Called a "creep" at my workplace

[SofiasMami]

ardour, do you have coworkers that you hang out with? It might help to have a coworker or two to pal around with, sort of like human shields from the rude woman, if you will

-Teresa

 

[ladyforsaken]

Oh stop the bickering for goodness sake.

And I was about to ask a similar question Teresa did.. if perhaps you might have good people on your side who won't turn on you despite anything?

Alternatively, you could ask these people who just suddenly started distancing from you if something is wrong. They might end up being honest about things and tell you what's up.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Well try returning her smiles even if you don't really mean it.
See what happens. I have had loads of disputes at work and what I do is leave it for a few weeks and then just talk to them like nothing as happened. Most times they talk back and everything is forgotten.

She doesn't smile at me now, and we rarely cross paths. It's the effect of what's been said that has me worried.

If she has been spreading **** about you I would confront her about it.

 

[Paraiyar]

Well try returning her smiles even if you don't really mean it.
See what happens. I have had loads of disputes at work and what I do is leave it for a few weeks and then just talk to them like nothing as happened. Most times they talk back and everything is forgotten.

She doesn't smile at me now, and we rarely cross paths. It's the effect of what's been said that has me worried.

I know this is very easy for me to say and quite difficult for someone to actually do but don't worry. If she's going to be vindictive and spread stuff then the best thing you can do is put it out of your mind since her goal is to upset you. If she can't destabilize you then she's lost.

 

[ardour]

Alternatively, you could ask these people who just suddenly started distancing from you if something is wrong. They might end up being honest about things and tell you what's up.

I don't know them well enough to ask those sort of questions, and now I never will.

It's not like they would ever say "well I heard you're a creep, so I've decided to stop talking to you in case it's true.".

She has absolute free reign to say what she will about me. Anything I do will end up looking aggressive, reactionary and re-enforce whatever has been said.

 

[dd11]

I absolutely would not talk to them. That would just validate their power over you. They aren't suddenly going to have some Epiphany and fall on their sword and realize how rotten they are being to you. It is a very "mean girl" tactic. A lot of inneundo meant to try to discredit you. And, you can't really even go to HR, because if your bring that up, then they start thinking "oh maybe that person is a creep" and it puts that on their radar. It is a sucky situation to be in.
I think the best approach is to just go to work and do your job to the best of your ability. Oftentimes, the bitchy mean girls hang themselves and over time people usually wise up to who they are.

 

[Paraiyar]

I absolutely would not talk to them. That would just validate their power over you. They aren't suddenly going to have some Epiphany and fall on their sword and realize how rotten they are being to you. It is a very "mean girl" tactic. A lot of inneundo meant to try to discredit you. And, you can't really even go to HR, because if your bring that up, then they start thinking "oh maybe that person is a creep" and it puts that on their radar. It is a sucky situation to be in.
I think the best approach is to just go to work and do your job to the best of your ability. Oftentimes, the bitchy mean girls hang themselves and over time people usually wise up to who they are.

In my experience, the mean girl at work can't sustain an alliance with anyone for too long a period of time. It always ends in a conflict in the end until they've pissed off everyone.

 

[ardour]

I had a peek at her twitter posts once out of curiosity (yes, I know...), and have overheard her conversation. She's a mildly self-righteous hipster if anything, but not an overtly cruel social climber as has been suggested here.

I'd day she's used legitimate sounding feminist themes of male aggression, entitlement etc. to imply things about me ie. that I might be dangerous. As I'm naturally awkward and don't smile easily it would be an easy thing to do.

 

[ardour]

Okay so someone else has stopped talking to me. We were in the same courses, fairly well-acquainted, spoke when we ran into each other, and she e-mailed me a few times about some of the assignments. Last week I saw her at the enquiry desk, asked her about her plans for next year etc. *She who shall not be named* walked by and saw us talking.

This evening at the xmas party I tried to say hello and she just blanked me, looked away and walked off.

So *she who...* is warning off women she sees speaking to me.

And there's not a thing I can do about it.

 

[dd11]

I absolutely would not talk to them. That would just validate their power over you. They aren't suddenly going to have some Epiphany and fall on their sword and realize how rotten they are being to you. It is a very "mean girl" tactic. A lot of inneundo meant to try to discredit you. And, you can't really even go to HR, because if your bring that up, then they start thinking "oh maybe that person is a creep" and it puts that on their radar. It is a sucky situation to be in.
I think the best approach is to just go to work and do your job to the best of your ability. Oftentimes, the bitchy mean girls hang themselves and over time people usually wise up to who they are.

