would you date an asian woman?

[Bella]

It's all very well and good to say you'd date outside of your own race- and fine, yes, two people should be able to have a romantic encounter regardless of either of their ethnicities.

but how many of you, I wonder, have actually seriously dated outside of your own race (let alone dated)? because I have, and I can tell you from experience it's not something to be done flippantly. differing races puts another strain on a relationship that already comes with the normal ones. in addition to all the normal stuff like expectations, commitment, etc- there is the issue of whether these two people are right for each other because of the color of their skin.

it's easy to sit there and say, "Yes, I don't care about the color of someone's skin", but would you disregard it so easily if you knew you'd have to choose that person over your family and risk losing one over the other? If you knew they'd have to make that choice? If you knew complete strangers might insult you or even outright threaten you? If you knew that you'd make the normal sacrifices and then some just to have a relationship with someone who might eventually leave you?

And before you say "Yes, our love conquers all" or some other naive ********, go and date outside your race, see what I'm talking about, and then come back and post your answer.

Yes, yes I would. And I did.

I dated a Greek guy briefly (brief due to moving) whose mother couldn't stand to look at me, because I wasn't Greek. What did we do? Learn to accept it. It was HER problem. It wasn't a strain on our relationship with each other.

I dated a guy from the South, whose co-workers never treated him the same after meeting me and seeing that I was Middle Eastern. What did we do? Ignore his prehistoric colleagues. Not let other extenuating circumstances interfere with a fundamentally good, honest relationship.

I dated a black guy and got countless dirty looks from black girls in public places like subways and cinemas. What did we do? Smile sweetly at them and giggle with each other.

You can't let people outside a relationship effect the inside of a relationship. I can kind of understand a strain being put on it if it's your family and you're still a dependent, but other than that...not really. And since I've been through it, and have been the subject of racism countless times, I'd hardly call this response "naive ********", thanks.

 

[alonerly]

It's nice to see that there are people who are open to the idea. I think zraskolnikov has a good point though. I think the reason why I asked the question was because of all the things zraskolnikov mentioned. What if you were looking for someone to marry? Someone you could bring home to meet your family and someone with whom you'd feel comfortable with meeting theirs? Family doesn't weigh much on who I love, but some might. It's not easy being in an interracial relationship, and I think there are romantic notions sometimes. I enjoy dating outside my own race, but I have to say, I always felt second best in those relationships somehow. That maybe I was just a part of their experimentation period and that they all moved on to date/marry what they are accustomed to or who their family approved of in the end. And I'm really hoping I'm wrong and that I just haven't met the right guy. but if I'm not, maybe it's time to reevaluate my choices
I know we all want to say and believe that we can look past those things and there are actually people who can and do, I'm just hoping those here who say they can really mean it, because that would give some of us hope, I suppose.

 

[samba101]

Good for you Bella, chin up and smile, that's the one. I've noticed with black woman that they tend to frown upon black guys dating outside of their race as if it's a sin. Which greatly annoys me who the hell are they to judge. That doesn't mean other races don't do it as well it's just that I mainly hear about it because of religion for instance muslim/iranian that kind of thing.

 

[Minus]

but how many of you, I wonder, have actually seriously dated outside of your own race (let alone dated)? because I have, and I can tell you from experience it's not something to be done flippantly.

I have and it really didn't make any difference. Admittedly it can cause problems if you have relatives that see it as a problem, sometimes even strangers and even on very rare occasions you could draw the interest of someone like Joseph Paul Franklin. Still it does not have to automatically be any big deal.

 

[bookbinder]

You can't let people outside a relationship effect the inside of a relationship. I can kind of understand a strain being put on it if it's your family and you're still a dependent, but other than that...not really. And since I've been through it, and have been the subject of racism countless times, I'd hardly call this response "naive ********", thanks.

I wouldn't call your response ******** either. That was exactly my point- to see how the people who've actually done it feel.

Because I myself, as you can probably tell, have come to view the subject with perhaps a bit more apprehension than I should, because of my own experiences.

