lovableplatypus said:
Seems like the looks are everything... Oh, I know, I've seen "less attractive" girls in relationships. But I can't get over my own looks.
Also I think I am very boring. Cold. Not interesting. I don't think anyone's really been interested in me ever. I'm sorry, this must sound very pathetic.
The thing is that I have never had thoughts that _I_ could be in a relationship. I've always had a low self-confidence. To be honest, it is a rare feeling for me to feel when I feel I need someone. Still it bothers me. I don't know what I'm missing. I'm ugly so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that I've never had anyone in real life. But it still bothers me. No, I wouldn't do anything out of my comfort zone to prove a point. This is where I get very depressed. I don't want a relationship but I feel like there's something missin... Maybe? Or maybe not? But I'm not good with people. If there was someone out there PATIENT enough then I might have a chance. But... who would want to be patient for an ugly girl?
And I don't even know if I want to have sex. Maybe sometimes. But not regularly. I know I shouldn't compare to others. I know wery well that I'm not a very sexual person.. So this far: ugly, untinteresting, boring girl with low self-confidence and not interested in sex... Ah hah. I almost feel like laughing. I'm 22 years old. I don't know what I want. All I know thus far is that I am ugly, uninteresting, unappealing... awkward, shy, horrible. Yet I dare to dream of somehting special. Why? Why do I think there was someone special for me?
Hi loveableplatypus,
I just thought I'd tell you that I really relate to your post a lot. But also, it won't do you any good to stay down and out.
I know it can seem like looks are everything, but that's not always the case. Not only that, but you're probably better-looking than you think you are. I used to feel that I was ugly growing up, but really I just wasn't grooming myself as best I could, I didn't have good posture, and I wasn't wearing clothes that really represented me. Now, when I do a little grooming, stand up straight, and smile, I think I'm a pretty good-looking guy after all.
And I really empathize with you on feeling like you are boring. I worry that I am boring too. But whenever I feel that way, I try to ask myself what it would take for me to be interesting instead. I look at people that I consider interesting, and I ask myself what do I think makes them interesting. I also think about what interesting means to me, and I ask myself what more I could be doing.
For me, I think a person is interesting when they are knowledgeable about something, when they are creative, and when they have one or more hobbies or passions.
If you can't see yourself in a relationship, ask yourself, what would it take for you to feel like you are relationship-worthy? You probably are already, but to build some confidence, take some time to figure out what you think you need. Like I said, it's probably not your looks or anything like that.
Like you, I also struggle with low self-confidence. But I think the problem is, if you only list out all the things that you think are wrong with you and none of the things that you think are right, then it makes you feel even worse. Also, it doesn't help when you don't follow through with a solution. It can be strange to think of yourself as confident if you were not confident already, I know it is for me. But you also have to know that you definitely won't get better if you beat yourself up.
I would say that first, you should write down all the things you like about yourself, to remind yourself that you do have some good traits. Start small, and work your way from there. And for everything you don't like about yourself, write down what you would like to be instead.
Get specific. If you want to lose weight, write down how much and when. If you want to be interesting, write down exactly how you want to do that. Have a plan.
I also really like what Oldyoung said in this thread: Did you try your best yet?
Break down your problems by area and see what you could be doing better in each area.
Anyway. I hope you're well, platypus, and keep us updated on your progress.
(hugs) and take care,
Ska Fish
PS - "loveableplatypus" is such a cute name
