Bender's Journal: Part 2

[bender22]

Quick review of last night...

My last night out in hometown before going back. Met up with a few of the other guys.

We were on the dancefloor and one of the other guys approached a group of three girls who were probably the most attractive around there at the time. He was talking to them for a bit and then I saw him point over to me so I took my cue to enter the interaction.

One of the girls had blonde hair, incredible body, she looked like a ****star. Definitely not my type of girl but very sexy nonetheless. I tried talking to her. Said something and she gave  me a big hug. It went reasonably well but was difficult on the loud dancefloor. And I was a bit afraid to escalate with the ****star looking girl.

When I was talking to one of the other girls, I made a pretty sexual joke to her which I don't normally do but I was confident I could get away with it with these girls. And she thought it was pretty funny.

Me and the other guy ended up ejecting but I ended up talking to those girls later in the night.

Saw a girl near the bar who looked at me. Took my chance to approach her. Started out pretty well. We got a drink together and she seemed to want me there. Then she went with her friends back to the dancefloor and I went with her. 

She was part of a fairly large group, which made it difficult to do anything in front of them. I was hoping the other guys would come along and talk to the others in the group to help me out but they didn't. I ended up leaving because it felt like it wasn't going to go anywhere. I probably needed to isolate her from her group earlier for anything to happen. 

We went downstairs to another dancefloor and two girls came over very close to me. I immediately thought back to my NYE journal where I said that I have to assume girls are interested in me if they dance really close to me. 

The more attractive of the two girls was getting very close to me. But I was afraid to approach. It was like I was waiting for her to approach me...which is almost never going to happen.

Eventually her and her friend left and I was so furious with myself for not approaching her while she was right in front of me. But then 10 minutes later, she and her friend were back. I was close to approaching her and then one of the other guys went in and talked to her.

Looked like it didn't go very well, she seemed to reject him pretty quickly and he left. But the two girls stayed there near us so after a few minutes I thought I'd have a go. 

She instantly responded a lot better to me than my wingman. Which was a little confidence boost because he's a decent looking guy himself.

Talked to her for a few minutes, had her smiling and laughing. But then I just hit a standstill and didn't know what to do next. This is the problem with dance floors. It's so hard to talk because of the loud music, then even if you can talk, it feels weird having a discussion on the dancefloor. Need to figure out a better dance floor game plan. 

Towards the end of the night I hadn't done as many approaches as I was hoping to and told myself to do two more before leaving. I saw a blonde girl, probably a bit older than me look at me near the bar. Started talking to her and once again it started well but then fizzled out after a few minutes. I did enough to probably get her number but I didn't see the point when I'd be leaving the next day.

I was sitting with my other wingman and saw the group of girls from the first interaction of the night. I told him I'd spoken to them earlier in the night and he said 'let's go talk to them again,' and we did.

This was in a much quieter spot than I'd spoken to them earlier in the night so it was much easier to talk to them. All three were fairly attractive but I really wanted to talk to the ****star looking girl.

I was talking to one of the others for a while and then got a chance to talk to ****star looking girl. Did a good job of getting the conversation onto sexual topics with both this girl and the other one I was talking to.

The ****star girl soon said she was going home and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek before she left. She said she was getting an uber home. Maybe I could've asked where she lives and offered to drive her back if she was in my direction. Holy wow she was very sexy. But definitely not the type of girl you would want to take home to your parents lol. It was still good that I has a decent interaction with a girl like that.

 

[Sker01]

Quick review of last night...

My last night out in hometown before going back. Met up with a few of the other guys.

We were on the dancefloor and one of the other guys approached a group of three girls who were probably the most attractive around there at the time. He was talking to them for a bit and then I saw him point over to me so I took my cue to enter the interaction.

One of the girls had blonde hair, incredible body, she looked like a ****star. Definitely not my type of girl but very sexy nonetheless. I tried talking to her. Said something and she gave  me a big hug. It went reasonably well but was difficult on the loud dancefloor. And I was a bit afraid to escalate with the ****star looking girl.

When I was talking to one of the other girls, I made a pretty sexual joke to her which I don't normally do but I was confident I could get away with it with these girls. And she thought it was pretty funny.

Me and the other guy ended up ejecting but I ended up talking to those girls later in the night.

Saw a girl near the bar who looked at me. Took my chance to approach her. Started out pretty well. We got a drink together and she seemed to want me there. Then she went with her friends back to the dancefloor and I went with her. 

She was part of a fairly large group, which made it difficult to do anything in front of them. I was hoping the other guys would come along and talk to the others in the group to help me out but they didn't. I ended up leaving because it felt like it wasn't going to go anywhere. I probably needed to isolate her from her group earlier for anything to happen. 

We went downstairs to another dancefloor and two girls came over very close to me. I immediately thought back to my NYE journal where I said that I have to assume girls are interested in me if they dance really close to me. 

The more attractive of the two girls was getting very close to me. But I was afraid to approach. It was like I was waiting for her to approach me...which is almost never going to happen.

Eventually her and her friend left and I was so furious with myself for not approaching her while she was right in front of me. But then 10 minutes later, she and her friend were back. I was close to approaching her and then one of the other guys went in and talked to her.

Looked like it didn't go very well, she seemed to reject him pretty quickly and he left. But the two girls stayed there near us so after a few minutes I thought I'd have a go. 

She instantly responded a lot better to me than my wingman. Which was a little confidence boost because he's a decent looking guy himself.

Talked to her for a few minutes, had her smiling and laughing. But then I just hit a standstill and didn't know what to do next. This is the problem with dance floors. It's so hard to talk because of the loud music, then even if you can talk, it feels weird having a discussion on the dancefloor. Need to figure out a better dance floor game plan. 

Towards the end of the night I hadn't done as many approaches as I was hoping to and told myself to do two more before leaving. I saw a blonde girl, probably a bit older than me look at me near the bar. Started talking to her and once again it started well but then fizzled out after a few minutes. I did enough to probably get her number but I didn't see the point when I'd be leaving the next day.

I was sitting with my other wingman and saw the group of girls from the first interaction of the night. I told him I'd spoken to them earlier in the night and he said 'let's go talk to them again,' and we did.

This was in a much quieter spot than I'd spoken to them earlier in the night so it was much easier to talk to them. All three were fairly attractive but I really wanted to talk to the ****star looking girl.

I was talking to one of the others for a while and then got a chance to talk to ****star looking girl. Did a good job of getting the conversation onto sexual topics with both this girl and the other one I was talking to.

The ****star girl soon said she was going home and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek before she left. She said she was getting an uber home. Maybe I could've asked where she lives and offered to drive her back if she was in my direction. Holy wow she was very sexy. But definitely not the type of girl you would want to take home to your parents lol. It was still good that I has a decent interaction with a girl like that.

