can the internet satisfy your social needs?

[Ekstra]

Besides that, I feel that interacting with another person through the internet is so much easier than even interacting to your friends.

Thats very true...but why is it so much easier? It is easier because it is missing an entire dimension isn't it? It is a simpler relationship that is very stable but it can't handle the complexities of proper human interaction, it just can't get as complex as a real relationship and if you think it is, be careful. I'm sure plenty of people would get along online,even though hey wouldn't give each other the time of day in real life. It sounds like I'm making a generous assumption but couldn't you imagine yourself getting along well online with someone you wouldn't like on real life, online? Does that mean they're a bad person in real life or just misunderstood in real life?

i did get attached to some people through the Internet and those people mean everything to me,,,,never did i find a truer friendship then on the Internet we exchange and we communicate and help each other alote

You can exchange and communicate and help each other because it is a a medium of communication, and the internet is certainly adequate for what you say. If you need someone to talk to because you're lonely or you just need someone to tell you something good about yourself, you can get it on the internet. Is that all what a friendship is? I don't think it is, I think it lacks action, you can't truely comfort someone on the otherside of the country aside from letting them know you're listening.

I'm not saying it is a farce, else I wouldn't be here. But consider why it is easy to make "friends" online? Is it entirely because people are more open and nicer here and real life is a prison? Or maybe it is because you're missing a part of the picture? There is a reason online relationships aren't as volatile as real life relationship but it can be much more ruthless than a real life relationship. You don't have fights with people you IM with, hate each other for a bit and go back to being friends. In that way it feels quite formal and scripted doesn't it?

P.S....Didn't my "we are shadows" comment sound kind of cool?

I apologize for making light of anyone's feelings, I'm trying to be as objective as I can though my position might seem harsh, but it really isn't as harsh as it sounds. I also speak from personal experiences, I admit im not authority so no reason to be hurt by what I say.

 

[NewBirth]

If you're too honest for your own good you'll hurt yourself. I've seen it happen and it has happened to me.

being 2 honest doesnt cause u pain. its other ppl who make bad decisions who cause the pain

My point is don't think about the person behind the monitor because to them, you might just be a screen name when anything goes wrong.

this says 2 me... if u cant beat them - join them. & i could never employ that type of philosophy in my life. then i would b no better than they r

Don't get too emotionally attached and don't try to enter/interfere with their real life.

im sorry u got hurt. but i hope someday u realize that not everybody online is like this
i thought like u 4 a long time when i was repeatedly burned online. but i had 2 let that go. & only when i did that could i even start 2 interact w/ppl online on a healthy level... instead of viewing it all like some type of survivalistic war

 

[Lost in the Oilfield]

If you're too honest for your own good you'll hurt yourself. I've seen it happen and it has happened to me.

being 2 honest doesnt cause u pain. its other ppl who make bad decisions who cause the pain

My point is don't think about the person behind the monitor because to them, you might just be a screen name when anything goes wrong.

this says 2 me... if u cant beat them - join them. & i could never employ that type of philosophy in my life. then i would b no better than they r

Don't get too emotionally attached and don't try to enter/interfere with their real life.

im sorry u got hurt. but i hope someday u realize that not everybody online is like this
i thought like u 4 a long time when i was repeatedly burned online. but i had 2 let that go. & only when i did that could i even start 2 interact w/ppl online on a healthy level... instead of viewing it all like some type of survivalistic war

I agree with you Ekstra that much is lost in communicating with someone only through the Internet... but I gotta agree with New Birth's observations... I been meeting people online for 16 to 17 years.

I been burned by believing in people online, but that's only been with a handful of people. I've met two people online that turned out to be pretty much exactly the same in person as the were online (the only real differences I noticed with both of them were physical).

 

[sweetviki]

There is nothing wrong with having friends online it can help open up and have someone to talk to. However online relationships are not whole there is alot missing and thats why its easier to talk online. Body language can tell so much about a person and who they are and physical contact is essential but when the relationship is online that part goes away. Its ok to have people online that you can talk to and relate to but if thats all there is and people dont try to go out an communicate its really unhealthy and the longer you do that the harder it is to go back out there again.

