would you want to?

[user 188685]

Would you want to get married or not get married if you were in a relationship?My mom has been with the same man for 20 plus years,they never got married,and are still together today and still don't plan on getting married ever,her partner has been married and divorced,his ex wife took everything in the divorce so he doesn't want to get married again because he has trust issues,and does not want to go through that again,what is your opion on never getting married and just staying with the same person without getting married?

 

[Finished]

A long time ago I was in a fairly good long term relationship with a woman that had a daughter. I loved them both. We didn't live together. But, we spent most of our time together. She kept hinting about getting married. Neither of us had ever been. I was reluctant because she was very financially unresponsible.

After several years we had broke up and gotten back together a few times. Then she finally stood her ground and wanted us to get married. I said I didn't want to do that. So, she permanently broke things off with me. Shortly after she lost her house and declared bankruptcy. I know she would have dragged me down too. So, it was VERY smart of me not to have married her. BTW, she never did get married. We, may very well would have still been together too.

As far as me now, I have zero interest in getting married.

 

[Adamridge79]

I did marriage for a minute. She didn't believe me when I said I wouldn't change.

 

[user 188685]

A long time ago I was in a fairly good long term relationship with a woman that had a daughter. I loved them both. We didn't live together. But, we spent most of our time together. She kept hinting about getting married. Neither of us had ever been. I was reluctant because she was very financially unresponsible.

After several years we had broke up and gotten back together a few times. Then she finally stood her ground and wanted us to get married. I said I didn't want to do that. So, she permanently broke things off with me. Shortly after she lost her house and declared bankruptcy. I know she would have dragged me down too. So, it was VERY smart of me not to have married her. BTW, she never did get married. We, may very well would have still been together too.

As far as me now, I have zero interest in getting married.

I'm so sorry

 

[TropicalStarfish]

A long time ago I was in a fairly good long term relationship with a woman that had a daughter. I loved them both. We didn't live together. But, we spent most of our time together. She kept hinting about getting married. Neither of us had ever been. I was reluctant because she was very financially unresponsible.

After several years we had broke up and gotten back together a few times. Then she finally stood her ground and wanted us to get married. I said I didn't want to do that. So, she permanently broke things off with me. Shortly after she lost her house and declared bankruptcy. I know she would have dragged me down too. So, it was VERY smart of me not to have married her. BTW, she never did get married. We, may very well would have still been together too.

As far as me now, I have zero interest in getting married.

Sounds like you really dodged a bullet there. It seems to me a person can have all the right attributes; but, once you throw financials into the mix, the dynamic can change.

As for me, I think legally binding marriage, as contract, is a bit arcane and unnecessary. About the only real reason I can think of, to get legally married, is to save a bit, come tax season; and that's only going to work out, if both people are on the same page fiscally, and responsible.

I have no problem with the idea of life-long commitment; but, assuming I even had the opportunity, I'd want it to be with some one who was also on the same page.

I imagine just doing a simple ceremony, for the fun of it, but, not have it taken super seriously. The idea being that, we both, at that moment, would like to share our lives together; but, we also both understand, that, it may not work out that way in the end. I think that's much more realistic, and harmonious, as opposed to, getting ALL the inlaws and family involved, getting the thing legally binding, and yablahblah.

I think it'd be so much more beautiful and meaningful if we were both on the same page, and cautiously grounded in reality, while still enjoying a bit of time for our heads to be in the clouds. Honeymoons last a couple weeks or months at best. Marriages have a 50/50 chance of working out. However, divorce, is almost always forever. heh. So, if you cut out the marriage ********, you don't have to worry about the divorce. Cut out the fancy expensive weddings and gold rings destined for a pawn shop when things don't work out; and what you are left with, is two people who love eachother and want to give a shot at sharing their lives together. Win/win as far as I can see...

 

[user 188685]

Sounds like you really dodged a bullet there. It seems to me a person can have all the right attributes; but, once you throw financials into the mix, the dynamic can change.

As for me, I think legally binding marriage, as contract, is a bit arcane and unnecessary. About the only real reason I can think of, to get legally married, is to save a bit, come tax season; and that's only going to work out, if both people are on the same page fiscally, and responsible.

I have no problem with the idea of life-long commitment; but, assuming I even had the opportunity, I'd want it to be with some one who was also on the same page.

I imagine just doing a simple ceremony, for the fun of it, but, not have it taken super seriously. The idea being that, we both, at that moment, would like to share our lives together; but, we also both understand, that, it may not work out that way in the end. I think that's much more realistic, and harmonious, as opposed to, getting ALL the inlaws and family involved, getting the thing legally binding, and yablahblah.

