Being an ugly girl

[user 150037]

Plus slimmer people do tend to live longer, in the long run.

Not that I'm trying to be morose.

 

[ahsatan]

I'm ugly . It's not fun. I'm thin but only cause I have a high metabolism

 

[sriguhan]

I can relate to that... I used to love the way I looked back when I was in college and when I had the time to groom myself. Now, despite my being only in my late 20s, I'm half bald and can barely maintain my physique due to my work schedule.. 

I try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible. My self-esteem is so low.. I distract myself from even thinking about it for most of the time , by doing stuff that keep my mind busy while I'm not at work.. I double down on entertainment activities to keep me preoccupied and not sink into despair.

 

[sunflower_]

The most attractive feature of a female are the eyes, and I'm not talking about some Hollywood ****. A lost and empty sight is the least attractive feature you could have. And I'm sure you don't. The emotions you give with your eyes are everything, would you really be like this girls?

and I'm still laughing at it xD

Point is, I ain't saying that you are attractive, because you are not. But who cares. I thought to be attractive and then I learned that I was not. Hell, I'm even perhaps ugly to many but thinking about that isn't helping me. You should lose weight regardless of your looks, because gaining those 12kg back would be like having a heavy book filled backpack on your back, and it would make things even worse.

I know thinking about it won't help me but it is very difficult to not think about it... 

I think the reason why I am so bothered about losing weight is because I created expectations thinking I would look better if I lost weight, when that is not true and probably just look worse.

 

[sunflower_]

Plus slimmer people do tend to live longer, in the long run.

Not that I'm trying to be morose.

That is true but I don't think there is a big difference between how long I am going to live with my current weight or with my original weight since both were considered normal...
Living longer was never really a worry for me... Thank you for trying to remain positive though

---

I'm ugly . It's not fun. I'm thin but only cause I have a high metabolism

My metabolism is actually awful but yeah, being ugly really isn't fun. 

 

[sunflower_]

I can relate to that... I used to love the way I looked back when I was in college and when I had the time to groom myself. Now, despite my being only in my late 20s, I'm half bald and can barely maintain my physique due to my work schedule.. 

I try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible. My self-esteem is so low.. I distract myself from even thinking about it for most of the time , by doing stuff that keep my mind busy while I'm not at work.. I double down on entertainment activities to keep me preoccupied and not sink into despair.

It is very difficult to improve your self-esteem when you don't like how you look. And having low self-esteem prevents me from doing so much... 

Distractions sometimes work but I end up feeling guilty for not doing something useful or for trying to ignore the problem. 

I know I am probably in the position to say this but try to not compare yourself to what you looked like when you were younger... 

It seems like both of us need to find a way to stop worrying so much about our appearance. 

 

[sriguhan]

It is very difficult to improve your self-esteem when you don't like how you look. And having low self-esteem prevents me from doing so much... 

Distractions sometimes work but I end up feeling guilty for not doing something useful or for trying to ignore the problem. 

I know I am probably in the position to say this but try to not compare yourself to what you looked like when you were younger... 

It seems like both of us need to find a way to stop worrying so much about our appearance. 

You are right,  I shouldn't be delving too much into my past appearance..but it hurts so much when I remember that one of reasons my gf left me was cause I no longer conformed to her ideal 'man'. 

I once had a bloated ego , I thought I was the best in the class, and it all crashed and burned... 

I agree we should stop worrying about,  maybe finding good friends or even a partner would help.. IDK, I'm just guessing...

 

[sunflower_]

It is very difficult to improve your self-esteem when you don't like how you look. And having low self-esteem prevents me from doing so much... 

Distractions sometimes work but I end up feeling guilty for not doing something useful or for trying to ignore the problem. 

I know I am probably in the position to say this but try to not compare yourself to what you looked like when you were younger... 

It seems like both of us need to find a way to stop worrying so much about our appearance. 

You are right,  I shouldn't be delving too much into my past appearance..but it hurts so much when I remember that one of reasons my gf left me was cause I no longer conformed to her ideal 'man'. 

I once had a bloated ego , I thought I was the best in the class, and it all crashed and burned... 

I agree we should stop worrying about,  maybe finding good friends or even a partner would help.. IDK, I'm just guessing...

I might just be making too many assumptions here but to me it sounds like you are trying to blame yourself for what you look like and for your girlfriend leaving you... It is ok to be proud of what you look like and it is good to be confident, so I would not call it bloated ego unless you actively put down other people's looks. 

Don't try to think about being someone else's ideal man! (Who am I to tell you this, right?) I'm sorry that you had to go through that and it must have been awful but don't let that experience define how you see yourself... (although that is definitely better said than done)

Sorry, I am not the best at giving advice and tend to just assume too much, but if you want to complain to someone, you can message me. I mean, complaining is all I've been doing throughout this thread.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

Plus slimmer people do tend to live longer, in the long run.

Not that I'm trying to be morose.

That is true but I don't think there is a big difference between how long I am going to live with my current weight or with my original weight since both were considered normal...
Living longer was never really a worry for me... Thank you for trying to remain positive though

---

I'm ugly . It's not fun. I'm thin but only cause I have a high metabolism

My metabolism is actually awful but yeah, being ugly really isn't fun. 

