why, why do "nice guys" do this?

[Peaches]

... Women love guys who do their stuff and are unapologetic about it. ...

= guys that dominate the scene and are in charge.

Thank you for saying it differently.

dominating guys many women find annoying, if they kind of have a life is probably enough

---

this is very interesting, to spice that up have you tried around 3 to get some other interest? I mean, exactly at the time when you probably think about her all the time, do something to occupy your mind? Behave a tad unexpectedly? Not saying to play hard to get, mind me, but still not be 110% available? Do some nice unexpected gestures but then don't be too "present"? If you are honestly busy with something, that is the best thing. Well, yes, hobbies are good for you. I have no idea of how you act with these girls, but as you read about the clingy guy and thought about yourself perhaps you feel some kind of connection, that means you know in some way what you think is going wrong.

None of that justifies why someone who appeared quite friendly should suddenly stop saying "hello". It's rude beyond belief.

no, I didn't mean then, I mean not sleeping near the phone and not answering texts in a split second and not thinking all the time about that person - who said anything about saying hello?

---

... Women love guys who do their stuff and are unapologetic about it. ...

= guys that dominate the scene and are in charge.

Thank you for saying it differently.

Not necessarily, yeah domination is an opposite of not doing stuff and being apologetic. But autonomy and competence are also opposites in my view. Attractive men that do stuff (mostly while creating rather than destroying) become even more attractive. That is just as likely what she meant as what you said.

yes, that!

 

[Thomas]]

I read up on the original post, and skimmed quickly through the others..

Nice guy != Needy / Concerning strange guy

The two might combine sometimes, but it's the same with many things

I would be kinda concerned if girls I knew started following me around everywhere and not leaving me alone after a few nice dates. I think you did the right thing, Peaches.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Do what you feel comfortable with and work on the rest. Don't be something you are not.

Needy, obsessive, clingy people are NOT good for you. They WILL stress you out. Been there, not fun, not at all.

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

dominating guys many women find annoying, if they kind of have a life is probably enough

Riiight... You know you want it...

 

[Peaches]

dominating guys many women find annoying, if they kind of have a life is probably enough

Riiight... You know you want it...

sincerely hoping that that is a joke…

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

dominating guys many women find annoying, if they kind of have a life is probably enough

Riiight... You know you want it...

Disclaimer: This is a joke !

Better ?

 

[Peaches]

dominating guys many women find annoying, if they kind of have a life is probably enough

Riiight... You know you want it...

Disclaimer: This is a joke !

Better ?

yes!

 

[TheSkaFish]

What I mean by this is that there's something that you need to have to feel in charge. You know what that something is for yourself, I do not. Get that something, or fix that something, and then BE in charge, don't act, BE.
I have to fix my teeth, fix my financial status, move the hell out of where I'm living, get a driver's license, get a car, get a bike(again), and then I'm in charge....These things I spoke about are not meant to impress girls, they are meant to give me my peace of mind and confidence(they're connected) so as I feel in charge, I feel like dominating the situation.
Now you understand what I mean ?

Ah, yea I get it now. Well, I've got a little work cut out for me then I guess. For me to feel like I'm in charge, I'd need to feel like I've got my money situation at least stable, and also I'd need to be working on some kind of project, getting good at something that matters to me. I'd need to know I'm interesting. That I have something worthwhile to talk about and share. I need to know I have something to show for myself, that I am something. You know?

---

You are a good-looking guy even if your profile pic probably doesn[t show your most mature side perhaps you like only girls who don't like you?

this is very interesting, to spice that up have you tried around 3 to get some other interest? I mean, exactly at the time when you probably think about her all the time, do something to occupy your mind? Behave a tad unexpectedly? Not saying to play hard to get, mind me, but still not be 110% available? Do some nice unexpected gestures but then don't be too "present"? If you are honestly busy with something, that is the best thing. Well, yes, hobbies are good for you. I have no idea of how you act with these girls, but as you read about the clingy guy and thought about yourself perhaps you feel some kind of connection, that means you know in some way what you think is going wrong.

Aw shucks. Thanks. Sometimes I don't always have faith in my looks.

When it comes to the girls I like, idk. I'd like to think that it's not that they don't like me, I'd like to think it's that I'm just playing my cards wrong. The kinds of girls I like, well, they tend to have everything I'm looking for - looks, conversation skills, interests, adventurousness and playfulness, they just make me feel alive.

What you described though, is pretty much my problem. Looking back, I see that I tend to be very available, and get to a point where the girl is all I think about. Like, I let my hobbies and interests fall by the wayside and even forget about reading about things that might make me more interesting to talk to. I stop advancing in life. The last time, I sometimes just waited for her to show up. Maybe that's my problem right there. It seems so obvious now that you mention it, but it tends to creep up on me without me realizing it.