I think it'd be so much more beautiful and meaningful if we were both on the same page, and cautiously grounded in reality, while still enjoying a bit of time for our heads to be in the clouds. Honeymoons last a couple weeks or months at best. Marriages have a 50/50 chance of working out. However, divorce, is almost always forever. heh. So, if you cut out the marriage ********, you don't have to worry about the divorce. Cut out the fancy expensive weddings and gold rings destined for a pawn shop when things don't work out; and what you are left with, is two people who love eachother and want to give a shot at sharing their lives together. Win/win as far as I can see...

Agreed

 

[TheRealCallie]

Unless you are religious or want the conventional **** like insurance and whatnot, it's just a piece of paper. Though, there is such a thing as common law marriage that still exists in some states (not sure if it exists in other countries), so you could still get taken for half (or more) of your ****, even if you don't get married.

I got married...Hell, I'm still technically married because we just never got divorced. It's been 13 years since we separated. lol For a while, I stayed married because I wanted to stay on his insurance. Health insurance is expensive, I couldn't afford that. Us staying married was honestly a good thing, for several reasons, most prominent would be that he did NOT marry a few nasty ******* that would have ruined his life....and in turn, the lives of my children. We will likely be getting divorced soon. There's nothing preventing it now that I have my own insurance and he's with a decent woman.

 

[ringwood]

I've been with my partner for almost 20 years now and we're not legally married. It's not that we wouldn't get married or are opposed to the idea - we just don't really see the point now. In our minds, we're married - even if we don't have the piece of paper to prove it. And here in B.C., our provincial law automatically treats couples as spouses if you've lived together for at least two years and you have a child together (which we do).

 

[Cherubino]

All I have to offer is myself and my average pension ... so it's entirely up to her

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Marriage is kind of a dying concept in this day and age.
After talking with a few women who've been divorced, they seem to regret the marriage for very similar reasons as to why divorced men do.
Neither divorced men nor divorced women feel like the paperwork and banking hassles are worth the endeavor because pulling it apart really is that difficult and time consuming.
Paradoxically, in countries such as the Philippines, Divorce isn't even a legal option, if you get married, you're just stuck in that marriage.

What I find interesting is that there's this "it won't happen to me" divide between people who've been through it, who know that it will happen to them because it happened once before, and younger, inexperienced people.

You also have instances where a person will get married and divorced several times over and each time dilutes their perceptual lens because things just don't work out for them. It never occurs to them that in diagnostics, variables are expected to break down and have to be switched out, but constants are not supposed to break down even though constants absolutely do break down. It means that their understanding of diagnostics is biased either because they're trying to force a narrative that might not be realistic, or because it just simply doesn't occur to them to check the constant. ---Think of like alternators and batteries in a car, if your alternator dies, eventually your battety will die as well, but if all you do is replace the battery, well, eventually your dead alternator will kill the new battery because it's not generating electricity to charge the battery, and you'll be back in the same boat again, twice as angry and just as confused.

Now I do think that in times past it made sense. It's quite likely from a historical perspective that we might not have survived as a species through natural hardships were it not for ancient foundations of marriage (in of which, during the time of the San People of South Africa, one of the oldest known of marriage rituals, there was no divorce, that concept hadn't been invented yet). But I mean, on a level of socio-economic and technological advancement combined with population growth, aside from ideologies of love, it's kind of an outdated cog, both complicated by divorce and the lack thereof.

 

[user 188685]

Marriage is kind of a dying concept in this day and age.
After talking with a few women who've been divorced, they seem to regret the marriage for very similar reasons as to why divorced men do.
Neither divorced men nor divorced women feel like the paperwork and banking hassles are worth the endeavor because pulling it apart really is that difficult and time consuming.
Paradoxically, in countries such as the Philippines, Divorce isn't even a legal option, if you get married, you're just stuck in that marriage.

What I find interesting is that there's this "it won't happen to me" divide between people who've been through it, who know that it will happen to them because it happened once before, and younger, inexperienced people.

You also have instances where a person will get married and divorced several times over and each time dilutes their perceptual lens because things just don't work out for them. It never occurs to them that in diagnostics, variables are expected to break down and have to be switched out, but constants are not supposed to break down even though constants absolutely do break down. It means that their understanding of diagnostics is biased either because they're trying to force a narrative that might not be realistic, or because it just simply doesn't occur to them to check the constant. ---Think of like alternators and batteries in a car, if your alternator dies, eventually your battety will die as well, but if all you do is replace the battery, well, eventually your dead alternator will kill the new battery because it's not generating electricity to charge the battery, and you'll be back in the same boat again, twice as angry and just as confused.

