Finally at peace

[Iceman1978]

Scotsman, Thank you for your honesty. I'm glad that your niece adds joy and happiness to your life. I wish that I could say that I add happiness to the lives of my family members, but I don't believe I do, so I don't see how this makes me selfish. If anything, I should have done this a long time ago and saved them a lot of grief.

I disagree. If you're so certain you bring nothing to the lives of those around you, why don't you just make sure by asking them? Your mother, for example, carried you, gave birth to you and nurtured you,she loves you unconditionally and she will get joy from your presence that you're unaware of. You are a part of who she is. You die, a part of her dies. And no parent should bury their child.

I understand what you're saying. A second-cousin (and childhood friend of mine) took his own life when he was just 13, and I saw first hand what it did to his parents.

I don't understand how my mother or father could receive joy from my presence. They have seen the way I've suffered for so many years. Would they want me to keep living if I were in physical pain? I would hope not.

---

What's also occurred to me is that I can't remember the last time someone called me, emailed me, or texted me just to ask how I'm doing. It seems that the only time people contact me is when they want or need something. That has also been in a factor in my decision.

 

[Scotsman]

Well, I can only hope that in the coming months you see, hear or feel something that reminds you that things can be good and you can find what you feel you lack in your life. At leat allow yourself to be open to that possibility, be receptive to it when it shows itself. Sometimes you just can't see what's there. So give yourself a chance of that in the coming months. What do you have to lose? You don't have to look for it, just be open to it.
Yes, that is a bit wishy washy but its my best advice.

 

[Locke]

Do you want to remembered as the guy who offed himself because he didn’t think he was pretty enough?

I don't think I will be remembered.

You probably don't care, but that's how I'll remember you. The guy who threw his life away for no reason.

What's also occurred to me is that I can't remember the last time someone called me, emailed me, or texted me just to ask how I'm doing. It seems that the only time people contact me is when they want or need something. That has also been in a factor in my decision.

I bet almost everyone on this forum has had that same problem. In fact, I read pretty much that same statement from people here at least a few times a week. You shouldn't use that as a factor in ending your life; you should use it as a reason to make your life better!

But its a moot point, I suppose. You can find people who will want to call you and ask how you are, but until you accept and learn to like yourself, it will not matter. Your only real problem is this defeatist attitude of yours.

You can learn to accept the way you look, you can make friends, and you can learn to be happy. People with more problems than you have accomplished all of that and more, and they've done it with a smile on their face. But you'd rather give up, all because you aren't willing to admit that you have a problem. Oh yeah, and because no one has emailed you lately.

 

[Peaches]

I sympathise with you, but only because you clearly feel troubled and worthless. That's easily fixed by just accepting who you are. Now, before I go on please remember that I sympathise with you and wish you well, genuinely my friend. However, I have a 25 year old niece who has Hydrocephalus and cerebral palsy, all her life she's been visually impaired, hearing impaired, mute and unable to walk yet she still lives as active a life as possible. She still smiles, she still laughs, she still receives love and gives love. She inspires me. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry. Not having her would destroy my soul. I'm proud of her and I adore her. She enriches my life in a way she'll never understand and she does all this despite her limitations.

So how about you do yourself a favour and get a ******* grip you selfish *******.

The problem with selfishness is that it's not really voluntary, when one is too busy obsessing about something that doesn't exist (like your looks problem) there is no time or openness to consider others, at any level.

As you know, Iceman, I had a similar problem in my youth, and for some years I was a completely self-centered, unhappy, suicidal bitch. In that case the only real monster was Vanity, wanting to be pretty like the media say we should, that was ******** to hide the fact that I was too scared to work on my personality.

Unless you have tentacles coming out of your back or other things that don't come out from your pictures, (and even in that case there is always a solution) it is clear that your obsession with looks, especially as you are not a teenager since a while, is hiding some other deep issue. I hope that you have an idea of what it might be and you find it out and solve it, because this is a major, terrible waste of your precious life. and at some level you must know that.

So many fugly people, and people with real limitations like this guy
and people with dialysis tubes coming out of of their bowels, just to mention a few, are totally awesome and have plenty of lovers, friends and a happy life, wouldn't you happily trade places with them? I know I would (except maybe for the dialysis)

Whatever made you decide that looks=happiness, that was the first mistake. You are not unhappy because of the way you look.

 

[ardour]

Iceman... it sounds like Ladyforsaken and Peaches have got your number.

It's hard to take your statements seriously.

Terminal illness?

My mother succumbed to breast cancer in January last year after a 6 year struggle; you want to know what a terminal illness is, go visit an oncology ward.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You are not ugly. This is BDD.

