why, why do "nice guys" do this?

[Sci-Fi]

Good, so I won't be hunted and banned

I also told you it wasn't up for debate. What you and another person said a few posts back was offensive to some, if it wasn't it wouldn't have been reported. And keep being antagonistic and you will get banned. Knock off the attitude. Oh wait I already gave you a last warning, so instead of dropping it you continued to be antagonistic. Yeah you had your warning.

 

[Triple Bogey]

reading the first post again, Peaches wanted the guy as a friend and not a boyfriend because of how he looked. That's my understanding. I may be wrong, not read all of the thread.
That is Peaches decision and there is nothing wrong with it. As a man, I admit looks are extremely important initially anyway. I think using 'looks' is an easy excuse for our failings in other departments.

 

[Peaches]

reading the first post again, Peaches wanted the guy as a friend and not a boyfriend because of how he looked. That's my understanding. I may be wrong, not read all of the thread.
That is Peaches decision and there is nothing wrong with it. As a man, I admit looks are extremely important initially anyway. I think using 'looks' is an easy excuse for our failings in other departments.

not at all, how it looked it wasn't the main thing, but because he seemed codependent and emotionally disturbed - if you don't know someone, yes, looks count more, but let's repeat it again and again, it's the personality that counts, look at the guy with no arms and legs who married a model

 

[Triple Bogey]

reading the first post again, Peaches wanted the guy as a friend and not a boyfriend because of how he looked. That's my understanding. I may be wrong, not read all of the thread.
That is Peaches decision and there is nothing wrong with it. As a man, I admit looks are extremely important initially anyway. I think using 'looks' is an easy excuse for our failings in other departments.

not at all, how it looked it wasn't the main thing, but because he seemed codependent and emotionally disturbed - if you don't know someone, yes, looks count more, but let's repeat it again and again, it's the personality that counts, look at the guy with no arms and legs who married a model

okay I'm sorry I mis understood.
I hope you sort the problem out with this person !

 

[Solivagant]

I find nothing offensive in saying all women like good-looking men, it's like saying all people like beauty.

You did not say that all women like good-looking men, what you said was that all women were too demanding in the looks department. That is offensive, not to mention incorrect. And yes, when you claim that ALL people of a particular group think or act a certain way, you are stereotyping.

That is what I am trying to say! Thank you! No one will give a crap about your personality if you don't look good, 'cause tjey don't want to know you.

I agree. Me, for example: if someone introduce to me a pretty girl, I naturally become more interested in her, and yeah, it's just because she is pretty. But if this girl is not so pretty or ugly (physically), it will take more than just an "introduce" to make me as the same interested in her as if she was pretty, but not saying it's impossible. IMO it happens the same way with any other girl or guy.

It actually doesn't work that way for me. My interest in someone is only piqued after I see something in their personality I like, or they say something I connect with. I have to get to know them a little before I can become interested in them. I may be unusual this way, I don't know; but it just goes to show that there are all different kinds out there.

 

[Batman55]

Poor peaches, there was nothing wrong with what she said.
I wouldn't even call them "standards" - there's nothing wrong about wanting someone who has their **** together.
If what she has are high standards, mine would be out of this world - lol.

Yeah, I've seen that with you since day one, your selectiveness is quite apparent. (Sorry, but I just had to say something else in this thread, even if it's not exactly a very relevant thing to say.)

 

[kamya]

What a thread.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I agree. Me, for example: if someone introduce to me a pretty girl, I naturally become more interested in her, and yeah, it's just because she is pretty. But if this girl is not so pretty or ugly (physically), it will take more than just an "introduce" to make me as the same interested in her as if she was pretty, but not saying it's impossible. IMO it happens the same way with any other girl or guy.

I'm sorry to keep harping on this and if I am, forgive me, but I just can't get past how anyone can deem another person "ugly". You don't create them, they never asked to be born looking a certain way. You don't get to choose how you or anyone else looks. So why judge their faces and figures? I just can't understand how anyone can think like this.

Edit: I guess some might probably tell me it's human nature. But if it's human nature, then maybe I'm not really human? It just baffles me.

The biological clock sure is a big culprit for desperation. Especially with the timer on fertility for women which hits around 35 if I understand right.

Having been attracted to a woman who I thought was not physically appealing due to her amazing aura of positivity and passion I've adjusted my own standard for appearances and tweaked its importance far down the list.

If you're still in the boat that thinks appearance is king, you probably need to meet someone who shines more brightly than their appearance. There are plenty of charismatic people without great looks.

+1

 

[jaguarundi]

Whoa, a lot has gone on here since I last stuck my head around the door and had a look in!