It's not so much the feelings of others that I'm concerned with, it's their actions. For example, you say that the opinion of family only really matters if you're a dependent, I'd disagree. If you lose your family, and things get tough, who can you turn to for help? All of your fairweather friends, or friends who're also in a bind? Ignoring the pratical aspect, there is the fact that your children will grow up without grandparents or aunts and uncles. It may seem like a small deal, but children flourish having extended family around, and it also lets the parents have a little more time to themselves. (Also, it alienates the children further; not only our their parents different, but they don't have grandparents...and in the minds of children, this can be made into a very big thing.)

Culturally (and perhaps also religiously), the children are also split- do the parents raise them as one or the other? Or, as in many a case- it's a stalemate, and the child grows to adulthood having little grasp on either. Culture and traditions are lost, and when that child goes on to raise their own children, or to meet new people, they will have little of their own to share in the way of background or diversity.

See what I'm talking about? Some people might call this overanalyzation. My point is, a normal relationship comes with the normal issues. A interracial ir interreligious relationship comes with extra problems both short-term and long, and takes two very strong people to overcome all of that. My admiration goes to you if you've truly done so.

 

[jjam]

Yes. The idea of dating outside of my race is not at all unappealing for me.
I think there is a level of discomfort between groups that I guess stems from a lack of understanding. You can sort of sense it in little things, even a greeting. I just feel like people have a lot they can relate to about each other, yet for some reason, we don't feel like we relate to each other and that creates barriers = incompatibility. It's a strange phenomenon, really.

Of course, many people have bypassed what I speak of. You've got plenty of happy interracial couples out here in the world.

 

[LonelyDragon]

You can't let people outside a relationship effect the inside of a relationship. I can kind of understand a strain being put on it if it's your family and you're still a dependent, but other than that...not really. And since I've been through it, and have been the subject of racism countless times, I'd hardly call this response "naive ********", thanks.

I wouldn't call your response ******** either. That was exactly my point- to see how the people who've actually done it feel.

Because I myself, as you can probably tell, have come to view the subject with perhaps a bit more apprehension than I should, because of my own experiences.

It's not so much the feelings of others that I'm concerned with, it's their actions. For example, you say that the opinion of family only really matters if you're a dependent, I'd disagree. If you lose your family, and things get tough, who can you turn to for help? All of your fairweather friends, or friends who're also in a bind? Ignoring the pratical aspect, there is the fact that your children will grow up without grandparents or aunts and uncles. It may seem like a small deal, but children flourish having extended family around, and it also lets the parents have a little more time to themselves. (Also, it alienates the children further; not only our their parents different, but they don't have grandparents...and in the minds of children, this can be made into a very big thing.)

Culturally (and perhaps also religiously), the children are also split- do the parents raise them as one or the other? Or, as in many a case- it's a stalemate, and the child grows to adulthood having little grasp on either. Culture and traditions are lost, and when that child goes on to raise their own children, or to meet new people, they will have little of their own to share in the way of background or diversity.

See what I'm talking about? Some people might call this overanalyzation. My point is, a normal relationship comes with the normal issues. A interracial ir interreligious relationship comes with extra problems both short-term and long, and takes two very strong people to overcome all of that. My admiration goes to you if you've truly done so.

I see your point, but I can say that for me that is all moot. I've already broken all ties with my family over different matters.

Besides, I'm getting too old to have kids anyway.

 

[Steel]

It's all very well and good to say you'd date outside of your own race- and fine, yes, two people should be able to have a romantic encounter regardless of either of their ethnicities.

but how many of you, I wonder, have actually seriously dated outside of your own race (let alone dated)? because I have, and I can tell you from experience it's not something to be done flippantly. differing races puts another strain on a relationship that already comes with the normal ones. in addition to all the normal stuff like expectations, commitment, etc- there is the issue of whether these two people are right for each other because of the color of their skin.

it's easy to sit there and say, "Yes, I don't care about the color of someone's skin", but would you disregard it so easily if you knew you'd have to choose that person over your family and risk losing one over the other? If you knew they'd have to make that choice? If you knew complete strangers might insult you or even outright threaten you? If you knew that you'd make the normal sacrifices and then some just to have a relationship with someone who might eventually leave you?