I've said before that you look like a rockstar, or a model. Want ugly? Try Mick Jagger or Steven Tyler. Those guys got laid thousands of times, especially Mick, and Mick has the face of a horse. He is ugly facially, but he knows he has sex appeal, and he plays to that. It's his personality that attracts women (that, and the money.)

Stephen King is also an incredibly weird looking guy, and he's married with adult kids. All of who look as weird as he does, and also are married, with kids. Who are probably going to end up married, with kids, someday. But Stephen has an awesome personality, and that's how he's gotten dates and married.

You place too much importance on how you look. You're right, you can't change that. So say, **** it, I'm going to play with the cards I have, and go out and talk to women. Don't talk to them like you don't deserve them; realize you're an adult, and you deserve to be happy. And one day, one of these women that you talk to will not say no, and will say yes, because she will see potential in you.

And also, this is going to come off as crass...I had a girlfriend when I was 11, but I've never dated. And I've certainly never had a real girlfriend.

I have enough going on in my life that I'm not worried that I'll be 31 and soon still be a virgin. My sister popped out five kids, that's enough grandkids for my mom, and all I will be doing by killing myself is destroying the life that I've spent 30 years in creating.

Are you seriously stating that you have nothing to contribute to the world? You just want to throw it all away?

And terminal illness...I've had friends battle cancer. One of my friends lost her battle to cancer at age 25. Yes, she was married and had had sex, but big ******* deal. Life is more important. At least you don't have cancer. You have your health. Some people are fighting a much harder battle.

 

[Iceman1978]

The only reason I've continued for as long as I have is because I made a promise to my mother as we were driving home from my second cousins funeral. She made me promise that I would never put her through what his parents were going through. Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to be keeping that promise much longer. Who knows though? Maybe things will change and maybe they won't. Regardless of what happens to me though, I know that my parents will be ok.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm going to stay out of this thread, because this just enrages me, and I don't want to get banned again.

But I will say this...it is clear that you've made up your mind, and that you don't want to hear advice. If I were you, I'd listen to what the 10 or so people, including me, have said to you. But you're so thickskulled that you don't want to hear it.

I feel this thread should be closed. It's not leading to anything positive. All you want to do is whine about how miserable you are. I know what that's like, and I also know how terrible it is once you realize that whining won't solve anything.

 

[Iceman1978]

I'm not whining.

---

And I can assure you, that if you had to live in my shoes, and have my life, you would probably feel the same way.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What is so terrible about your life?

 

[ladyforsaken]

The only reason I've continued for as long as I have is because I made a promise to my mother as we were driving home from my second cousins funeral. She made me promise that I would never put her through what his parents were going through. Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to be keeping that promise much longer. Who knows though? Maybe things will change and maybe they won't. Regardless of what happens to me though, I know that my parents will be ok.

I cannot believe I just read this.

You don't know they will be okay. You don't know how heartbroken your dear mother would be, who actually had to ask you to promise her to stay alive.

I can't believe this.

Eve has recommended this site http://www.suicide.org to other members here who have posted suicidal posts etc. Go there, get help. Just by the number of responses in this thread, shows you how much others actually want you to live and keep going because either they have been through ****, saw the light at the end of the tunnel and is having a better life, or is still going through **** and still going anyway despite it all.

So many of us here are telling you there is really nothing bad with the way you look. You may think so, but if you're worried so much about how you look, that means you worry about how others see you? Well we see you fine.

I don't even know what else to say. All the best. Hope your life gets better so the whole "my life ends in January" goal disappears and you save your parents the pain they will have to live for the rest of their lives, while you enjoy your time away from this world. If she had to make you promise to stay alive, Iceman, I'm telling you, most likely she won't be okay if you go through with this.

 

[Solivagant]

^ What she said.

 

[ardour]

The only reason I've continued for as long as I have is because I made a promise to my mother as we were driving home from my second cousins funeral. She made me promise that I would never put her through what his parents were going through. Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to be keeping that promise much longer. Who knows though? Maybe things will change and maybe they won't. Regardless of what happens to me though, I know that my parents will be ok.

Facepalm! Didn't you say that nobody cares, nobody would remember you? The stress would shorten your parents lives.

I'm starting to think that you're a troll. Who else could stubbornly cling to such a narrow perspective.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I deleted what I wrote, because it started to be about me again.

Iceman, if you want to know how bad I have it, PM me. I'll fill you in on 20 pages of terrible things that have gone wrong in my life.