Hi, Bender! I've been following your posts recently and I can only congratulate on the amazing work you did on yourself. You're truly an inspiration for everyone on this forum.

So, you said you "did a good job of getting the conversation onto sexual topics". Well, I do a few approaches myself everytime I go out and that part is always a problem to me. I wonder if you could DM me some advice on the subject.

Thank you in advance, and keep up with the good work!

 

[bender22]

Hi, Bender! I've been following your posts recently and I can only congratulate on the amazing work you did on yourself. You're truly an inspiration for everyone on this forum.

So, you said you "did a good job of getting the conversation onto sexual topics". Well, I do a few approaches myself everytime I go out and that part is always a problem to me. I wonder if you could DM me some advice on the subject.

Thank you in advance, and keep up with the good work!

Thanks Sker01, I'll send you a DM.

 

[bender22]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]Yesterday morning I went to a seminar.. a self development type of event.[/font]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]I got into the room, grabbed a seat, spoke to the guy sitting next to me. And then a few minutes in, I spotted a girl two rows in front of me, who instantly grabbed my attention.[/font]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]All I could see was the back of her head, side of her face and the clothes she was wearing. From that angle, she looked like my type of girl and I liked how she was dressed.[/font]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]Eventually, the speaker at the event had everyone stand up. I looked over and got to see her face. She looked in my direction and we made eye contact for a second. She looked good from the front as well.[/font]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]As the event went on, I kept looking in her direction, to see how she was responding to what the speaker was saying. Just trying to get any clues into her personality. [/font]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]I decided I had to talk to her. It was a full day event and there were going to breaks so I would get opportunities. I was even excited to talk to her and find out more about her. [/font]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]A few hours in, the speaker announced we would break for 20 minutes for morning tea. 
[/font]
Here was my opportunity...But as soon as I got up to walk out of the room, I started to hesitate. I thought 'well there will be more breaks throughout the day, I'll have more chances to talk to her.'

She was ahead of me and I walked not far behind her on the way out. But she was with an older couple. They could've been her parents or more likely she just met them there.

She went down towards the entrance and sat with this older couple. I didn't want to try talking to her while she was talking to them. So I went outside and stood around there for a few minutes, hoping she might come out on her own.

After a few minutes, she hadn't come out so I decided to go to the shop around the corner to get some food. I thought I could just talk to her at the lunch break.

When I returned after getting food, everyone was waiting outside the seminar room to go back inside. I looked around, trying to find her. I saw the older couple she was with, but not her.

The seminar started again and everyone returned to their seats. I waited for her to return to her seat a few rows in front of me.

But she never came back...

She must have left. And I'd missed the opportunity to talk to her.

Another wasted opportunity...

It's just so disappointing that my fear and hesitation holds me back in these situations. Not very often do those chances present themselves, where I see a girl who I'm actually really attracted to. But then it happens and I just squander it.

I guess the lesson is....don't wait for the perfect opportunity. Just go!

I could've just gone over and sat next to her and the older couple at the morning tea break and spoken to all of them. It would have been a lot less awkward than what I was imagining it to be. 

...............

I had a Tinder date that night. The girl was several years older than me.

We met for drinks and it went fairly well. I was confident and she seemed to like talking to me. But it was probably all a bit too 'friendly.' We did talk about dating and Tinder and stuff but I could've gone a lot further with that. I need to learn how to create more tension on these dates. I think I was a little uncomfortable trying to escalate things because she was older than me. She also wasn't very good at holding eye contact which also made it difficult. I could have teased her about that.

But she messaged me this morning and sounded like she had a good time.

 

[bender22]

I did a few approaches over the weekend. Nothing amazing.

On Saturday night, I went to the club just down the road from me for about an hour. I talked to a group of Americans in the line up, which was a good start.

Then when I got inside, I did my first approach almost instantly. Saw a group of girls who were walking near me and one of them looked at me so I talked to her. I got her attention and she had a big smile on her face. But the rest of her group seemed to be watching, which made me a bit uncomfortable so I didn't really commit to the interaction.

After that I spent sooo long wandering around the club and not talking to anyone. I felt like I was getting a lot of looks from girls there, even some of the best looking girls in the club. But then again, they might have just been looking at me thinking why is this idiot walking around by himself haha.

There were at least 3-4 girls who I'm very confident would have liked me to approach them..but I still didn't

Finally, I stopped a girl who was walking near me and tried talking to her. She said she had a boyfriend and moved on.

After that I was getting very self conscious...firstly a lot of girls had probably noticed I was on my own. And then some of them might have seen me bomb out when I finally did do an approach. So I didn't stay much longer after that.

Sunday evening, I went for a walk to a lookout near the beach. Saw two girls taking selfies together and thought it would be a good opportunity to do a day time approach. So I went over and offered to take a photo for them. I took the photo and talked to them a bit.

That could actually be a very good spot for talking to girls during the day. It's not far from here, every time I've been, there has always been some cute girls around. Often they're by themselves. And they usually stop to look and the view and take photos. So it might be worth going over there more often.

I've been trying to think about how I'm going to meet my ideal girl in 2020. I need to be more strategic with it.

I don't seem to be finding my type of Tinder or Bumble. When I go out, I don't see that many girls who look like my type. And when I do, I often waste the opportunity and don't approach. 

Despite being in a fairly popular area, I don't see that many opportunities to approach when I'm walking around here in the day time.

I've been to a few yoga classes at my gym recently thinking perhaps that would be a good place to meet girls. But I haven't had much luck with that so far.

I've considered moving to Melbourne and living in the CBD, because at least I'd see plenty of girls every day there who I could approach. Based on past experiences, I'd probably do a lot better on Tinder there as well. And I think there are a lot more girls who fit my type there.

Or I could move back to my home city and find a place in the CBD. That would probably be a better location that where I'm at right now for meeting girls. And at least I'd have more friends there to go out with at night, so I'd probably do better with that.

 

[bender22]

So I've really done **** all in the past few weeks, in terms of social/dating stuff. Besides talking to a few girls on tinder.

But I'm off to Singapore next week, so that will be a good opportunity to create some good stories. Here are my goals for my week in Singapore..

• Meet people on walking tours..when I was in Europe I did a lot of walking tours in the cities I visited and there were some really cute girls in them. I've found a couple of walking tours in Singapore so if there are any girls in the tour, I need to talk to them and try to make plans to hang out later if I can. At the very least, I should try to just make some friends on these tours
• Try to get a Valentines date. I'll be there on Valentines day so I should try to organise a Valentines date. I'll get on Tinder and see if I can find anything on there but it would be even better if I could approach a girl during the day and get her on a date
• At least 5 day time approaches
• I'm not 100% sure whether I'll have the hotel room to myself yet but if I do, get a girl back to the hotel room - either from Tinder or day/night cold approach
• Go out at least one night and do at least 7 approaches that night

One of my favourite travel memories was when I first went to Hawaii and met an American girl staying at the same hotel who I ended up hanging out with quite a lot during my stay there. It would be great to find a girl in Singapore travelling on her own and hang out together during the time we're there.

