel free to reach out to me.

 

[Normski]

The fact we are on this site, by definition means we are reaching out to others, who may understand, empathise, and who had similar experiences, what ever they are. It would appear your doing the right thing, introspection, getting to know who you you are. I have always said/ thought. It’s the key to growing and learning about ourselves. One of the best sayings I have ever come across who knows when was haha ; ( the first and great journey anyone can and should have is to get to know you and who your are, and why! I personally, have always gravitated to the Transactional analysis theory, it has a lot of merit. I used enjoy people watching, if I were there, at bars, night clubs, in the street. Watching and reading who they were, body language, subtle expressions. Fascinating! You learn a lot about humanity by just watching. And thus, you learn about yourself. We are strange creatures. Over the years I have come to many conclusions about individuals and humanity. Most utterly blind about, why, how, and who they are. And that age old conundrum, nature or nurture. I know much about myself, many things I changed and and could not change, I admit I have yet to explore many thngs, within myself. but we have those chemical/ genetic drives we have also. That’s just who we are. We are are capable of so much Evil and selfishness, but yet able to Love and care so deeply about something’s and others. We truly are an adventure within ourselves. Feed the light, it will grow brighter, the brighter it grows the less darkness is within us!! Personally, I love some the deep meanings of the Bible, and other books, example, when Jesus said “ First clean the inside of the cup and the outside with become clean, HAH I could almost write a book just on that one statement! Buddhism, Buddha once said, Paraphrasing, “ how can you accept fresh Tea in your cup without first emptying the old ” ! The same meanings!

 

[Azariah]

Envy probably.

 

[LeeG]

@Lady Grey thank you so much for that, I really appreciate it and I apologize for not responding sooner. i had some problems with my family and I was not on here for a while. I hope you are doing well and we can chat anytime, I don't ghost anybody in the world, if you talk to me I'll answer you,, always. Thank you.

 

[user 188522]

Hi Lee, Sadly, I have given up on people. I read a lot to combat loneliness. Lately, I have given up on my hobbies.

 

[Normski]

Hi Lee, Sadly, I have given up on people. I read a lot to combat loneliness. Lately, I have given up on my hobbies.

I understand, people suck! I have put maximum effort into myself. asking what’s wrong with me, is somthing odd in one way or another. I have Come to the conclusion, far less wrong with me, than most others. Most individuals are so predictable I sit and watch the interactions of many others; people play social games to manage, manipulate, use, abuse, everyone around them. I sometimes wonder if these people sense I know the games people play, and fear or feel exposed in some way or another. So they laugh and joke in their groups everyone inviting others around them to some barbi or a get-together, or party. No one ever invites me! But on the other hand I don’t want to even go, as they honestly they make me feel sick to the stomach, the level of fakery and shallow games, and they think arrogantly I don’t see it, or it goes over my head, WRONG. I have ever done anythng to them, I help them out, pick stuff up, given um a lift home after too many beers. example “ hi mate, lovely to see you” all very friendly warm and inviting, we have to get together for a meal, give you a ring bla, bla, bla ( Umm yea we will see)!! Next time you see them your treated so though they hardly even know you. People whispering in each other ears, over some trivia, you would thing they are CIA or something passing national secret garbage. Sad. I keep feeling near to ending it all, as I have now have no family, friends, nobody!! All this on top if nearly dieing about 6 months ago from a heart attack and stroke, leaving me in with same problem as Mr Bruce Willis the actor. Honestly I do feel I cannot keep this B/S game up too much longer. it just feels there no light in that tunnel. I try and go on line to try and find a possible companion. All that is, pay, pay, and pay to type messages to people I don’t know. Not that stupid and won’t play that game and can’t afford to throw money anyway. Just need a companion, and for the life of I can’t find anything/ anyone! All feels hopeless to me… In summery; I feel 98% of people I come across are disingenuous/ and the most part I am Ghosted, some say hi, little more than that, I may as well have leprosy or something, and I have done NOTHING , the crime of maybe being a free thinker, and not a sheeple! I ahve even had it on this very site, someone said " no will read this, we just drive off the site". due to my terrible crime like saying Convid 19 is scam. or there is no ISS space station type things, mass media is as fake and fake, Intolerance and bigotry! HAH, the one or two I used to speak to over Whats App.I say this somethign is not what you think due to, bla,bla,bla, and after a couple of mins on my soap box. The response is, as though they never heard a word I said, and just go on with something they want to ask or talk about. UUUR what, I am just talking to myself or may as well!!

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't mind being ghosted, but I will say that as someone who now will not jump through hoops for anyone, I can understand why people do ghost. Would it be nice if they just said they didn't want to speak anymore, or if they were honest for the reason? Sure. But they don't have to. And I honestly get it. My mentality now is that I will protect myself above all else, and it's not them. It's no one else but me. No one else is to blame. Burning sage or burning bridges, I will protect myself if I feel like I can't emotionally or mentally deal with something. Sometimes, it's not about the other person at all. Sometimes, we just can't handle being around something, even if it's a small thing. I get ghosting to protect emotional and mental health now.