And I'm still going, because I realize that life is a battle, and you need to win it. Suicide is for cowards

 

[Limlim]

The only reason I've continued for as long as I have is because I made a promise to my mother as we were driving home from my second cousins funeral. She made me promise that I would never put her through what his parents were going through. Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to be keeping that promise much longer. Who knows though? Maybe things will change and maybe they won't. Regardless of what happens to me though, I know that my parents will be ok.

Facepalm! Didn't you say that nobody cares, nobody would remember you? It would shorten your parents lives because of the stress.

I'm starting to think that you're a troll. Who else could stubbornly cling to such a narrow perspective.

He might be looking at it from the point of view that having your parents love and attention isn't the same as getting it from someone else. The former is usually unconditional and thus wasn't something you earned, and can sometimes feel less fulfilling than receiving attention from someone without obligation who actually wants to talk to you. It's why people end up wanting relationships even though they have a family already.

One of the roots of the problem here that I'm seeing as that he's placed having a relationship and possibly a family from that extremely high on his list of goals and needs. Enough so that not having it would make life not worth living.

Yeah, he's wrong that the problem is his looks, but when provided with examples of unattractive people in relationships it probably looks like the exception rather than the rule or from people old enough during a time of yesteryear when people didn't place as much priority over looks as they do now (or just people who got extremely lucky and somehow managed to beat the odds). Then when you hear everyone tell you to be happy without someone, or that you can get someone without being pretty it feels like a series of empty self help platitudes made to placate rather than fulfill the specific desire that's been placed on a pedestal for so long as the shining beacon example of the satisfying life. The one made for everyone else you know, except for you. But you need to learn to be happy without that, even though your friends don't.

As someone who has been through his share of relationships, the only thing I can think of saying right now is that they're a lot shittier than you see. For every happy couple moment you're witnessing, there's probably one or both partners wishing the other one would just shut the **** up so they can go do something or someone else. But they usually try to hide that from people they're with in public, so you won't notice it.

Also, my friends don't call or text me to ask how I'm doing either. Why? Because who the **** does that anyway? I sure don't. I know my buddies are good for it down the line, just like I am for them.

 

[ardour]

Limlim you've pretty much described how a lot of us have felt over the greater portion of our adult lives. I'm not sure how he feels justified in thinking he's special.

 

[Limlim]

It's harder to associate and compare yourself to people you only know online. He doesn't see all of the other people just like him, who might provide good examples of happy successful lives without relationships. Faces are louder than names.

 

[ardour]

I'm betting he's come across single people like him, including those who have it worse. He refuses to see them.

 

[MTrip]

You are not ugly. This is BDD.

I've said before that you look like a rockstar, or a model. Want ugly? Try Mick Jagger or Steven Tyler. Those guys got laid thousands of times, especially Mick, and Mick has the face of a horse. He is ugly facially, but he knows he has sex appeal, and he plays to that. It's his personality that attracts women (that, and the money.)

Stephen King is also an incredibly weird looking guy, and he's married with adult kids. All of who look as weird as he does, and also are married, with kids. Who are probably going to end up married, with kids, someday. But Stephen has an awesome personality, and that's how he's gotten dates and married.

You place too much importance on how you look. You're right, you can't change that. So say, **** it, I'm going to play with the cards I have, and go out and talk to women. Don't talk to them like you don't deserve them; realize you're an adult, and you deserve to be happy. And one day, one of these women that you talk to will not say no, and will say yes, because she will see potential in you.

And also, this is going to come off as crass...I had a girlfriend when I was 11, but I've never dated. And I've certainly never had a real girlfriend.

I have enough going on in my life that I'm not worried that I'll be 31 and soon still be a virgin. My sister popped out five kids, that's enough grandkids for my mom, and all I will be doing by killing myself is destroying the life that I've spent 30 years in creating.

Are you seriously stating that you have nothing to contribute to the world? You just want to throw it all away?

And terminal illness...I've had friends battle cancer. One of my friends lost her battle to cancer at age 25. Yes, she was married and had had sex, but big ******* deal. Life is more important. At least you don't have cancer. You have your health. Some people are fighting a much harder battle.

At least two of us are thinking along the same lines here. That should tell Iceman something. I could've posted a few stories of ppl who had terminal illness also. Having a false self-concept of ugliness pales in comparison to brain cancer, for example.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Eve has recommended this site http://www.suicide.org to other members here who have posted suicidal posts etc. Go there, get help. Just by the number of responses in this thread, shows you how much others actually want you to live and keep going because either they have been through ****, saw the light at the end of the tunnel and is having a better life, or is still going through **** and still going anyway despite it all.

We don't normally support suicide threads and seeing as the OP doesn't want to listen to anyone here and is pretty much made up his mind I'm closing this thread with the quote and link above.