Got so lonely I called escort

[Hawx79]

After Monday when she first came, I had been constantly thinking about her, I had to resort to sleeping pills because the thought of her would keep me awake.
I had prepared myself well.
She is 24, studies, and soon going to her own apartment. She looks a bit unhealthy but yet the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, sweet and with such a strong personality.
We only talked. Telling how I felt for her was very difficulty, I only managed it after 45 minutes, until then we only talked casually. While she smiled she said no, and added that she had a relationship from 6 years behind her back and is now enjoying single life and that her liking someone would take a very long time. And that many men before me had already told her the same.
Then I said If she ever needed a place to stay she was always welcome in my house to move in without anything in return. She told me she finds me a nice and sincere person but not knowing me for that long to move in. Jokingly she then said she would make a note of it though. She lives 30 minutes driving from me.
After this she started to want to go away.
When the hour was up I told her I wanted to pay for one hour more but she wanted to leave. I helped her put on her jacket again. It was raining and I followed her outside with an umbrella under her to the car, she didn't say nothing, no bye, no kiss no handshake, no hug, nothing.
Back I started to cry for a moment, followed by a complete hollow feeling, I felt like stone inside with no emotion left in me.
I still think If I said or did something more it would have made a difference
Its back to my old lonely hellhole again.
I will not call her again but I do watch her profile pictures now and then. I know she was joking about it but I still hope she will one day arrive at my door in the future.
It's such a nice feeling to like someone and being with them.
I now know deep in my bones I will always be alone and unloved until I die.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Well, I was against this from the beginning, considering my views from before about how dealing with escorts is putting your health in danger. But at the same time, I'm sorry to hear this, Hawx. Not about the specific girl, I really think you dodged a bullet. But the general situation of what happened. I know the feeling you described quite well - the hollowness, feeling like a stone. The feeling that something was ripped out of your chest and all that you have there is empty space. I'm dealing with that right now in fact. I don't know when or if it will change. That's the other lousy part - the uncertainty of it all. You just don't know when or how or if it will ever end. I think about this all the time, myself. I really don't know how it's going to go. I don't know if I'll ever meet anyone interested in me, or not. And right now, there's nothing to suggest that I will. The uncertainty is quite scary.

Why do you think you can't find a date though?

If you are not picky, I'd say give online dating a try. The only reason I don't is because I am picky in the extreme. Otherwise, I would consider it. I might do it one day anyway, just to get experience.

 

[lonelydoc]

I would call an escort, but as a physician I've seen too much hiv and genital diseases to feel comfortable having random sex like that. *removed* - mod edit: lets not say things like that.

Who knows someday I might. She would have to be high class and expensive.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hawx, I'm sorry how it turned out.. but it was pretty obvious it would've turned out like that, though I admire your hope and courage to do such a thing. It doesn't mean I'm with the idea of doing what you did though.

I still think If I said or did something more it would have made a difference

I don't think so. I don't think there's anymore that you could do that could have made a difference.

I now know deep in my bones I will always be alone and unloved until I die.

I have faith that if you keep trying to meet people and socialise, you'd eventually find someone.. maybe not sooner but later. Ah well, I don't know how these things work, but you gotta always have faith, I guess. I'm sorry it's not going so great for you. Good luck, though, Hawx.

 

[Hawx79]

I woke up and I feel so much pain inside. I drank all the booze I could find in my house. I just don't want to feel anymore. I felt I pressured her yesterday and I wish didn't, I just wanted her to like me. I wont call her again but I miss her her alot. I can't stop thinking of her. I'm just no good and she must think what kind of ***** I am now.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I woke up and I feel so much pain inside. I drank all the booze I could find in my house. I just don't want to feel anymore. I felt I pressured her yesterday and I wish didn't, I just wanted her to like me. I wont call her again but I miss her her alot. I can't stop thinking of her. I'm just no good and she must think what kind of ***** I am now.

Those feelings will pass in time. You must admit it was a long shot but at least you gave it a go. Don't call her again. Plenty more nice women about.
At least she was nice about it which is something. You tried which is an achievement. Move on if you can.

