Alright...look. Idk, advice?

[Among the Sleep]

I'm half in the bag right now so I don't know if this is gonna come off whiny and retarded. But let me just say...throughout the past like, few months or so, I've gone through a rather significant personal transformation, in a positive way. For the last like, 9 or 10 years, I've looked at myself like a complete zero who would never have any chance of having a relationship. I've had really bad self esteem issues for a really long time...and basically I've just recently gotten to the point where I've realized that I've been ridiculous.

I mean, I'm not a good looking guy. But I'm not that bad either. I'm average or slightly below, I'd say. And I know that I'm reasonably intelligent, a pretty decent person, and I know I make people laugh. So that's all well and good, and this renewed sense of self confidence that I've gained recently has been like, a godsend, because my self worth issues have led me to thoughts of suicide on a daily basis, and finally, after all this time I feel like I'm coming out on top of this ****.

But there's a but. I've never had a girlfriend. Yeah, I mean, people go through worse **** every day. Complaining about being lonely in a romantic sense just feels ****** stupid because there are so many vastly worse things going on in the world all the time. I understand my suburban melodrama is ****** worthless. But suffering is relative, I guess. But I'm getting to the point where, like...I just don't understand what it is about me that's repulsive to girls. I don't understand. Like I said, I have some good qualities and I'm pretty well aware of what they are...and just to be able to say that I don't understand why women don't like me is a HUGE step forward from "I'm a fat titted zilch, someone kill me cause I can't do it myself". I mean, my self confidence, surprisingly, is better than it's been in a while.

But I don't know. It just doesn't help at 5 AM, when I'm the only one awake and I'm sleeping in the same empty bed that I've never shared with anyone. Sometimes I think I might just be too weird to find anyone that I'm actually compatible with, and it makes me question my newfound confidence...like, ****, maybe I was actually right all along. Maybe I AM just a worthless pile of garbage and my new mindstate is just like, a biological trick so I don't kill myself or something. I put too much importance on relationships, I know that. Most of em don't work. But I would kill just to have the experience. The fundamental experience of falling in love, even if we break up in a year or two, just to say I've had the experience. It's like there's a party, you know, a love party, that 99% of the Earth got invited to but I didn't get an invite.

So what ****** gives? I dunno. Maybe I just suck. Maybe she'll come in time. Maybe love is a lie and I'm better off without it. But the loneliness runs really deep at this point. And it's kind of embarrassing to be complaining about something like this, but it's very real to me, and a huge impediment to me being personally happy. But who gives a ****, anyway. I'm one person out of 7 billion, it'd be ridiculous for me to expect that something like this should matter to anyone but me. But like...it hurts. Idk. It just ****** hurts.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I think as you get older your confidence grows, some things start coming into perspective and 90% of what used to bother you becomes less important. Maybe you've just been growing into yourself and leaving some of the self doubt behind.

Somethings changed anyway but only in the last few months. So with a new found approach, don't judge your past failures with the opposite sex, start a clean page. You have to get out there though to find a girlfriend, there is that practical side to overcome but having a bit more self confidence and willingness to try improves your odds no end.

Just give it time, I don't know your cicumstances but I would concentrate on getting to know more women on a sociable level and becoming more of a social animal in general. Once you have that sorted then the girlfriend will fall in to place no doubt.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Now that you're aware of your self-worth, you need to advertise it. Basically, you need to take the first step forward and go out and try - pretty much go out and try and fail, but learn from each time, until you succeed.

 

[putter65]

I think as you get older your confidence grows, some things start coming into perspective and 90% of what used to bother you becomes less important. Maybe you've just been growing into yourself and leaving some of the self doubt behind.

Somethings changed anyway but only in the last few months. So with a new found approach, don't judge your past failures with the opposite sex, start a clean page. You have to get out there though to find a girlfriend, there is that practical side to overcome but having a bit more self confidence and willingness to try improves your odds no end.

Just give it time, I don't know your cicumstances but I would concentrate on getting to know more women on a sociable level and becoming more of a social animal in general. Once you have that sorted then the girlfriend will fall in to place no doubt.

well said, good advice

---

I'm half in the bag right now so I don't know if this is gonna come off whiny and retarded. But let me just say...throughout the past like, few months or so, I've gone through a rather significant personal transformation, in a positive way. For the last like, 9 or 10 years, I've looked at myself like a complete zero who would never have any chance of having a relationship. I've had really bad self esteem issues for a really long time...and basically I've just recently gotten to the point where I've realized that I've been ridiculous.