 

[bender22]

Didn't end up going to Singapore because of all the coronavirus stuff unfortunately. But I'm in my hometown instead.

Last night I went out and did a few approaches with some of the other guys. First one was two girls together. Opened up really well, got their attention straight away and had them smiling and laughing. I was talking to them for a while but started to lose steam in the interaction after a while, which felt a bit awkward.

There was another one later that responded really well at first but then left a few minutes in. I just played it too safe. She obviously liked me when I approached her so I could have done a lot more than I did. Best option probably would have been to suggest going somewhere quieter to have a chat - as it was super loud where we were and she was struggling to hear me.

I need to start being more proactive with this dating stuff. Right now, I'm just not getting where I want and it's not going to just magically happen if I don't do anything differently.

I'm going to start setting some goals and sub-goals to try and move me in the right direction. Each month I'll set a new dating related goal and then the sub-goals will be action based goals to help me achieve my main goal.

For example..this month, I'm thinking my main goal will be to go on a date with a girl I'm physically attracted to from cold approach. It has to be a girl I meet in real life..Tinder doesn't count.

My action based goals to help me achieve my main goal will be at least 20 approaches within the month and asking at least 3 girls for their contact details (either phone number or social media).

The action based goals will be most important, because I have 100% control over whether I can achieve them. If I don't achieve my main goal, then I'll keep adjusting my action based goals each month until I have achieved my main goal.

Although going out at night to bars and clubs isn't ideal because it's hard to find 'girlfriend material' there, I think it will have to be part of my process. As long as I'm actually being proactive when I go out and doing approaches. It's the only place to find a high volume of girls to approach..at least in my city.

 

[bender22]

I want to expand on that previous post.

I'm sick of not moving the needle like I want to with this dating stuff. Sure, I've come a long way since my first journal but I'm still not where I want to be with this. I'm so sick of going out at night (or in the day) and feeling like a complete loser for hardly approaching any girls.

Things need to change.

-I've joined a dating mastermind group online. After just one day of being in the group, I'm already feeling more inspired to go out and talk to girls and try some new stuff.

One of my biggest problems in the past 12 months has been lack of motivation. I don't really have many single friends interested in going out and meeting women like I did in my old city. I used to be always catching up and talking to others who were on the same page as me in my old city, which kept me motivated.

But I don't have that now. So I'm hoping that being part of this mastermind will give me that again. There are also some very switched on guys in the group, who I can learn a lot from. The only problem is most of the guys are more focused on one night stands, than long term relationships. I don't want to get really drawn into the one night stand/hookup culture again. I don't think it's good for mental health. Not that I'm completely opposed to one night stands or anything but I'd rather find a quality relationship.

-I'm strongly considering moving cities again. I love a lot of things about the city I'm living in now but it's not that good for dating. The volume of girls around isn't high enough and it attracts a certain type of girl that doesn't appeal to me. I have thought about returning to my hometown and actually had a job interview there today but I don't think that would be the best move. It would feel like a step backwards. I think I need to move to a bigger city. I want to be somewhere that is very close to my workplace, to minimize travel time. I need as much time as possible outside of work to dedicate to dating and business and some downtime. It also needs to be somewhere that has a high volume of girls aged 20-30 and good nightlife nearby.

-I have to start setting approach targets again. This was the only way I got myself to approach girls consistently in 2019. And I have to commit to them. No going home until I reach my target.

-I also need to start asking myself questions that will make me think more creatively...

For example.. If I was going to do everything it takes to make myself approach more, what would I do?

Well, I could start drinking a lot more alcohol when I go out to reduce my resistance to approaching...I could find a wingman and have them keep me accountable to doing X number of approaches each night, I could put money on the line..if I don't do X number of approaches I lose $50.. I could dress up with a wig and glasses to create more anonymity (not sure if that would actually work but it could)..stay out all night to do as many as possible...

Some of these ideas probably aren't that wise but at least a question like that makes you think outside the box.

Other questions to ask myself...

How can I create curiosity in interactions?
How can I position myself as higher value in my interactions?
How can I sexualise my interactions more?
If someone gave me $5000 to improve my appearance, how would I spend it?
If someone gave me $10,000 to use to improve my dating life, what would I spend it on?
If I had to find my dream girl in 6 months, what would I do?
If someone in my position came to me for advice, what would I tell them?
What would happen if I tried going way more sexual in my night interactions?
What could I do to speed up my learning curve 10x?

I really like those last six questions especially. Those are the type of questions that get you thinking.

Another question worth pondering is what would be the best way to allocate my time? I'm currently working 3 days per week in a part time job and spend the rest of the week working on my business. I could use some of the spare time I have now to go out more and learn more about dating skills. But I could also get a full time job that would pay 20-30k more than what I'm currently earning from the part time job and use some of that money to speed up my dating results - eg. I could get some sort of coaching, buy some nicer clothes, hire a professional photographer to get better tinder photos, etc..

My goal for this coming weekend...at least 5 approaches and practice creating curiosity in my interactions and super strong eye contact.

 

[bender22]

FRIDAY NIGHT

I was actually motivated to go out for the first time in a while after reading some of the material in the mastermind group during the week. It was worth joining just for that motivation.

My goal for Friday night was to do at least 3 approaches. Small target but I just wanted to get back into the habit of actually approaching girls.

I also made a rule to go no longer than 30 minutes without doing any approaches. First one was the hardest. Took me the full 30 minutes to finally find the courage to do one.

I was standing near the bar and a girl approached the bar, very close to me. She positioned herself in a way that made her look like she was open to being approached (sort of facing in my direction). I interpreted this as an invitation to approach and started talking to her.

The opener I used was ‘would you rather meet a guy at a bar or online?’

I used this opener a few more times during the night. And I like it for a few reasons. I often get stuck in very platonic conversations with girls. This instantly introduces a sexual nature into the conversation, without being creepy. It’s then easier to transition from that into other sexual related topics. And I’m pretty sure that just about every girl will say ‘at a bar’ (they did last night) so that sets a good frame for the interaction because they’re telling you they would like to meet a guy at the bar. Also, the girls with boyfriends are probably going to say ‘well I met my boyfriend at a bar (or on tinder) so you quickly find out if they’re available.

This girl said definitely at a bar. Her response to me was definitely very positive. We talked for a while as she waited to get a drink and I found out she had just moved here from another city. After she was served her drink, she went back to her friends and said she’d see me around.

Huge mistake, not stopping her before she went back to her friends. She was definitely showing signs of interest in me and she did seem cool. All I needed to do was say ‘hey before you go back to your friends….’ And ask her another question or try to get her contact details. Such a shame.

