Incel - The Failure of the Modern Man

[Xpendable]

"life is not a damn competition"

You literally start competing when you are a sperm.

 

[ardour]

It always gets how people can just decide they want to settle down and into a serious long term relationship in their late twenties or thirties. The sheer choices available to them throughout their lives to be able to take that attitude and find someone when the time is appropriate. And bingo, happiness. Incomprehensible to me. People who claim they're happy single are usually in a position of being able to define their reality and change it if it need be.

I've never contemplating ending it before, always thought that was pathetic attention seeking or the final option for clinical depression.  Now that I've missed out on so much and  all that's ahead is unfulfilling life taking up space, it feels like a rational choice, although I surely wouldn't have the balls. Not looking for attention. I just want to convey that sometimes life isn't...anything, so if you're complacent and have a bunch unresolved issues this could end up reality. Spent all my youth hanging around university directionless and friendless, playing video games in my spare time as a lazy response to challenges, right into the mid thirties. That's my lame cautionary tale. Doesn't matter how accurate the argument is that men are disadvantaged in romance, if all it's doing is burning in negativity which shows on your face and the way you interact with others. And if you're lazy enough like I was/am it's an easy excuse for inaction which is worse than failure.

 

[kaetic]

- Yes, women are, with almost no failure, able to decide what attracts them and what doesn't in a fraction of a second. They often don't know or can explain why are attracted to certain traits, but they are genetically predisposed to be attracted to them at an unconscious level.

Yaaay... X is back...

Pretty sure there's more to it than genetic predisposition, like psychology (daddy issues, anyone?), or actual interactions (which might take longer than a fraction of a second...) to discover personality traits. (sense of humor = plus, arrogance = minus) There's probably more to it... actually the only part you got right is, that often enough we don't know why we're attracted to who we are... I suspect it's the same for men though.

- To be a female incel you should be rejected by the elephant man. So it has to be seen if they can exist.

Pretty sure you don't get to decide what dumb *** label some one wants to slap on themselves just because you want to slap one on yourself too. While we're on this "point" are you trying to say that EVERY male incel has been rejected by EVERY female ever? Including ALL of the unattractive and regular looking ones that the group didn't even bother to come up with idiotic nicknames for, (like Stacy or Becky) right? I call, ********.

- Self-improvement is what people tell you when they don't have an answer. It's a loop made to not admitting it won't make you more attractive. You improve but you don't get results, it must mean you lack something else, so you start in that area. "I'm now fit, social and have hobbies but I'm still alone", so they go: "oh, but you haven't done X, Y or Z" and then repeat ad nauseam.
- Validation is a general human need. You cannot and repeat CANNOT live by validating yourself. That doesn't work. Confidence comes from others making you aware you are good at something. You cannot feel confident with no indication or proof of having a certain skill, you cannot assert you are attractive while not a single person has ever recognized you as such.  Even living happily by yourself must come from the indication you are a competent human being, and that can only be achieved by external input.

Self-improvement, at least to me, is a way to find self-fulfillment without trying to get it from an outside source. As in (like some one else already said) you don't go into it with the sole purpose of getting laid. You do it for YOU. You're right that some validation you get from other people, you don't HAVE to, but you CAN... there's a difference. If you go through life trying to find some one in order to make yourself whole, you may or may not find some one, but you still won't be whole. You want "direction" on what self-improvement to do? So do I... So does the whole damned world. That's why there's so many self help books, cults, religious shows, gurus, etc. all promising to give you all the answers you need to be a better or happier you...  No one else has all the answers. You have to figure it out for yourself. If some one promised you that self improvement was going to get you dates they were full of ****. It MIGHT make you more attractive, sure... but no one can promise that. That's not a guarantee any of us get.

- It's not women's fault, yet their way of life actively benefits from maintaining this system.
- It's not men's fault, yet it has to be framed as such so the system can be perpetuated.

I agree it's no one's fault.
Please elaborate on how women are benefiting from... and actually also... how they maintain this "system" especially since you already stated you figured it was all genetic predisposition done at the subconscious level.
Also, please explain who is "framing it as such". Who is blaming you for anything, besides taking self pity to the extreme?

- No woman can accurately come close to even comprehend the feeling of being one of those men. So any advice has to be heavily scrutinized for the mere fact they can't avoid applying their own point of view to an issue that's alien to them; even if they have good intentions.

- Anything Callie says, the opposite will be true. This is a natural law.

Well... as long as you aren't biased or anything.

- This post will remain after Sci-fi unilaterally decides this thread is "not constructive" anymore.

I was looking for a quote on self improvement... thought this fit better actually.

[font=Merriweather, Georgia, serif]“Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins - is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred's a subset of self pity and not the other way around - ' It destroys everything around it, except itself '. [/font]


[font=Merriweather, Georgia, serif]Self pity will destroy relationships, it'll destroy anything that's good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice.[/font]
[font=Merriweather, Georgia, serif]-Stephen Fry[/font]

 

[ardour]

I agree it's no one's fault.
Please elaborate on how women are benefiting from... and actually also... how they maintain this "system" especially since you already stated you figured it was all genetic predisposition done at the subconscious level.
Also, please explain who is "framing it as such". Who is blaming you for anything, besides taking self pity to the extreme?

Women benefit from:

-Not having to initiate, instead being able to pick from a group men who initiate with them. Women often have long relationship histories where they've never had to experience rejection.

-The onus for self-improvement lying mainly with men. Related to hypergamy where women marry up  socioeconomic hierarchies while men marry across and down.

-A stereotypically masculine partner also being a low maintenance partner - her own emotional needs are met but she doesn't need to meet his since he isn't supposed to express weakness.

And gender norms are framed as "men's fault" through patriarchy theory.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Alright that's about enough of this garbage.