Do you ever feel like you "missed the train"?

[TheSolitaryMan]

Sounds stupid I guess, but do you ever feel like perhaps romantic inexperience in the past has messed you up in the present? I'm curious if others feel like this because it's something that I feel is very much the case with my life.

Basically my teen years were really crappy. I was bullied most of the time and it was only in my late teens that it stopped. I was unfit until I was about 19, so pretty much physically unattractive to girls.

That meant that hugging, simple kissing, all that kind of "innocent teen romance" stuff never happened for me. I never asked a girl out anywhere either.

Now I'm 21, with no change in experience. Girls have been flirting with me quite a lot lately, but I always feel acutely awkward because it's always in a highly sexual sense. Girls just assume that I know about all that stuff I guess, so I get very embarrassed and just don't know what to think or say :\

I just want to simply hold a girl's hand, or learn what kissing is like, but most agreeable ladies I meet jump straight to heavy innuendo/close dancing/outright offering of pretty rude stuff.

It's not that I don't want sex or that level of a relationship and I know more experienced guys would probably appreciate that sort of flirting. But when girls do that with me, it's like I'm being pushed in the pool at the deep end.

Anyone know what I'm getting at, or am I just rambling like a wally?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

No,.....

Ive been in serveral train wrecks, though. It was hella fun!!!!!!!

 

[Fragile]

I get you, I'm 25 and in a similiar situation. Altough I had a girlfriend a few years back, but it all happened so fast and she ended up cheating on me and treating me like crap. I feel very inexperienced and frustrated.

 

[Felix]

It happened to me to, girl talks to me, I feel akward and retreat... Really sucks.

I guess there's nothing much to do, I just try to put myself out there to get used to social interaction.

One could ask why this happens... maybe a part of me just wants to be alone. Fear of the unknown... so that leads me to the conclusion that I need to put myself out there more. Perhaps try to be mentally ready for when an opportunity arises.

 

[Fragile]

At least you have girls talk to you. I don't even get that.

 

[Bones]

Yes, I did - I am over the hill now and descending rapidly - i have had relationships, but never found the one - sooner or later, i always got cheated on - when my ex wife did, i divorced her - i really do not know why i could never find a faithful, loving significant other - it was never in the cards for me.

 

[Trent]

once you stop seeking things from other people and just exist, you will become a human lie detector.

it's creepy.

you will immediately discern the intent of everyone who crosses your path.

false words will echo in your head and you will know lies without a moment's notice.

lies of the mouth or lies of the heart.

the good part of this, for the first time in your life you can actively be open to finding "the one".

because up until then, you were seeking "any one".

you will see that you are the biggest liar of all.

you lie to yourself. you lie about the lies of others. you refuse to see the things in front of you.

until you attain a place of non-neediness, you will never find the one.

you are the one, neo.

 

[passage]

I would suggest try finding a "shyer" girl. Take it slower (relative to what most other people in our generation do), and be honest with her when the time comes for kissing, sex..etc. Also, try not to look for love, or compare yourself to others. If it feels right and feels good, just do it. Having said this, as a male you still have to be the one to make the blatantly obvious move (99.9% of the time with shy girls), like asking her to "hang out". But ya find a nicer, shyer girl. They rock!

Alternatively, you could go with the more experienced and not so subtle girls. Just jump into it. But again, be honest about your lack of experience. But given that you said that you find sexual innuendos and "dirty dancing" as rude I wouldn't suggest that for you (not that I'm a psychologist or anything)

Also a lot of the concepts you have in your mind like "innocent teen love" and all the Disney garbage don't really exist. I mean sometimes people experience that stuff, but it isn't as common as you think.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Alternatively, you could go with the more experienced and not so subtle girls. Just jump into it. But again, be honest about your lack of experience. But given that you said that you find sexual innuendos and "dirty dancing" as rude I wouldn't suggest that for you (not that I'm a psychologist or anything)

I was in a bar last week socially with some friends. I ended up talking to a girl that a friend introduced to me, because I didn't know anyone else there.

Anyway, she was friendly enough. But she spent most of the evening enthusiastically talking to me in not-so-subtle terms about how great oral sex apparently is, which immediately made me feel really out of place.