 

[MTrip]

Peaches - Just face up to facts & keep a few cats instead. Really. You do have high standards...& there's nothing wrong with that. Never compromise your standards for anyone. Period. Quite frankly I was in the same boat for a while: After a few different girlfriends either being dull average, or having emotional issues & a couple of them turning out to be hysterically insane (& violent, in one case), I finally realized: You know what? It ain't gonna happen. (These days it's because of health issues as much as anything else.) I resigned myself to bachelorhood a ling time ago.

What you are asking for is a very rare kind of man. The fact is that most men, as part of the vast majority of the human race, don't do much more with their lives than consume, pollute, & take up space. For those with high standards for a mate, singledom & misanthropy are often the only realistic options.

 

[ardour]

Peaches - Just face up to facts & keep a few cats instead. Really. You do have high standards...& there's nothing wrong with that. Never compromise your standards for anyone. Period. Quite frankly I was in the same boat for a while: After a few different girlfriends either being dull average, or having emotional issues & a couple of them turning out to be hysterically insane (& violent, in one case), I finally realized: You know what? It ain't gonna happen. (These days it's because of health issues as much as anything else.) I resigned myself to bachelorhood a ling time ago.

What you are asking for is a very rare kind of man. The fact is that most men, as part of the vast majority of the human race, don't do much more with their lives than consume, pollute, & take up space. For those with high standards for a mate, singledom & misanthropy are often the only realistic options.

Peaches reticence with these guys seems to be more about self-preservation than particularly high standards (can't blame her.) By the way, do you think you could make your comments sound even more arrogant? Think of it as a challenge.

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

Peaches reticence with these guys seems to be more about self-preservation than high standards. By the way, do you think you could make your comments sound even more arrogant? Go on, think of it as a challenge.

It's not arrogance, it's extreme bitterness. The equivalent would be me saying all women are materialistic sluts. But, although, many of them are, many of them aren't. So I don't make comments like that. I made them when I was younger and got cheated and stuff.
It's the same with men. Some, probably a lot of them, just take up space, consume and pollute. But not all of them. And for some reason, she doesn't have access to the ones that aren't like that. So what's left ? Cats and bitterness. And misandry.

---

Ah, yea I get it now. Well, I've got a little work cut out for me then I guess. For me to feel like I'm in charge, I'd need to feel like I've got my money situation at least stable, and also I'd need to be working on some kind of project, getting good at something that matters to me. I'd need to know I'm interesting. That I have something worthwhile to talk about and share. I need to know I have something to show for myself, that I am something. You know?

Good man

There are lots of projects - maybe tuning a car, maybe building something, maybe singing... lots of them. You do them for yourself and, as a benefit, you can also have something interesting to tell others.

I don't need projects because I've got my life's story if I wanna talk about stuff. I don't care if people think it's interesting, I KNOW it is. So find something that YOU KNOW it's interesting, not what you think others might find of interest.

 

[murmi97]

So what's left ? Cats and bitterness. And misandry.

---

---

Misandry? Was it implied somewhere that she hates men?

Or are you saying she should? Really, a lot of men make it awful difficult to do.

 

[Rainbows]

Poor peaches, there was nothing wrong with what she said.
I wouldn't even call them "standards" - there's nothing wrong about wanting someone who has their **** together.
If what she has are high standards, mine would be out of this world - lol.

 

[Edward W]

Um, I haven't read all 70 odd posts, but is Peaches getting some flak for this? Because from what I read on her initial post the guy seemed just a telscopic lens away from being a stalker or something.

OK, that may be over the top, but certainly very clingy, and I can understand how she wants to back away from the situation, and yet doesn't want to hurt the guys feelings.

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

So what's left ? Cats and bitterness. And misandry.

---

---

Misandry? Was it implied somewhere that she hates men?

Or are you saying she should? Really, a lot of men make it awful difficult to do.

---

I'm talking about MTrip, not about Peaches.
Peaches seems to be cute and innocent, albeit maybe too demanding in the looks department. But then again, ALL women are, otherwise I wouldn't be single.

 

[ladyforsaken]

But then again, ALL women are, otherwise I wouldn't be single.

Do you want to rephrase this....?

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

Why? You'd date an ugly unattractive chap like me?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Why? You'd date an ugly unattractive chap like me?

Because I know that I don't think that anyone is "ugly" in looks. Ugly in character/personality, yes. A lot of normal people would tell me someone I used to care about greatly was ugly. I didn't see ugly. I just don't judge people by looks and think, oh damn, he/she is ugly. I don't get attracted to guys because they are handsome or good looking.

So your statement saying ALL women are, I feel isn't right. And I'm pretty sure there are many women out there, who would think like me too.

 

[AnotherLonelyGuy]

You went around my question.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Because I already have someone, so no, I won't date you, but not cos of your looks. And besides, you asked why - so I explained.