Called a "creep" at my workplace

[Poguesy]

It's just part of working life.

Some people you get on with and others are *s.

 

[Sterling]

Pog lol, you crack me up.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

People can be real ******** sometimes.

The thing about the world is that it is full of both good, and bad, people. The issue is being able to deal with both of them, without going insane.

 

[ardour]

I’m sorry to dredge this old topic up but the person is continuing to be a problem. I get the distinct impression she’s going around warning people off me.

She does the same postgraduate course; we’re in the same papers.
I used to get along well enough with a few women in those papers (there are mostly women enrolled), but now I’ve noticed most have stopped saying hi and generally seem wary, and about the same time as they pal up with this person.

It was obvious this morning while at on older staff member’s farewell. I said hi and tried to start a conversation with someone in the course who was always saying hi previously and seemed eager to talk. After about 15 seconds she abruptly made some excuse about wanting to get something to eat and walked off. Next I see her talking to a bunch of other people. Obviously just wanted to get away. I felt like garbage.

I don’t know what to do about this Queen Bee, now a permanent fixture here.

The only friends I have at the moment are from work, I can’t just leave.

 

[Veruca]

Geez what is this woman's problem?

Its probably not the same thing but I was in a similar position once where a girl spread a rumour about me and everyone started avoiding me. At first I tried to be nice so everyone would realize that I wasnt as the rumour had made me seem. But people love drama so they continued being jerks.

Eventually I just told myself screw them. I started being super sarcastic and tough. As in I would avoid talking to them directly but I would also be annoying. Like if a group of people were whispering about me and stopped abruptly when I came, Id go over and smile sweetly and ask how they all were. Lets just say my behaviour started to really scare them and eventually they realized that I was not who they thought I was.

I think standing up for yourself is the best thing to do but it doesnt have to be obvious. That said, we cant assume that the reason people are being weird is because of this woman per say. I would just continue being as polite and nice as possible. If things dont change and people act weirder, then Id just ignore them. Id be tough and act like I didnt care what they thought (once you do this people usually come around). Its basically fake toughness but it has worked for me in the past.

Hope things improve for your A

 

[SofiasMami]

Wow, this lady is still around after 3 years? That stinks. I would try to avoid her as much as possible and carry on with the coworkers you count as friends like she doesn't exist. Because who is she, really? Some rude person who is able to get foolish people to follow her? Meh.
At a job I worked at over a decade ago, I was friends with a wide group. Eventually, there was some type of whispering going on about me and I stopped being friends with most of them (I never did figure out what the whispering was about).
I eventually left that job and I try to just keep my head down and work at my current job. I don't friend coworkers on social media and I spend very little time outside work with coworkers. On the plus side, I don't stand around at work socializing as much and I get a lot of work done, which makes my bosses happy

-Teresa

 

[VanillaCreme]

This was three years ago she initially was rude to you. She needs to get over it.

 

[ardour]

Well, as I said somewhere, apparently I was rude by not returning her smiles, not responding the way she wanted at the time.

She's here to stay. This isn't going to end any time soon.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Yeah, so basically you faced something I have to face almost daily. It did one advantage to me that it improved a lot of my vocabulary as they throw new words upon me sometimes.

It has to do with your looks. Believe me, if you don't look good, whatever you do, wont look good.
AND YES, by looks I don't mean just face and body, it has to do with your image.
If your face and body are good, your first image is good. And now if you have a good voice, people will say (or think), "Wow, he is a GREAT PERSON." But if you don't have a good physique, they wont even notice your voice unless you are a great singer.

So now if you are a person with good body and good looks, they will listen to you. If you don't have one or both of them, it will be difficult.

If they listen to you, they get the image of your personality. Which is mostly good already if you are handsome (believe me).


For handsome people, not being rude is the only thing required to show as a good personality. But for others, their honesty, loyalty, etc. is judged more. And people find ways to see the fault in them.
This goes on and on. New traits are discovered one after another. And all of them depend on the previous. Which means they depend on the root one "Your looks"
So, if you are not handsome, that's the root problem.
This is the real truth.
Women will say that this is not true. But if you have been a low self esteem guy, you will know.
My answer wont change.

 

[EveWasFramed]

*snort*

 

[BeyondShy]

This was three years ago she initially was rude to you. She needs to get over it.

Well VanillaCreme that's the curse of having a long memory. God knows I have it.