We seem to have gone from Peaches asking how to gently discourage a guy she was not interested in, without hurting his feelings, into some rather murkier waters.

However I think we have some interesting tips here, on how to be yet another lonely bloke, . What you have to do is simple, chaps. . .

You get a chip on your shoulder about your looks, and you allow it to get nice and big.

Then, you present yourself to women with a jerkish attitude, which will piss off any half way decent woman.

You do a bit of this until your shoulder chip is huge, blaming the women you encounter as being the problem, and becoming angry, bitter and misogynistic.

If you do have a relationship with a woman who is attracted to being emotionally abused by misogynistic jerks (probably because she is neurotic and has daddy issues or other issues with men and relationships) you will use her then despise her as needy, clingy, neurotic and whatever.

After a number of years around the hamster wheel, you are rather older, and have enough money to go to Thailand or Russia (or another country with a lower standard or living than yours), for a bride, where, unlike the materialistic girls in the West who are only after handsome men, or men with money, you will find a decent simple girl. She will of course be clear that she doesn't like the men of her own age in her own country, and, providing you send her money and/or marry her to get her out of her country of origin to a golden future, will truly love you...... Of course she may bilk you of your cash and disappear, but hey, just confirms your opinion of women, so that's all good, then.

So now you know how to be a bitter, miserable, old, lonely misogynistic git. Any takers?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Lol jag. I just love you. <3

 

[CHSlater]

I'm sorry to keep harping on this and if I am, forgive me, but I just can't get past how anyone can deem another person "ugly". You don't create them, they never asked to be born looking a certain way. You don't get to choose how you or anyone else looks. So why judge their faces and figures? I just can't understand how anyone can think like this.

Although I still stand on my statement that physical appearance is something we can't ignore, I would like to say that I'm not that "jerk" . I believe that physical appearance become less important the more you become closer to a person. I'm in a crush with a girl right now that when I told to my friends they're all like "meh, she isn't big deal", but we connected so well that I find her the most attractive girl I know at the moment. What I meant is when you first meet a completly strange person, and I do believe there are people who genuinely don't care about appearance even on strangers. And maybe it's in my nature (and I wish I wasn't like that tho) D:

To the OP: Believe me, I kinda know what this guy is going through. 5 years ago I've become closer to a girl who I thought I had chance to be her bf. I was so blind to see that she was only being nice to mebecause I was being nice with her (?) that I couldn't see that it wasn't gonna break out the friendzone (although I don't believe in friendzone nowadays). The day I saw her with her new BF, my world crumbled, and this happened because she didn't tell me the truth in the very first days. nowadays, she is single and (funny fact) she texts me a lot, but I'm still have an inner anger at her for our past. I suggest to you to say to this guy the truth already, because even if you don't become friends afterwards, at least he won't be as sad as I was back then.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Poor peaches, there was nothing wrong with what she said.
I wouldn't even call them "standards" - there's nothing wrong about wanting someone who has their **** together.
If what she has are high standards, mine would be out of this world - lol.

Yeah, I've seen that with you since day one, your selectiveness is quite apparent. (Sorry, but I just had to say something else in this thread, even if it's not exactly a very relevant thing to say.)

Wtf?

What a thread.

Indeed, quite the thread....

 

[Solivagant]

Whoa, a lot has gone on here since I last stuck my head around the door and had a look in!

We seem to have gone from Peaches asking how to gently discourage a guy she was not interested in, without hurting his feelings, into some rather murkier waters.

However I think we have some interesting tips here, on how to be yet another lonely bloke, . What you have to do is simple, chaps. . .

You get a chip on your shoulder about your looks, and you allow it to get nice and big.

Then, you present yourself to women with a jerkish attitude, which will piss off any half way decent woman.

You do a bit of this until your shoulder chip is huge, blaming the women you encounter as being the problem, and becoming angry, bitter and misogynistic.

If you do have a relationship with a woman who is attracted to being emotionally abused by misogynistic jerks (probably because she is neurotic and has daddy issues or other issues with men and relationships) you will use her then despise her as needy, clingy, neurotic and whatever.

After a number of years around the hamster wheel, you are rather older, and have enough money to go to Thailand or Russia (or another country with a lower standard or living than yours), for a bride, where, unlike the materialistic girls in the West who are only after handsome men, or men with money, you will find a decent simple girl. She will of course be clear that she doesn't like the men of her own age in her own country, and, providing you send her money and/or marry her to get her out of her country of origin to a golden future, will truly love you...... Of course she may bilk you of your cash and disappear, but hey, just confirms your opinion of women, so that's all good, then.

So now you know how to be a bitter, miserable, old, lonely misogynistic git. Any takers?