*I was thinking a lot about how to handle this situation in future because it's something that's happened to me many times in the past. If I talk to her at the bar and it goes well, then I need a way to get her to stay after she gets her drink. This is what I came up with...'hey, just before you go back to your friends, who are you here with? Oh I'm here with a few of my friends. Ok cool, would they care if  you stayed here and talked to me for 2 minutes? You seem cool, it would be good to get to know you more before you take off. Hopefully most girls will say they can stay for a few minutes after that and then I can continue...

Second approach didn’t go so well. I was nearing my 30 minute limit and there was a girl on her own by me. I didn’t find her that attractive but I wanted to stick to the 30 minute limit and it was my best opportunity. The girl would not smile all laugh or anything. Bad response. For a brief moment, I thought maybe I can turn this around. But then I thought, what’s the point..I’m not attracted to her anyway. So, I said ‘have a good night’ and moved on.

Next approach was a lot faster this time. Two girls together lining up at the bar near me. I engaged them in conversation quickly and then again as we got closer to the bar. Got a pretty good response from both of them. But then lost them once they got served.

Next one, I was lining up for another bar. Two girls lining up in front of me. I took a while to say anything to them, but eventually used my ‘where would you rather meet a guy’ opener. It got the conversation going pretty well. One of them was definitely very engaged. But then I lost them when we got to the front of the line.

I should have spoken to them earlier in the line, which would have given me more time to talk to them. Or I could’ve re-approached them inside. In the back of my mind I was worried about being judged for being on my own and didn’t want to re-approach for that reason.

Final approach was inside that bar. Girl who had just entered the bar looked right at me and basically non-verbally approached me. I spoke to her. I didn’t really do much with this one. She wasn’t my type.

SATURDAY NIGHT

Saturday night was disappointing. I went out with the intention to do at least 5 approaches and had all these things I wanted to practice.

The first bar I went to was pretty busy. There were a lot of very attractive girls there and I felt like I was getting some looks from them. I set my timer for 30 minutes to do an approach.

The bar had a very social scene vibe. A lot of big groups of friends all there together. And being there alone made me feel pretty self conscious. I wanted to go somewhere else but knew I had to do at least one approach before leaving.

Found two girls together and approached them. It sounded like they both had boyfriends but they were still friendly and talked for ~5 minutes.

Next bar had the same sort of vibe. It felt like everyone there knew each other except me. I just wanted to get out and go to a different area. I did one very short, half assed approach just to stick to the 30 minute rule and then left.

By the time I got to the other area, my motivation and overall mood was way down. A million excuses were creeping into my head not to approach. And I didn’t commit to the 30 minute rule.

One thing that may have helped me on Friday night was nicotine. No, I haven’t taken up smoking! But I’ve started experimenting with nicotine lozenges as a way to increase my focus and attention for work. On Friday evening, I thought I’d try taking a nicotine lozenge before going out, to see if it would have any effect. It’s hard to say but I think I may have been a bit more motivated and alert when I went out after taking it. So I’ll try experimenting with that again next weekend.

BTW..nicotine is not what makes smoking so dangerous. It’s all the chemicals in cigarettes that give people cancer. Nicotine on its own appears to be safe and even has some benefits.

I also need to really commit to the 30 minute rule. Having that time pressure is one thing that actually seems to work for me. Ideally, I will eventually make it a 15 or 10 minute rule. As 30 minutes is still a bit too long not to be approaching.

I've got some solid leads going on Tinder and bumble..a lot more than I've had in a long time and definitely a few who are keen to meet up. I've been a little unmotivated to set up dates recently. But going over some of the content in that mastermind group is really starting to make me thing differently about the way I interact with women. So I think it would be good to set up some dates and start putting some of what I've learned into practice.

 

[bender22]

Since last week, I have..

Had two Tinder dates

One of them was a fairly short coffee date but went really well and we have plans to see each other again in a few days

The other one also went well – probably one of my strongest dates ever in terms of the way I expressed myself and developed attraction

Got some other solid leads from online

Got a Chilean girl’s contact details while speaking almost entirely Spanish (and she was with her mum)

Exchanged contact details with a girl who used to be a stripper and has 13k Insta followers

Sounds like a pretty decent week. And it probably was one of the better weeks I’ve had in a while. But I felt so incredibly frustrated when I came home last night after going out for a few hours. Like a complete ******* loser.

When I actually step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there, I’m capable of doing well. I’ve proven that. But I let my mind get in the way and hold me back so much.

Week after week I go out and make a million excuses not to talk to the women I want to talk to. I let so met opportunities slip by.
I have too many doubts and limiting beliefs. I feel like I’m not attractive enough to approach the prettiest girls. I don’t have confidence in my ability to hold a conversation with a girl I approach.

When I met that stripper girl, it actually went pretty well. It was early in the night and I seeded plans to meet up at a club later on in the night. Even though I wasn’t terribly smooth, there were positive signs that she was interested.

Later in the night when I messaged her, she replied straight away. Her and her friend had even gone to the club I suggested.
But then my doubt and limiting beliefs started entering my mind. I thought ‘what if I meet up with her there and then can’t hold her interest?’ ‘how will I talk to her in a loud club, I don’t know how to handle loud clubs.’

Basically, I just had no belief in myself to make it work. And in the end I chose to just settle for the validation of getting some interest from a hot former stripper, instead of trying to play to win and make something happen.

Just so frustrating that after all this time, my mind still holds me back so much.

Anyway, enough of the negatives…

The interaction with the Chilean girl I mentioned before was actually fairly impressive. I went with my housemate to a salsa dancing event down the road. Mostly to watch. We saw a South American looking girl who appeared to be with her mum. They were also watching the salsa dancing.

The girl kept looking over in our direction. And we suspected that she was hoping one of us would come over and ask her to dance. He has a girlfriend so that left me.

I went over and approached them. The girl said they don’t speak much English. I asked if they speak Spanish and they did. I know some Spanish so I was able to speak to them in my broken Spanish, which I think impressed the girl and even her mum.

Quieres bailar? I asked. (do you want to dance)

She accepted and we went out for a dance. Being from South America, she probably knew how to salsa dance a lot better than me but I was able to recall just enough from my salsa lessons. My housemate said it looked like I knew what I was 
doing.

I talked to her a bit after the dance, which wasn’t easy because my Spanish isn’t too good. Although I was surprised by how much I was able to talk in Spanish.

I ended up getting her Instagram, even with her mum right there.

The dates during the week went well. It gave me a good chance to practice some of the stuff I’ve learned from the mastermind group I joined. I really liked the girl from the coffee date and I'm looking forward to seeing her again. The second date was very solid. We had an intimate makeout on the beach and I probably could've taken her back to my place if I'd tried.

I did a few more approaches last night. But nothing really worth talking about.