In my experience, the mean girl at work can't sustain an alliance with anyone for too long a period of time. It always ends in a conflict in the end until they've pissed off everyone.

This is a different acenario. Mean girl versus other women usually does play out that way. However this is mean girl vs man who is labeled. Do you have any idea what is being said specifically?

 

[kamya]

@twitter her and tell her to **** off

 

[ardour]

This is a different acenario. Mean girl versus other women usually does play out that way. However this is mean girl vs man who is labeled. Do you have any idea what is being said specifically?

Nobody has passed anything on to me. Going by the sudden change in attitudes from these other women it's something along the lines of me being potentially dangerous/threatening/creepy, someone to be careful around.

kamya: that'll just incite her to take it to a new level.

 

[SofiasMami]

Okay so someone else has stopped talking to me. We were in the same courses, fairly well-acquainted, spoke when we ran into each other, and she e-mailed me a few times about some of the assignments. Last week I saw her at the enquiry desk, asked her about her plans for next year etc. *She who shall not be named* walked by and saw us talking.

This evening at the xmas party I tried to say hello and she just blanked me, looked away and walked off.

So *she who...* is warning off women she sees speaking to me.

And there's not a thing I can do about it.

Is it possible you mis-read what happened at the party? The coworker you said hello to clearly had a pattern of prior interactions with you with no problems. Maybe she had to use the restroom or had a toothache or a sick relative at home she had to call and check on.
Why not pretend Lady Voldemort didn't walk by giving you two the side-eye and go on as before, saying hello and emailing at work. It sounds like the blank look at the party was an anomaly. Don't let the possibly mistaken belief "I can't be friends with women at work" become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

-Teresa

 

[ardour]

Is it possible you mis-read what happened at the party? The coworker you said hello to clearly had a pattern of prior interactions with you with no problems. Maybe she had to use the restroom or had a toothache or a sick relative at home she had to call and check on.
Why not pretend Lady Voldemort didn't walk by giving you two the side-eye and go on as before, saying hello and emailing at work. It sounds like the blank look at the party was an anomaly. Don't let the possibly mistaken belief "I can't be friends with women at work" become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

-Teresa

Nah she wasn't on her way out, she averted her eyes and walked right by me in this hurried manner on the way back to her seat. I've seen that look before, I know what it means.

 

[Paraiyar]

I absolutely would not talk to them. That would just validate their power over you. They aren't suddenly going to have some Epiphany and fall on their sword and realize how rotten they are being to you. It is a very "mean girl" tactic. A lot of inneundo meant to try to discredit you. And, you can't really even go to HR, because if your bring that up, then they start thinking "oh maybe that person is a creep" and it puts that on their radar. It is a sucky situation to be in.
I think the best approach is to just go to work and do your job to the best of your ability. Oftentimes, the bitchy mean girls hang themselves and over time people usually wise up to who they are.

In my experience, the mean girl at work can't sustain an alliance with anyone for too long a period of time. It always ends in a conflict in the end until they've pissed off everyone.

This is a different acenario. Mean girl versus other women usually does play out that way. However this is mean girl vs man who is labeled. Do you have any idea what is being said specifically?

Sure but I'm a man and I've had the mean girl after me in jobs before. They ended up falling out with their female friends and it was them and me against her.

 

[red guy]

Sorry if this post is stupid. There are too may pages to see where the current conversation started.
But going back to the thread title... if you can post about it is most likely you are not.
And I have 2 middle fingers for the world

 

[Triple Bogey]

Is it possible you mis-read what happened at the party? The coworker you said hello to clearly had a pattern of prior interactions with you with no problems. Maybe she had to use the restroom or had a toothache or a sick relative at home she had to call and check on.
Why not pretend Lady Voldemort didn't walk by giving you two the side-eye and go on as before, saying hello and emailing at work. It sounds like the blank look at the party was an anomaly. Don't let the possibly mistaken belief "I can't be friends with women at work" become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

-Teresa

Nah she wasn't on her way out, she averted her eyes and walked right by me in this hurried manner on the way back to her seat. I've seen that look before, I know what it means.

did you try and speak to her ?
Hello, something like that ?

 

[dd11]

Sorry if this post is stupid. There are too may pages to see where the current conversation started.
But going back to the thread title... if you can post about it is most likely you are not.
And I have 2 middle fingers for the world

That's fine. But, people have to earn a living and pay their bills. But, yes, he could just ignore her. Or, find a new job.

 

[BeyondShy]

Or, find a new job.

That's easier said than done.

 

[kamya]

Or, find a new job.

That's easier said than done.

I used to think getting that done was a lot harder. It really isn't that bad at all if you bother trying.