+1

This post is made of awesome.

 

[Rainbows]

Poor peaches, there was nothing wrong with what she said.
I wouldn't even call them "standards" - there's nothing wrong about wanting someone who has their **** together.
If what she has are high standards, mine would be out of this world - lol.

Yeah, I've seen that with you since day one, your selectiveness is quite apparent. (Sorry, but I just had to say something else in this thread, even if it's not exactly a very relevant thing to say.)

Funny.

I don't reply to your pm and my selectiveness is "quite apparent"?

I have every right to decide to not reply to someone's private message - it doesn't make me selective or whatever.

You might've wanted to spot the slight irony in my post too. Oh and, thanks for throwing a private matter in a public post.

 

[EveWasFramed]

WTF?

Clearly there have been some inappropriate comments (personal jabs) in this thread and the next one to partakes in that kind of behavior will be given a couple of weeks off to think about it.

Also, I will remind everyone about privacy in PM. Even vague references to things discussed in PM do NOT belong on the main forum.
I hope I've made myself VERY clear on this matter.

So, everyone keep it civil and don't make personal attacks on others.

Yes, Batman, this means you as well. (D)

 

[ardour]

Whoa, a lot has gone on here since I last stuck my head around the door and had a look in!

We seem to have gone from Peaches asking how to gently discourage a guy she was not interested in, without hurting his feelings, into some rather murkier waters.

However I think we have some interesting tips here, on how to be yet another lonely bloke, . What you have to do is simple, chaps. . .

You get a chip on your shoulder about your looks, and you allow it to get nice and big.

Then, you present yourself to women with a jerkish attitude, which will piss off any half way decent woman.

You do a bit of this until your shoulder chip is huge, blaming the women you encounter as being the problem, and becoming angry, bitter and misogynistic.

If you do have a relationship with a woman who is attracted to being emotionally abused by misogynistic jerks (probably because she is neurotic and has daddy issues or other issues with men and relationships) you will use her then despise her as needy, clingy, neurotic and whatever.

After a number of years around the hamster wheel, you are rather older, and have enough money to go to Thailand or Russia (or another country with a lower standard or living than yours), for a bride, where, unlike the materialistic girls in the West who are only after handsome men, or men with money, you will find a decent simple girl. She will of course be clear that she doesn't like the men of her own age in her own country, and, providing you send her money and/or marry her to get her out of her country of origin to a golden future, will truly love you...... Of course she may bilk you of your cash and disappear, but hey, just confirms your opinion of women, so that's all good, then.

So now you know how to be a bitter, miserable, old, lonely misogynistic git. Any takers?

There's a bit of misandry in here; some of us can't get dates with *anyone*, nor desire to use someone.

But still, this rings true of some.

 

[Peaches]

and yet, such a large percentage of the remaining single men do reason like that, what is wrong with this world?


to keep the equality thing going, also many single women become men haters because they act like the other partner of this sick tango dance, the neurotic needy b&%*$ and they don't set boundaries to being used and because of that act crazier and crazier.

Now I am disappointed with the whole humanity….

---

hey, that guy wanted to be my needy b&%$!

 

[jaguarundi]

and yet, such a large percentage of the remaining single men do reason like that, what is wrong with this world?


to keep the equality thing going, also many single women become men haters because they act like the other partner of this sick tango dance, the neurotic needy b&%*$ and they don't set boundaries to being used and because of that act crazier and crazier.

Now I am disappointed with the whole humanity….

---

hey, that guy wanted to be my needy b&%$!

---

He might very possibly have wanted to be b&%*$ slapped by you.. I knew this dominatrix once (true)...

On the sick tango theme, there are also the women out there in those countries I have mentioned (and others also, I guess) who take advantage of the guys in this position, which is a terrible thing to do. I daresay that there are marriages made like this which last and are happy and loving, but the potential for a guy being ripped off by a heartless b&%*$ is, sadly, probably quite high.

 

[Grackle]

I knew this dominatrix once (true)...

Oh, do go on dear Jag ... don't leave it at that !! HA!

 

[TheSkaFish]

not at all, how it looked it wasn't the main thing, but because he seemed codependent and emotionally disturbed - if you don't know someone, yes, looks count more, but let's repeat it again and again, it's the personality that counts, look at the guy with no arms and legs who married a model

This brings up a question. Not to take you to task - but if personality is what counts, would you ever change your mind about a guy? Personality can change. Suppose you met a guy and determined he was needy or disturbed in some way, and you decided to pass. But suppose you encountered him again later, but this time he was confident and healthy. Would you give him another chance? Or do you feel it's more like, once needy, always needy? Do you feel it is possible to change one's impression of someone?