 

[unlucky]

This is my day wake up go online, go to work, go to college,go home get online and then go to bed (repeat).I have no adult friends or acquaintance offline and my "Friendship/acquaintance " are all online.I only have 2-3 online buddies that i would like to meet offline one day and the rest are people i talk too on online messageboards.
I'm trying to find reliable friends offline but it's hard.I only briefly chit chit with co-workers and students at my college but nobody worth the time. I'm also trying to socialize but that's not workign out either. I really wish i could socialize with my 2-3 online buddies offline.My life would have a balance finally.

 

[zwh]

The internet and social life. Where do I even start...

One of my worst memories so far in life was me sitting in my room at the ripe age of 14, years ago. Home alone with the dog, dad at work. Warm, late afternoon summer day. I'm there at my computer, chatting, messaging, all that. I'd been online since I woke that morning, only leaving my room to eat or for a bathroom break. That was my daily routine and life - Chatting online.
I remember my window was slightly cracked ajar, I could feel the breeze coming in. I could hear young kids playing outside. Birds chirping. The low muffle of a lawn mower running. In an instant I felt my first taste of extreme loneliness. It was a sick feeling in my gut. That sickly weighed feeling in your chest, what I like to call feeling "heavy".

It was a sudden realization that I should be elsewhere, doing more valuable things with my time. Why wasn't I with my friends? Why wasn't I talking to girls? Playing baseball? Why wasn't I out getting into trouble? These people online couldn't fill that role.

The damn computer was an addiction. I couldn't lay off.

Getting back on topic, yes I think you can make good friendships online. It's easy to freely talk and be who you are, get straight to the chase. None of that getting to know another stuff you do in person. Online friendships are good. I have a few "close" online friends, and am glad I have them.

But I do not consider these entirely "true" relationships or friendships. I think they only fill one part of the social friends/relationship spectrum. Just the words/talking part, which I feel is only 10% or so of a real social experience. Kind of like hearing only part of a music mix, with some instruments missing. Doesn't feel "complete".

I did meet my first serious girlfriend online, talked to her for nearly 4 years before ever meeting. Why did it take 4 years to meet, you ask? She lied to me and avoided meeting me for years because she was too self conscious about her looks. Pretty common to lie online. We did end up dating later on for 9 or so months, in person, and it was a normal relationship from there. I would NEVER do it again though. SO much time wasted. So much time spent sitting there lonely, dreaming of my ideal social self.

There are too many vital qualities in a real face to face relationship that anything online could never top.

I HIGHLY recommend to seek real, tangible relationships with people you can actually see and be around. I'm still struggling with this myself, and still have a sort of computer "addiction". I've wasted a lot of valuable time online that could've been spent some place much more rewarding. But I've been in this internet routine and mode for so long it's nearly impossible for me to go without.

I really wish I had more real social relationships. Most of my time is spent online or alone. Most of the people my age spend most of their spare time hanging with friends. I really wish I could be more like this myself. I feel the online experience has really tainted my social development as a whole, but that's my own fault and it's too late now. I do my best to socialize more, but the truth is I don't really know how or where to start, so I sorta just linger on and get what I can.

 

[frey12]

Ekstra Wrote:
You don't have fights with people you IM with, hate each other for a bit and go back to being friends.

Ive actually done that before which is funny. Granted I dont do the IM fight thing online but they were plenty upset I was just enjoying myself for the fight. But the hate each other thing was because I had got in a fight with them but they said they missed talking to me and we went back to be friends again.

Anyway its unfornate you had those options zwh I honestly had no major social interaction before that point in my life and I wasnt playing outside anymore at 14. Pretty much stopped after I turned 11. But I spent most of my time inside anyway so as far as intenet was concerned I am glad it was there because their was no one. I was alone before I am alone after highschool and I dont entirely care at this moment.

 

[mink]

Besides that, I feel that interacting with another person through the internet is so much easier than even interacting to your friends.