So it's not so much me just being ridiculously prudish , but it's more like that sort of stuff is just so casual to many girls now, they don't seem to realise that people like me feel really awkward with it I guess o_0

But I think you're right, shy girls seem less prone to that sort of presumption. Problem is I just never know if shy girls like me, so I never get anywhere with them full stop XD

Bones, that's terribly sad I hope you haven't given up completely, there must be someone out there for you somewhere.

 

[edgecrusher]

that has always been a concern for me. i guess ill find out if it really is if i can ever get to meet someone that i have been talking to online for like a year now. good thing about us talking online for that long before we meet is that she knows how i am when it comes to this. she knows i am very shy and that i have anxiety issues with it and she is ok with that. i think that it wont take her very long to get over shyness with me and she will be the one to initiate things.

 

[Callie]

While I've had a lot of relationships, I kind of feel this way. My teen years were a bit on the wild side, with the drugs and the alcohol and the guys. Then I got married, which didn't exactly turn out well. I missed out on the "romance" aspect of relationships, as I've never really been with a guy that was romantic. I've never really had a guy that wasn't a completely selfish *******.

 

[Ak5]

You miss the train when you're buried under a tombstone.

 

[In a lonely place]

I feel like I've been run over by it sometimes

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am approaching 30 with no first kiss.

However, I don't feel discouraged by this. I have been in the past, but I have so much to look forward to, that I need to stop beating myself up over it. I have the rest of my life to live...screw my insecure 20's, 30's is where I'm going to make my mark in the dating realm!

 

[aribeth]

I don't worry too much about missing the train yet. Tho the dating pond is getting smaller as I get older. I not getting any younger and I'm aging in looks, and I have put on weight, I still keep trying. I had a guy 2 years ago for about a year, and last year I had a guy for a month. Quickest relationship I ever been in too. I spent years with no dating also when my son was growing up. Dating threatened him. He wanted me with nobody , just wanted me to himself. He was just a very protected son.

My mom didn't remarry till her 60's so there's still hope for me.lol But the pond is shrinking in size and most men I don't fancy being with. And long distance relationships aren't my thing. So I can only guess what my prospects will be. Can only keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

 

[DiscoSpider]

Ha ha, yeah that's happened to me a lot too...

I've missed many opportunities. Sometimes I'm very oblivious and don't even know someone is interested (and if I find out, it's too late, they're into or with someone else) and other times, I may find out they're interested but I have no idea what to do or say.

I told a close friend of mine (a female - just a friend) that I have absolutely -zero- experience with girls and intimacy, and that even includes kissing (I've never kissed). I mean, I've been on dates, but nothing happens from them or nothing ever comes out of them. My friend was really shocked then claimed she wants to try and play cupid with me... I'm not keen, I've had a friend try that role before and it didn't exactly work out...

 

[Bob Arctor]

Sometimes I feel more like I missed the boat, but then who wants to get stuck out at sea?

 

[blackdot]

I have found that there never were any trains.

 

[Ashariel]

I caught the train, but then got thrown off it 15 years later... You can't win, I tell you!

 

[Among the Sleep]

Ugh, I know all too well what you mean. I'm 23 and I've never had a real girlfriend.

In high school I was kinda the same way...didn't really get bullied, but I was kinda overweight, really shy, totally felt like girls didn't like me and that they never would. Looking back I know I kind of wasted that time of my life in a romantic sense. Maybe my standards were too high, maybe my lack of confidence is what completely crippled me...but regardless, I totally missed out on the whole teenage romance thing. I know I didn't really miss out on that much, I know that if I had had a girlfriend, we would've stayed together for a year or two and then broken up like everyone else. It's not the end of the world. But I still feel slighted.

But the real damage that it did is how it influenced my attitude towards girls now. I'm basically an average looking guy, not ugly, not the type who will ever really get laid just based on my looks. But just recently even, I've had two different girls tell me via text that I'm "adorable", one of which was very pretty. When I look back on girls that I've hung out with over the years, I have so many moments of thinking "Man...I could've TOTALLY banged her! How did I miss those signs?". But that's how it happens. I sorta missed the formative years of the whole guy-girl game, so even now when a girl is flirting with me it's hard to tell, and even if I pick up on it I'm not sure how to react.

All I can really do is hope that I find an understanding girl who I really connect with. Those are hard to come by, though. But at the end of the day, I'm only 23. I'm still in my prime. So I haven't given up yet, it's way too early to close the book on the whole romantic relationship thing. But uhhh, yeah...I know EXACTLY what you're saying.