I mean, I'm not a good looking guy. But I'm not that bad either. I'm average or slightly below, I'd say. And I know that I'm reasonably intelligent, a pretty decent person, and I know I make people laugh. So that's all well and good, and this renewed sense of self confidence that I've gained recently has been like, a godsend, because my self worth issues have led me to thoughts of suicide on a daily basis, and finally, after all this time I feel like I'm coming out on top of this ****.

But there's a but. I've never had a girlfriend. Yeah, I mean, people go through worse **** every day. Complaining about being lonely in a romantic sense just feels ****** stupid because there are so many vastly worse things going on in the world all the time. I understand my suburban melodrama is ****** worthless. But suffering is relative, I guess. But I'm getting to the point where, like...I just don't understand what it is about me that's repulsive to girls. I don't understand. Like I said, I have some good qualities and I'm pretty well aware of what they are...and just to be able to say that I don't understand why women don't like me is a HUGE step forward from "I'm a fat titted zilch, someone kill me cause I can't do it myself". I mean, my self confidence, surprisingly, is better than it's been in a while.

But I don't know. It just doesn't help at 5 AM, when I'm the only one awake and I'm sleeping in the same empty bed that I've never shared with anyone. Sometimes I think I might just be too weird to find anyone that I'm actually compatible with, and it makes me question my newfound confidence...like, ****, maybe I was actually right all along. Maybe I AM just a worthless pile of garbage and my new mindstate is just like, a biological trick so I don't kill myself or something. I put too much importance on relationships, I know that. Most of em don't work. But I would kill just to have the experience. The fundamental experience of falling in love, even if we break up in a year or two, just to say I've had the experience. It's like there's a party, you know, a love party, that 99% of the Earth got invited to but I didn't get an invite.

So what ****** gives? I dunno. Maybe I just suck. Maybe she'll come in time. Maybe love is a lie and I'm better off without it. But the loneliness runs really deep at this point. And it's kind of embarrassing to be complaining about something like this, but it's very real to me, and a huge impediment to me being personally happy. But who gives a ****, anyway. I'm one person out of 7 billion, it'd be ridiculous for me to expect that something like this should matter to anyone but me. But like...it hurts. Idk. It just ****** hurts.

I can understand alot you say. I am like you. For years I questioned myself. Was I some kind of monster ? I was always wondering why the guy stood next to me was getting all the attention from women and I never got anywhere !

These days I KNOW I am a nice person. There is **** all wrong with me. I'm single because I never meet women I like. The women I connect with, well 99% of them are married or with somebody. I am different to most people. I don't fit into any groups of people. I don't drink for starters and I don't know anybody else who doesn't. My interests are totally different to the people I come across as well !

 

[perfanoff]

I was hanging out with a male friend recently. Now he isn't the greatest and infallible man or player, but he said that women in general have a more strongly expressed social dimension of sexual attraction than men do. I was inclined to believe him.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You just have to proactively put yourself out there. Be persistant.
Wheather you feel like it or not. Weather you're in the mood or not.
Weather you think it's stupid or you feel stupid about it or not..
Weather you have a mentally of a hunter or going fishing,

Make a commitment to leave your house a couple of hours per day.
Hang out at bars, lundry mates, malls, church, social clubs...ect
Simply just start talking to women or interact with them.
Wink at them...say hello to them, whistal at them, ask them for their numbers..ask them out.
While you're doing this...have a " I dont really give a **** one way or the other" kind of feeling.
Stroll, smile lots, and hold your head up.....

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

But there's a but. I've never had a girlfriend. Yeah, I mean, people go through worse **** every day. Complaining about being lonely in a romantic sense just feels ****** stupid because there are so many vastly worse things going on in the world all the time. I understand my suburban melodrama is ****** worthless.

Firstly, just because worse things happen in the world, it doesn't mean you're not entitled to personal feelings regarding what's going on in your life.

Life is a spectrum. It's not just "major problems" and "worthless problems", there's a whole gamut in between that human emotions range through, so don't beat yourself up for feeling that you lack something in the romance department just because there are people out there who are in worse circumstances.