Now I do think that in times past it made sense. It's quite likely from a historical perspective that we might not have survived as a species through natural hardships were it not for ancient foundations of marriage (in of which, during the time of the San People of South Africa, one of the oldest known of marriage rituals, there was no divorce, that concept hadn't been invented yet). But I mean, on a level of socio-economic and technological advancement combined with population growth, aside from ideologies of love, it's kind of an outdated cog, both complicated by divorce and the lack thereof.

True,very good points

 

[tedgresham]

Would you want to get married or not get married if you were in a relationship?My mom has been with the same man for 20 plus years,they never got married,and are still together today and still don't plan on getting married ever,her partner has been married and divorced,his ex wife took everything in the divorce so he doesn't want to get married again because he has trust issues,and does not want to go through that again,what is your opion on never getting married and just staying with the same person without getting married?

I haven't read all the replies yet but I'll reply to you. I've been married 44 years and from this point I think it was the stupidest thing I've done, or close to it. I do love my wife but she's grown so distant I can't reach her. We are chained together with this little piece of paper, that 'marriage license,' so if I even look out the window at someone else I'm considered a horrible person. Marriage holds people together sometimes much longer than they should be together. It creates expectations and demands responses for no other reason than tradition and religious teachings (Which are themselves stupid). If we were not married we could go our separate ways without creating the baggage and painful effort to divorce.

I do not believe people should marry. I'm against the whole institution. It is better just to be with that person you love and care for until the day comes when that relationship goes south. There will be heartache if you separate after a long time but not the horrific requirement of divorcing and squabbling over an arm chair or something.

If I manage to get out of here I will look for someone who will love me for who I am. I'm already looking. But even if I get a divorce I would not ever, ever marry again.

 

[user 188685]

I haven't read all the replies yet but I'll reply to you. I've been married 44 years and from this point I think it was the stupidest thing I've done, or close to it. I do love my wife but she's grown so distant I can't reach her. We are chained together with this little piece of paper, that 'marriage license,' so if I even look out the window at someone else I'm considered a horrible person. Marriage holds people together sometimes much longer than they should be together. It creates expectations and demands responses for no other reason than tradition and religious teachings (Which are themselves stupid). If we were not married we could go our separate ways without creating the baggage and painful effort to divorce.

I do not believe people should marry. I'm against the whole institution. It is better just to be with that person you love and care for until the day comes when that relationship goes south. There will be heartache if you separate after a long time but not the horrific requirement of divorcing and squabbling over an arm chair or something.

If I manage to get out of here I will look for someone who will love me for who I am. I'm already looking. But even if I get a divorce I would not ever, ever marry again.

if your married and so unhappy why are you still married then?

 

[tedgresham]

I'm kind'a stuck here at the moment. I don't make enough to leave. I would be out of here in a heartbeat if I could be. Maybe someday I'll sell my books or find some way to make money and get the hell out of here.

 

[Nicolelt]

I didn't think I wanted to ever get married. I was going to be fine with just a long term relationship. I was wrong, being married is awesome. It's like building a tiny little empire together. You have someone to conquer life with. It's wonderful.

 

[user 164061]

I am a single guy and have been for a very long time. But i don't believe you need to get married to prove you love someone, it just doesn't make any sense to me at all. Maybe i am wrong? I am a very romantic/loving person (even if i am alone), but it may well hurt my future partner's feelings if i say i don't want to get married. But i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.

 

[4No1]

Only if there is a reason. The Great Reason I would say.
It's so difficult, so many papers, so many risks and even a contract doesn't guarantee you're safe. So what for?
I read a book when I was a kid, I don't remember well, but I think it was Agatha Christie: He married a rich girl, killed her(probably poisoned) and ran away with her sister(or friend). I think I was very impressed by that story.
Many years ago when I was young and once proposed I got terrified, told him, I woudn't leave him my bike if he poisoned me, and then took my bike and went out. A guy was a little bit shocked as he had his own bike and he thought all the girls dreamt of getting married

 

[Anarchic Torchic]

Love and bureaucracy dont get along very well at all.

 

[Finished]

Love and bureaucracy dont get along very well at all.

A Clockwork Orange is Awesome!

 

[Anarchic Torchic]

A Clockwork Orange is Awesome!

Yeah, that chair scene with Beethoven is iconic!