Am I overthinking again??

[Sci-Fi]

I've asked before for the trolling to stop, I won't ask again. There is no need for anyone to follow any member of this forum around and people should remember that this is a unique forum dealing with all types of different personalities and disorders. Be decent and respectful toward one another, if you have nothing to contribute then don't, it is that simple.

As for the original question here, yes you seem to be overthinking it which you are not alone in that, there are many people here who have the same problem, reading too much and over thinking everything. Like others I've gotten that "you look like so and so" when I couldn't see any resemblance. People tend to pick up on the slightest thing that reminds them of someone, it could be the smallest of details like a persons eyes or nose or the way they smile. It doesn't always have to do with being identical to another person, which is annoying when you do have a twin running around and get mistaken by strangers for them.

 

[Inmyhead]

OMFG, dude just go to a McDonald's drive-through to get your coffee.  The chances are slim to none...and slim left the building... that someone will say you look like someone else.  

I'm sure there are thousands of blind people out there that would trade places with you in a heartbeat and not give a rat's *** if someone told one of them they looked like someone else.  They would just be happy to see the world around them.

Well that is pretty rude. Why be so rude?

 

[Restless soul]

I've asked before for the trolling to stop, I won't ask again.  There is no need for anyone to follow any member of this forum around and people should remember that this is a unique forum dealing with all types of different personalities and disorders.  Be decent and respectful toward one another, if you have nothing to contribute then don't, it is that simple.  

As for the original question here, yes you seem to be overthinking it which you are not alone in that, there are many people here who have the same problem, reading too much and over thinking everything.  Like others I've gotten that "you look like so and so" when I couldn't see any resemblance.  People tend to pick up on the slightest thing that reminds them of someone, it could be the smallest of details like a persons eyes or nose or the way they smile.  It doesn't always have to do with being identical to another person, which is annoying when you do have a twin running around and get mistaken by strangers for them.

Thanks sci-fi for your take on the matter. And no one was trolling. Everyone has been very cool here.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

You are absolutely putting too much thought into a very minor issue. I worked in the service field when I was a teen, and I can tell you from experience that you don't spend a lot of time memorizing each individual customer- you put a trait in your head to try to remember who was who, and you keep producing. I started out with "green jacket" or whatever they were wearing first, and then turned it into "green jacket, short woman". Whatever it took to keep track of who was who. When you're relying on your peripheral vision to identify people at a glance, it's not unheard of for two people to share a similar description in your mind's eye.

It's also possible that the barista was embarrassed that he had made such a mistake, and he simply explained it away as "oh, you two looked alike heh heh" to avoid looking foolish.

 

[Inmyhead]

You are absolutely putting too much thought into a very minor issue. I worked in the service field when I was a teen, and I can tell you from experience that you don't spend a lot of time memorizing each individual customer- you put a trait in your head to try to remember who was who, and you keep producing. I started out with "green jacket" or whatever they were wearing first, and then turned it into "green jacket, short woman". Whatever it took to keep track of who was who. When you're relying on your peripheral vision to identify people at a glance, it's not unheard of for two people to share a similar description in your mind's eye.

It's also possible that the barista was embarrassed that he had made such a mistake, and he simply explained it away as "oh, you two looked alike heh heh" to avoid looking foolish.

Very good point! The barista person was probably just trying to not be embarrassed by his or her mistake! Smart answer

 

[user 115627]

I agree with Hoarse. On the flipside I might add that most customers don't really memorize the cashiers/baristas/etc. in their lives either. Everyone just fulfills their designated purpose in these scenarios and without effort from either side neither customer nor cashier will acknowledge each other's individual features.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well. Maybe i need new techniques and for it to be drilled into my head.  So what is your short answer for today. How not to be upset and about being confused with this other guy who doesn't look like me? My main problem when I post about this topic usually is..does that mean he must look like me if this guy confused us? Is that what I have to believe now. That is all I want to know..can you answer that?

My short answer hasn't changed.  Quite simply, you need to get over yourself. And no, I'm not being rude or mean when I say that, so don't even go there.

You are stuck in your own head so much that you perceive the slightest thing to be highly offensive. You judge and condemn anyone you don't feel is worthy based on what they say and do and how they look. 
Life is NOT a competition.  Stop obsessively comparing yourself you every single person out there.  Focus on living your own damn life instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing and thinking.

 

[Restless soul]

Well. Maybe i need new techniques and for it to be drilled into my head.  So what is your short answer for today. How not to be upset and about being confused with this other guy who doesn't look like me? My main problem when I post about this topic usually is..does that mean he must look like me if this guy confused us? Is that what I have to believe now. That is all I want to know..can you answer that?

My short answer hasn't changed.  Quite simply, you need to get over yourself. And no, I'm not being rude or mean when I say that, so don't even go there.

You are stuck in your own head so much that you perceive the slightest thing to be highly offensive. You judge and condemn anyone you don't feel is worthy based on what they say and do and how they look. 
Life is NOT a competition.  Stop obsessively comparing yourself you every single person out there.  Focus on living your own damn life instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing and thinking.

