Accepting romance will never be a part of your life

[BayouWoman]

Love your sense of humor Xpendable!

 

[ThatZealousOne]

If you are impatient, you could get out more now. I think the more you do the easier it will get. I find it helps to focus on the other person, perhaps see them as ill at ease as you and try to put them at ease. Everyone is uncomfortable in first encounters and someone has to break the ice...

Don't let it interfere with your studies though!

I thought of you last Friday for we have a standing invitation on Fridays at our house, whoever wishes comes over and we make homemade pizza and then watch a horror movie. It has been a tradition that has been carried on since my high school years. There is no alcohol. See, there are no alcohol alternatives and perhaps if you began something you would feel more in control and not as ill at ease in that you could control who is invited and how it is ran.

I suppose. However I don't really see anything else other than 'let's go to a bar and drink' in the list of activities at my university. There are some things I've gone to but I never really felt welcome there. Lots of loud and obnoxious people mostly. But still, perhaps I missed something. I will take another look, perhaps I will find something else I can do.

Do you live at home or do you flat? Just curious.

I'm not too sure what you're asking but I think I know the answer. During termtime I live with a group of 4 other people in a house. It's not university accommodation, but we are all students. I occasionally head back to see my parents, and I live with them over holidays, however since I do live quite close to them, and that is only for the weekend. My mother suffers a little from stress, which is understandable since my grandparents now need regular care and support from us. She's basically a carer for them now, which stresses her no end. Only reason I do that really.

 

[Paraiyar]

If you are impatient, you could get out more now. I think the more you do the easier it will get. I find it helps to focus on the other person, perhaps see them as ill at ease as you and try to put them at ease. Everyone is uncomfortable in first encounters and someone has to break the ice...

Don't let it interfere with your studies though!

I thought of you last Friday for we have a standing invitation on Fridays at our house, whoever wishes comes over and we make homemade pizza and then watch a horror movie. It has been a tradition that has been carried on since my high school years. There is no alcohol. See, there are no alcohol alternatives and perhaps if you began something you would feel more in control and not as ill at ease in that you could control who is invited and how it is ran.

I suppose. However I don't really see anything else other than 'let's go to a bar and drink' in the list of activities at my university. There are some things I've gone to but I never really felt welcome there. Lots of loud and obnoxious people mostly. But still, perhaps I missed something. I will take another look, perhaps I will find something else I can do.

Do you live at home or do you flat? Just curious.

I'm not too sure what you're asking but I think I know the answer. During termtime I live with a group of 4 other people in a house. It's not university accommodation, but we are all students. I occasionally head back to see my parents, and I live with them over holidays, however since I do live quite close to them, and that is only for the weekend. My mother suffers a little from stress, which is understandable since my grandparents now need regular care and support from us. She's basically a carer for them now, which stresses her no end. Only reason I do that really.

Was just trying to establish whether your current living status was opening you up to social opportunities or not.

 

[Paraiyar]

BayouWoman, if you were a child/adolescent in the '70s then you're also speaking from the mindset of that generation.

I've said if before but there's a certain SJW attitude out there seeping into the mainstream that implies, amongst other things, that if a man asks a woman out and she isn't interested, he has violated a boundary by making her uncomfortable (regardless of context or how he asks). Combine that with shallow culture where the better looking of either gender can get away with behaving any way they like, where your character is judged by your appearance.

The 'no's' come with a hefty dose of social admonishment if you're a guy and not so attractive.

I realize that this was posted about 5 pages back but I just want to point out that I honestly think the SJW's are losing that culture war, slowly but surely.

 

[dead]

BayouWoman, if you were a child/adolescent in the '70s then you're also speaking from the mindset of that generation.

I've said if before but there's a certain SJW attitude out there seeping into the mainstream that implies, amongst other things, that if a man asks a woman out and she isn't interested, he has violated a boundary by making her uncomfortable (regardless of context or how he asks). Combine that with shallow culture where the better looking of either gender can get away with behaving any way they like, where your character is judged by your appearance.

The 'no's' come with a hefty dose of social admonishment if you're a guy and not so attractive.

I realize that this was posted about 5 pages back but I just want to point out that I honestly think the SJW's are losing that culture war, slowly but surely.

They are causing insane damage in the meantime though....

 

[ardour]

I realize that this was posted about 5 pages back but I just want to point out that I honestly think the SJW's are losing that culture war, slowly but surely.

It’s not like I want their polar opposites to win, but I'd be better if they’d stop using the issue of male violence to control every debate. Maybe it's a common perception, but the extremes in the 'culture war' seem to be getting more extreme.

 

[dead]

It’s not like I want their polar opposites to win, but I'd be better if they’d stop using the issue of male violence to control every debate.

mhm, i agree :/ add to that that they completely gloss over the issue of female violence, and steamrolling the very populations they try to protect.

