I will never get a girlfriend

[unverified]

I'm just skeptical that someone would date me, as I am now.

I really don't see why, other than your negative attitude...

It starts with how you project yourself to others.
That counts far more than you think.
I speak from experience, believe me.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm just skeptical that someone would date me, as I am now.

I really don't see why, other than your negative attitude...

It starts with how you project yourself to others.
That counts far more than you think.
I speak from experience, believe me.

Believe me, I know. My feelings have been hurt before. Just because you think you can't relate to someone, doesn't mean you won't. How we see ourselves is usually not how others see us. How we project ourselves may not necessarily be how we think, even if we are certain of ourselves.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Believe me, I know. My feelings have been hurt before. Just because you think you can't relate to someone, doesn't mean you won't. How we see ourselves is usually not how others see us. How we project ourselves may not necessarily be how we think, even if we are certain of ourselves.

Oh, I understand that. Believe me.

I just feel like I'm such an odd duck, that I'll never be able to find someone who's as eccentric as I am, in the same way. Some people get lucky, but I honestly don't feel like I have the personality that would be compatible with most women...even if they found me attractive enough to date.

And the issue with girls not finding me attractive probably has less to do with my looks, and more to do with my eccentric personality.

 

[blackdot]

Odd ducks can find people. It's just really rare. Unfortunately odd ducks relate well with other odd ducks and that ends up having issues.

In my case I found an odd duck almost exactly like me. Unfortunately she was an odd duck and believed I deserved someone better and pushed me away and then left everyone.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, blackdot. It's hard for someone who's different to find someone.

 

[Waffle]

I just feel like I'm such an odd duck, that I'll never be able to find someone who's as eccentric as I am, in the same way. Some people get lucky, but I honestly don't feel like I have the personality that would be compatible with most women...even if they found me attractive enough to date.

And the issue with girls not finding me attractive probably has less to do with my looks, and more to do with my eccentric personality.

I feel you could get along well with artistic women. People in arts are usually always ''weird'' and with heads out of the norm.

I finished an art and design school and always wonder what kind of people all of those alternative girls grew up into.
What do you feel is most unusual about your personality?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Well, I'm quirky. I tend to march to the beat of my own drummer. I don't follow social norms, generally - I have long hair, I listen to music that is outside the norm, I spend my time doing introverted and geeky things, and I am shy and softspoken.

Not to mention, I'm a musician and writer, and I am studying to code for a living, which is not like everyone else.

Also, the more "normal" you are, the more I tend to not get along with you. I like people that are quirky themselves.

 

[Bones]

Lets be serious ... the real issue is being worried about getting rejected ... the so called people who are lucky generally - in a sense - is not afraid to get turned down 99/100 times ... i have seen this a lot in life especially at dance clubs ... personally, i do not do well with rejection and need to point the finger at myself instead of others because i do not put enough effort into it; and the only time that i do, is when there is a higher probability of success.

 

[duff]

Lets be serious ... the real issue is being worried about getting rejected ... the so called people who are lucky generally - in a sense - is not afraid to get turned down 99/100 times ... i have seen this a lot in life especially at dance clubs ... personally, i do not do well with rejection and need to point the finger at myself instead of others because i do not put enough effort into it; and the only time that i do, is when there is a higher probability of success.

rejection hurts early on, the first few or hundred depending on how hard you try. When you get older I don't think it matters so much.

I don't ask women out because I know what the answer will be. It's the same as me asking my boss to triple my wages. He will say 'no' and so will any woman.

---

Odd ducks can find people. It's just really rare. Unfortunately odd ducks relate well with other odd ducks and that ends up having issues.

In my case I found an odd duck almost exactly like me. Unfortunately she was an odd duck and believed I deserved someone better and pushed me away and then left everyone.

when I was 30 or so, I went thru a phase of looking for women who were similar to me. Quiet, shy, awkward, a bit timid but a nice person etc. I asked a few out and got knocked back every time. And the thing is they weren't nice knock backs either. Very nasty. These women were less likely to say 'yes' because they had issues with men or people in general.

The only compliments I get these days are from women in their 90's who have lost their marbles or women who down bottles of vodka every day !