In the past week I’ve done 3 daytime approaches, which is more than I’ve done for a while. First one, I just asked for food recommendations. She responded with a smile on her face but it didn’t last long. And that was completely my fault. After she answered my question, I needed to transition into something else, which I didn’t. It’s not like the girl is just going to stand there waiting for me to say something more.

I made a similar mistake on my second daytime approach. Walking girl, I asked her a question, she answered but I didn’t do anything to further the conversation.

The third one was much better. Girl by herself at the beach. Was able to talk to her for about five minutes. But I found out she was a bit young for me so I didn’t stay any longer.

Had several more perfect opportunities to approach girls during the day, which I wasted. So frustrating. Need to push myself to just go.

Things to work on…
·        Avoid loud clubs…focus on places I can have conversations
·        Maybe go back to salsa lessons and actually make more of an effort to get to know the girls there
·        Look for other events that would attract girls in my age range
·        Try not to over-complicate things to much. All I need to do for now is approach, talk, get to know her a bit and then get a way to contact her. Sometimes I really over-complicate it in my mind before approaching which makes me a lot more anxious to do the approach

 

[bender22]

DATE REPORTS

Wanted to do a write up on the two dates I had yesterday from Tinder/Bumble.

FIRST DATE

This one was a bit disappointing because the girl didn’t really look like her tinder photos. Nonetheless.. we still had a nice chat.
I still used it as an opportunity to practice some stuff I want to work on.

Not really sure what to say about this date. It went fine. But I just had very neutral feelings about this girl. I didn’t dislike her but I wasn’t that excited about her either.

Probably the biggest positive was it helped loosen me up before my second date.

SECOND DATE

The second date was with the same girl I had a coffee date with last week. I LOVED this date..it was just really good.

The big thing I’ve learned from the mastermind group I joined is the importance of sexualizing interactions. It’s really the difference between a platonic interaction and a proper man to woman interaction. It tells the girl, ‘okay this guy isn’t just here to be friends.’ And it just makes it so much easier to get more physical later on.

It was difficult to do much of this last week because we only had a short date at a coffee shop. But this time, there were no time restrictions and we were getting wine (already more sexual implications than coffee).

Firstly, I wanted to get a better sense of what type of girl she was..does she have a wild/party side to her, how comfortable is she talking about sexual or edgy topics.

I’ve also learned from the mastermind group how important it is to show that you’re accepting of risqué type of behaviour and you’re not judgemental about it. In the past, I think I may have come across to girls as if I had very conservative views about things like drinking, partying and sex. And therefore they wouldn’t feel comfortable opening up to me about these things for fear of being judged.

I think even if you’re looking for something more serious with a girl, it’s still better to show you’re open minded about these things and make her comfortable talking about them.

In the past, I used to be so afraid of talking about sex with a girl I didn’t know very well. I was afraid it would come across as creepy and freak her out. And done the wrong, way it can have that effect. But done, the right way it’s extremely potent.

I thought I’d been starting to sexualise my dates more in the past 12 months. I’d been making a conscious effort to do so. But this mastermind group made me realise I was still not taking it nearly far enough.

So back to last night…firstly we got onto the topic of partying. I think this is a good stepping stone to more sexual topics. And can easily lead in that direction.

I told her about how I used to go out every week, 2-3 nights per week and still go out a fair bit. She said she used to party a lot when she was at uni. She said she even got banned from drinking at her student accommodation she used to live at lol. Good sign that she felt comfortable sharing that with me.

We got onto the topic of 50 shades of grey, which was a good chance to sexualise the conversation further. I said how everyone’s mum has read or watched 50 shades of grey. Which lead to a discussion about how awkward it is talking about anything related to sex with your parents.

I think it helps a lot to talk about past sexual experiences. It shows you’re confident enough to talk about sex, you have some experience and other girls have approved of you in the past.

So I talked about when I was living at home and would be out late with girls and having very awkward discussions with my mum the following morning.

I probably could have pushed it even further and got into more sexual topics. Especially since we’d already broached the subject. But I’m not sure if it would have achieved much. We were pretty far from either of our places, so sex wasn’t really a possibility. Probably better saving those discussions for a date when it actually could lead to sex.

I did makeout with her which was nice.

But I did a lot of things really well during this date and just had a good time. I seeded plans to meet up again soon, which was smart. I often don’t bother doing this on dates because I’m just not that interested in seeing them again. But this girl I would really like to see again.

I texted her this morning and told her she looked good last night. And she really did. I always used to be afraid to give out compliments to girls because I was worried I’d be putting them on a pedestal and look needy.

But I think that was a mistake. It’s probably not something that should be overdone but compliments used sparingly help to set the right tone. And she’d obviously put in a bit of effort to make herself look really good, so I wanted her to know I appreciated it. I’m sure she was happy to get that text. Maybe I should just say it in person next time though.

Oh, one more thing I could’ve done better…we went to two bars and sat on these lounges next to each other. I could’ve sat a lot closer to her. Especially at the second bar, when we were a bit more comfortable with each other.

Excited to see this girl again. Seems to be some good chemistry between us. She’s super cute and has the type of personality that appeals to me. I think this might be the girl I’ve been most excited about since my last relationship.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Aww, good luck with the girl, bender. Hope things go well.

 

[bender22]

Aww, good luck with the girl, bender. Hope things go well.

thanks LF! Hope you've been well

 

[ladyforsaken]

Aww, good luck with the girl, bender. Hope things go well.

thanks LF! Hope you've been well

I'm all right, thanks bender.

 

[bender22]

Coronavirus

It would seem that with the coronavirus outbreak, online dating is going to be the best and safest option of meeting new people for now. I definitely will be staying away from bars and nightclubs for a while, just not worth the risk.

But it will be a good opportunity to work on my Tinder and Bumble dating. 

Dates

In the past week, I've had two more dates. One new girl from Bumble and the girl from my last post.

I met up with the new girl from Bumble for drinks on Thursday evening. Once again, this date was far from my home and not very close to hers either so going home with her wasn't really an option.

I probably need to give more consideration to my game plan for these types of situations. Assuming I would want to see her again, then what do I need to do on these dates?

From experience, I've become pretty good at creating a connection with these girls on dates, making them feel comfortable and creating a good impression overall. As I've said before, dates definitely bring out the best in me. But I'm not sure if that's enough.

This girl was pretty cool and I probably would like to see her again. And I probably did enough to make that happen. It sounded like she would want to see me again.

I did manage to sexualize the conversation at times and she was quite comfortable with that. Given her comfort with me sexualizing the conversation, perhaps I could've done more to create sexual tension between us. Like, I could've done more to set the frame that if we see each other again, something will happen. Without explicitly saying that.

I was also a bit slow to take the lead and control the interaction. For example, we were at the bar for a long time before I finally suggested going out for a walk. I should have done that much earlier. And then I wanted to kiss her but left that far too late as well.

