Called a "creep" at my workplace

[ardour]

I've just been called this by someone working in another department with whom I've had virtually no contact. She was handing a package over, then went back to an adjacent office area and said "God that guy's a creep" in front of the rest of the staff while sitting down.

The person is relatively new and seemed a bit of a snob so I never made an attempt to be friendly, and I guess I wasn't that friendly as I took the delivery either so fair enough that she doesn't like me. Problem is I've been tagged with a term that's a hair's breadth away from "sexual predator" for no reason.

A couple of people there I was acquainted with no longer say hi. Being that they're her friends that's not surprising, it merely confirms that they heard it. I may have to have some work-related interaction with them in future which will no doubt be humiliating.

I'm suffering some serious rage, maybe it's affecting me too much... how could someone say that so casually? I've never acted inappropriately toward anyone, but if I get that reputation there's the possibility of losing my job. A complaint or informal talk with management will just make me appear paranoid and vindictive.

Any other guys had deal with something like this?

 

[bodeilla]

Sorry that happened to you. I would feel rage too. I had a situation at work where someone was making me look like an idiot in front of management and my peers via email. He was very rude to me as well in the manner that he wrote. I filed a complaint with HR and it backfired in my face. I thought I was going to lose my job over it. HR did agree that he was being rude, but that there was nothing wrong as far as breaking company rules. So I looked like a fool. Like I couldn't handle my self in a tough situation.

Remember, you did nothing wrong. You're a nice guy. The other person is really the "creep." Take the high road, if that helps.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Its tough. You'll have to try to act extra nice to avoid the possibility of condemnation, and you may want to try to record some things so that you will have legal defense in case you do get dismissed.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Does she not have any job etiquette at all? Some places here, I know would drop you like a bad habit if you called someone that - publicly - for everyone to hear, during work hours.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow, what a bitch. If I ever heard a fellow employee say that about another co-worker, like them or not I'd take them to task on it. I don't think I've ever heard that myself said out loud anywhere I worked. Sure people would talk behind your back but never in front of others. I did work at one place where two guys called another co-worker PD Squared, which they got told to knock it off, but that's about it. That really sucks she said something like that, that is irritating. If she does that again you should just stand up, say "Excuse me (insert name here) I really don't think I deserved that. I haven't done anything to you to warrant such a comment especially in front of everyone."

 

[perfanoff]

I agree with Sci-Fi, and building on confronting another situation like that, control your emotions as much as it can, and don't stare like you're out for blood. That's what I would, and have felt, doing anyway.

 

[ardour]

Thanks all. She said it in the middle of their/her office, not ours. It's an adjacent space. I was getting the mail from our department in-tray and overheard. About 3 or 4 of the staff seated around her would have heard it, and as I said a couple of them don't say hello any more. If those people are reluctant to talk to me (unfortunately there are times when I will have to exchange info with them), then my manager may start thinking "hey, what's up with this guy". Maybe I should just try to forget it...

 

[Seosa]

Take the piss out of her. When she's and other people are around & it's quiet, find a way to play Radiohead's "Creep" so she can hear it. Use a smartphone or iPod if you have one.

She'll look & feel an absolute clown.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dont let people rent space in your head...dude.
Stop running with all the negative **** or projections.
You're giving power to other people..when you do that.
Letting people push your buttons...then reacting with anger becuase
you're stuffing your feelings.

Yeah....let go, forget it, dont figure it out. Take it like a grain of salt.
Filter her out, ignore her, in one ear and out the other.

She's just another human being and everyone else is too.
No more...no less.

Dont worry so much what other thinks or say about you...Basic good self esteem.

you cant control her...but you do have power over yourself.
Just stay positive and feel good about yourself.

It's ok to feel anger. There's positive outlit to do that.
Learn how to release your negative feelings in healthy ways.

 

[Trent]

agree with lonesome crow

also, my two cents, watch the energy you give off in the workplace

if you seem nervous or anxious or eager-to-please or "blushingly" socially awkward or overly and needlessly apologetic, people will notice and mean people will mock you

my work policy:

- i speak in active terms, short, concise, decisive, don't use a passive or weak voice

- walk where i want, how i want, as fast as i want

- if i don't like you, i don't talk to you, if you talk to me, i don't respond...but to make things better...i will look right at you and ignore you

- i am not your friend. i am not even interested in being "friendly". i am not going to smile for the sake of smiling. i am not going to smile to relieve what you feel is an awkward social situation. i'm not going to laugh at your stupid joke to make you feel better. i'm not going to go "oh my god, no waaaay" when you tell me about your goddamned goldfish. basically, i dominate the interactions. period. i will be cordial, but i am not your friend. i am here to feed my family, not to seek your approval

- an attitude of "yes, feel free to **** me over, but do so while wondering if your house will burn down shortly thereafter"

- head up, shoulders back, voice deep, speech slow, gazes long, shoes polished, belt tight, shirt tucked in, groomed well

- when dealing with women: treat them like they are your stupid little sister, so they don't dare try to pull the "he hit on me" superiority ********. homey don't play that. don't go out of your way to hold the door for them. don't go out of your way to let them cut in line for the water fountain. don't go out of your way to "run into them" and have a chat. ALL OF THIS will be turned into "he sexually harassed me" the very moment she is pms'ing.