 

[Yamira]

I'm sorry how you feel right now. Wanting a person and not being able to have what you want hurts totally. Do you think that you liked her so much only because you're very affectionate at the moment? It happens to me a lot, if I need someone then I could bound to a lot of people. When it's not the person itself but the attention I like or the feeling that the person is giving me...

There's nothing to say that will make you any happier now. I know from experience that time will help you get distracted...

 

[stork_error]

She doesn't think you are a looser, she thinks all men are loosers.

You are not different than any other man who falls for her. She rejects them all.

Now, have you learned a lesson that you wont forget, something that you can use in the future?

Have you have learned now that you can not expect love from a prostitute? Because you cant. Not now not ever.

From now on, if you ever call a prostitute again, you need to recognize that this is a lady with a job and that her job is sex, not love.

Nothing you say will change her mind. Even if you were rich and good looking, she still wants your money and she still wants sex from different men. She does not want love from one man… this is her job.

Maybe you didn't understand this before, but now you are being told by everyone here so there is no excuse.

A prostitute will not mix her job with love. You can never convince her.. ever. No matter what you say, you will loose. Any man will loose, not just you. You are not different. She will treat all men who like her this way.

Please remember this, and don't try to make a prostitute love you again because it wont happen.

Because this is common well known fact, that a prostitute will not love you, this woman expects you to know this already. If you try to make her love you, you are actually disrespecting her boundaries.

She has set a boundary telling her clients that she is a businesswoman and that she is there for sex and money. If you try to change this, you will make her fearful and uncomfortable. If you do this she will not see you again. She will be worried that you might become obsessed with her, and she does not want that. This is what i mean by it being " creepy. " It is scary when someone disrespects your boundaries.

Respect her boundaries ok? And respect her job. Don't be obsessed with her anymore, this is scary to her. Back off and be respectful of what she wants.

Stop thinking that this is about you. She didn't reject only you, she rejects any man who tries to love her. She's not looking for love. This is not about you.

Move on and stop drinking for a bit. Being alone is not the end of the world. We are all alone here. So you're not alone, you're with us. Put the bottle down and go out for a walk.

There are certain realities and facts in life and this is one of them. Do not forget this…

If you call a prostitute again and have sex.. Enjoy it and be done with it. Thats how it works. You cant change that.

 

[Hawx79]

Don't women start to really like you after having a date with them instead of during? In that case perhaps there is slight chance she could like me still?
There are lots of more women but they are not reachable to me. Paying money to a girl is the only way for me to get them to talk to me, how pathetic is that?
And the thought of dating is scary to me, I just can't do it!

I'm sorry how you feel right now. Wanting a person and not being able to have what you want hurts totally. Do you think that you liked her so much only because you're very affectionate at the moment? It happens to me a lot, if I need someone then I could bound to a lot of people. When it's not the person itself but the attention I like or the feeling that the person is giving me..

Yeah I have no one in my life and family members all live far away.
So when a girl, especially if she is pretty shows bit of affection to me I'd fall for her quickly.
I still see her face in my mind and I sincerely hope I have a small place in her heart even if ill never see her again.

Stork_error, they are still human beings, they can fall in love too, people fall in love during there jobs all the time! But I do agree finding love from a prostitute is extremely difficult. But this girl is only doing this temporarily while she is in college. She is not going to be a escort for long, she is living in a student house and all her friends know what she does. She is getting her own house soon and plans to be teacher in English in a year or 2 and then she will settle for someone I presume, why cant that person be me?
I did not have sex with her the second time and I don't plan to call her until maybe in a couple months ill try again to have a sexless date with her, perhaps she will change her mind about me by then.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't mean to be rude, but in the least mean way possible, if a person is already willing to pay money and risk their health by involving themselves with prostitutes, why not do something else like learn to race cars or learn to fly or an extreme sport? If you're going to be paying money and taking risks anyway, you might as well pay to take risks that might make you feel alive again. Plus, these are things you can talk about that will make you interesting, which will give you a more potent identity. You'll have more to show for yourself and talk about, which will help you come off as more attractive.