And before you say "Yes, our love conquers all" or some other naive ********, go and date outside your race, see what I'm talking about, and then come back and post your answer.

Yes, I have.

I will agree there can be problems, however, these tend to be cultural rather than ethnic. Problems can occur between any two people of differing backgrounds, even if they share the same colour skin.

Ok, so on some levels I am fortunate in that my family have always accepted my choice of women. If they were to disapprove, then it wouldn't affect my relationship, simply because it is our choice, not theirs. Similarily, if someone risked alienation by their family by becoming involved with me, I would empathise with her, yet would not feel guilty. After all, they are the ones choosing to be predjudiced.

In general, however, prevailing attitudes will differ according to which ethnicities we are talking about, and where in the world we are - so I can accept that these decisions may be more difficult for some people than they are for me.

 

[alonerly]

Family should never stand in the way of your own happiness and if they do, they're not a good family. They should support and love you no matter what. It's the only place in life you should be able to get unconditional love. I know this is ideal, but I think if you're dating someone who puts so much weight on what their family thinks and they consider leaving you over their family, they're probably not for you. I love my family, but if I found the love of my life and they didn't approve of him because of something as trivial as the color of his skin, I would disown them for him.
And about the raising kids argument, I think a good loving family would be industrious enough to be able to raise their interracial kids in a culturally rich environment despite the "differences". I do not want kids, so there's no problem for me there at all, if there ever was one to begin with.
zraskolnikov, you sound like you went through hell dating someone outside of your race and that you let that hell be created by your own family and what they approved of for you.
I don't think it's wrong to want to stay within your own race and culture when it comes to dating/love. It's the way most people are. It's just good to know that some people are freed from that meaningless notion of skin color being a factor in love.

 

[sloth4urluv]

I find them really pretty, but race dosnt matter to me.

Id date white, black, hispanic, middle eastern, indian, asian. They are all the same to me, as long as we have something in common to enjoy its all good.

 

[Van Hooligan X]

honestly, i wouldn't care what type of girl i'd want a serious relationship as long as she can speak english and we get along awesomely, race don't bother me.

 

[lovehurtme]

Is the OP of this topic serious? Everyone knows that most guys are attracted to Asian girls. The White male/Asian female marriage is the number one interracial relationship in America. Look it up in the census. There is no doubt that most men would happily date an Asian woman. Asian men and Black women have the lowest rate of marriage.

 

[LonelyDragon]

The real question is - would an Asian woman date an old, overweight redneck?

 

[eh?]

I love Asian women... and Hispanic women... and Caucasian women... and African American women... and... you get the point.

 

[alonerly]

Is the OP of this topic serious? Everyone knows that most guys are attracted to Asian girls. The White male/Asian female marriage is the number one interracial relationship in America. Look it up in the census. There is no doubt that most men would happily date an Asian woman. Asian men and Black women have the lowest rate of marriage.

Yes, I am dead serious. I don't see how statistics based on other people's lives is relevant to my experiences. But if you feel statistics mean everything, than by all means, why don't YOU look it up in the census. Obviously, I don't belong in that bracket. You might not understand it, but for me yes, there is a big doubt. And NO, not MOST guys want to date asian girls. They might find us attractive but that doesn't mean anything.

 

[TheLonelySkeptic]

No. I'm not biased against Asian women, but I am biased toward white women. My dream girl has always been white, and well, we do tend to follow our dreams.

 

[Lexicon Devil]

No i wouldn't since im no lesbutt, although the prospect of it is becomming increasingly attractive

 

[Punisher]

No i wouldn't since im no lesbutt, although the prospect of it is becomming increasingly attractive

What a waste, another nice girl lost to the hot lesbian's.
SORRY
I had to say something

 

[cosmicpsyche]

i love this heartwarming exchange: i've had the same thoughts myself, as a (quasi) white woman. i'm italian - my big nose and crazy expressions probably give it away that i'm not 'typical' white (english or american).