- never hit on a girl you work with. never **** a girl you work with. never try to impress a girl you work with. don't indulge her attempts to draw the male/female distinction between the two of you. just because she is aware of it (and likely wants your junk in her junk) doesn't mean you need to reciprocate that attention. don't **** where you eat.

 

[SophiaGrace]

my work policy:

- i speak in active terms, short, concise, decisive, don't use a passive or weak voice

- walk where i want, how i want, as fast as i want

- if i don't like you, i don't talk to you, if you talk to me, i don't respond...but to make things better...i will look right at you and ignore you

- i am not your friend. i am not even interested in being "friendly". i am not going to smile for the sake of smiling. i am not going to smile to relieve what you feel is an awkward social situation. i'm not going to laugh at your stupid joke to make you feel better. i'm not going to go "oh my god, no waaaay" when you tell me about your goddamned goldfish. basically, i dominate the interactions. period. i will be cordial, but i am not your friend. i am here to feed my family, not to seek your approval

- an attitude of "yes, feel free to **** me over, but do so while wondering if your house will burn down shortly thereafter"

- head up, shoulders back, voice deep, speech slow, gazes long, shoes polished, belt tight, shirt tucked in, groomed well

- when dealing with women: treat them like they are your stupid little sister, so they don't dare try to pull the "he hit on me" superiority ********. homey don't play that. don't go out of your way to hold the door for them. don't go out of your way to let them cut in line for the water fountain. don't go out of your way to "run into them" and have a chat. ALL OF THIS will be turned into "he sexually harassed me" the very moment she is pms'ing.

- never hit on a girl you work with. never **** a girl you work with. never try to impress a girl you work with. don't indulge her attempts to draw the male/female distinction between the two of you. just because she is aware of it (and likely wants your junk in her junk) doesn't mean you need to reciprocate that attention. don't **** where you eat.

I don't mean this in a mean way but you'd intimidate the heck out of me if i met you offline. :l

 

[Limlim]

I would like to put my junk in a hot female coworkers junk.


Just sayin.

.... Also I don't have any hot female coworkers.... or female coworkers at all.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It can be difficualt at times when dealing with some female co-workers...

Ive been accused of sexaul harrazment becuase I was her boss.
but honeslty, coming from that woman, it was rediculous.
Excuse the **** out of me but Im a bit picky when it comes to my taste in women. I didnt hire her for her titays proof reading skills.

Ive also been hitted on by female co-workers.
Ive also dated my saleperson..
Heck...Ive even had one of my EXGF worked for me.
It's just not a good idea.

Ive also worked in places that I dont want to have any type of connections with females other
then just being a co-work. Better safe than sorry.
So it's like a rule of thumb or guildline i follow....
So when a women that I have no sexual interest in accuse me of sexual hurrazment. It's retarded...Im guilty until proven innocent.

Ive also dealt with some very very shrude bussiness women.
Of course she's gonna use everything to her advantage...

 

[ardour]

Trent,
Pretty sure that it was that fact that I wasn't that friendly or approachable when she started that has motivated this attempt to character assassinate me. I have a habbit of being that way at first to avoid looking like a needy guy with ulterior motives behind the "friendliness". This time it's backfired.

And there's no basis for a harrassment case, neither she nor anyone could accuse me of it. That's why "creep" is so misplaced. "*******", "ugly", "gross" even... and I wouldn't care nearly as much because that's all to do with personal dislike. But creep?... there's a major stigma attached.

I can't agree with your workplace game plan either. It sounds like a great way to create an utterly miserable environment full of paranoia, side-ways stares, one-upmanship. My colleagues aren't necessarily enemies - they can actually be of support - and that includes women here, most whom I get along well with. Your worldview is damn depressing.

 

[Trent]

Trent,
Pretty sure that it was that fact that I wasn't that friendly or approachable when she started that has motivated this attempt to character assassinate me. I have a habbit of being that way at first to avoid looking like a needy guy with ulterior motives behind the "friendliness". This time it's backfired.

And there's no basis for a harrassment case, neither she nor anyone could accuse me of it. That's why "creep" is so misplaced. "*******", "ugly", "gross" even... and I wouldn't care nearly as much because that's all to do with personal dislike. But creep?... there's a major stigma attached.