I think when it comes to these kinds of things, people tend to think themselves into a rut by thinking they are a certain way and that's just who they are, it's just the way it is. I don't think it has to be like that. What has made you feel that this is the only way for you to talk to a girl and you can't talk to them otherwise?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Have you have learned now that you can not expect love from a prostitute? Because you cant. Not now not ever.

You can't EXPECT love from anyone. Prostitutes and escorts are not some type of special creatures that don't flow with the rest of humanity. They are still people, they still have feelings and have just as much of a chance at falling in love with someone as the homely next door neighbor with a reputable job.

I don't mean to be rude, but in the least mean way possible, if a person is already willing to pay money and risk their health by involving themselves with prostitutes, why not do something else like learn to race cars or learn to fly or an extreme sport? If you're going to be paying money and taking risks anyway, you might as well pay to take risks that might make you feel alive again. Plus, these are things you can talk about that will make you interesting, which will give you a more potent identity. You'll have more to show for yourself and talk about, which will help you come off as more attractive.

You take a risk every time you walk outside of your house. Learning to fly a plane is not really any riskier than getting in a car to drive to church or the store. Everything in life is a risk. Some people have different way of doing things, they shouldn't be judged or made to feel bad because they don't do something the same way you (generalized you) do. What works for them may not work for you and what works for you may not work for others.

 

[Hawx79]

What has made you feel that this is the only way for you to talk to a girl and you can't talk to them otherwise?

Because they always reject me. They have all my life to this day. I always talk and treat them with respect but they just don't want anything to do with me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What has made you feel that this is the only way for you to talk to a girl and you can't talk to them otherwise?

Because they always reject me. They have all my life to this day. I always talk and treat them with respect but they just don't want anything to do with me.

Maybe you need to meet different people. Join a club or a meetup for something you enjoy doing.
With escorts, you can never be sure whether they are talking to you because you paid them to or if they are honestly that sincere.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You take a risk every time you walk outside of your house. Learning to fly a plane is not really any riskier than getting in a car to drive to church or the store. Everything in life is a risk. Some people have different way of doing things, they shouldn't be judged or made to feel bad because they don't do something the same way you (generalized you) do. What works for them may not work for you and what works for you may not work for others.

Sure. But I'm just trying to offer an alternate way of looking at the problem, which could also help the OP to solve the initial problem.

I'm absolutely judging the action. I'm saying it's a bad idea based on the history of consequences of people who took the same action - just the same as I'd tell someone who thought it was a good idea to do coke or heroin that it is a bad move. But I'm not trying to make him feel bad. Quite the opposite. I'm just saying, do yourself a favor and stop doing this before you make things a LOT worse when it didn't have to be that way.

So alternatively, I suggest - okay, OP is clearly not risk-averse. He also says he has trouble being attractive. So why not try some of these other things? They may get you out of a funk. They will give you something to do and something to talk about. And they are generally considered interesting. And interesting is attractive.

I mean, at this point, anything is better than that course of action. Just trying to throw some suggestions out there to prevent something terrible from happening.

---

What has made you feel that this is the only way for you to talk to a girl and you can't talk to them otherwise?

Because they always reject me. They have all my life to this day. I always talk and treat them with respect but they just don't want anything to do with me.

They always reject me too. At least, the ones I find interesting always do. They always reject me, or they just overlook me. I think I'm starting to realize that it's because I don't have anything to talk about and am not really good at anything - in short, girls probably think I'm boring. I'm boring because I never worked at anything because I was afraid no amount of work would ever pay off because I thought I just couldn't learn it and growing up I was really self-conscious and didn't want to be bullied. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing or trying anything, failing, looking stupid, getting mocked, and having to deal with it every day from then on.

But it's made me risk-averse to the point that I come off as dull. And when you compare me to other guys my age, they've done a lot more. So they are perceived as more interesting.

The other reason is because I don't have a job and therefore don't have any money to go out and do interesting things.