Callie I got some nice feedback above from horse.
And yes, you are right I do live in my own head too often. That is the reailt of living a very lonley and isolated life.
Couple that with other factors and family issues growing up.
And you can easly have a person like me "painfully insecure"
Obbsess about apperance. Feeling like you don't look as good as you want or like you think you look. All that crap
Stems from I wish i can give you a definitive answer. But supportive answers will have to do for now here

 

[Restless soul]

It's weird, callie. When someone mixes me up. Tells me I look like somone( and let me explain this once and for all to the best I can. Afterall who knows myself better, than me, right?
So, when s meone says I look like some other joe schmo. Bothers me. Funny thing is..if someone said I look like someone who is considered a *** symbol heartthrob hate to use bradpitt like evryone does. But if they did of course I would be ecstatic.
Ok, so why when someone says I look like some other joe schmo
Brings an overwhelming sense of dread, despair darkness Makes me feel more alone. That is not normal feelings, callie. Yes I am talking to you callie. Now I don't consider myself unattractive by any stretch. And all these problems one can say is that I hold too much worth and value onto how I look. Of course. Who doesnt?
But my reactions are not the norm. And are damaging.
I don't know how to classify it. Bofydysmorphic? No sense of self?
Weak identity? I know you will hate this. Some ocd. That came later. Feeling that I am good looking and that is my only attribute?
I mean the list could go on its more complex. But i threw some things out there. It boils down to self-esteem and ones mental image of their apperance --please callie chime in

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's weird, callie. When someone mixes me up. Tells me I look like somone( and let me explain this once and for all to the best I can. Afterall who knows myself better, than me, right?
So, when s meone says I look like some other joe schmo. Bothers me. Funny thing is..if someone said I look like someone who is considered a *** symbol heartthrob hate to use bradpitt like evryone does. But if they did of course I would be ecstatic.
Ok, so why when someone says I look like some other joe schmo
Brings an overwhelming sense of dread, despair darkness Makes me feel more alone. That is not normal feelings, callie. Yes I am talking to you callie. Now I don't consider myself unattractive by any stretch. And all these problems one can say is that I hold too much worth and value onto how I look. Of course. Who doesnt?
But my reactions are not the norm. And are damaging.
I don't know how to classify it. Bofydysmorphic? No sense of self?
Weak identity? I know you will hate this. Some ocd. That came later. Feeling that I am good looking and that is my only attribute?
I mean the list could go on its more complex. But i threw some things out there.  It boils down to self-esteem and ones mental image of their apperance --please callie chime in

You seem to be under the impression that I know nothing about anything you are talking about.  You would be wrong, if that's the case, because I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  I know exactly how that feels and I still have issues with it.  You have to find ways around it.  Instead of focusing so much on how ugly the other person is, why not find good things about it instead?  "Oh, we have the same build, maybe he works out too, takes pride in his body"  "Oh, his eyes are very nice"  "He dresses rather nice"  etc etc.

That said, that is why I KNOW you need to get over yourself.  So what if someone looks different than you.  So what if you think someone is uglier than you.  In the long run, does it really matter?  If someone is better looking or uglier than you, does it change who you are? 

STOP focusing on everything negative and START finding positive things about it.  

And to clarify, I am NOT  saying you have BDD or OCD or anything else.  You need a professional diagnosis to know what is wrong with you.  Perhaps you should go see someone so you know and can work on ****.

 

[Restless soul]

It's weird, callie. When someone mixes me up. Tells me I look like somone( and let me explain this once and for all to the best I can. Afterall who knows myself better, than me, right?
So, when s meone says I look like some other joe schmo. Bothers me. Funny thing is..if someone said I look like someone who is considered a *** symbol heartthrob hate to use bradpitt like evryone does. But if they did of course I would be ecstatic.
Ok, so why when someone says I look like some other joe schmo
Brings an overwhelming sense of dread, despair darkness Makes me feel more alone. That is not normal feelings, callie. Yes I am talking to you callie. Now I don't consider myself unattractive by any stretch. And all these problems one can say is that I hold too much worth and value onto how I look. Of course. Who doesnt?
But my reactions are not the norm. And are damaging.
I don't know how to classify it. Bofydysmorphic? No sense of self?
Weak identity? I know you will hate this. Some ocd. That came later. Feeling that I am good looking and that is my only attribute?
I mean the list could go on its more complex. But i threw some things out there.  It boils down to self-esteem and ones mental image of their apperance --please callie chime in

You seem to be under the impression that I know nothing about anything you are talking about.  You would be wrong, if that's the case, because I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  I know exactly how that feels and I still have issues with it.  You have to find ways around it.  Instead of focusing so much on how ugly the other person is, why not find good things about it instead?  "Oh, we have the same build, maybe he works out too, takes pride in his body"  "Oh, his eyes are very nice"  "He dresses rather nice"  etc etc.

That said, that is why I KNOW you need to get over yourself.  So what if someone looks different than you.  So what if you think someone is uglier than you.  In the long run, does it really matter?  If someone is better looking or uglier than you, does it change who you are? 