It is a simpler relationship that is very stable but it can't handle the complexities of proper human interaction, it just can't get as complex as a real relationship and if you think it is, be careful.

Why do you say be careful? Have you been through something like this before?

I'm sure plenty of people would get along online,even though hey wouldn't give each other the time of day in real life. It sounds like I'm making a generous assumption but couldn't you imagine yourself getting along well online with someone you wouldn't like on real life, online? Does that mean they're a bad person in real life or just misunderstood in real life?

This will depend how honest they are online about their real lives. If the situation goes like how you said? It still depends on the how I think they are in real life. So either a bad person or just misunderstood depends on my likings for them. Can't say in general cos so far the online people I've met are not similar. And well maybe I'm lucky that I've met more good people than bad.

 

[zwh]

Besides that, I feel that interacting with another person through the internet is so much easier than even interacting to your friends.

It is a simpler relationship that is very stable but it can't handle the complexities of proper human interaction, it just can't get as complex as a real relationship and if you think it is, be careful.

Why do you say be careful? Have you been through something like this before?

I'm sure plenty of people would get along online,even though hey wouldn't give each other the time of day in real life. It sounds like I'm making a generous assumption but couldn't you imagine yourself getting along well online with someone you wouldn't like on real life, online? Does that mean they're a bad person in real life or just misunderstood in real life?

This will depend how honest they are online about their real lives. If the situation goes like how you said? It still depends on the how I think they are in real life. So either a bad person or just misunderstood depends on my likings for them. Can't say in general cos so far the online people I've met are not similar. And well maybe I'm lucky that I've met more good people than bad.

I've met plenty of people from online. I've yet to have a bad experience. Only one was for dating/relationship purposes though. The rest are from selling stuff online or meeting people from various clubs I'm involved in. I think it's very dangerous to meet people in person for dating purposes though. Be careful. Just my opinion.

 

[mink]

I've met plenty of people from online. I've yet to have a bad experience. Only one was for dating/relationship purposes though. The rest are from selling stuff online or meeting people from various clubs I'm involved in. I think it's very dangerous to meet people in person for dating purposes though. Be careful. Just my opinion.

I see, okay, thank you.
I guess in whatever we do, we must always be careful. But there are times when you can take a risk...then all you can do is hope for the best.

 

[evanescencefan91]

I don't know

But at the very least it gives me something to do, it's a good distraction,

I always get most lonely when I'm bored

 

[Bluey]

Yea me two, I agree with all that. Keeping busy helps and the nets good for that

 

[Styx]

Ekstra and Matt pretty much covered what I would have to say about socializing on the internet, and to boot, they worded it better than I would of done.
Internet relations have ripped my psyche, ultimately causing more irreversible damage than what was already there to begin with. There's also a very sobering thought after the pain dies down; questioning you and your ability to handle life if people that promised you the world via text end up leaving you rejected and permanently scarred.

I've got nothing to live for, yet I continue to exist anyway. Oh, the brutal irony.



Threw in the last line for good measure. Now add two eggs and a cup of milk.

 

[Vitalis]

I think Internet is not good or bad for itself, it just boost your natural tendencies. So if you're a loner, Internet will increase it. If you're really sociable, it will help you too.

 

[tennisgirl]

Knowing that I have some friends online makes me feel more confident in the real world. I don't know how that works though but when I've had a particularly bad day, it's nice to know there is someone there who I can talk to, even if they live miles away, b/c I don't really have anyone like that to talk to in real life.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

Absolutely, I do believe the internet can be a great way to socialize. I don't think it's unhealthy, so long as you keep it in perspective. I have some coworkers with whom I talk/eat during breaks and so forth, and even once in a while we'll hang out together (especially happy hour on Fridays, which for me is not-so-happy hour, because I know that no one there is a true friend in whom I can confide), but the thing is, it's not the same as true emotional connection.