Secondly, your problem is not worthless! I'm a couple of years younger than you, but I empathise completely with what you're saying (no lady here either, yet).

I too suffered (and probably still suffer) from low self-esteem, and convincing yourself that desires are "worthless" is pretty much a classic one-way route to feeling like **** and achieving nothing.

Thinking of yourself and your objectives like that is self destructive. You have just as much right to a girlfriend as anyone else, probably more right than some guys since you sound like a decent person.

-

Anyway, I'd say getting a girl actually (as LC says) basically equates to being around girls a lot and getting to know them. That last part is absolutely crucial.

If you talk to a girl lots and you get on well, it theoretically gets much easier to ask her out. Unfortunately I'm still single because I get extremely shy (to the point where it's ridiculous) when it comes to the "asking out" bit, but I do get a fair few chances to get friendly with ladies because I just try to chat with them whenever I can.

So just be yourself and make sure you're talking to girls regularly. I'd recommend taking up a hobby that puts you in contact with them in a relaxed environment.

 

[Ijustwish]

Wish I could help...I know how it feels...;-( Ugh, hate myself...

 

[Among the Sleep]

I gotta stop writing posts when I'm piss drunk at 3 in the morning. Lol.

Maybe you've just been growing into yourself and leaving some of the self doubt behind.

Something like that, yeah.

You have to get out there though to find a girlfriend, there is that practical side to overcome but having a bit more self confidence and willingness to try improves your odds no end.

Yeah, also true. That's the hard part. It's all just foreign to me, I have no idea where to start. It's just a part of the world that has nothing to do with me. My instincts are are all wrong. I think I'm making it way more complicated than it really is but it's just a hard thing to start at 23.

...but I would concentrate on getting to know more women on a sociable level and becoming more of a social animal in general.

Well, I think I'm pretty social. I do have a lot of friends and I do try to get out as much as I can, friends and whatnot aren't a problem. But I guess just hanging out with the same crowd...I dunno, most of my friends either have girlfriends or are kinda the same way as me I guess. So I don't have too many opportunities to really meet girls. I sure as hell can't just start a random conversation at a store or something.

The women I connect with, well 99% of them are married or with somebody. I am different to most people. I don't fit into any groups of people. I don't drink for starters and I don't know anybody else who doesn't. My interests are totally different to the people I come across as well !

Yeah, that's kinda my problem too. It's hard to meet girls I connect with, at least on that level. Not on a friend level so much but...it's just been a long time since I met anyone I felt like I was compatible with. Maybe that's all in my head, but I do have trouble with that.

Thanks for the responses. The post was probably a little crazy and exaggerated. I just gotta meet more women. Put more hooks in the water. Wish me luck, I'm gonna ****** need it...

 

[Trent]

decide what you really want

women

or

love

and in what order

then proceed

 

[Among the Sleep]

decide what you really want

women

or

love

and in what order

then proceed

What do you mean by that?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

decide what you really want

women

or

love

and in what order

then proceed

What do you mean by that?

Whatever you decide...HAVE FUN WITH IT.

Buy the ticket to the ride and just get ON????
Kind of like getting on a roller coaster ride for the first time.
You dont know wtf is gonna happen or how you're gonna experince
it.Whatver the hell you thought or what other people said is realitive.
It's ganna be a thrill either way......
In otherwords...dont worry or think so much about it.
Just keep a positive attitude and out look. Enjoy the experince. Go with the flow....

 

[Trent]

what i mean is...

you can long for a "relationship" for a couple of different reasons

first, you can want LOVE

or, you can want A WOMAN (as in longing for her touch)

but not necessarily the implications of actually "loving" someone

it can be tough

so, figure out WHAT you want beyond the "relationship" (the why?)

and then proceed

sounds simple? but so many people don't get it

 

[Among the Sleep]

what i mean is...

you can long for a "relationship" for a couple of different reasons

first, you can want LOVE

or, you can want A WOMAN (as in longing for her touch)

but not necessarily the implications of actually "loving" someone

it can be tough

so, figure out WHAT you want beyond the "relationship" (the why?)

and then proceed

sounds simple? but so many people don't get it

that makes sense actually, thanks, i've been mulling that over a little