Accepting romance will never be a part of your life

[BayouWoman]

Paraiyar.

This mix keeps running through my head now!!! And, I immensely dislike Hillary Clinton.

 

[Paraiyar]

Paraiyar.

This mix keeps running through my head now!!! And, I immensely dislike Hillary Clinton.

You should checkout the other ones he's done!

 

[ThatZealousOne]

ThatZealousOne


I think it is really good of you to help out your family. I think it speaks volumes for the type of person you are.

I want to suggest a couple of things and I want you to try the least threatening.

1) Just begin smiling and looking people in the eye and saying hi whenever you pass them in the halls at school or when you first get into work. Make eye contact if you can and say a simple hello. Derogatory thoughts about yourself are not allowed only things like, "well they didn't see me" or "they must have been deep in thought" "perhaps thay are having a bad day" etc. If they don't respond to your ehllo.

2) pick a class you either really like, or a class you are having a bunch of trouble with and find someone who you wish to help you, or someone you could study with, or someone you think you could help with a problem or any other reason you can think of or just pick the last class of the day. Don't necessarily pick a female and don't necessarily pick just one person either, (for a group could be better and less uncomfortable) and say something like "whew! what a day/speech/assignment/etc.! I think I need some coffee, care to join me?"

On either of the above I always use the salesman's rule that one sale out of evey ten contacts is excellent. I state this because I don't want you to give up. However I don't want you to expect anything, either. If you are doing the hello thing the only thing you are concerned with is finding eye contact if you can and being able to say hello, if you get any response at all consider it a pleasant surprise. With coffe, you are only trying to practice making contact with someone, that is the goal, whether they say yes or no is secondary. No derogatory thoughts with either, no failure - if you manage to say hi or ask someone out for coffee that is a your goal and success regardless of the response. For 99% of the time a negative response has more to do with the other person than anything about you.

Let me know what you think.

Well, I do do the first one. I always try and smile at people and say hello. Even at strangers. I rarely ever get smiles back though, which hurts my mood. But really, on my course I am known as the happiest person on the course. I always smile and say hello to people and I am always enthusiastic and ask about their day. I often get asked about how I'm so happy, well... I usually just say I'm not, or I just make up some sort of excuse of 'because I am' or 'because I made you smile and that's worth it' which... gets a bit tiring. It is nice to see people ask that and be encouraged by my own happy exterior though. I'm by no means bubbly or overly enthusiastic, I'm just usually smiling. Guess that's enough nowadays...

On that second point, I don't know what you mean by 'pick a class' I... umm... I don't pick classes. I think that is a difference of education system or something. Still, I have done that in the past. It netted me a few friends who I share a house with now in fact. A friend was depressed about not getting his coursework in on time, so I dragged him and a few others out for ice cream. Perhaps I should try it more... Though I do often invite people to have lunch with me, though they are mostly busy. Heh. As for only targeting girls with that, well, my course is pretty much 95% male. So no problem with that. Hehe...

 

[BayouWoman]

You should checkout the other ones he's done!

No thanks! One is enough!

 

[BayouWoman]

On that second point, I don't know what you mean by 'pick a class' I... umm... I don't pick classes. I think that is a difference of education system or something. Still, I have done that in the past. It netted me a few friends who I share a house with now in fact. A friend was depressed about not getting his coursework in on time, so I dragged him and a few others out for ice cream. Perhaps I should try it more... Though I do often invite people to have lunch with me, though they are mostly busy. Heh. As for only targeting girls with that, well, my course is pretty much 95% male. So no problem with that. Hehe...

Yep, I think it is a difference in the education system. Do you have different classes you go to in your coursework or are you in the same class with the same people all the time?

What I meant was the like the ice cream. Pick things like that: non threatening, relaxed environment, mixed crowd if you can. This would open up more opportunities for people to get to know you, girls as well and guys who may know a girl you'd be good with. Lunch is good too, usually in the middle of the day people are busy so don't take that to heart. Maybe something more toward the end of the day, like the coffee break, but not dinner unless it is a crowd going out for pizza or something. Work on starting conversations with anyone about anything for you never know where that may lead as well. If your school environment is mostly male try other things that are more mixed, clubs, groups, churches?