No i wouldn't since im no lesbutt, although the prospect of it is becomming increasingly attractive

What a waste, another nice girl lost to the hot lesbian's.
SORRY
I had to say something

another thing i can add to this thread is the perspective of a tall woman. i am 6 foot, which is quite a lot taller than ordinary women. i have to say, it was a big adjustment as a teenager to accept that i was a woman that belonged in a non-feminine, non-attractive category. it has taken me years to feel wholly confident (and not there yet admittedly). i wasn't sure if i should have to prepare myself to cope with some comment about how un-sexworthy i am from every man and woman i meet (in this seemingly sex-obsessed world). then, moving to a place with many more asian women and seeing many more interracial couples with an asian woman, certainly made the reality of the plight of my category all the more real.

now i'm striving to maintain my connection to a calmer place inside myself, and trying to let my genuine self shine from within. i find it does help in being receptive to interacting with men and women who can see me more for who i really am and not by my category (even if it does have a large impact on the unfolding of myself in this world). finding truly meaningful communication both here and in real life is encouraging, as i can already appreciate how sacred it is when you connect with someone soul-to-soul. yet feeling insecure still washes over me almost before i know it, and jealousy is the easiest response. it is still a work in progress to master being non-judgmental, and giving an assertive response that is true to all of me, in every situation. i am dedicated to those ends because i believe it is the only way to have meaningful communication with anyone, and to be able to recognize a true life partner when you two meet.

greater security comes from knowing yourself, by developing a wise mind. i think all of us are working to find the balance between facing head-on the obstacles that are in our way (in some cases staying forever), and maintaining pure unbridled hope to have all our deepest desires fulfilled in spite of the challenges. that must be the way each of us will ultimately achieve true happiness.

 

[Punisher]

i love this heartwarming exchange: i've had the same thoughts myself, as a (quasi) white woman. i'm italian - my big nose and crazy expressions probably give it away that i'm not 'typical' white (english or american).

No i wouldn't since im no lesbutt, although the prospect of it is becomming increasingly attractive

What a waste, another nice girl lost to the hot lesbian's.
SORRY
I had to say something

another thing i can add to this thread is the perspective of a tall woman. i am 6 foot, which is quite a lot taller than ordinary women. i have to say, it was a big adjustment as a teenager to accept that i was a woman that belonged in a non-feminine, non-attractive category. it has taken me years to feel wholly confident (and not there yet admittedly). i wasn't sure if i should have to prepare myself to cope with some comment about how un-sexworthy i am from every man and woman i meet (in this seemingly sex-obsessed world). then, moving to a place with many more asian women and seeing many more interracial couples with an asian woman, certainly made the reality of the plight of my category all the more real.

now i'm striving to maintain my connection to a calmer place inside myself, and trying to let my genuine self shine from within. i find it does help in being receptive to interacting with men and women who can see me more for who i really am and not by my category (even if it does have a large impact on the unfolding of myself in this world). finding truly meaningful communication both here and in real life is encouraging, as i can already appreciate how sacred it is when you connect with someone soul-to-soul. yet feeling insecure still washes over me almost before i know it, and jealousy is the easiest response. it is still a work in progress to master being non-judgmental, and giving an assertive response that is true to all of me, in every situation. i am dedicated to those ends because i believe it is the only way to have meaningful communication with anyone, and to be able to recognize a true life partner when you two meet.

greater security comes from knowing yourself, by developing a wise mind. i think all of us are working to find the balance between facing head-on the obstacles that are in our way (in some cases staying forever), and maintaining pure unbridled hope to have all our deepest desires fulfilled in spite of the challenges. that must be the way each of us will ultimately achieve true happiness.

I dont care if a woman is fat or skinny, tall or short, black or white etc.........
but i care when ******* men make nice women think of being lesbians