STOP focusing on everything negative and START finding positive things about it.  

And to clarify, I am NOT  saying you have BDD or OCD or anything else.  You need a professional diagnosis to know what is wrong with you.  Perhaps you should go see someone so you know and can work on ****.

Well I am in starbucks now. So it wasn't too traumatic where I couldn't return. Unlike other places where someone made one comment and I never returned. And back to what you are saying about looks well. We all want to look good. And feel good.

 If someone said you look or thought you looked like someone that in your opinion who was less attractive than you. Would that make you feel that you are not as attractive as you thought? I think that breaks it down.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If someone said you look or thought you looked like someone that in your opinion who was less attractive than you. Would that make you feel that you are not as attractive as you thought? I think that breaks it down.

No, I wouldn't feel that way, because everyone sense of beauty is different.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  There are lots of people who are better looking than me or not as good looking as me in my perspective, but that doesn't mean that everyone's perspective is the same.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You just have to control yours.

 

[Restless soul]

If someone said you look or thought you looked like someone that in your opinion who was less attractive than you. Would that make you feel that you are not as attractive as you thought? I think that breaks it down.

No, I wouldn't feel that way, because everyone sense of beauty is different.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  There are lots of people who are better looking than me or not as good looking as me in my perspective, but that doesn't mean that everyone's perspective is the same.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You just have to control yours.

Right, but what I guess im asking. And that was a very good answer. Is, you just said beauty is in the eye of beholder,  right? That is precisely why I said lets say the person you are being confused with or compared to, according to you, callie. Is less attractive. Not the peperson doing the comparing.  You! Then how would you feel?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Right, but what I guess im asking. And that was a very good answer. Is, you just said beauty is in the eye of beholder,  right? That is precisely why I said lets say the person you are being confused with or compared to, according to you, callie. Is less attractive. Not the peperson doing the comparing.  You! Then how would you feel?

I already think most people are better looking than me, so I would not feel any differently. For the most part, I've gotten over myself.  I know that my on mind can't objectively compare myself with another person, so I just don't compare anymore. There are better looking people than me, there are thinner people than me, there are smarter people than me and that's okay. 

Regardless of how I feel about myself, I know that every single person in the world has a completely different view of me.  I know that the majority of the people don't see me as plain as I see myself.  What I perceive as beauty doesn't have much to do with looks, so I don't generally pass judgment based on looks alone.  What makes a person beautiful doesn't have anything to do with what lies on the outside.

 

[Restless soul]

Not much I can do to argue with that. Ok

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In other words you are a stronger mentally. And it won't phase you or even cross your mind to look at the other person you are being compared to in any negative light.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Not much I can do to argue with that. Ok

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In other words you are a stronger mentally. And it won't phase you or even cross your mind to look at the other person you are being compared to in any negative light.

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Now, yes, I am mentally stronger, but that doesn't mean I always was.  I used to hide in my house for fear of what people thought of me.  I was afraid to go anywhere because I just KNEW that people who see me in a negative light.  They would hate me based on how I look, the would laugh at me, etc etc. 

Can I say that it NEVER bothers me when I'm compared to someone in a negative light?  No, no one could say that, but 95% if the time, it doesn't bother me.  Even when it does bother me, I don't let it bother me for long.  I let myself feel down for a few minutes and then I get my **** back together and move on from it.  One thing you need to remember is that these people that are comparing you to others, they don't know you, so does their opinion really matter all that much?

 

[Restless soul]

"One thing you need to remember is that these people that are comparing you to others, they don't know you, so does their opinion really matter all that much"



From a visual standpoint, yes. Since I put a lot of stock in how I look. I.e. my own unique look. And visually they know me meaning they see me often enough.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well then, I'd say that's where you need to start. WHY does physical appearance mean so damn much to you and HOW can you stop letting it control your life?

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And no, you don't have to give me those answers. Those answers are your own and no one else's. Figure it out and make the change.

 

[Restless soul]

Well then, I'd say that's where you need to start.  WHY does physical appearance mean so damn much to you and HOW can you stop letting it control your life?

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And no, you don't have to give me those answers.  Those answers are your own and no one else's.  Figure it out and make the change.

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Just does. When you feel good, and feel you look good 
You have more confidence. You want to persue relationships
You feel women are attracted to you thusthis feeling less lonley. Yeah. Thats one way to answer that

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well then, I'd say that's where you need to start.  WHY does physical appearance mean so damn much to you and HOW can you stop letting it control your life?

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And no, you don't have to give me those answers.  Those answers are your own and no one else's.  Figure it out and make the change.

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Just does. When you feel good, and feel you look good 
You have more confidence. You want to persue relationships
You feel women are attracted to you thusthis feeling less lonley. Yeah. Thats one way to answer that

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No, that's not what I mean. EVERYONE feels that way, you put more stock in it than most people.  The answers to the questions I asked you can't be answered in 2 seconds.  It requires thought, it requires searching your mind and your soul for why you really let it have so much impact on your life.