This is understandable.
some people have to pay for love, everyone has selfish intentions; that's the problem with relationships is your finding someone for YOURSELF.
the people who often just want anyone never get anyone to keep, its a very sad fact. a life companion or even just someone there to love you unconditionally. like a mother or father.
i honestly wouldn't pay because id feel as if what i felt wasn't real.
"Within me there's a gaping hole
And it seems I'm last to know
And no one, or thing, can fill this empty space
that I've been pacing in
I fell in love with an empty place
But I want change
But I won't change
I can't feel a thing."
Im very sure that finding friends is the first spot to start.
just be yourself lie a little if u have too, but i'm sure once u tell them u never really had someone to be close to you.
im sure something can be arranged.