But at least I know what I need to do. I just wish I'd known it earlier.

My point of all this is, when you go back and find out what's wrong, when you find out why this keeps happening to you, then you can start to do something to fix it. Keep asking yourself "why". Why do you think girls have always rejected you, or don't want anything to do with you?

A serious problem will take some serious introspection.

There's an old thread on here which is nice, about this stuff that maybe could help you:

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=31029&highlight=jaguarundi+guide

 

[Hawx79]

Edited

 

[Triple Bogey]

I always have done interesting things in my life. Ive traveled to other countries by myself, I have been to boxing and football for years, and still enjoying these sports. Its not like im sitting at home all day sobbing. But life is starting to seem so pointless without someone that likes seeing me and coming home too. I have no one to share my travel experiences for example.
I was able to enjoy all of this but now im older, im 35 now and starting to feel time slipping away. Im all alone, I'd like to be with someone and if I wont be able to find someone soon, I will never have as chances diminish by the year. I don't wanna find someone when im already 55! I want it while there is still a slight youthness in me and im able to have kids!

What about a mail order bride ?

 

[stork_error]

Prostitutes and escorts are not some type of special creatures that don't flow with the rest of humanity.

I find it odd that you got this from my post. Did anyone else get this from my post? My point was that a prostitute at work is not looking for love and emotion, she's looking for money and a business exchange. I don't recall i ever saying a prostitute was not a person and was not capable of love or of being loved… where did this come from?

They are still people, they still have feelings and have just as much of a chance at falling in love with someone as the homely next door neighbour with a reputable job.

Absolutly agreed, but not at work. Pretty woman is just a movie.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Prostitutes and escorts are not some type of special creatures that don't flow with the rest of humanity.

I find it odd that you got this from my post. Did anyone else get this from my post? My point was that a prostitute at work is not looking for love and emotion, she's looking for money and a business exchange. I don't recall i ever saying a prostitute was not a person and was not capable of love or of being loved… where did this come from?

They are still people, they still have feelings and have just as much of a chance at falling in love with someone as the homely next door neighbour with a reputable job.

Absolutly agreed, but not at work. Pretty woman is just a movie.

Women can fall in love anywhere. Just because someone paid for their time, doesn't mean they can't fall in love with the guy too.
Just look at Pretty Woman. lol (just kidding)

But, my MAIN point is that regardless of what the woman (or man) does for a living, you can't expect them to love you. That doesn't just apply to escorts and prostitutes, it applies to everyone.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Prostitutes and escorts are not some type of special creatures that don't flow with the rest of humanity.

I find it odd that you got this from my post. Did anyone else get this from my post? My point was that a prostitute at work is not looking for love and emotion, she's looking for money and a business exchange. I don't recall i ever saying a prostitute was not a person and was not capable of love or of being loved… where did this come from?

They are still people, they still have feelings and have just as much of a chance at falling in love with someone as the homely next door neighbour with a reputable job.

Absolutly agreed, but not at work. Pretty woman is just a movie.

Women can fall in love anywhere. Just because someone paid for their time, doesn't mean they can't fall in love with the guy too.
Just look at Pretty Woman. lol (just kidding)

But, my MAIN point is that regardless of what the woman (or man) does for a living, you can't expect them to love you. That doesn't just apply to escorts and prostitutes, it applies to everyone.

it has less chance of happening though compared to meeting a woman in a pub or wherever

 

[Hawx79]

I have decided definitely to call her one more time, but in 8 weeks. I want to give her space after her "no". I am terribly convinced I will never have anyone else in my life. Im going to tell her that I want to get into her heart and make her happy and that I'll be waiting for her forever if she ever decides she wants someone in her life when she quits being an escort. I need and want her in my life.
Unless I don't get her. Im not going to get any woman ever. So might as well.
I just cannot forget about her, she means so much to me to forget and move on. I just cant. I'd like to call her much sooner actually but I think she wont like that. If she rejects me again, I'll get hurt a lot, but I'm willing to risk it.