The end of the date is probably the worst time to go for a kiss I think. Need to get it out of the way earlier on. Like soon after we went outside for a walk would've been the perfect time.

The other date was with the girl from my previous post. We met up on Saturday night. Everything went very smoothly and I couldn't really fault much of what I did. Just felt very comfortable with her and able to express myself really well. 

I was using a lot of storytelling to show off my personality and build my value. Which she responded to well. 

We went out for dinner near my place. The vibe was very good as we ate dinner. We got onto more sexual topics again. After dinner, I suggested going back to my place for some wine and she was up for it.

When we got back to my place, I poured a glass of wine for each of us, gave her a quick house tour and then went straight to my room.

I think one of the most helpful things that has come from joining that mastermind group, is that it's given me permission to do things I was afraid to do in the past.

For example, I was always afraid to even suggest going back to my place on dates. And then if I did get her back to my place, I was afraid to take her to my room. In my mind I'd make these things out to be a much bigger deal than they actually were. There have probably been many times when girl's were hoping I'd take them back to my place or take them to my room and I didn't. And they probably thought I was really weak. 

In the past, I would've felt like after I got dinner with this girl, I would have needed to take her to another bar to get wine before even suggesting going back to my place. And then if we did get back to my place, I would've felt like I'd have to sit out in the lounge room or balcony for an hour before suggesting going into my room. 

So this was a huge improvement. It's like I just needed someone to give me permission to do these things and tell me it's normal. 

Even still, once we got into my room I was a bit slow to make a move. 

Anyhow, I'm learning and making progress!

Really need to get my Tinder and Bumble profiles improved quickly. Because who knows how long it will be before it's safe to be going out to bars and clubs again. I was also planning on going back to salsa classes but think I'll put that on hold for a while.

I'm getting quite a lot of matches on the online dating apps lately. But a lot of them aren't really girls I'm super attracted to. One of my housemates is a photographer so I might get her to take some better photos for me to use.

 

[bender22]

Texting

I've been working a lot on my texting over the past few weeks, since going out and meeting girls in person isn't really an option anymore. And I think I have improved a lot. Been getting some very good responses from these girls on Tinder. There are probably 5-6 girls from Tinder/Bumble who I could meet up with within the next week, thanks to my texting.

Trying a lot of stuff with texting that was previously outside of my comfort zone. Like inviting girls to come straight to my place (which is actually a lot easier at the moment with coronavirus, while bars and restaurants should be avoided) and also sexualising conversations more.

An interesting tinder interaction I had was with a cute South American girl. Went fairly direct to asking her to catch up. Got a good response from her and suggested splitting a bottle on wine at my place.

I almost stuffed it up on Saturday night. I had suggested we hang out Saturday night but she said she was having some drinks with her housemates and invited me to join them. I didn't really want to hang out with her housemates, so I basically ignored that suggestion and tried to get her to come over. She didn't respond very well to that and got upset that I didn't come over and hang out with her and her housemates. She even left me a couple of voice messages and tried calling me.

The fact that she had such an emotional response told me that she was definitely into me and I just needed to overcome this situation. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have responded that way. In one of her voice messages, she said she wondered if I was even a real person or just a fake from tinder. (or something along those lines)

This told me she just needed a bit more assurance. I could also sense from some of her other messages that she felt like I was higher value than her and doubted whether I had a genuine interest in her. So I decided to do something I never do because it's always been out of my comfort zone. But I knew it would work if I could pull it off properly.

I sent her a video message.

This achieved a few things. It showed her that I'm clearly a real person. It showed her that I'm a pretty normal, non threatening guy, which would remove any safety concerns she had. And it showed her that I cared enough to take the time to send her a video message.

And after that, she completely flipped. She was so much happier again and excited about meeting up again.

That was yesterday and we'll probably make plans to catch up this week. 

Sunday Date

I made plans to meet with this girl and grab smoothies and take them down to the park. (avoiding bars and cafe's at the moment)

In retrospect, I probably could've invited this girl straight to my place for a drink, instead of going to the park. I probably misread her a bit on Tinder and thought she'd be the type to say no to that. But now that I've met her, I think she would have agreed to it. 

Honestly, I didn't feel like this was my strongest date. It felt like I wasn't expressing myself as well as usual on a date. But she still texted me afterwards saying she had a good time and would like to see me again. So I suppose I did something right.

The date made me realise one thing I really value in women... I like a really feminine girl.

I was talking to her and we were vibing well, having a pretty good conversation. She wasn't super physically attractive but she definitely wasn't ugly either. As I was talking to her, I started to wonder 'how come I'm not really attracted to this girl?' 

It was very different with the other girl I've talked about in my last few journals. With her, even from early on I felt like "I'd like to see this girl again..I'd like to kiss her, etc.." 

But with this girl, I just didn't have that feeling. So I started wondering why.

And I realised that it was because it felt like I was talking to one of my guy mates. She simply wasn't very feminine in the way she spoke and expressed herself. Which is a common problem with Australian girls. Whereas the other girl had much more feminine traits, which made her a lot more attractive to me.

I know I have said in the past that I do like a feminine girl. But this date really solidified just how important that is to me.

Going into the date, I was intending to really sexualize the conversation as much as I could. And I did try to lead the conversation towards more sexual topics but I found it difficult. While with the other girl, it felt much more natural moving the conversation towards sexual topics. 

After the date, I started thinking about why I was unable to sexualize the conversation like I wanted to. And the first answer I came up with was that she was making it difficult to sexualize. Whenever I started moving towards sexual topics, she would steer the conversation towards something else.

And that was probably part of the reason for sure. But when I started reflecting on it more, I came up with another theory...

With the other girl, it was easier to sexualize the conversation because I was genuinely sexually attracted to her. And therefore it was more congruent to talk about sexual stuff with her.

But with this girl, because there was a lack of sexual attraction (at least on my end), it felt ingenuous to get into more sexual discussion with her and my mind subconsciously resisted it. Even though I consciously wanted to sexualize the conversation, just for practice if nothing else. 

I'm not sure whether this theory is entirely accurate but I think it makes sense. And perhaps that lack of sexual attraction is the reason, I didn't express myself as well as I often do on other dates. My mind just wasn't that motivated to bring my A-game lol.

We wrapped up that date around 7pm. I actually had some plans for another girl from Tinder to come over straight to my place later in the night. But I just didn't have the motivation for another date after the first one, so I didn't go ahead with that one.

The government announced last night that all bars, nightclubs, coffee shops, etc, will be locked down indefinitely from today. So online dating is definitely going to be the way to go for the foreseeable future. At the moment, I'm comfortable enough meeting with girls from tinder/bumble and it seems like most girls are okay meeting up for now as well. But if community spread of the virus starts to rapidly increase (which it probably will), I may have to reconsider even catching up with girls from online

Maybe skype dates are the way of the future haha.

