MysteriousTelephone
Well-known member
So, not exactly a "new" topic for me, but over the last year I've been open with the fact that I'm depressed, and it's down to the fact that women want nothing to do with me because I'm seen as unattractive. I've had zero girlfriends, and other than a handful of drunken one-night stands, absolutely nothing, not even a match on any of the dating apps I'm on.
I've spent years working out and improving my jobs in hope to change this, but has been ineffective. So I have a muscular physique, renting with a fairly decent job, but that's not helped me. I'm very social, part of several clubs and hobbies that do have an inflow of single women looking for a man, seen a lot of men get 'snapped up' very quickly. I've got no problem easily approaching people and holding a conversation, which has led to making new friends very easily, but on the topic of anything further it defaults to "Ewww, no!", I would say I get made fun of for being ugly about 2-3 times per month, every month, for as long as I've been alive. So you might say this is not something I've made up or need to "boost confidence about", it's fairly conclusive evidence at this point.
This, for many years now, has brought me to a depressive state, because the idea of just living, going to work and seeing friends for the next 40 years, while being ugly & unwanted, just makes me want to kill myself. There really is nothing else I want, other than to be wanted by more than zero people, and if I can't get it, what's the point?
Though I've asked my friends for advice over the years, it's largely been unhelpful; they've led very different lives and don't seem to understand, or even believe where I'm coming from. They mean well, but just point to distractions such as "Why don't you go travel the world?" or "Have you thought about moving house?" as though these things are in any way related to the situation I'm describing. I feel like people are very quick to suggest things, but aren't ready for a follow-up question. When they say "Why not go backpacking across the world?" I will ask "How does that help with the being ugly & unwanted thing?" they just go quiet and can't really provide an answer.
Now, to the topic of therapy. I've recently confided in a close friend just exactly how I'm feeling, and it's made her worried as you'd expect. She believes I should go to a doctor about this and begin therapy. I'm torn. On one hand, I have to accept her point that what I'm doing is not working, so I need to try another approach. On the other hand, I'm not fully convinced that talking to someone about my childhood is in any way going to solve the "ugly & unwanted" situation that I'm in. The best case scenario that I can think of, is that I'll continue to be ugly & unwanted, but I'll.... feel better about it? I just don't see it as a solution to the problem I'm having, but at the same time I agree that something needs to change or it's possible that I will end up killing myself.
I feel very stuck as there seems to be no "set path" to getting what I want, there just seems to be a list of "Well you might feel better about it?" suggestions.
I've spent years working out and improving my jobs in hope to change this, but has been ineffective. So I have a muscular physique, renting with a fairly decent job, but that's not helped me. I'm very social, part of several clubs and hobbies that do have an inflow of single women looking for a man, seen a lot of men get 'snapped up' very quickly. I've got no problem easily approaching people and holding a conversation, which has led to making new friends very easily, but on the topic of anything further it defaults to "Ewww, no!", I would say I get made fun of for being ugly about 2-3 times per month, every month, for as long as I've been alive. So you might say this is not something I've made up or need to "boost confidence about", it's fairly conclusive evidence at this point.
This, for many years now, has brought me to a depressive state, because the idea of just living, going to work and seeing friends for the next 40 years, while being ugly & unwanted, just makes me want to kill myself. There really is nothing else I want, other than to be wanted by more than zero people, and if I can't get it, what's the point?
Though I've asked my friends for advice over the years, it's largely been unhelpful; they've led very different lives and don't seem to understand, or even believe where I'm coming from. They mean well, but just point to distractions such as "Why don't you go travel the world?" or "Have you thought about moving house?" as though these things are in any way related to the situation I'm describing. I feel like people are very quick to suggest things, but aren't ready for a follow-up question. When they say "Why not go backpacking across the world?" I will ask "How does that help with the being ugly & unwanted thing?" they just go quiet and can't really provide an answer.
Now, to the topic of therapy. I've recently confided in a close friend just exactly how I'm feeling, and it's made her worried as you'd expect. She believes I should go to a doctor about this and begin therapy. I'm torn. On one hand, I have to accept her point that what I'm doing is not working, so I need to try another approach. On the other hand, I'm not fully convinced that talking to someone about my childhood is in any way going to solve the "ugly & unwanted" situation that I'm in. The best case scenario that I can think of, is that I'll continue to be ugly & unwanted, but I'll.... feel better about it? I just don't see it as a solution to the problem I'm having, but at the same time I agree that something needs to change or it's possible that I will end up killing myself.
I feel very stuck as there seems to be no "set path" to getting what I want, there just seems to be a list of "Well you might feel better about it?" suggestions.