I can't agree with your workplace game plan either. It sounds like a great way to create an utterly miserable environment full of paranoia, side-ways stares, one-upmanship. My colleagues aren't necessarily enemies - they can actually be of support - and that includes women here, most whom I get along well with. Your worldview is damn depressing.

lol, yah, i hear ya

from the words used it sounds like i'm an absolute monster

the problem with the written word is that words have connotations and they conjure different images with different people

the truth of the matter is that i pull off what i described in a very non-threatening and pleasant fashion. i have an air of "i dont give a ****" at the same time as coming across as a fairly decent guy. most of my coworkers genuinely like me, truth be told.

it's just that, when i move about or conduct business...I AM ALL BUSINESS. that's what needed to be taken from my description. i don't interject my personal thoughts, fears, phobias, emotions, situations, friendships, bonding, or any other of that stuff into my work world.

why?

because i learned quite some time ago that people are more likely to screw you over if they feel that you are somehow INVESTED in your relations with them. i am speaking about in the work world, of course. in the past, when i've went out of my way to "smile" or "be pleasant" toward a female coworker (literally just to be friendly), i've received the same superbitch response.

so that taught me not to do it anymore. i've found that work environments are too full of backstabbers and opportunists to even attempt to be "friendly". now, that being said, i am exceedingly polite and cordial. but not at the expense of giving up my air of confidence.

yes, i do walk confident, head up, shoulders back, unapologetic expression on my face. yes, i avoid giddy giggles and out-of-place smiles or overt attempts to be friendly (especially with women). but i also don't behave like some angry monster, lol. that would not be good. quite the contrary, i'm approachable, calm, and respectful.

the part about not speaking to people, i can clarify. if a person has done me wrong, they know it, i know it, etc... i don't pretend like things are "okay" with that individual. i let them know with my facial expressions, voice tonality, and stance they they are my enemy because they have chosen to be. i don't act "nice" to these people. i will look right through them or even ignore them when spoken to. and i won't do it in a sneaky fashion. i will make it painfully obvious (when they attempt fake niceness). again though, i don't go out of my way to encounter them or to trudge around angry.

again, this is the danger of written words, they conjure different images with different people.

i don't work daily with ANY women. and i'm thankful for that fact. some of my worst work experiences have been with women. i've been sexually harassed and groped by a female manager and there was nothing i could do about because of societal norms and associated stereotypes.

just act aloof around this chick. it's probably your best defense. she will give up hopefully and decide to bully somebody else who appears to be more "fazed" by her attempts. your other option is to come out, guns blazing, and go right after her. to report her for harassment, namecalling, and the like. depending on how professional your work environment is though, this could possibly end in your being homeless and hungry and your boss's shlong inside the girl.

choices...

 

[IgnoredOne]

The golden rule: do unto others before they do to you.

 

[SophiaGrace]

The golden rule: do unto others before they do to you.

Already did that this week in rl.

My sense of being rejected and avoiding people borders on paranoia though. There's only so many times one can be rejected in rl before they start seeing phantoms and do pre-emptive measures to protect themselves.

---

the truth of the matter is that i pull off what i described in a very non-threatening and pleasant fashion. i have an air of "i dont give a ****" at the same time as coming across as a fairly decent guy. most of my coworkers genuinely like me truth be told.

Well, that's good.

 

[Gutted]

I'd confront her sometime. Ask what's so creepy about you. It hasn't happened to me. If it did, I doubt i'd stand for it.

 

[Trent]

The golden rule: do unto others before they do to you.

^ this

the way i see it, the OP has three options.

two of these three options are what most 'normal' people would come up with.

the third option is the sort of thing that i consider and have actually perpetrated on more than one occasion successfully

(i am speaking, of course, about a preemptive strike) i'm a chaotic neutral.

option #1: ignore her and be passive (risk her continuing and escalating until she forces her hand and gains the upper hand against you)

option #2: utilize the prescribed grievance process (report her, file a complaint, make it known, and risk being the bad guy and having things backfire in your face, especially if your workplace has a popularity contest sort of mentality)

option #3: work outside of the rules.

here are the steps:

1. wait
2. watch
3. diffuse
4. redirect
5. plan
6. execute
7. forget

1. wait for it to blow over
2. watch for her attention (or the situation) to move toward something else
3. diffuse any tension by whatever means you have to, be nice, cheerful, avoidant, whatever
4. redirect any negative energy that flows your way onto another item/object/individual
5. plan your strike
6. execute the strike
7. forget it ever happened and move on

wouldn't it be a shame if an anonymous call came in about someone seeing her sniffing something in the parking lot, only to have a small package of meth turn up on her desk somewhere?

damn...that...would be rough

not everybody can pull something like this off though. almost too many variables to calculate. the perfect vengeance is foolproof and flawless though. it always exists. it's like an equation. just solve the equation. apply yourself. make sure that bitch gets what she deserves.

 

[perfanoff]

I would like to put my junk in a hot female coworkers junk.


Just sayin.

.... Also I don't have any hot female coworkers.... or female coworkers at all.

Welcome to the club

---

I also agree with the playing "The Creep" song for her.