AmyTheTemperamental said:The Language of Letting Go - Jan 25 - Step One
I am powerless over alcohol. I will never be able to drink, and be normal with it. I can't even imagine what it would be like to drink normally.
The last month of my drinking, shaped this realization. It was like all of the bad things I had done over the years, suddenly formed into one month of living.
Crying in the bar every night, waking up in strange houses, not knowing the names of the people I brought home, and suicide attempts. My last night of drinking, I threw tantrum. I wanted to die. It was the first night, a man was kind enough to walk me home and not expect a happy ending. I blacked out, and came to standing over the grill at work, cooking eggs. I was broken.
That person has always been a stranger to me. What used to be fun, had become as disastrous and hateful as everything I felt inside. As I sobered up over the first week, I found myself sitting in the bar after work, watching. They were all ridiculous. They were me. And they all kept telling me, "You weren't that bad". It got to the point where I couldn't spend five minutes in there. And eventually, I left that job altogether. I knew how bad I had been. What more did I need?
I think the universe likes to give me subtle reminders every now and then. A friend of mine, was drunk and dropped a bottle of wine in the bathroom at my new workplace, a little while back. When I asked him why he hadn't left it in the vehicle, his embarrassment over his struggles was obvious. I remember that shame.
The first step is also one of pride for me. I embraced it fully, after that last night of drinking. There was no more denial once I got there.
AmyTheTemperamental said:^ Please feel free to post here as much as you like. You have a wonderful story to share.
I completely understand the addiction to relationships, and the codependency that comes with it. It really causes us to live in a fantasy, before it smacks us right in the face.
Thank you for continuing to share your story and fight for your recovery. I do believe the more we heal, the better we are for the people who are meant to be around us.
iseestars said:It's been a rough day but I'm feeling good. There's this peace I never really felt before and I'm feeling it now... I always wanted to find happiness in life but the pursue of happiness made me feel sad all the time, because I was chasing ghosts. Now I'm starting to enjoy the simple things and I realise that for me happiness is made of many simple moments , all put together. I feel I'm finally on the right path now. I never want to lose myself again. I will do everything I can to remain on this path. This restless heart of mine used to be in constant pain. The pain diminished now. I feel so grateful... Thank you, World!
[font=Roboto, HelveticaNeue, Arial, sans-serif]" I've been flailing like a child[/font]AmyTheTemperamental said:iseestars said:It's been a rough day but I'm feeling good. There's this peace I never really felt before and I'm feeling it now... I always wanted to find happiness in life but the pursue of happiness made me feel sad all the time, because I was chasing ghosts. Now I'm starting to enjoy the simple things and I realise that for me happiness is made of many simple moments , all put together. I feel I'm finally on the right path now. I never want to lose myself again. I will do everything I can to remain on this path. This restless heart of mine used to be in constant pain. The pain diminished now. I feel so grateful... Thank you, World!
Reading your stuff reminds me of this song
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