---

Honestly, you're too caught in other people's perceptions of ugly. Ugly isn't a definable state, it's an opinion.
The 'ugliest' people I've ever seen are only that way because I get to know them and don't like what's deeper, which makes their outward appearance worse, regardless of its original state.
And the opposite is true too; I've talked to many girls I thought were below average or not my taste at all initially and I wound up finding them much more attractive when I talked with them and found out I liked them as people too.

Maybe realizing this factor about attraction itself isn't common, but I highly doubt said feelings are unique to just me.

My biggest point is, you're only ugly if you believe yourself to be; you're not obligated to think the same standard that you hear from everyone else. You're allowed to think whatever you want and it doesn't make it any less true, since you matter most to you.

You'd be surprised how little looks actually matter; I've seen many girls, and especially guys, who I think have no business getting attraction from others who should be way out of their league, but they do because it's all about their personalities, confidence, etc.
Once you have that, again, the absolute obsession over appearance fades more than you think.

 

[9006]

How you look is relative. It only takes one person for you to realise that.

 

[ladyforsaken]

How you look is relative. It only takes one person for you to realise that.

I think so too.

But I still feel unattractive myself. This sort of thing is really hard to get rid of. At least I have stopped using "ugly" on me. Just.. less negative words.

 

[user 130057]

How you look is relative. It only takes one person for you to realise that.

I think so too.

But I still feel unattractive myself. This sort of thing is really hard to get rid of. At least I have stopped using "ugly" on me. Just.. less negative words.

It's old Father Cavey here to state that you're far from ugly. I think that our harshest critic is always going to be ourselves... and that's the problem.

 

[Xpendable]

Just take more showers, get a hair cut and hit the gym.

 

[9006]

How you look is relative. It only takes one person for you to realise that.

I think so too.

But I still feel unattractive myself. This sort of thing is really hard to get rid of. At least I have stopped using "ugly" on me. Just.. less negative words.

It's old Father Cavey here to state that you're far from ugly. I think that our harshest critic is always going to be ourselves... and that's the problem.

I hope you're speaking to us both there!

It was proven in a study that the way you see yourself is different from how others see you, so it's a lot to do with psychology rather than how you actually look. I think that if you feel uneasy about yourself then others will pick up on it, it's difficult to give advice because it involves changing the way you think, it's a bit deeper than, say, getting a shower, or having your hair cut.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

How you look is relative. It only takes one person for you to realise that.

I think so too.

But I still feel unattractive myself. This sort of thing is really hard to get rid of. At least I have stopped using "ugly" on me. Just.. less negative words.

Why? Why exactly do you feel this way? What is it about you, you think? Perhaps actually knowing can provide valuable insight to change your feelings on the matter.

 

[jwags818]

I Understand completely what you are going thru. I too was born with less than stellar looks. I have met so many girls I really liked that wouldn't go out with me because of it. They would be friends ok but romantically? No way.. I often think of what it must be like to go thru life as one of the beautiful people. Always accepted, sought after, accomodated etc... All without really doing anything but smiling. Being able to go out at night alone knowing you will wind up with someone of your choosing by nights end.. I dream of such things but I will never have it.It makes me a bit bitter I must add.
 But you know I do the same thing. I have had several girls that really liked me I could tell but I had NO attraction to them. I wanted to but it just wasn't there.
So the best we can do is keep trying, enduring the rejection, settling, and hoping we get thrown a bone by someone we find at least partially attractive. Its very depressing.
 I hope you find happiness. I found mine, my one true love. And she won't speak to me now and hasn't a year and a half. Nothing in my life has ripped out my soul like she did. So maybe not having people close enough to hurt us is a good thing?

 

[pad79]

I know this feeling. Most of my life I was subjected to rejection and abuse by most women when I was younger and get a lot of dirty looks when im out like im some sort of freak!

I have been underweight most of my life. I hit the gym hard, hit steroids after a year or two and got way bigger and everyone complimented me for it. I look back at that time now and to be honest. It changed absolutely nothing and didnt make me  happier or better person at all. It infact made me a complete assh**e. I also was left with trusting noone when i looked this way because I was unable to determine why people liked me and if they would have liked me the same the way i was before!

Yes it got me more attention from women. But this actually made me dislike these women very highly and made me bitter leaving me asking myself "Why could these women not be interested in me the way I was before". Im 3 stone down now and just go jogging a few times a week and i really dont give a toss anymore in the slightest what anyone thinks about the way I look. Because its their loss, not mine!!

I think my point, is dont change for other people and try and become someone else you are not. Other people you compare yourself to may have the looks. But they sure dont sound as smart as you or as well educated and probably wont be as wealthy and secure as you.

I dont know what its like where you are. But where I live, most of the attractive people are up their own ass and are not very nice people. The ones I mostly got rejection and abuse from are now cretins who have nothing to show for their lives

 

[Diagnosed]

I think the real uglyness we tried to hide FROM OUR EYES it's somewhere INSIDE unadmitted in those we dismissed .

 

[Diagnosed]

This is love! 
I wish God came down to heal us with a touch of His hug.

You're lovable! But you yourself aren't happy to love you the way YOU are.

I wish i hid my sigh, but I'm not used to lie. How come such a soul could be found?

I wish i find you in the afterlife!