 

[Paraiyar]

It’s not like I want their polar opposites to win, but I'd be better if they’d stop using the issue of male violence to control every debate.

mhm, i agree :/ add to that that they completely gloss over the issue of female violence, and steamrolling the very populations they try to protect.

Hence they are losing the support of a lot of female millennials.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I only get the basic idea of the whole SJW thing. For a while, I thought it was men and women, but it's just women? I know some guys who would say the same things that these SJW people say though, so that's why I thought it was both. It just sounds like they're people angry at the world because life isn't what they want it to be. Cry babies to say the least.

 

[Paraiyar]

I only get the basic idea of the whole SJW thing. For a while, I thought it was men and women, but it's just women? I know some guys who would say the same things that these SJW people say though, so that's why I thought it was both. It just sounds like they're people angry at the world because life isn't what they want it to be. Cry babies to say the least.

No it's both genders. The Feminist side of the SJW coin would have a more predominantly female demographic.

 

[ardour]

For a while, I thought it was men and women, but it's just women? I know some guys who would say the same things that these SJW people say though, so that's why I thought it was both.

Straight men are often referred to as "allies" in the 'movement'. The "allies" tend to be more self-righteous, ramping up the rhetoric as a means of proving themselves.

 

[Paraiyar]

For a while, I thought it was men and women, but it's just women? I know some guys who would say the same things that these SJW people say though, so that's why I thought it was both.

Straight men are often referred to as "allies". The "allies" tend to be more toxic and self-righteous, ramping up the rhetoric as a means proving themselves.

Yeah, or straight women can be allies for LGBT or white people for blacks.

 

[ardour]

Yeah, or straight women can be allies for LGBT or white people for blacks.

Sure, but straight men have renounce their privilege to a greater degree and their perspective can't really deviate at all.

 

[Paraiyar]

Yeah, or straight women can be allies for LGBT or white people for blacks.

Sure, but straight men have renounce their privilege to a greater degree and their perspective can't really deviate at all.

I guess it doesn't matter to me that much since I hate these people anyway.

 

[user 115627]

For a while, I thought it was men and women, but it's just women? I know some guys who would say the same things that these SJW people say though, so that's why I thought it was both.

Straight men are often referred to as "allies" in the 'movement'. The "allies" tend to be more self-righteous, ramping up the rhetoric as a means of proving themselves.

A behavior that can be easily summed up as "One-Good-Man-Syndrome".

 

[BayouWoman]

My thoughts exactly Rodent!

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Yeah, or straight women can be allies for LGBT or white people for blacks.

Sure, but straight men have renounce their privilege to a greater degree and their perspective can't really deviate at all.

I guess it doesn't matter to me that much since I hate these people anyway.

I do get annoyed by the ones who join the "SJW" movement just to go into attack mode. Normally I think it's great when people speak out regarding social justice movements, but the individuals joining out of spite aren't to be taken seriously. I find those types happen to have the shrillest voices too. Still, even they don't bother me as much as Marco Rubio or Donald Trump or anyone who promotes archaic and prejudicial ideologies.

 

[constant stranger]

If individual people focused more on what they have in common rather than what divides them into contending factions there would be more energy available for some of the niceties of life......like being open to seeing the possibilities of a romance when the opportunity comes along.

 

[Paraiyar]

[video=youtube]

 

[BayouWoman]

ThatZealousOne


I think it is really good of you to help out your family. I think it speaks volumes for the type of person you are.

I want to suggest a couple of things and I want you to try the least threatening.

1) Just begin smiling and looking people in the eye and saying hi whenever you pass them in the halls at school or when you first get into work. Make eye contact if you can and say a simple hello. Derogatory thoughts about yourself are not allowed only things like, "well they didn't see me" or "they must have been deep in thought" "perhaps thay are having a bad day" etc. If they don't respond to your ehllo.

2) pick a class you either really like, or a class you are having a bunch of trouble with and find someone who you wish to help you, or someone you could study with, or someone you think you could help with a problem or any other reason you can think of or just pick the last class of the day. Don't necessarily pick a female and don't necessarily pick just one person either, (for a group could be better and less uncomfortable) and say something like "whew! what a day/speech/assignment/etc.! I think I need some coffee, care to join me?"

On either of the above I always use the salesman's rule that one sale out of evey ten contacts is excellent. I state this because I don't want you to give up. However I don't want you to expect anything, either. If you are doing the hello thing the only thing you are concerned with is finding eye contact if you can and being able to say hello, if you get any response at all consider it a pleasant surprise. With coffe, you are only trying to practice making contact with someone, that is the goal, whether they say yes or no is secondary. No derogatory thoughts with either, no failure - if you manage to say hi or ask someone out for coffee that is a your goal and success regardless of the response. For 99% of the time a negative response has more to do with the other person than anything about you.

Let me know what you think.