I will never get a girlfriend

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Sarah, you always make me laugh. You're one of my favorite posters here.

 

[ardour]

I know right. I feel the same way. I'm all cobwebby down there. I should take on more sausage, but I've filled my quota. Take a deep breath, let's do this. Altogether now:

WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ah, that felt better.

That won't be the end of it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I know right. I feel the same way. I'm all cobwebby down there. I should take on more sausage, but I've filled my quota. Take a deep breath, let's do this. Altogether now:

WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ah, that felt better.

That won't be the end of it.

Actually it is.

I'm a big baby. I should just accept that not every woman will like me, some will and some won't.

I need to get over my anxiety and insecurity, before I even think about dating. But it's not their fault, it's mine. I was bullied, but it's about time I hid my scars and grew up.

 

[Bones]

Good point.

...

Don't constantly point the finger at yourself. Rejection is a part of life. The average person doesn't get EVERY little thing they request, be a number or a dance or whatever else. It's nice when you do get it, but it's not a 100% certainty. So many people are too quick to blame themselves, when really, no one is to blame. Not them, and not the person who turned them down. It's no one's fault. It just wasn't to be at that particular time.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Surely it's partially your fault if the girl rejects you because of your personality or social anxiety? If you didn't have social anxiety, you'd probably get more than a kiss off.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Actually it is.

I'm a big baby. I should just accept that not every woman will like me, some will and some won't.

I need to get over my anxiety and insecurity, before I even think about dating. But it's not their fault, it's mine. I was bullied, but it's about time I hid my scars and grew up.

It's nothing to do with hiding who you are. Scars emotional or physical, or any other sense, makes you who you are. And when you do find that person you connect with on a deeper level, I'm sure she won't be embarrassed or want you to hide anything. You just seem to be extremely harsh on yourself and females, and that is what I think may set quite a few females off. You don't have to get what you want from a girl straight away for things to be meaningful.

Surely it's partially your fault if the girl rejects you because of your personality or social anxiety? If you didn't have social anxiety, you'd probably get more than a kiss off.

Not really. She could have turned you down anyway. Unless you're told that you're awkward or what-have-you, don't assume that it's the reason why.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am awkward. I realize it.

But I'm going to try to be more positive.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I am awkward. I realize it.

But I'm going to try to be more positive.

Yeah, but being awkward isn't always the reason why. It may be to some girls. But not all. And unless they tell you otherwise, don't assume that that's why. Because then the idea of you being awkward worms its way into your brain until it's constantly there, and then you believe it's the only reason why. And it's not. Women don't have to accept you, which is what makes that special one so special.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

So what is the answer? I basically just blame nobody but God, and go around lonely for the rest of my life?

I am a logical person. I want answers.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Why must you look at who or what is to be blamed?

I think finding or getting someone has a lot to do with luck also. Why not focus on what you can do to improve your situation? And you said you want to be positive, and I do think that is one of the things you'll need to have first and foremost before you even think of the possibilities of finding a girl. Work on that first, I say.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So what is the answer? I basically just blame nobody but God, and go around lonely for the rest of my life?

I am a logical person. I want answers.

Why must you look at who or what is to be blamed?

I think finding or getting someone has a lot to do with luck also. Why not focus on what you can do to improve your situation? And you said you want to be positive, and I do think that is one of the things you'll need to have first and foremost before you even think of the possibilities of finding a girl. Work on that first, I say.

I agree, Lady. Personally, I don't think there are any "answers"... If there were, then no one would ever have a problem with this. We'd all just find out what to do. But instead, we have to realize that we're all different, and won't get what we want out of everyone. And with good reason. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, be a good friend for life, or someone that teaches you something important in a short period of time. I'd suggest not being so hung up on getting any "answers" because you probably won't get a definite answer, and you'll be so concentrated on a point that doesn't even matter, you may miss out on better things about life.

As far as being logical... Well, liking someone and love really isn't logical. So, I wouldn't harp on that either. We just do, and it just happens. Unless you force someone to be with you, and even then, you can't force their love to you. I don't think there's much logic behind that part of life.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, be a good friend for life, or someone that teaches you something important in a short period of time. I'd suggest not being so hung up on getting any "answers" because you probably won't get a definite answer, and you'll be so concentrated on a point that doesn't even matter, you may miss out on better things about life.

+1
Exactly what I was thinking, well said.

 

[Locke]

Actually it is.

I'm a big baby. I should just accept that not every woman will like me, some will and some won't.

I need to get over my anxiety and insecurity, before I even think about dating. But it's not their fault, it's mine. I was bullied, but it's about time I hid my scars and grew up.

I don't think you should try and get over your anxiety first. I think you should flirt with the next girl you meet who you find attractive. And the one after that, and so on. Many of them might shoot you down, and its going to hurt like hell. But so what? If they don't respond, then they have bad taste. You have a lot going for you. When a girl flirts back, its going to feel really good.

The problem isn't that no woman wants you, the problem is that you think that no woman wants you. Do you really want to wait until you believe you're ready? Do you even have any idea when that will be? If you keep putting it off, things might get harder, not easier.

But what do I know? I'm still trying to deal with my anxiety issues, and I have no clue what I'm doing most of the time. All I do know is that I wasted years hiding in my house, and if I didn't try every day now, I would hate myself even more. My last post in this thread was ignored, and this one isn't any better, so maybe I just give bad advice.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That's very true, Locke.

And I suppose love and relationships aren't logical. Hell, even friendships aren't logical. I struggle to understand when a friend drops me. I really don't understand it at all.

 

[unverified]

That's very true, Locke.

And I suppose love and relationships aren't logical. Hell, even friendships aren't logical. I struggle to understand when a friend drops me. I really don't understand it at all.

This boils down to who your dealing with, Human Beings.
Logic and reason can be fleeting.
That's the part that can make things difficult at times.
But who we be without our inherit characteristics.
It also is what makes it special.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I wouldn't say that human beings are illogical, but a lot of them are. And it seems like the ones who have the best luck with relationships, are incredibly illogical.

 

[unverified]

I wouldn't say that human beings are illogical, but a lot of them are. And it seems like the ones who have the best luck with relationships, are incredibly illogical.

True, I didn't mean all people just that emotions and logic don't necessarily
go hand in hand.
As for your comment about illogicalness and success at relationships well
sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wouldn't say that human beings are illogical, but a lot of them are. And it seems like the ones who have the best luck with relationships, are incredibly illogical.

True, I didn't mean all people just that emotions and logic don't necessarily
go hand in hand.
As for your comment about illogicalness and success at relationships well
sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

Exactly, emotions aren't usually logical, especially when it comes to liking someone and love. If it were, then we'd all have it figured out. Many of us don't know why we love. We just know we do.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I guess it's the difference between science and religion.

Science is logical, but doesn't have a lot of emotion behind it. Religion is emotional, but doesn't have a lot of logic behind it.

 

[Locke]

That's very true, Locke.

Which part?

Nevermind. I know my advice isn't great, but I respect you, and I'd hate to see you grow old and bitter because you spent too much time preparing and looking for logic. Look at the part of your signature that says, ".....live for today...." I'll shut up now.

Good luck!