The internet is wonderful in that you can share as much or as little of yourself as you are comfortable with sharing. One of my coworkers has an issue with hairloss, which he feels makes him less attractive or approachable. Online, no one has to know what he looks like (not that I in any way think he should let anyone make him feel inferior). If the fact that someone online doesn't get to see you makes you feel more comfortable with initiating or joining in a conversation, then so be it. Eventually it can translate into real life. Okay, scratch that... I really hate the term real life, because sometimes the people we meet and develop relationships with online are more "real" than the people we see around us each day.

So, perhaps the point is that internet can be a wonderful way to meet and befriend people we might never have the opportunity to meet, whether it be an issue of physical distance, emotional security, relationship status, orientation, etc. Online, you're just one person talking to another, and connections can be made regardless of who you are or where you come from. Nothing is unnatural about it at all.

 

[Arianna]

Absolutely, I do believe the internet can be a great way to socialize. I don't think it's unhealthy, so long as you keep it in perspective. I have some coworkers with whom I talk/eat during breaks and so forth, and even once in a while we'll hang out together (especially happy hour on Fridays, which for me is not-so-happy hour, because I know that no one there is a true friend in whom I can confide), but the thing is, it's not the same as true emotional connection.

The internet is wonderful in that you can share as much or as little of yourself as you are comfortable with sharing. One of my coworkers has an issue with hairloss, which he feels makes him less attractive or approachable. Online, no one has to know what he looks like (not that I in any way think he should let anyone make him feel inferior). If the fact that someone online doesn't get to see you makes you feel more comfortable with initiating or joining in a conversation, then so be it. Eventually it can translate into real life. Okay, scratch that... I really hate the term real life, because sometimes the people we meet and develop relationships with online are more "real" than the people we see around us each day.

So, perhaps the point is that internet can be a wonderful way to meet and befriend people we might never have the opportunity to meet, whether it be an issue of physical distance, emotional security, relationship status, orientation, etc. Online, you're just one person talking to another, and connections can be made regardless of who you are or where you come from. Nothing is unnatural about it at all.

Yup!

I agree..

unless you were unnatural to begin with..

 

[Skorian]

Well, considering the fact I haven't really been close to anyone IRL since like 6th grade... Not counting family. I guess in part I would blame that on the net. Though I might be in even worse shape without it considering how I got that way in the first place.

As I have gotten older though I have realized that people who aren't connected with you in real life can just disapear to easily. Also a large part of friendship is helping people out when they need it. Not a whole lot you can do for people through the net.

I have gotten into a horrible habbit of getting attached to no one online. Which is even worse then back when I would. I have a horrible habbit of getting to know people a little and then just going somewhere else. I started a myspace page to try to work to stop the habbit, but in 2 years time pretty much the only way anyone talks to me is if I start the conversation. Which I almost never do. Which is part of why I game. I have to have some reason to talk to people. Only I have the same darned habbit in games and get bored with things and move from one thing to another.

I am horribly reclusive. Sadly it just seems to get worse as I get older and more set in my ways. I often wish someone would just pin me down and force me to talk...

 

[Skorian]

"Yea me two, I agree with all that. Keeping busy helps and the nets good for that "

The only problem is it is like a time warp. It never actually solves the problem and it just makes time go by real fast. I outright look at my computer kind of like some people look at alcohol. It numbs the pain, but it just seems to make things worse. Only problem is it's all I got and I am addicted. Though a big part of the problem s that even if I am around people I am to shy to do anything other then just try to blend in.

I used to pride myself on being invisible. Now, I pretty much hate it. Though truthfully I also still like it at the same time. It's safer and more comfortable to be invisible.

 

[finalfantasi]

uuh I think if I didn't have the internet I probably would be more lonely. Probably just stay home and play games all day and just have my family to talk to! At least with internet I can have some sort of "social" interaction with other people even if it's not irl. Online friends have really helped me when I was feeling really down. It's better than having no to talk to at all. I can talk on the phone and use webcam too. But yeah >.< in a way I think it hinders me further maybe... if I didn't have internet, maybe I would try harder to make friends outside. I still try though, it's just hard. Overall, it probably doesn't satisfy my social needs, but it helps. It would be nice to make a close real life freind.. or at least move a good online friend to real life.