 

[Normski]

Ghosting, regard your take on it anyway; you think your protecting yourself, ultimately your only doing the opposite. It’s a little Woke mentality going there, don’t hurt the other person, and don’t hurt me. Life is about pleasure and pain, good and evil. As the saying goes, how can you know good is unless you know evil, same with pain and pleasure! I don’t want say something, as I don’t want to hurt the other person, Hooo how sensitive. And so where does than one end up, a rapist we feel sorry for, let him carry on as we don’t want to hurt their feeling do we! Untimely that’s the end of the line, but same logic. If I smell tell me, as I can’t smell me as well as you can. This indirectly speaking is a kindness, be diplomatic of course, if gives the person a reason no one want to sit next to them, and an opportunity to go home and scrub up! If you think I talk crap, same, logic say so again, diplomatic, I don’t agree, for these reason, here some you may not known or considered. Its call dialog, debate. Don’t same ummm, OK walk away and say they talk CRAP to other hahahah. He is a idiot, he believes the earth is flat! Well, let put our evidence and view on the table and we will see who ends up with egg on their face. This how things should go, but they don’t. Too much Mr, Miss Woke on again, hurt feeling are part of live, it helps build us stronger and better people.

 

[Normski]

I don't mind being ghosted, but I will say that as someone who now will not jump through hoops for anyone, I can understand why people do ghost. Would it be nice if they just said they didn't want to speak anymore, or if they were honest for the reason? Sure. But they don't have to. And I honestly get it. My mentality now is that I will protect myself above all else, and it's not them. It's no one else but me. No one else is to blame. Burning sage or burning bridges, I will protect myself if I feel like I can't emotionally or mentally deal with something. Sometimes, it's not about the other person at all. Sometimes, we just can't handle being around something, even if it's a small thing. I get ghosting to protect emotional and mental health now.

Ghosting, regard your take on it anyway; you think your protecting yourself, ultimately your only doing the opposite. It’s a little Woke mentality going there, don’t hurt the other person, and don’t hurt me. Life is about pleasure and pain, good and evil. As the saying goes, how can you know what good is unless you know evil, same with pain and pleasure! “ I don’t want say something, as I don’t want to hurt the other person”, Hooo how sensitive. And so where does that one end up, a rapist we feel sorry for, as he has a problem, let him carry on as we don’t want to hurt their feeling do we! Untimely, that’s the end of the line, but same logic. If I smell, tell me, as I can’t smell me as well as you can. This indirectly speaking is a kindness, “be diplomatic of course”, it gives the person a reason, no one want to sit next to them, and it gives an opportunity to go home and scrub up! If you think I talk crap, same logic, say so again, “ diplomatic”, I don’t agree, for these reason, here is something you may not known or considered, for example. Its called dialog, debate. Don’t say, ummm, OK and walk away and saying they talk CRAP to others hahahah. He is a idiot, he believes the earth is flat! Well, lets put our evidence and views on the table and we will see who ends up with egg on their face, but that not happening as in reality their views are utterly irrational and founded no NOTHING, it’s plain old ignorance, and Bigotry, now who’s the idiot?. And so, this is how things should go, but they don’t. Too much Mr, Miss Woke going on again, hurt feelings are part of life, it helps build us stronger and better people.

 

[Normski]

Amazing isn’t it, someone attempts insert or inject balance, and the Woke world blanks you. Thanks everyone for the ( reactions) Opps sorry, can’t find any. Maybe that speaks volumes, as maybe it’s a kind of checkmate. NO thumbs up, thumbs down, comments like; you talk crap because, bla, bla. NOTHING! And so you help to only prove my very point, you Ghost me. You become that which you profess to hate and revile the Ghost- ers. Think on that, losers ! Humanity is done, debate, and to search for the truth and answers are now but a thing of the past.

 

[LeeG]

@Normski I am not ghosting you, you got me wrong. I don't come on this forum all the time and I work during the week so usually not at all then. I used to be on here more often but I lost my sister in late august and I've been struggling with that and other work issues lately and not really here much, but I'm back now. So I am not ghosting anybody ever.

@VanillaCreme I get your point. But I have myself ghosted people that somehow annoyed me, did something to me, where I had some reason. The people I am talking about, I have known for years, and they know I don't want anything from them, I am not going to blow them up on phone or text messages, and they know that, so sometimes it just doesn't make sense.

I am not sure about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

@VanillaCreme I get your point. But I have myself ghosted people that somehow annoyed me, did something to me, where I had some reason. The people I am talking about, I have known for years, and they know I don't want anything from them, I am not going to blow them up on phone or text messages, and they know that, so sometimes it just doesn't make sense.

I am not sure about it.

That's my thing, too. I'm not going to keep messaging people or calling someone over and over. I realize that no one needs to explain to me why they didn't answer or reply to me. No one has to have a reason why, nor explain any reason they do have. So many people think they're entitled to an answer, and the truth is they're not. If someone doesn't want to talk anymore, then they don't want to talk anymore.

 

[Normski]

That's my thing, too. I'm not going to keep messaging people or calling someone over and over. I realize that no one needs to explain to me why they didn't answer or reply to me. No one has to have a reason why, nor explain any reason they do have. So many people think they're entitled to an answer, and the truth is they're not. If someone doesn't want to talk anymore, then they don't want to talk anymore.

" I'm not going to keep messaging people or calling someone over and over. " That part I get, agreed!! Its the rest I have a little problem with. of course its not the law anyone should answser, its just polite, manners kind of thing. Example, Whats app or MSN if your not interested in being my friend, thats not a problem, block them; but if the line is open till you messages them or try and ring no reply no answer., then its rude on on my page, anyway!!