 

[bender22]

Met up with the South American girl I mentioned in my previous post last night.

We’d made plans for me to pick her up from her place then drive her back to my place for wine. All bars and restaurants are closed because of coronavirus, so it’s a good reason to invite girls straight to your house.

I had done a lot of the groundwork through our text conversation, some of which I discussed in my last post. So she came into the date already with a certain level of attraction to me and viewing me as a cool, high value guy.

She was a little bit resistant to my attempts to sexualize the conversation through text though, which was a bit of a concern. But overall, she was obviously excited to meet up with me.

When I arrived at her place to pick her up, she was very nervous and shy. Her being nervous was making me nervous too. I started thinking maybe it wouldn’t go as well as expected. She was also being a little challenging towards me.

On the short drive back to my place, I was mostly just making small talk..trying to make her feel more comfortable so she could relax.
When we got back to my place, we went inside, I poured us a glass of wine each and we went out to the balcony to drink and chat.
Out on the balcony, I kept working on just getting her talking more and feeling more comfortable. Also inserting a bit of humour to break some of the tension.

It didn’t take long before she relaxed and became a lot more talkative. From that point on, everything went pretty smoothly.
She’d only been in Australia for one month and was still learning English (and learning to understand the Aussie accent lol) so she asked me to speak slowly.

I think this actually helped me a lot by slowing down my speech. Sometimes I probably get a bit nervous on dates and speak too fast.
But by slowing down my speech, I sounded more confident and was able to express a more sexual/flirtatious vibe with my tone.

I talked quite a bit about my experience with other girls – dates I’ve been on, Tinder, ex gf, hookup stories. This stuff works so well.
Although, I might have gone further than I needed to with it. She seemed to have the impression that I would have girls lining up to sleep with me lol.

A lot of good stuff I did…

• Strong eye contact
• Avoided getting stuck in platonic conversation
• Used some role play stuff to make conversation more interesting
• Made her feel comfortable
• Made her laugh

After we finished the bottle of wine, I used music as an excuse to move things to my bedroom. “Let’s go listen to some music” No objections, she obviously liked me and was feeling very comfortable by this point.

Once we got into the bedroom, she was getting very close to me so it was easy to kiss her and escalate things further.

I’m definitely becoming a lot more confident with this physical escalation part of dates now. Which has always been my biggest weakness on dates in the past. I think the fact that I’m sexualising the conversation well before, makes it so much easier. It’s very awkward going from a completely platonic conversation to kissing and other stuff.

So a very solid date overall. And it makes things a lot easier having the date at your own place haha. Made some big progress with online dating in these past two months!

 

[bender22]

DATE REPORT

Just had a date with a girl from Tinder this morning. Thought I'd write up about it while it's fresh in my memory.

We'd been talking on Tinder during the week and I'd suggested that she come over to my place for wine on Friday night. She initially agreed to it but then cancelled on Friday afternoon because she was worried about going straight to a guy's house.

She suggested we meet Saturday for (takeaway) coffee instead and sit down by the beach.

There were some things I did really well. I held the conversation well. My eye contact was pretty good. And my tone of voice I think was good.

But she was another one of these Australian girls who isn't very feminine. And it's so hard to flirt and sexualize with this type of girl.

I attempted to move the conversation in a more sexual direction on several occasions. And it's not that she resisted it. But each time we seemed to end up on a different (more platonic) topic pretty soon.

Something I think I could've done better is trying to be more flirtatious with her and seeing how she would respond. 

For example, at one point we were talking about Tinder. She said she's been on Tinder for quite a long time but doesn't meet up with many guys on there. I could've used this as an opportunity to flirt with her and say something like 'oh why not? were you just waiting for a charming boy from X city (we were both from the same city) to go on a date with?

Or she was saying how she watches the Bachelor on TV. I could've used that as an opportunity to tease her and say something like 'you know what, I don't think I can have you over to my place for wine now that I know this...I don't allow people who watch the Bachelor into my house' (said in a cheeky, playful tone)

It would've been interesting to see how she would've responded to those flirtation attempts. If she responded positively, that might have helped to create more sexual tension and then made her more receptive to my attempts to sexualize the conversation.

I think this is something I should practice on my next date. Just trying to be very flirty with the girl, practice getting the right sexual and playful tone of voice and becoming more aware of how receptive she is to that. 

Fortunately, I think I was still charismatic and confident enough to create a good impression and see her again. At the end of the date, I suggested that we have that wine date at my place soon. And she had a pretty firm, positive response to that, like she really wanted to. 

But now even if she does come over for wine, it's going to take a lot more effort to create a sexual frame.

I also want to get better at understanding these girl's when I'm on a date with them. What type of girl are they? What motivates her? What insecurities does she have?

I work in marketing and I'm pretty good at understanding human behaviour and what motivates people to buy something. And what drives human behaviour in general. But I'm not so good at picking up on people's individual motives and stuff. What's motivating her to say certain things? What does that tell me about her?

Once I get to know someone well, I can figure these things out. But it would be good to understand them earlier.

I have plans to meet up with the South American girl from last week tonight. So that will be a good chance to practice some more of the flirting.

 

[bender22]

FLIRTING 

I mentioned in my last post that I would practice my flirting skills with the South American girl. And I did it pretty well. I picked her up on Saturday night, drove her back to my place and then we watched Netflix. 

The thing I did best, was the use of my tonality. Even when we were talking about fairly platonic subjects, I would say things to her in a tone that you would use for dirty talk. Very flirtatious.

Perhaps one thing I could've done better would be taking those platonic topics and then turning them in a sexual/playful direction. For example, we were talking about how her English classes were all going to be online from now, during the pandemic. I attempted to use this opportunity to make it flirtatious by saying I could be her new English teacher. But it would have been very easy to go from that into a naughty student..bad girl..hot teacher direction to make it even more flirty. We'd had sex already so she certainly would have been receptive to this.

MY ATTEMPT AT ANALYZING TINDER DATE

As I said in my last post, I also want to learn to read people and understand them better. I want to understand their desires, motives, insecurities, etc...


I think the best way for me to develop this ability is just to practice. I need to start at least theorizing about who these girls are, what is their archetype. Then once I've developed a framework of who they are, I can look for confirmations of these theories. Not sure if this makes any sense whatsoever haha.

I'd like to do a few breakdowns of girl's I've been on dates with in here, because writing out my thoughts helps me think more clearly.

So let's start with my Tinder date from last night.

**This is just my breakdown of her based on my observations of her body language, the stories she told, how she presented herself, her Tinder profile, etc.. I'm using my understanding of human behviour to try fill in the gaps and come up with a picture of who she really is. But I could be completely wrong about some of my reads in here.

A little background information on her...26 year old Thai girl, moved to Australia last year. 

Let's start with her Tinder profile.