 

[dd11]

There are simply people in the world who are aholes. And try to hurt other people. That is wrong but people get away with it. She doesnt like you and so what? I would just ignore her. But if she bites me i would
bite pack in a cool but snippy professional way that makes my point but not overtly. And play a little passive agressive with her. It's amazing what u can accidently forget.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Yeah, so basically you faced something I have to face almost daily. It did one advantage to me that it improved a lot of my vocabulary as they throw new words upon me sometimes.

It has to do with your looks. Believe me, if you don't look good, whatever you do, wont look good.
AND YES, by looks I don't mean just face and body, it has to do with your image.
If your face and body are good, your first image is good. And now if you have a good voice, people will say (or think), "Wow, he is a GREAT PERSON." But if you don't have a good physique, they wont even notice your voice unless you are a great singer.

So now if you are a person with good body and good looks, they will listen to you. If you don't have one or both of them, it will be difficult.

If they listen to you, they get the image of your personality. Which is mostly good already if you are handsome (believe me).


For handsome people, not being rude is the only thing required to show as a good personality. But for others, their honesty, loyalty, etc. is judged more. And people find ways to see the fault in them.
This goes on and on. New traits are discovered one after another. And all of them depend on the previous. Which means they depend on the root one "Your looks"
So, if you are not handsome, that's the root problem.
This is the real truth.
Women will say that this is not true. But if you have been a low self esteem guy, you will know.
My answer wont change.

No offense but what a load of garbage !
What planet are you on ?

---

Well, as I said somewhere, apparently I was rude by not returning her smiles, not responding the way she wanted at the time.

She's here to stay. This isn't going to end any time soon.

Well try returning her smiles even if you don't really mean it.
See what happens. I have had loads of disputes at work and what I do is leave it for a few weeks and then just talk to them like nothing as happened. Most times they talk back and everything is forgotten.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Well try returning her smiles even if you don't really mean it.

No offense but what a load of garbage !
What planet are you on ?

 

[Triple Bogey]

Well try returning her smiles even if you don't really mean it.

No offense but what a load of garbage !
What planet are you on ?

It's called getting along with people.
And at work you have to.

C'mon read back what you wrote, it's silly, nonsense.

 

[M_also_lonely]

It's called getting along with people.
And at work you have to.

Then keep doing it.

what you wrote, it's silly, nonsense.

Then ignore it.

 

[Triple Bogey]

It's called getting along with people.
And at work you have to.

Then keep doing it.

I don't. I meant the other guy who was having problems with a woman from his work. I was suggesting something.

what you wrote, it's silly, nonsense.

Then ignore it.

It was too daft to ignore.

 

[Despicable Me]

Well try returning her smiles even if you don't really mean it.

No offense but what a load of garbage !
What planet are you on ?

It's called getting along with people.
And at work you have to.

C'mon read back what you wrote, it's silly, nonsense.

I actually have to agree. Smiling back at people, even when it doesn't mean anything, is very important to just staying part of society. The easiest way to get called a "creep" or anything else is to always look angry or upset or something, or even if you look like you feel nothing at all. People just don't respond well to it. That includes all of us. It's just not very pleasant dealing with or talking to someone who might look angry, upset, or 'spaced-out'. It's a natural reaction.
Sometimes in a work-environment it's important to smile just because you've got to keep seeing those people everyday and things get stressful if there is any tension among co-workers, like in ardour's case.

To be honest, after three years of the same problem and convincing others not to talk to him, I'd say that's more of an HR department problem at that point. I think it probably could have been solved a lot sooner like TB stated, just by smiling and chit-chatting, but at this point I think that is out the window.

M, you're not talking about a work-environment, though. Although I think the smiling thing always works, there is more pressure in general society for some of us to be something that we're not. And if we don't fit into those expectations then there isn't much we can do to make it so people don't hate us. I don't think it's necessarily being 'ugly' or not looking good or anything like that, but that does contribute, too.

 

[ardour]

Well try returning her smiles even if you don't really mean it.
See what happens. I have had loads of disputes at work and what I do is leave it for a few weeks and then just talk to them like nothing as happened. Most times they talk back and everything is forgotten.

She doesn't smile at me now, and we rarely cross paths. It's the effect of what's been said that has me worried.

 

[M_also_lonely]

It's called getting along with people.
And at work you have to.

Then keep doing it.

I don't. I meant the other guy who was having problems with a woman from his work. I was suggesting something.

what you wrote, it's silly, nonsense.

Then ignore it.

It was too daft to ignore.

Then dont ignore.