My brother in law took nursing classes just to meet women for example. I know a girl who took accounting to meet men. If that doesn't work try other groups or clubs, something you have an interest in.

 

[Chris516]

I have pretty much given up on romance. I was married for eight years. To a woman who never really loved me. Even though we had two kids. Then I was engaged to two successive mentally ill women. The first was emotionally abusive and made false accusations against me. The second had severe OCD.

I am going to visit a woman in a suburb of Los Angeles, in September. I don't have any hopes of it materializing into a relationship.

One of my problems in relationships, has been women having a problem coping with my physical health issues.

I don't care anymore. I will just die alone.

 

[ThatZealousOne]

Yep, I think it is a difference in the education system. Do you have different classes you go to in your coursework or are you in the same class with the same people all the time?

What I meant was the like the ice cream. Pick things like that: non threatening, relaxed environment, mixed crowd if you can. This would open up more opportunities for people to get to know you, girls as well and guys who may know a girl you'd be good with. Lunch is good too, usually in the middle of the day people are busy so don't take that to heart. Maybe something more toward the end of the day, like the coffee break, but not dinner unless it is a crowd going out for pizza or something. Work on starting conversations with anyone about anything for you never know where that may lead as well. If your school environment is mostly male try other things that are more mixed, clubs, groups, churches?

My brother in law took nursing classes just to meet women for example. I know a girl who took accounting to meet men. If that doesn't work try other groups or clubs, something you have an interest in.

Same class, same people, all the time.

Alas, like I said I think. There aren't exactly many girls on the course. I do try though, we're all just busy most of the time. But at least I offer right?

I did try other things to try and meet more women but... well... I am very busy like I said and those I did meet either had boyfriends or were not likeable.

 

[mauthecat]

I don't want to wait until I'm thirty and be someone's last choice.

I am 35, so by your standards all I can get out off life now is being someones last choice?

thank you for that eye opener.

 

[ThatZealousOne]

I don't want to wait until I'm thirty and be someone's last choice.

I am 35, so by your standards all I can get out off life now is being someones last choice?

thank you for that eye opener.

Reading a single line of text in my posts out of context does not reflect my views. I was depressed and unhappy and venting. I am sorry if my post offended you or made you feel bad. But you don't have to read any of them.

Suffice to say, what I wished to convey, is that I don't want to wait for my thirty's to have a relationship. I don't want to be that guy.

 

[mauthecat]

I don't want to wait until I'm thirty and be someone's last choice.

I am 35, so by your standards all I can get out off life now is being someones last choice?

thank you for that eye opener.

Reading a single line of text in my posts out of context does not reflect my views. I was depressed and unhappy and venting. I am sorry if my post offended you or made you feel bad. But you don't have to read any of them.

Suffice to say, what I wished to convey, is that I don't want to wait for my thirty's to have a relationship. I don't want to be that guy.

That guy? what do you mean by that guy?

 

[Paraiyar]

I don't want to wait until I'm thirty and be someone's last choice.

I am 35, so by your standards all I can get out off life now is being someones last choice?

thank you for that eye opener.

The post clearly wasn't about you...

 

[mauthecat]

I don't want to wait until I'm thirty and be someone's last choice.

I am 35, so by your standards all I can get out off life now is being someones last choice?

thank you for that eye opener.

The post clearly wasn't about you...

I know it was not about me, but how do you think all the people here that hope for a chance at love and that are over 30 (as few as they might be) feel when reading that?

my guess is they already feel bad enough.

 

[Paraiyar]

I don't want to wait until I'm thirty and be someone's last choice.

I am 35, so by your standards all I can get out off life now is being someones last choice?

thank you for that eye opener.

The post clearly wasn't about you...

I know it was not about me, but how do you think all the people here that hope for a chance at love and that are over 30 (as few as they might be) feel when reading that?

my guess is they already feel bad enough.