Her first few pictures are of her on a beach in a swimsuit. She's conveying a 'sexy' image but her images aren't as revealing as many girls on Tinder. It looks like she may have had a friend who's good at photography or even a proper photographer take these photos for her. She's smiling in all of her photos. In her bio she says something about having fun and exploring.

In her messages, she didn't show much investment early on. Her messages were very short. After exchanging about 7-8 messages, she opened up more, started sending longer messages and even complimented me on my eyes.

Towards the end of our text conversation she was clearly much more invested, and talking in a more flirtatious way and sounded very excited about the idea of meeting up. 

When we met up, she was dressed nicely..jeans, nice shoes, nice top. Nothing very revealing or anything. I think this may have been a reflection of the conversation we had on Tinder. 

It's interesting that she chose to dress so conservatively, after having more revealing photos on her Tinder profile. A couple of possibilities...

-she was worried that I would judge her if she had worn something more revealing, this would suggest that I came across as too conservative and friendly in my messages
-she lives with other Thai housemates who may have convinced her to wear something more conservative (I should've asked more about her housemates and what they'd said about her going out on a date, to determine how likely this explanation was)
-she obviously came from a conservative upbringing and this may have caused her to feel some level of embarrassment or shame about her Tinder photos and she felt like she needed to balance it out by wearing something different

She talked about having fairly strict parents who expected her to be home early every night when she was in Thailand. She'd never been to a nightclub until she came to Australia and she'd never got drunk before. Before coming to Australia, she worked on a cruise ship for 12 months and had a relationship with a Swiss guy who also worked on the cruise ship. 

My perception is that she felt like she had missed out on a lot between the ages 15-25. And now she's trying to make up for some of those experiences she missed out on because of her parent's tight control. 

She said she had a Thai boyfriend in high school (which probably wasn't very serious), but then hadn't had any relationships until she worked on the cruise ship. I imagine her parents always expected her to dress very conservatively back in Thailand. She probably received very little sexual attention from guys as a result of this. She probably never felt like she was 'sexy' because she wasn't allowed to show this side of herself. 

I think this is why she had the swimsuit photos of Tinder. She had always had to hide that side of herself and never had the chance to feel sexy. Now that she's in a more open minded country like Australia and not being watched by her parents, she wants to be able to express that side of her and feel like she is desired by men.

And perhaps that could be part of the reason she dressed more conservatively on our date...she felt like the fact that I had asked her to go on a date, was proof enough that she was desired and she didn't need that validation anymore. 

I got the feeling that she would like to explore her wilder side...do things like getting drunk, hooking up with guys, etc.. but she still feels uncomfortable about these things. She is probably fighting an internal battle between the beliefs that she adopted from her parents about these type of behaviours and her own curiosity. 

I baited her into asking me about some of my crazy stories to see what her reaction would be. She wanted to hear one of my stories so I told her the story about the time I hooked up with a girl in the carpark on new years eve. It was interesting to observe her body language as I told her this. She looked very interested but visibly nervous as I told her this story. I'm not exactly sure what to make of that. Perhaps that she's not used to talking about sex with someone else. It sounded like her Thai housemates were pretty conservative and wouldn't be the type to talk about sex to each other.

It would have been interesting to talk about sex more with her. Eg. ask her when she lost her virginity, when was the last time she had sex. Just to observe her response and better understand how she feels about sex. 

My sense is that she is just waiting for someone to give her permission to embrace her wilder side. There is a part of her that wants to but she's being held back by her existing beliefs and doesn't have the confidence to go after these things on her own.

It sounds like her housemates are never going to bring that out of her. And by the sound of it, she probably doesn't have any friends here in Australia that would give her the permission she needs to embrace her wilder side. She would be too afraid of being judged by her housemates for 

She probably never would have even gone to a guys house on a first date. Especially when she lived in Thailand. But since I gave her permission to do that and came across as trustworthy, she didn't even have any objection to it. 

This morning she sent me this text message:

"Good morning, I just want to say thank you again so much for last night. For taking me away for a while and just to chill. For letting me rant and talk talk talk. It helps and so thankful about it..."

I think that this shows she was just grateful to have some time to talk to someone she didn't feel like she would be judged by. She felt like she could open up on topics she would never talk about with her friends and family because I gave her permission to.



Anyhow, that's my take on last night's Tinder date. I could be wrong about some of those reads but I feel like it's pretty accurate.

I've got another tinder date set up for tonight. Might do a breakdown of that as well afterwards.

 

[bender22]

Funny how my dating and sex life is probably better right now than it's ever been and I haven't been to a bar or club in well over a month because of coronavirus. Maybe I should just stick to online dating even when the quarantine is over.

I've hung out with a different girl each night for the last three nights. So I'll add some thoughts about each of those.

Thursday Night

Made plans to meet up with a Colombian girl from Tinder who had come to my place earlier in the week. This girl is actually really cute and has an adorable smile. But I may have landed myself in the friend zone. 

With most of these girls I've met up with in the past few months, I've been able to establish a sexual frame with them pretty quickly. And once I do that, there's really no chance of being friend zoned. But this girl's English wasn't so good, which made it really hard to sexualize the conversation.

She said she had a good time on our first date and was pretty responsive to my text messages afterwards. So I thought I'd try to get her out again for a very casual date and see I could take things in a more sexual direction this time. 

She lives really close to me and we both live close to the beach. So I suggested we meet up and go for a walk down to the beach. She agreed straight away. 

We were having a good time and I really wanted to kiss her but it just felt like it was too platonic to make a move. I probably should've tried to 'test the waters' more, with lower risk moves just to see how receptive she would be. 

Friday Night

I went to visit the girl who I've written about a few times before in the last few months that I really liked. (I last wrote about her on 16/3) We haven't seen each other since then because we live pretty far from each other and it's been difficult with the lockdown. But we've been in touch through text the whole time. 

Out of all the girls I've met up with lately, this one is still definitely my favourite. She's got so many qualities I like in a girl... feminine, smart, sense of humor, nice smile, doesn't take herself too seriously, she's not needy. And she doesn't really have any traits that annoy me lol.

And I think she also brings out probably the best side of my personality. Some girls bring out a rather cocky, egotistical side of me. Which is sort of fun and those girls respond well to it. But it's not really the best side of me. When I'm around this girl, I still have a hint of cockiness, but I'm also more humble and playful around her. 

The night was a lot of fun. Perhaps, the only mistake I made was taking too long to make a move. She might have been thinking 'okay, when is this guy going to finally kiss me..' But it didn't really matter in the end.

I spent the night there at her place and went home in the morning. Great experience. Completely worth the long drive to her place and back. I don't think this girl is exactly what I'm looking for, but she's the closest I've found in a long time. 

Saturday Night

South American girl from some of my recent journals came over again. This girl is fun and we're both very comfortable around each other. There's a really good sexual vibe when we hang out. But she doesn't excite me the same way as the girl from Friday night.