 

[ardour]

Lets be serious ... the real issue is being worried about getting rejected ... the so called people who are lucky generally - in a sense - is not afraid to get turned down 99/100 times ... i have seen this a lot in life especially at dance clubs ... personally, i do not do well with rejection and need to point the finger at myself instead of others because i do not put enough effort into it; and the only time that i do, is when there is a higher probability of success.

Rejection is disappointing, but it's what goes with it that hurts; nasty comments about you to her friends, or if you're already acquainted complete avoidance. Men are subject to some pretty brutal judgements, having to develop a thick skin (hardened titanium shell more like) is merely a sad indicator of that.

 

[Felix]

I've read in a forum comment that if you talk to 10 girls on the street at least one will give you their number... Thought about checking those odds for myself, but I'm too scared to do it. Maybe it does come down to low self esteem...

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

I've read in a forum comment that if you talk to 10 girls on the street at least one will give you their number... Thought about checking those odds for myself, but I'm too scared to do it. Maybe it does come down to low self esteem...

When guys would pester me for my number I used to give them numbers to the Sex and Love Addicts information line. But they didn't ask me nicely or accept no for an answer gracefully.

But I think that sounds like a good idea to walk through your fear of rejection. You'll be surprised at how you're still alive after all of that.

 

[Felix]

I've read in a forum comment that if you talk to 10 girls on the street at least one will give you their number... Thought about checking those odds for myself, but I'm too scared to do it. Maybe it does come down to low self esteem...

When guys would pester me for my number I used to give them numbers to the Sex and Love Addicts information line. But they didn't ask me nicely or accept no for an answer gracefully.

But I think that sounds like a good idea to walk through your fear of rejection. You'll be surprised at how you're still alive after all of that.

It does sound good, I hope I can gather the courage to actually do it someday.

 

[SophiaGrace]

The title of this thread is very negative.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It's negative.

I just don't know if I'll ever get anywhere with a girl. I've given up trying.

 

[xaero]

It's negative.

I just don't know if I'll ever get anywhere with a girl. I've given up trying.

I've heard that the harder you try to find love, the harder it is to actually find it. I guess it's one of those things that's supposed to happen spontaneously.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Lets be serious ... the real issue is being worried about getting rejected ... the so called people who are lucky generally - in a sense - is not afraid to get turned down 99/100 times ... i have seen this a lot in life especially at dance clubs ... personally, i do not do well with rejection and need to point the finger at myself instead of others because i do not put enough effort into it; and the only time that i do, is when there is a higher probability of success.

Don't constantly point the finger at yourself. Rejection is a part of life. The average person doesn't get EVERY little thing they request, be a number or a dance or whatever else. It's nice when you do get it, but it's not a 100% certainty. So many people are too quick to blame themselves, when really, no one is to blame. Not them, and not the person who turned them down. It's no one's fault. It just wasn't to be at that particular time.

 

[Seosa]

The real fear isn't about being rejected, it's about whether you'd be compatible with another human being. You either take the plunge if you find someone or do what I'm doing and prepare yourself for the large possibility of being a lifelong bachelor.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Don't constantly point the finger at yourself. Rejection is a part of life. The average person doesn't get EVERY little thing they request, be a number or a dance or whatever else. It's nice when you do get it, but it's not a 100% certainty. So many people are too quick to blame themselves, when really, no one is to blame. Not them, and not the person who turned them down. It's no one's fault. It just wasn't to be at that particular time.

True.

I just wish it wasn't so damn hard to not get rejected.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

Don't constantly point the finger at yourself. Rejection is a part of life. The average person doesn't get EVERY little thing they request, be a number or a dance or whatever else. It's nice when you do get it, but it's not a 100% certainty. So many people are too quick to blame themselves, when really, no one is to blame. Not them, and not the person who turned them down. It's no one's fault. It just wasn't to be at that particular time.

True.

I just wish it wasn't so damn hard to not get rejected.

I know right. I feel the same way. I'm all cobwebby down there. I should take on more sausage, but I've filled my quota. Take a deep breath, let's do this. Altogether now:

WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ah, that felt better.