So he's not allowed to vent about his fears over that because it might upset someone else? This forum is as much for his use as it is for anyone.

 

[mauthecat]

I just don´t get what is so upsetting about being single after 30. He says I dont want to be that guy, what kind of guy is that? He makes it sound like some sort of insult to be single after 30.
I could understand if it was a woman, because we have a fertility period that comes to an end and then you can not have kids anymore, but guys can be fathers at any age. Chaplin had his last child at 80 if I am not mistaken. He still has plenty of chances to have a family if he wants to.

and yes he is as free as anyone to vent, I never said otherwise.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

I could understand if it was a woman, because we have a fertility period that comes to an end and then you can not have kids anymore, .

Oh great if your a woman over 35 you are "used goods" huh? There is this thing called IVF.

Sorry I had to, HAD TO!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

I just don´t get what is so upsetting about being single after 30. He says I dont want to be that guy, what kind of guy is that? He makes it sound like some sort of insult to be single after 30.
I could understand if it was a woman, because we have a fertility period that comes to an end and then you can not have kids anymore, but guys can be fathers at any age. Chaplin had his last child at 80 if I am not mistaken. He still has plenty of chances to have a family if he wants to.

and yes he is as free as anyone to vent, I never said otherwise.

Oh, so you're saying I'm screwed? lol, Seriously, who the **** cares how old you are or what gender you are. People feel the way they feel. Zealous feels that way, that doesn't mean it's true for everyone, or even true for him, he just feels that way right now.

Also, not to burst your bubble, but I know a lot of women older than 30 and 40 for that matter who had babies. The oldest person to have a child was in her 70's. So yeah, your argument is way off about women. Also, not everyone wants children, so I don't see why that's even a factor in your argument.

I don't see what's so upsetting about a lot of situations, but that doesn't mean others don't and that doesn't mean they aren't allowed to be upset about it. Each person deals with situations differently.

 

[ardour]

I just don´t get what is so upsetting about being single after 30. He says I dont want to be that guy, what kind of guy is that? He makes it sound like some sort of insult to be single after 30.
I could understand if it was a woman, because we have a fertility period that comes to an end and then you can not have kids anymore, but guys can be fathers at any age. Chaplin had his last child at 80 if I am not mistaken. He still has plenty of chances to have a family if he wants to.

and yes he is as free as anyone to vent, I never said otherwise.

Uh.. I don’t imagine most of us would want to have kids as an old man with a partner decades younger. (Not that it’s a likely situation to occur.)

 

[VanillaCreme]

I just don´t get what is so upsetting about being single after 30. He says I dont want to be that guy, what kind of guy is that? He makes it sound like some sort of insult to be single after 30.
I could understand if it was a woman, because we have a fertility period that comes to an end and then you can not have kids anymore, but guys can be fathers at any age. Chaplin had his last child at 80 if I am not mistaken. He still has plenty of chances to have a family if he wants to.

and yes he is as free as anyone to vent, I never said otherwise.

Uh.. I don’t imagine most of us would want to have kids as an old man with a partner decades younger. (Not that it’s a likely situation to occur.)

Mick Jagger doesn't feel that way apparently. How old is he, and he's expecting his 8th child with someone who I'm pretty sure is close to my age.

 

[Xpendable]

Mick Jagger doesn't feel that way apparently. How old is he, and he's expecting his 8th child with someone who I'm pretty sure is close to my age.

Yeah, but he's rich and famous. He can do whatever he wants.

 

[TheDude76]

In my experience, as a male in my 20s, the complete opposite of this is true.

Ditto. I work in a library with a lot of socially awkward people. Almost all the women are married/have partners. About two thirds of the men are single, and it seems likely that the majority of them have never had a relationship.

I'm socially awkward AND I've never been in a relationship.

Booyaa!

Seriously, though, I'm done hoping for the "I have the best conversations with this woman, and we really get and appreciate one another" sort of relationship. Most of my time outside of work is spent alone (I'm not into sports bars, which is the whole game here), so not much opportunity to meet people to develop friendships or relationships.